Atlus: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 19:16, 26 July 2014

Atlus is a Japanese game company known for making games that require actual brainpower to beat. If you suck shit at thinking then your best bet is to grind until you can press X to win like in Soul Calibur. Their fans are even more pathetic than Warcrack addicts, because unlike an MMO, Atlus games have no potential for even online social interaction to occur.

However, it should be noted that Atlus America does not actually develop games, but they are more of a localization service, translating games from many developers into English.

Persona

Persona 1

This game got a shit of the earth Americunt translation. The city you're in is totally fucked, courtesy of a smug guy in a suit named Takihisa Kandori, who mindrapes a flatchested bitch to become a god and troll your asshat friend Nanjou in the process. However, it seems Kandori realized trolling the world until there is nothing left to troll is boring, so he basically is about to become an Hero before Nanjou pisses him off and he turns into Buddha on acid.Thankfully, for a god he's a complete pussy whom Nanjou can cap in the head with a sniper rifle.

Persona 2 Innocent Sin

A bunch of emo kids, which include a gay wannabe rocker, a gay (no, srsly) main character who nonetheless gets a ton of women pining for him anyway, and his American fag hag get mindraped by Philemon (the pedophile from the first game, who apparently already mindfucked them as kids and has come back for seconds), and they wind up trying to find a bad ripoff of the Joker Persona 2 Innocent Sin.

Roll credits.

Persona 2 Eternal Punishment

Shit that nobody cares about happens.

Roll credits.

Persona 3

You can only fight during the "Dark Hour".The rest is spent trying to fuck schoolgirls. Basically fucking dungeon crawler/dating sim. Got an M rating to much drama due to the fact that the game literally requires you to an hero. Atlus decided it would be too much work to create individual dungeons, so they put them all into one fucking tower.Enjoy grinding through 90+ levels of the same thing.

Shin Megami Tensei

Seeing as how you can kill God in this game, it's perfect troll material for Christfag gamers. Just go to any Christian gaming board and recommend it to someone looking for a new RPG to play. Don't spoil the plot for them, it's funnier if they find out themselves.

Shin Megami Tensei I:

You play the role of just an average guy fapping to porn on the Internet. Then you get a popup telling you that you can summon demons through the computer. Common sense would have told you not to click popups, but you're an idiot. After fucking up the world, you're now a patsy stuck in a war between God and Lucifer. Sucks to be you.

However you get three options, titled Law (i.e. - for Christfags) Chaos (i.e. - for Christfag haters) and Neutral (who those who think the first two options suck more dick than a gay blowjob contest)

The second game goes on the assumption you trolled the Law and Chaos sides by killing their leaders, leaving both Lucifer and God a picture of your ass with "Kiss This" written on it in magic marker, then you pimp walked out of their headquarters to head off into the sunset so you could fuck your girlfriend.

Shin Megami Tensei II:

Set 30 years after the first game, you are an amnesiac gladiator who becomes a bitch for the Christfags until one of them realizes they are more fucked in the head than L Ron Hubbard and you decide to troll the shit out of them by freeing the gods of Japan for the lulz while pissing in the eyesockets of the Archangels Michael, Raphael, and Uriel after beating the shit out of some asshole calling himself YHVH.

Turns out you actually beat up a Xerox of YHVH's asshole, and you are soon given a choice like the first game to side with Law, Chaos, or go Neutral. Law involves working with the Christfags despite knowing they are enemies of all lulz, but even they realize YHVH is full of shit and ask you to troll him to death (oddly enough, SATAN is a member of the Christfag team and even joins you in beating the shit out of YHVH, though this may be a small bit of nonfail on Atlus' part if you read the Book Of Job and remember YHVH and Satan used to be fellow trolls of humanity). Chaos has you joining up with Lucifer to troll YHVH to death, and the ending has everyone rejoicing that a world of unending lulz has been born.

Or you can go Neutral again, troll both Lucifer and YHVH to death, ignore YHVH's dying words to eventually reincarnate you as the bleeding asshole he'll keep fucking with the dick of the universe for all eternity, then walk off in the sunset with your female partner like the last game so you can fuck her, but since she's your mom, that would make you a Sick fuck

Shin Megami Tensei III:

Called "Shin Megami Tensei Nocturne" in the US because the first two games were never shipped to the weeaboos, this game is a little different in that you aren't an an average guy fapping to porn, you're some mute kid who has a rich bitch for a girlfriend, are friends with some guy who yifs his hat, and your teacher wants to fuck you in a hospital.

