VICE

VICE is in an internet sissy fight with Gawker. Please dig up lulz on them both.

CASTRATION TRUCK

CASTRATION TRUCK

CASTRATION TRUCK

CASTRATION TRUCK

CASTRATION TRUCK

CASTRATION TRUCK

CASTRATION TRUCK

VICE is the McDonald's of journalism, like you're cruising through the intarwebs when you happen to spot a VICE article with IN DEPTH coverage on the pressing issues of our times, often supplemented by HARD HITTING videos featuring men fucking blow-up dolls, you see it, click out of compulsion and end up hating yourself by the time it's over. And yet you always end up coming back for more to see if their latest batch of spew was as good as the last. It's essentially what happens if TMZ took some heroin and drifted away from celebrity bullshit to make news articles about the truly pointless shit. You ever read the tabloids at your local Publix and other places where you worked as the bagging man? VICE amounts to that in the online way, proving there's no escaping the bullshit scent and allure of it, and the topic titles alone have about as much kookiness as if the b& 13-year-old Uncyclopedians wanted to sound smart and get paid by the word for it, and make a news site of their own to rival CNN and Fox.

Where it came from

Is a shit-eating, donkey-fucking LIE. Go and look at the "Founder" page. It only mentions the current CEO and preening media whore, Canuckistan manbearpig Shane Smith, and says nothing about the other two assholes who helped: Suroosh Alvi, who apparently still works for VICE as a journalist. (It's fucking hilarious that they send him out to report on the heroin trade, since he's already had a little problem with monkeys on his back.)

	“	It's a long way from the Bifteck, the bar in the Plateau area of Montreal where Mr. Smith first drunkenly encountered Suroosh Alvi (then a recovering heroin addict) and learned he was creating a magazine with their mutual friend Gavin McInnes.	„

And VICE's website especially fails to mention the superhuman asshole and professional blog troll Gavin McInnes. Smith, an increasingly-fat and increasingly-old demon, has basically "laundered" the history of VICE to remove all mention of McInnes, a charming and bold piece of monkey humanity who likes to eat urine-soaked corn flakes and claims to be the "father of hipsterism". Lol at the poor little masculinist and "pro-life" fool.

This motley gang of nitwits started VICE as a print magazine in Montreal in 1994, since apparently Montreal didn't have enough hip and cool-assed print media for college students already. People only read it because it was free. For all the late 1990s and well into the 2000s, vice.com was just another boring and ugly pornsite (see 2003 capture). Then in 2011, long after the porn operators abandoned it, Mr. Smith the Michelin Man managed to seize the domain. Prior to that VICE had been using viceland.com and vbs.tv; the earliest archive is from 2006.

He sings, he dances, he gobbles up your shawarma!

Shane loves to travel and claim to be a "globetrotting journalist", when actually he's a hairy hambeast who trolls free buffets whenever possible. Profiles of him usually include the term "hard-partying".

	“	I'm Shane Smith, co-founder of VICE, a magazine I started in Montreal in 1994 that has since become a global company operating in 30 countries. I also went to North Korea twice, and starred in the VICE Guide to North Korea, which featured footage of my trip. Most recently I went to Liberia, a war-torn country in Africa plagued with heroin dens, teenage prostitution, and even cross-dressing cannibals; and then to the North Korean labor camps hidden in the forests of Siberia.	„
	—--So the liar says

	“	“That’s great, because I like food and I like booze”	„
	—--from the Financial Times, who paid for it

	“	Today Vice, which started in 1994 in Montreal as a niche music magazine, is an international brand with 800 employees in 34 countries, several online video channels, and an advertising agency with clients that include Vodafone and Nike. The print magazine has 1m readers globally and, according to company projections, revenues are set to exceed $200m. Next year it will launch Vice, an HBO news magazine TV show aimed at young people, and an online news network in 18 different countries, which will blend live programming with documentaries.	„
	—--blah blah blah

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Needless to say, his moron enemies at Gawker Media are constantly trying to shit in his Dom Pérignon, perhaps because Smith is worth more than Nick Denton. [1][2] And he spent $300,000 on dinner in Las Vegas, which Gawker thinks is "real-important-like". Denton is one to talk. [3]

Betcha didn't know that Rupert Murdoch is a part owner:

