Parappa The Rapper

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Parappa the Rapper PAL cover

god damn it

more god damn it

When not spouting funky rhymes, Parappa likes to chill at the local LBGT lounge.

Parappa The Raper, brother of Chester the Molester, is a video game created at least 100 years ago, which some argue created the trend in homosexual rave parties. The game stars an Asian nigger dog who wants to get revenge on Soulja Boy by defeating him in a rap battle. Typical levels include being taught to rap by food items, shooting up a rival hood, taking paternity tests on Maury, eating fried chicken and watermelon, dodging child support, and coercing white women into sex. Surprisingly, the game was actually co-created by an American who likes Japan, no fucking joke. The game also contains satanic messages. And if you are perverted enough, here. Even parappa can't escape the Rule 34

Typical levels

Notice how each level includes a total fucking faggot in the background?

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The Gameplay

YO DAWG I HERD U LIKE PRESSIN BUTTONS, SO I PUT A BUTTON ON UR BUTTON SO U CAN MASH WHILE U MASH

Tl;dr: THERE FUCKEN IS NONE.

At a stretch, nostalgia fags could point out that Parappa was one of the first music-based video games, and spawned the trend for future musical video games, such as DDR or Rock band. Thick rose-tinted goggles required.

What a lot of noobs will try to do when first playing the game is to punch the on-screen button prompts in time with the beat and rhythm. This however is wrong and the game will punish the shit out of you and bring your score down for even attempting something like that. What you're actually supposed to be doing is mashing the on-screen buttons in no particular order. Seriously, it doesn't even need to be in sync, the game will just automatically pat you on the back and increase your score and let you pass the level even though you didn't even try. Don't push the buttons too many times though, the game seems to be able to detect that.

Fail the queer hairdressing octopus' mission and have your nightmares haunted by his twisted face for your entire childhood. Quite the selling point.

"Important" Characters

• PaRappa the Rapper - The hero of the game, trying to survive life in the ghetto. He motivates himself with his catchphrase, "I Gotta Believe!"
• Sunny Funny - A giant talking flower who generally has a cheery disposition. She appears to have a shit fetish, as evidenced by her starring in this game.
• PJ Berri - A lazy bear who adds nothing to the plot. He works as a DJ at Club Fun, the local gay bar.
• Katy Kat - One of Parappa's background dancers who shakes her ass while Parappa raps about ghetto life.
• Um Jammer Lammy - Female guitarist and former memeber of Dragonforce. She got her own videogame, as detailed below, and was by far the most popular character in the game.
• Joe Chin - A pompous rich motherfucker who could pay to have you killed if he wanted. Easily the most hardcore character in this game.
• PaRappa Papa - PaRappa's bitch father, whose gets his car jacked by niggers, and destroyed.
• Ma San - NO ONE CARES!

Um Crapper Lammy

This was a spinoff to the original Parappa game in which a character no one cares about has a dream where Vegetable Man shows her that through the power of drugs, anything can be a guitar. She then has to get to her concert in time so she can spread her musical AIDS throughout the world. The problem is, there are a whole bunch of people trying to stop her from making it there. They include a guy who sets a pizza place on fire and makes her put it out, a worm who babysits and has constant Roman Showers (NOW PUT THESE KIDS TO SLEEP WILL YA), an airplane pilot who Lammy constantly hits with a bat making him go from a senile old man to a crazy guy, a beaver who HAETS JOE CHIN'S CHAINS, some bitch from hell, and finally the concert itself. You can play as Parappa,but his storyline has no connection to the stages.

Parappa 2: Electric Boogaloo

Last Thursday, everyone's favorite rapist returned, only this time he has to find out why everything is turning into Ramenand get his bitch back, because she called him a pussy faggot when he wouldn't eat her noodle shit. Parappa now has to defeat some ghost who makes him go to the kitchen, Vegetable Man who tries to make him gay through a show about "romantic comedy" (but only manages to make him bisexual), an ant who thinks he's god, the sister of that bitch who gave you your driving license in his first game, some apeshit octopus, a...video game?, a guy who can't tell noodles from cocks (official quote from game: "Slurp it, suck it, I know you all like it"), and some guy no one gives a shit about. Then you get your bitch back and the game is over. Yeah, it's not like the homeless need the money you spent on the game as a donation. They got enough money already.

External Links

• IRL release from Parappa & De La Soul

Parappa The Rapper is part of a series on Gaming Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage.

Parappa The Rapper is part of a series on Music Visit the Music Portal for complete coverage.