On the way there, some guy hands you some reading material and says he'll try to catch up with you later so he can drill your ass while you're doing the teacher, but by the time he gets to the hospital, the world has been fucked and turned into a giant uterus.

As for you, you get a worm dropped in your eye, the world turns into a snow globe filled with troll shit and demons, and unlike the first two games that offer three boring ass endings, you get six this time that basically go like:

Shijima: (Law) The whole world is a place more boring and quiet than the creative processes of moralfags for all eternity.

Musubi: (Neutral) A world where everyone does their own thing, which actually means everyone smokes pot till the end of time and stands in the same spot shitting themselves to death since they don't want to bother anyone else.

Yosuga: (Chaos) It's a dog eat dog world, and everyone is wearing bloodstained underwear. Interestingly, you have to help and later kill your rich bitch girlfriend to get this ending, and it's only after you cave in her skull with your thick, manly dick does she have an orgasm, tell you she doesn't mind being sent her ultimate fate, and then you get to fuck up the world.

Freedom: (Neutral, Electric Boogaloo) The world goes back to the way it was, you get to have that sex with your teacher, but Lucifer warns you God is going to fill the world with troll shit and demons sometime in the future, so you get to do everything all over again, except this time you don't needed to get fucked in the eye first before you can join the lulz.

Demon: You try to create a world of lulz, but you fail.

True Demon: Lucifer makes you his general of supreme lulz, and the two of you decide to create a world of unending lulz by trolling God to death.

Shin Megami Tensei: Strange Journey

This game is a little different. You play as a bad space marine ripoff who gets made the personal bitch of a computer camera addon named Arthur who tell you investigate the Schwarzvelt, which is German for "dark world", and considering most of it represents the mental processes of the average weeaboo masturbating to furry porn, that's actually a pretty accurate name.

Regardless, much like the earlier games you have three endings:

Law: Force the entire world to suck the dick of the God of Law for eternity via having a Lady Gaga knockoff hypnotize them into it.

Chaos: Help some black guy who merged with Goatse turn the world into hell.

Neutral: Kill the black guy and Lady Gaga impersonator, then punch a baby to death and go back to a world that's pretty much as shitty as Oh Internet.

Shin Megami Tensei: IMAGINE

A shitty MMORPG created by shitty Japanese phone company CAVE. The game's shitty, 2-hour storyline takes place between the events of SMT 1 and 2... or something. You play as a DEMON BUSTER who knows how to summon Demons in battle and can catch demons by begging them or giving them money so that they can turn into eggs that go into your shitty digivice thing on your wrist. Some bitch with no back-story or personality dies from a giant four-headed dildo thing and you get sent to this dude named The Snakeman where he teaches you shit. Then you have to go to a city called Shinjuku Babel and help a loli robot save the world from some bitch who wants to resurrect God/Yahweh/YARLY/Some General Guy. You stop her and that was, like, two hours of your time wasted... when you're not running for hours on end and speaking to random bitches for shits and giggles.

They had an update called Shin Megami Tensei Imagine Online Chain of Curse where a giant eyeball testicle brain god curses you and lowers your stats... which doesn't matter because this game's stat systems are bullshit. So you must gain help from a midget to save the yuyuhakusho from the yuhioh barier mamajujujukakapoopoo by using the Seven-Branched sword's special power of the kaka fuchi.

No, seriously. This actually happens. This was actually created by a developer using time and money and released. And this entire storyline takes an hour to beat if you don't suck. The game also had updates in Japan with 5-minute questlines based on other anime series that nobody cares about.

The game also has a Law, Chaos, and Neutral System, though it does nothing of interest.

Law: You suck. Period. Why do you even exist, you cock-juggling bitch-ass-nigger?

Chaos: Great, you're an emo fagget. Have fun with that. Mudkips.

Neutral: You have no personality and deserve to die.

The game's community is filled with retarded, egotistic bitches who make themselves believe that this is the bestest game evar when, in fact, it has enough content to make your mother get tired of the monotony and go back to Farmville because it has more content than this piece of shit waste of internets.

Digital Devil Saga

Digital Devil Saga 1:

This game takes place in a really fucked up world called the Junkyard, where everyone dances to the will of upside down naked albino people strapped to a machine. [1] Amidst being pleasured to new heights of ecstacy, they tell the asstards that they must ascend the obligatory Shin Megami Tensei tower to reach Nirvana. One day a Lazer descends from the heavens and causes everyone to OM NOM NOM each other. It is said that every time Fatlus OM NOM NOMZ another enemy, he gains OVER 9000 MOAR pounds.

