Doom 3

Doom 3 is pretty much Doom with slightly better graphics and less things to shoot. This makes it really not like Doom at all except that it takes place on Mars with a portal to Hell. You get to fight zombies with

The funnay logo.

moar realistic skin textures. The graphics are still shitty even though its only a few years old. Id designed the game to scare everybody's little brother shitless. Children and nearly anyone below the M rated age for this game is widely known to have shit their pants playing the game at the sight of the first zombie.

As if the game wasn't already irrelevant enough upon its original release in 2004, id decided to rerelease the game in 2012 and make it even easier by adding more ammo and always-on flashlight so that the whiny faggots that couldn't handle the original can experience the mediocrity that is Doom 3. They're calling it the BFG edition, and it looks like the exact same low poly plastic shit that it did 8 years ago, despite their claims of "remastered" graphics.

Gameplay

Doom 3 gameplay

The gameplay is based on running around and shooting shit like in Doom. It's dark as the far reaches of the universe but you can't hold your gun and flashlight at once. Ironically, the darkest pits of hell are better lit than the earlier surface station levels. Lulz ensued when mods were created to fix this oversight. The mod assumes simply that duct-tape exists somewhere on Mars. John Carmack, creator of Doom, has personally denounced this abomination as violating canon and ruining the story. Id software has sent cease and desist notices to any websites providing this mod for download. The real reason for Carmack denouncing the flashlight mod, is that it increases the chances of the player catching a rare glimpse of John Romero auto-fellating himself in a dark corner of the Mars base.

Martian Basement Dwellers

The levels all revolve around the following, only changing the textures of the walls and the number of corners, from which the demons jump at you to rape your ass. When a new enemy is introduced like the Pinky (fucking dog thing) and the Hell Knight (dude on the cover) the developers thought it would be extra scary if they put in multitudes of them, so they did. You run into a room, see some ammo and medipaks lighted by 3 different sources of light coming from nowhere in the middle of the room, leaving the corners as dark as always. Basically, touch this and all hell is breaking loose, leaving you with even less ammo and life. This is what the developers think is a subtle way to entertain and scare you. Regardless of the well crafted horror that this game contains, anyone with any skill can beat the game sprinting around with the shotgun. Also, the flashlight does moar damage then the pistol. WTF is up with that?!?!?!

Story

It all begins on Mars, as all horror shooters do. Some nameless fucktard of a marine gets a PDA, which is a vital part of the game (especially useful for pausing the game when its intense moments cause players to shit themselves). The player will then run through a vacuum, and get to an asian who releases hell. Then the player proceeds to go through the facility to whack zombies with the flashlight and desperately look for that shotgun clip you need. Eventually you'll finish the game doing just that, and be able to bask in all your glory.

Graphics

Everything in Doom 3 looks like it's been made of clay, then covered in a layer of Saran Wrap. This is due to the id Tech 4 graphics engine. This graphics engine allowed the game to have bump mapping, normal mapping, and specular highlighting. These features are what make the game super duper awesome scary and realistic. This also makes everything be darker than it should be which means the player cannot see shit. Even with such greatly reduced visibility, the game was designed to only show one enemy at a time so as to not slow down the frame rate. However in most parts of the game the developers disregarded framerate issues and thought it would be scarier to fuck with your PC and sometimes spawn a shit ton of monsters to rape your ass and framerate simultaneousy.

See also

• Doom
• Fleshlight
• Gun
• The Doom Comic

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