Hacking Team: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 06:26, 26 April 2016

Okay seriously, what's the difference between these two worthless fucks? They might as well be identical twins.

Hacking Team (also known as Fucking Team or Mussolini 2: Reloaded S. r. l) is a shitty computer "security" company that, like HBGary Federal, bills itself as the national guard of the internets. They basically sell their own fake and gay version of SubSeven called Galileo RCS, which is supposedly used to spy on criminals and terrorists, but it was found out that its main use was to stalk and harass journalists. HT is 100 per cent Italy-based which means that most of its staff and engineers are anti-Semitic and racist against black people and support Craig Cobb for president. Last Thursday HT got 400 gigabytes of their internal data leaked by Phineas Fisher, and holy fucking shit was this leak an epic win.

Birth of Snake Oil Salesmen

So basically these two Italian retards called Alberto Ornaghi and Marco Valleri wrote a network sniffer and the Italian cops were impressed by it (because Italians, like aspies, in general are so retarded and have such low standards that they'll be impressed by anything). Italian cops asked Ornaghi and Valleri to extend their sniffer to also record Skype calls and lo and behold, the rat bastard "security" company known as Hacking Team was born. God help us all.

Fucking Team Gains Momentum

Shit for brains and all-in-all failure of a human being David Vincenzetti became the CEO of HT and begins promoting the hell out of it. He came up with the "brilliant" idea of a ub3r-l33t hacking kit called Galileo RCS that he could sell to governments that are too stupid to download Metasploit for free. David, being the shameless self-promoting piece of shit that he is, pays The Telegraph $5 to write a fluff piece about his dumb-ass hacking kit. Apparently, RCS "could prove deadlier than any missile" and "[it's] so powerful it could bring a country to its knees". The article also mentions that David is "a law-abiding businessman", that he "isn’t your typical arms dealer" and that "he follows strict ethical guidelines". Uh, David, paying The Telegraph to suck your dick isn't exactly following strict ethical guidelines. Oh, and hijacking IP address ranges that you don't own isn't really the behavior of a law-abiding businessman. Also, plagiarizing other programmers code isn't really helping your case for following strict ethical guidelines. Yeah, this "article", if you even want to call it that, is more than enough proof that David Vincenzetti is the Italian version of Brett Keane.

CitizenLab Investigates

In October 2012, the hipster hackers over at CitizenLab finally realize that Fucking Team is trying to rip-off Masters of Deception and CitizenLab simply ain't gonna have it. So they began tracking Fucking Team's shitty spyware and published their findings here. Fucking Team claims that RCS is "untraceable" when ex-filtrating data on your computer back to the pigs. HT says that their 7 proxies makes this possible, but as CitizenLab has demonstrated, this is complete bullshit and lusers of RCS should sue Fucking Team to the stone age for false advertising.

	“	Our research reveals that the RCS collection infrastructure uses a proxy-chaining technique which is roughly analogous to that used by general-purpose anonymity solutions like Tor in that multiple hops are used to anonymize the destination of information. Despite this technique, we are still able to map out many of these chains and their endpoints using a specialized analysis.	„
	—Hope you got good lawyers David :)

CitizenLab also found out that the software might be used by oppressive regimes such as Sudan, Uzbekistan, and Saudi Arabia. Analysts over at ED also have some evidence that they might be selling to North Korea and even ISIS. Dickhead David's "strict ethical guidelines" aren't really that ethical after all.

	“	Hacking Team has made a number of statements that seem intended to reassure the public, as well as potential regulators, that they conduct effective due diligence and self-regulation regarding their clients, and the human rights impact of their products. They also market their RCS product as untraceable. Our research suggests that both of these claims ring hollow.	„
	—CitizenLab pwning HT

Drama with Lorenzo Franceschi-Bicchierai

While CitizenLab did a pretty decent job of making Fucking Team look like complete twats, the real lulz came from Motherboard VICE writer Lorenzo Franceschi-Bicchierai who has been documenting their bullshit since March 2015. Lorenzo began with this article documenting how Fucking Team customer Ethiopia was abusing RCS to spy on journalists. However, shit started to get srs when he posted another article talking about how Fucking Team's spyware was probably being abused by the U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency to spy on random people suspected to be junkies. This article was probably enough to provoke our hero Phineas Fisher (who previously ass-raped Gamma Group) to go out and fuck up Fucking Team. A couple of months later, Fucking Team proposed a method of "De-anonymizing" the Tor network. Knowing that pretty much every claim that came out of Fucking Team's mouth was going to end in an epic fail, Lorenzo decided to write about it. It was here that everyone's favorite Jenny McDermott copycat, David Vincenzetti, decided to respond:

	“	WE ARE DELIGHTED to have among the close readers of this list, Vice Motherboard which never reports on Hacking Team without smug editorial comment," [Vincenzetti] wrote, describing this article as "hilarious reading."	„
	—Ohh can you feel David's butthurt

	“	IF you are a lawful user of the Internet, you have little to fear from Hacking Team," he wrote. "BUT IF you break the law or engage in terrorism (or are thinking about it), you should know that the safe haven that the DARKNET provides is beginning to be exposed to the light.	„
	—Whatever

From Fucking Team to Fucked Team?