Digital Devil Saga 2:

You wind up on a version of Earth where everyone is hard up (literally, OVER 9000 people are turned to stone), some assholes imported from North Korea eat everyone they don't shoot, and the good guys are led by a drunk. Eventually, one of your buddies turns on you during the course of the game, so you have to kill him while trying to deal with the fact your mom had a cock and the girl your main character has been popping a boner over is actually your sister.

Well, you eventually get over this, fuse with her into one being, become a shemale, and then you all die, reunite with the traitor who wanted to eat out your sister's pussy inside the fucking Sun (no, srsly), then you beat the shit out of God so he'll quit showing the world pictures of Goatse.

Devil Survivor 1:

A Pokemon ripoff, except you get to beat the shit out of demons and people with stuff that looks less like squealing kid friendly electric rats and more like something you might actually shit yourself over. Unfortunately, it still looks like the ejaculate of an animu fan anyway.

Disgaea

Nobody knows what this game is about, other than killing the same penguin millions of times in hopes of finally leveling up enough to advance the plot (which will never happen). This game is also notable for their refusal to upgrade the graphics beyond anything you might see on Habbo- even with the superior power of da PS Triple (word yo) at their disposal. It also houses over 9000 kids who think they are otherkin. Prime example would be adventxangel. He is the real Laharl! News flash! He's 24 years old and trolls people's comment boxes! Another Disgaea worshipper is Liubaio. He faps off to Disgaea 24/7, but is rather unfunny. He does get butthurt alot and can't defend himself well. His modding skills are piss poor. That's because he has raped over 9000 penguins in the process. Like Capcom with Devil May Cry, they thought that the series was so awesome, that it was completely necessary to make an anime out of it. Like Devil May cry, it barley has more than 10 episodes which involves nothing but lame and unfunny jokes that makes disney channel shows more desirable. The only difference between the 2 is that Dante from devil may cry does nothing but eat pizza, and Laharl from Disgaea is a skinny pussy that thinks his lame shorts and shoes are 1337. But they both have a too good-for-you attitude.

Trauma Center

Trauma Center is a game developed for the Nintendo DS and Wii. This game provides a realistic portrayal of surgery, in which the player is required to perform tasks seen by everyday surgeons such as removing tumors, disarming bombs lodged in their patients' anal cavity, drawing the pentagram to slow down time and removing indestructible spider webs created by mutant-superviruses from their patients' hearts.

Gallery About missing Pics

Typical Best Buy shopping experience.
You are already fat
Fatlus does not like Family Guy
Fatlus is the final boss in Shadow of the Colossus

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Fatlus enjoys endless rehashan
JAPAN IS SUPERIOR
Fatlus is a known weeaboo
Decisions, decisions...
They're not so different after all...
Those ignorant ancestors...
Atlus games can even turn a starving black person into a fat weeaboo
A typical Atlus fan on the way to Gamestop.
Atlus fans do not think highly of shovelware
YOU JUST DON'T GET IT
Fatlus attempts to play Halo.
Beware the Fatlus.
Typical fatlus
Now atlus can pretend he's really in Persona
Fucking masterpiece
Sageru all you want