	“	Although Vice started as a print mag, the company found its niche online. The top story on Vice.com around the time of the 21st Century Fox sale was “Kings of Cannabis” (subhead: “You might not know who Arjan Roskam is, but you’ve probably smoked his weed”). Content-wise, this was a departure for Murdoch, whose portfolio of headlines at News of the World tended to implicate media stars and royalty, rather than readers, in drug use. (“Shamed TV star Leslie is caught snorting cocaine” and “Harry’s drugs shame” ran the headlines on two such dispatches in 2002.) Yet Vice Media does sit on the young-ish end of the tabloid continuum, and as Andrew Neil, former editor of the Murdoch-owned Sunday Times, told Frontline of his former boss, “tabloids is what really gets him out of bed in the morning. . . . Not journalism—tabloid journalism is in his veins.” For Vice CEO Shane Smith, forty-three, the alliance with eighty-two-year-old Murdoch was a coming-of-age moment. The Vice operation started in Canada as a magazine called the Voice of Montreal; founders Smith, Gavin “Godfather of Hipsterdom” McInnes, and recovering heroin addict Suroosh Alvi claim they went on the government dole in 1994 to fund the glossy, ad-heavy, free publication. (In one of the many examples of how Vice’s brand of self-promotional authenticity doesn’t hold up to scrutiny, the Ryerson Review of Journalism reported that the trio borrowed start-up money from their parents.)	„
	—--http://www.thebaffler.com/articles/the-vertically-integrated-rape-joke

What it does lol

VICE's resident Williamsburg hipster slime are underpaid to cover all sorts of truly fascinating stories such as what would happen to a woman's ovary if they got frozen eggs, if multiple personality disorder isn't really a disorder, filling the void your mom left behind in your empty soul when she left you, finding out how weed can dry up your vajayjay, and how having no life inside a bookstore can make you meet the world's most famous slut. And those are only the ones on the "most popular" list right now.

Almost every article is a TL;DR snorefest with lots of fact spewing to the point where it can't be understood without lots of more explaining, and would make Fact Cat upchuck into his litterbox if he were forced to read some of them. Be warned that you will leave with a facepalm and headache guaranteed. The remaining articles are infamous for being way too short to give a shit about, even with something like Morgan Freeman on the bandwagon to legalize said weed, and are only used as filler fodder in order to link up other short shit stories. Thus, those articles are TS;DC: Too short; didn't care.

The only source of any real lulz is their NSFW section, with lots of truly thought-provoking and penetrating articles on:

OPEN THE CHAMPAGNE, IT'S TIME TO PAAAARTAY

• The plastic surgeon who Snapchats his surgeries
• The right way to make feminist porn
• Stores that are willing to buy your dead grandpa's stash of early 1900's Playboys
• What it's indeed like to be an 82-year-old sex star on Adam4Adam
• Explaining what it truly means to be a professional sub
• Feeder fetishes [4]
• Sex toys for the disabled [5]
• This speaks for itself (666 added because VICE is subtle like that, no joke)
• How life is better with a dildo than a real dick
• The fucking Castration Truck, to the joy of sick fucks everywhere, and yes, someone has indeed cummed to that
• The Aussie dude who does paintings with his donger
• The donkey-fuckers of Colombia
• How Norway was butthurt over the Colombian donkey fucking piece
• Anal is awesome [6]
• The stupid "Dos and Don'ts" on their website

That's mostly on page ONE. There's 25 more pages of truly spectacular and totally necessary news about porn and sexual perversions alone. Given that the Uncyclopedians think their audience won't rub one out to their stories, and is pretty much the only reason anyone even still goes to the site anymore. VICE might as well be rebranded as Porn News Network and the creators would be richer than Scrooge.

The comments section in each article range from "I came" to complaining about how shitty, short or lame it is, showing just how low the site started out, since it was made earlier this year and had only sunk lower to the point of desperate. One gets the feeling their articles are copycats of other news sites or are too old to be relevant anymore. And for more proof of how they're sinking like an anvil in the Marianas Trench, for example in the end of the Morgan Freeman weed article, notice how they can't even count. State you have five related weed stories, yet only show four? Such genius kookiness.

What most will remember VICE for introducing, and the new place we'll send our banned faggots

	“	The stuff you're trying to look at is considered "naughty" by busybodies, legal types, and (probably) your mom	„
	—VICE's NSFW warning to every college dropout nerd still living with their moms, which is their target audience.

Donkey Fuckers of Colombia

Cannibal Generals of Liberia

Something Shane and his employees know all about

Another retarded thing Shane and his employees know all about

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See Also

• Sick fuck
• Hipsters
• Porn
• News
• Uncyclopedia
• Kari Ferrel‎
• Burning Angel
• MeganSpeaks/LifeInATent
• Gawker Media
• Nick Denton
• GamerGate

External Links

• The site
• Friend of tumblr
• One side of the slap-fight on who's the shittier news site
• The other side of the slap-fight
• VICE owns a rock-n-roll club in London, they're so fucking cool
• You hear that, he's a "media influencer"
• Look, he's a pirate!

VICE is part of a series on Sites Visit the Sites Portal for complete coverage.

Featured article June 18 and 19, 2015
Preceded by Rachel Dolezal	VICE	Succeeded by Dylann Storm Roof