David Vincenzetti was acting like such a complete douche-bag to the point that it could not be tolerated anymore. Phineas Fisher decided that enough was enough and that it was about time someone gave Fucking Team an ass-fucking of their own. So using his/her (wouldn't it be funny if Phineas Fisher was a girl?) ub3r-l33t ski11z, Phineas pretty much destroyed Fucked Team by dumping 400 gigabytes of their internal data onto the interwebz. Phineas was able to root Fucked Team by exploiting a zero-day vulnerability in one of their routers. Then, thanks to the incompetence of Christian Pozzi (one of Fucked Teams sysadmins) and the fact that Fucked Team could not be bothered to patch their software, Phineas was able to get access to all of their emails, infrastructure documentation, software, source code, and even pirated books on music.

It could be worse, FinFisher could be wannabe musicians

Taking The Piss out of Christian Pozzi

And how could this article be complete if we didn't shame and humiliate Chris-chan's botched clone Christian Pozzi? Yes, the man who used the genius password of "P4ssword", this alone is enough to laugh Pozzi out of the entire InfoSec community for good, and the only people who would take this faggot retard seriously is Fucked Team and VinCUNTzetti. But hey, you're encouraged to check out the Pozzi gallery of fail.

Christian-Chan Pozzi Gallery of Fail

Okay, we know that Chris-chan looks more like Benthelooney but doesn't he just kinda look like Christian Pozzi just a bit?
Probably MGTOW
Like Chris-chan, Chris-Pozzi likes to play games
Chris-Pozzi, password management expert.
Like Chris-chan, Chris-Pozzi is incapable of getting laid and must look up pr0nz to prevent himself from ending up like Elliot Rodger
Like Chris-chan, Chris-Pozzi must shop for high-end expensive gear in order to impress the ladies.
Like Chris-chan, Chris-Pozzi wants to be like that basketball player, but it ain't gonna happen.

Well Thank You Captain Obvious

It turns out that the leaked Fucked Team emails prove without a shadow of a doubt that they were selling their bullshit surveillance tools to repressive regimes like the ones mentioned above.

Step right up folks, for the low-low price of 58 thousand euro you can get a flashy zero-day exploit

And for the low-low price of one million euro you too can stalk your girlfriend!

2016: A New Year For Failing Team

Fucked Team's endless stream of failure and stupidity is the gift that never stops giving. Gayvid Vincenzetti managed to hire staff that made his "company" look even worse than ever before. And what better way to start the year with a malware analyst shitting on their spyware!.

The Italian Morons Are Back!

The ONLY reason that their OS X RCS had a 0/54 detection rate was because antiviruses in general is a piece of shit. But as our friend fG! was able to prove, a two-year old could have reversed this pathetic excuse of a piece of spyware and that Fucked Team were still the same crap morons since July 2015. Unfortunately, government agencies are still too stupid to actually pay for RCS when they can just download the **FUCKING FREE** Metasploit Framework which does the SAME FUCKING THING!!!1. Also, Fucked Team lied about their replacement RCS as they're still using the same codebase that was leaked.

The Italian Morons Think We Care About Their Opinion

Eric Rabe, Fucked Team's PR manager, apparently thinks that other people care about his asinine opinions. He even went out of his way to write this piece of shit article on their website

	“	The founders of the United States were perhaps even more deeply committed than Apple to protecting the citizenry, since they had just fought a war on American soil to assure civil rights including privacy. Yet they could see the need for legal searches in pursuit of law enforcement to assure public safety. So, in the new country’s Constitution, they outlined a process for safeguarding rights while allowing searches.	„
	—Eric Rabe fails at understanding 3rd grade social studies

The Italian Morons Are Starting To Lose Business

Okay, maybe there's some shred of hope for humanity after all. Fucked Team tried to sell their shit spyware to a South African country and ended up not making a sale due to a crappy presentation.

	“	The presentation was crappy, their [source] code is available [online], and they have lots of technical limitations.	„
	—Well what do you expect? It's Fucked Team after all.

It appears that Fucked Team just wont go away They're appear to be vampires that feast on the blood of idiots willing to fork over one million euro for their garbage products and they wont die without a fight.

	“	Our technology is now even more invisible, and stronger than before.	„
	—David VinCUNTzetti in serious denial

The Italian Morons Lose Their Export Licence

OH MY FREAKING GOD THANK YOU JESUS. PRAISE THE LORD JESUS CHRIST. FUCKED TEAM GOT THEIR LICENSE SUSPENDED HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 check it out!

The Italian Morons Get Humiliated By Phineas Fisher Again

So Phineas Fisher just published the rundown on how he destroyed Fucking Team and downgraded it to Fucked Team. Gayvid VinCUNTzetti, being the opportunist turd-flinging mentally handicapped monkey that he is, tried to respond looking cool but ends up looking even more retarded than if he just left it alone.

	“	The worst of today’s news media continue their unfair and inaccurate vilification of Hacking Team. The latest comes in the wake of a self-promoting essay by someone who claims responsibility for last summer’s attack on this company. The essay writer claims to explain how he executed the attack, but inaccuracies in his story only go to show he is not really as smart as he thinks he is.	„
	—David, for your own sake PLEASE stop responding. You sound like a fucking idiot.

Also note how Mr. Vincenzetti assumes that Phineas Fisher is a man (Vincenzetti uses "he" in the response). This proves Vincenzetti to be a sexist and an over-privileged white cis gendered man who *keyword* PROBABLY exploits his privilege to physically abuse women. I hope your happy with yourself David. Please show Vincenzetti's shit article to the nearest feminist in the room and ask him/her what s/he thinks.

HT Linkz

Fucking Team's Shit-Site

Dickweed David's LinkedIn

Chris-chan's botched twin's LinkedIn

Some dumb bitch, probably an accountant

Another Hacking Fag's LinkedIn

Fucking Team's Twitter Account where Eric Rabe talks to himself

You too can become a hacktivist!