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Michael Woodmansee: Difference between revisions
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* [http://abcnews.go.com/US/father-vows-revenge-sons-killer-prison-release/story?id=13191304#.UA5Cva6ftAE| Jason's dad being an Internet tough guy.] | * [http://abcnews.go.com/US/father-vows-revenge-sons-killer-prison-release/story?id=13191304#.UA5Cva6ftAE| Jason's dad being an Internet tough guy.] | ||
* [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Woodmansee You thought we were joking about this?] | * [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Woodmansee You thought we were joking about this?] | ||
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[[Category: People]] | [[Category: People]] |
Revision as of 08:02, 24 July 2012
Michael Woodmansee is a pedophile, child-murderer, and cannibal. As a teen, he was described by peers as a loner. Last Thursday, he was sitting on his front porch cutting himself when he spotted a beautiful 5-year-old boy named Jason Foreman walking in his neighborhood. Michael, then 16, lured him into his house and delivered over 9000 tons of ass-rape to the shota. After cumming with the force of a thousand suns, our buddy Michael stabbed the fuck out of little Jason with his mother's favorite kitchen knife. Over the next few days, he ate Jason's flesh, experiencing great sexual release from this act.
Unfortunately for him, he had to stuff the corpse in a chest and put it in the cellar so his parents wouldn't discover his barbaric crimes. However, 7 years later, his urges reemerged. He invited the local paperboy into his house, got him blackout drunk, and choked him. Hmm… Sound familiar? However, the shota woke up somehow, ran back home, and told his daddy. He ended up getting his ass handed to him by the paperboy's father. Michael started crying not because he just got the shit kicked out of him, but because he realized that the police were going to confiscate his guro collection. Because of a plea bargain, he was sentenced to be B& for 40 years. After only 28 years of living with Bubba, he was released for good behavior. This caused much public outrage. It should also be mentioned that he was released on the 10th anniversary of 9/11, producing more lulz.
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