@@ Line 4: / Line 4: @@
 However, it should be noted that [[Shit_nobody_cares_about|Atlus America does not actually develop games, but they are more of a localization service, translating games from many developers into]] [[English]].
-== Atlus Games ==
-Atlus Games are famous for requiring more grinding than [[World of Warcraft]] and being more creatively bankrupt than the latest EA Sports rehash. Some of their most famous games include:
 ==Persona ==
-===Persona 1===
+'''Persona 1'''
-This game got a very lulzy (read: shit of the earth) Americunt translation, but since it's such a pile of fail compared to the original weeaboo version (no, srsly), we'll cover the JP version plot/names.
+This game got a  shit of the earth [[Americunt]] translation. The city you're in is totally fucked, courtesy of a smug guy in a suit named Takihisa Kandori, who mindrapes a flatchested bitch to become a god and troll your asshat friend Nanjou in the process.
+However, it seems Kandori realized trolling the world until there is nothing left to troll is boring, so he basically is about to become [[an Hero]] before Nanjou pisses him off and he turns into Buddha on acid.Thankfully, for a god he's a complete pussy whom Nanjou can cap in the head with a sniper rifle.
-Anyway, it starts we, after a game of tag gone horribly wrong a pedophile in a mask rapes your mind and lets you summon what you think about when jerking off to beat the shit out whatever opposes you, which is probably why that fatass kid you have to save in one of the story arcs can turn into a massive boner (again, srsly).
+'''Persona 2 Innocent Sin'''
-Not long after, the city you're in is totally fucked, courtesy of a smug guy in a suit named Takihisa Kandori, who mind rapes a flatchested bitch to become a god and troll your asshat friend Nanjou in the process.
+A bunch of emo kids, which include a [[gay]] wannabe rocker, a gay (no, srsly) main character who nonetheless gets a ton of women pining for him anyway, and his [[American]] fag hag get mindraped by Philemon (the pedophile from the first game, who apparently already mindfucked them as kids and has come back for seconds), and they wind up trying to find a bad ripoff of the Joker Persona 2 Innocent Sin.
-Despite trying to oppose him, he basically gets what he wants while you spend most of your time getting mindfucked by the flatchested bitch's split personalities.
-However, it seems Kandori realized trolling the world until there is nothing left to troll is boring, so he basically is about to become [[an Hero]] before Nanjou pisses him off and he turns into Buddha on acid.
-Thankfully, for a god he's a complete pussy whom Nanjou can cap in the head with a sniper rifle (probably the only time Nanjou does something remotely awesome EVAR, aside from the time he advocated offing the flatchested bitch who wants to fuck your mime of a protagonist).
-But, this doesn't return things to normal, so, after you and the DFC bone each other in a cave and discover newfound power after some hot underage sex (and possibly fighting the Seven Deadly Sins if the idea of getting laid strikes you as boring), you travel to an alternate dimension that looks like your school covered in [[Goatse]] to punch a butterfly to death, then the game ends with the flatchested one blowing your main character.
-Also features an alternate quest (cut from the NA version) which features a [[dick]] demon and Yukino (the butch lesbian who stabs people with razorblades) dragging you with her to save her teacher from a badly done prototype of the Persona 3 plot so she can gush to her about how much she has a lesbian crush on her.
-===Persona 2 Innocent Sin===
-A bunch of emo kids, which include a [[gay]] wannabe rocker, a gay (no, srsly, the weeaboo who made the game said so) main character who nonetheless gets a ton of women pining for him anyway, and his [[American]] fag hag get mindraped by Philemon (the pedophile from the first game, who apparently already mindfucked them as kids and has come back for seconds), and they wind up trying to find a bad ripoff of the Joker (albeit one who has the lulzy ability to turn people into literal failures at life) as they go across the city with overly excitable reporter named Maya Amano Tatsuya , and in the process that discover the principal of Tatsuya's school became a troll (who can later raep Nazis), some weedy little dickhead from Eikichi (the gay wannabee rocker) enacts a crappy revenge scheme that revolves around turning people into basement dwellers, one of the few reasonably hot chicks who smokes like a chimney is an evil bitch (which doesn't seem to faze her female best friend, who wants to eat her out anyway, nor Yukino, whose still a butch lesbian), some pathetic white haired loli tries to kill you in the fucking restroom (no shit, and she even brought along Belphegor for extra lol if you're a true SMTfag), an asshole music promoter tries to convince the fag hag to do something with her life (specifically, to become An Hero), and some schizophrenic child rapist with a bombing fetish who sees dicks and apocalyptic visions tries to kill Maya and Tatsuya again because he tried that shit once but failed the first time when Tatsuya bit his dick off.
-However, the plot really kicks into high gear when some crazy bitch teacher named Maya Okamura (who is obsessed with fucking the father of Tatsujya's boyfriend even though he's a fucking corpse) reveals that Hazi's with a Mayan superfortress of doom are behind everything. It only gets worse when actual fucking Nazis with Gundam ripoffs invade, the city rises into the sky, and you have to beat the shit out of Hitler, who now has the spear that was used to skewer Jesus and has magical hax powers.
-Once you beat the shit out of him, though, you find out that Hitler was merely a Real Doll for Nyaralathotep (one of lulziest troll gods of the Cthulhu Mythos), and that the whole fucking game was him and Philemon trolling humanity so they could settle a poker bet.
-He then kills Maya Amano by mindfucking the other Maya into doing it for some more lulz, and as an afterthought, he blows up the world as an afterthought even after you beat the shit out of some freaky Goatse that resembles an orgasm of Sigmund Freud.
-After he basically wins, Tatsuya punches Philemon in the face (revealing he actually copied Tatsuya's face so he could fuck with your mind a little more), then he offers to make you forget the whole game was a laugh at your expense.
 Roll credits.
-===Persona 2 Eternal Punishment===
+'''Persona 2 Eternal Punishment'''
-...or maybe not.
-In short, Philemon hits the reset button on the universe, except Tatsuya cocks it up at the last second, which results in Philemon nearly becoming [[An Hero]] and Nyaralothotep comes back since he now has ANOTHER chance to troll humanity.
-Anyway, everything from the first game is flipped around, and Maya Amano is the protagonist. Yukino has no plot relevance, you get to play as a Beatles ripoff who is Tatsuya's brother Katsuya (who wants to fuck Maya but is too tightassed to say anything), some angry bitch named Ulala who wants to crush the gonads of a guy who trolled her who happens to be Maya's roommate, and some drunk motherfucker named Baofu whose girlfriend got shanked by the Taiwanese Mafia, but since he doesn't want to be an emo he instead tries too hard to act cool by turning into a drunk who throws pennies at his enemies.
-As for the plot, it starts with a badly recycled version of the first Persona 2 plot where you investigate the Joker, only this time you meet the mad bomber first, save Tatsuya's gay boyfriend, meet a more emo Tatsuya who refuses to make the fucking game any shorter by opening his goddammed mouth and merely tries to warn Maya to leave well enough enough without explaining why, and this only prompts her to continue the tortured rehash of Innocent Sin, only this time Ulala turns into a freaky bitch (she gets less freaky afterwards buts she's still a bitch), Baofu kills the the guy whose name sounds like an egg roll recipe who shanked his girlfriend and cries like a faggot, Katsuya discovers the cops are pigs who've been trying to stamp out any hint of lulz (though he stupidly decides to not stop being one himself), and Nanjou and Eriko (Nate and Ellen in the shitty NA translation) from the first Persona show up to tag along with Maya's other bitches, and for brevity's sake, the game splits briefly into two seperate routes that go like this:
-Nanjou: Kandori survived the first game, got himself a pair of pimp shades and some tattoos, and he still trolls Nanjo like no tomorrow. We also find out Kandori went to Hell, came back, and is now technically a paradox that shouldn't exist, but he does anyway just to troll reality.
-Eriko: Some hot looking Fortuneteller (read: troll) named Chizuru is mindfucking the city into summoning more Jokers, has her cat and bunch of Real Dolls try to kill you, and as a side plot, Eriko is attacked by a rapist with an axe and sees visions of the hero from the first game, who she regrets she never begged him to fuck her.
-BTW, Kandori and Chizuru are fucking each other, despite the fact Kandori is technically dead, but it seems she's a necrophile as well as a troll.
 Shit that nobody cares about happens.
@@ Line 62: / Line 24: @@
 Roll credits.
-===Persona 3===
+'''Persona 3'''[[File:Persona_3_an_hero.jpg|thumb|Is that [[semen]]]]
-Basically a giant fucking dungeon/dating sim. Got an M rating to much drama due to the fact that the game [[literally]] requires you to [[an hero]].
-[[File:Persona_3_an_hero.jpg|thumb| The gameplay]]
-=== Shin Megami Tensei ===
+You can only fight during the "Dark Hour".The rest is spent trying to fuck schoolgirls. Basically  fucking dungeon crawler/dating sim. Got an M rating to much drama due to the fact that the game [[literally]] requires you to [[an hero]]. Atlus decided it would be too much work to create individual dungeons, so they put them all into one fucking tower.Enjoy grinding through 90+ levels of the same thing.
+== Shin Megami Tensei ==
 Seeing as how you can kill God in this game, it's perfect troll material for [[Christfag]] gamers. Just go to any Christian gaming board and recommend it to someone looking for a new RPG to play. Don't spoil the plot for them, it's funnier if they find out themselves.
@@ Line 156: / Line 118: @@
 '''Devil Survivor 1:'''
 A Pokemon ripoff, except you get to beat the shit out of demons and people with stuff that looks less like squealing kid friendly electric rats and more like something you might actually shit yourself over. Unfortunately, it still looks like the ejaculate of an animu fan anyway.

Atlus: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 19:16, 26 July 2014

Contents

Persona