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Netflix: Difference between revisions

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imported>Cobaltcat
lol 720p. Netflix is fucking garbage.
imported>Cobaltcat
Rewrote intro. What is a blockbuster? Included some modern shit, and pricing.
Line 7: Line 7:
[[Image:Netflixlulz.png|thumb|Even Netflix [[trolls|gets lulzy]].]]
[[Image:Netflixlulz.png|thumb|Even Netflix [[trolls|gets lulzy]].]]


[[Netflix]] was a service that allowed people to rent an unlimited amount of [[porn]] for a flat rate per month. The problem was that there were [[16 year old girl|16 year old girls]] who used the service for their [[Disney]] [[movie|movies]], and Netflix ditched the porn in favor of [[work safe|family-friendly]] fare.
In a land before time, Netflix existed as an alternative to something known as [[Blockbuster]], a place where you physically had to go to in order to watch a movie. Our crack research team has still not come to the conclusion if you had to hit the movie over the head with a club, and then drag it back to your cave, or how it actually functioned. Back then you ordered the movie you wanted to see by actual snail mail, then waited 3 weeks for the movie to be delivered. Probably because of slow internet. It quickly became popular as you could rent an unlimited amount of porn for just $19,99 a month. But of course 16 year old girls destroyed it, as they spent more money on renting shitty [[Disney]] flicks than losers were spending on porn. So Netflix ditched the porn in favor of [[work safe|family-friendly]] fare. Netflix utterly destroyed Blockbuster when Netflix finally thought of actually using the internet to stream movies.
Because now you can watch Netflix on pretty much everything, unless you want HD, but we will get to that.  


Their slogan is simple: "We're Not [[Blockbuster]]." This creates rousing cheers from Netflix's loyal customer base, but pisses off Blockbuster's [[Republican]] investors. Since 2007, Netflix has [[win|successfully]] [[pwn|raped the shit]] out of Blockbuster with its success. A large part of this is due to the offering of Netflix on [[gamer|game consoles]] and [[new media]] devices.
==Netflix and Chill==
Has its own article, click the logo to Netflix and chill.
<center>{{Navimage|Netflix and chill.jpg|Netflix and chill|320px|180px}}</center>


[[Last Thursday]], Netflix took over [[Wal-Mart|Wal-Mart's]] [[old media|DVD-by-mail]] distribution system. This upset [[liberals]] who think that Wal-Mart is a [[slavery]] ring designed to take down the [[Communist]] system once and for all.
==Enjoy that 720p content==
Do you like video in High Definition? Then Netflix is not for you. Because unless you install Internet Explorer or its less retarded, but still retarded brother Edge, you will not able stream 1080p. Oh and enjoy the security flaw known as Silverlight as well.  
Note that no other major distributor has this issue.  
{{archive|4zjd6|Netflix even admits they are incompetent}}


==Drama-By-Mail==
==To lower the price of Netflix start torrenting==
You'd think an innocent DVD-by-mail scheme would be [[drama]]-free, but there must always be [[fucktard|fucktarded]] types who find some reason to bitch.
To punish countries that don't download as much illegal shit as others, Netflix increased the price while lowering it for countries where torrenting is prevalent.
{{quote|Piracy is a governor in terms of our price in high piracy markets outside the US,” ..


In Netflix's case, a small minority of [[insane|tinfoil hat-wearing conspiracy theorists]] believe that Netflix is fucking them [[in the ass]]. When they put a DVD in the mail, they expect Netflix to receive it the next day and ship a new installment of ''Debbie Does [[Dallas]]'' the day after. Since the post office couldn't possibly make a mistake or act slowly with the bulk mailings, Netflix must be "[[masturbation|throttling]]" their accounts and not checking in the DVDs when they're received; thus, they only get 40 DVDs a month instead of the  [[OVER 9000|126434]] that are mathematically possible.
“We wouldn’t want to come out with a high price because there’s a lot of piracy, so we have to compete with that..|https://torrentfreak.com/netflix-sets-pricing-based-on-local-piracy-rates-150416/|David Wells - Chief Financial Officer}}


Of course, this gross injustice doesn't keep them from cancelling Netflix and starting back up again with a new free two weeks. Like [[Pirat_ponton]], when logic stares them in the face, they just holler a lot.
==Prices around the world==
<center>
{| class="wikitable sortable"
! Country
! Price for standard in USD*
! Available Titles**
! Titles Per USD
|-
| United States
| $7.99 (Adjusted for new prices)
| 5750
| 720
|-
| United Kingdom
| $10.05
| 2028
| 202
|-
| Eastern Europe
| $8.99
| 764
| 85
|-
| Scandinavia
| $11.93
| 2140
| 179
|-
| Canada
| $7.99 (adjusted for new prices)
| 2140
| 398
|-
| Brazil
| $5.60
| 2234
| 398
|}
</center>


If you ever see a postal worker carry in a cart full of mail, these are full of Netflix mailers.
{| width=100% cellpadding=15 cellspacing=0
| width=50% style="text-align:center" |
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Prices from [https://www.reddit.com/r/netflix/comments/3zvhgj/how_much_does_netflix_cost_in_your_country_all/ Reddit]


==Game Consoles==
<nowiki>**</nowiki>Available titles from this [http://exstreamist.com/NetflixTitlesbyCountry.csv CSV file]
The [[Xbox 360|Three Sixty Box]] and the [[Wii|Wry]] allow you to watch [[Porn|softcore porn]] on your TV via [[Netflix]] and gives [[Boys|kids]] yet another way to get their [[fap]] on.
|}


[[Gamefly]] is the video game equivalent.


==Enjoy that 720p content==
==Better alternatives==
Do you like video in High Definition? Then Netflix is not for you. Because unless you install Internet Explorer or its less retarded, but still retarded brother Edge, you will not able stream 1080p. Oh and enjoy the security flaw known as Silverlight as well.  
*[[ThePirateBay]] - Free
So yes, even the worst services are able to show 1080p on any browser.<br />
*[http://www.hbo.com HBO] - Cheaper and supports 1080 on all browsers
{{archive|4zjd6|Netflix even admits they are incompetent}}
*[http://www.amazon.com/Prime-Instant-Video/b/ref=primedp_piv?_encoding=UTF8&node=2676882011 Amazon Prime] - Supports 1080 on all browsers
*[http://www.hulu.com Hulu] - Cheaper and supports all browsers.


==Related Articles==
==Related Articles==

Revision as of 10:59, 24 April 2016

Hey! This article isn't lulz just yet, but its coverage can spark a lollercoaster.
You can help by reverting people who delete shit, and vandalizing their user pages.
See this article on Google? Want to add something? Join us!


People get pissed because their tentacle rape hentai doesn't show up quick enough.
Even Netflix gets lulzy.

In a land before time, Netflix existed as an alternative to something known as Blockbuster, a place where you physically had to go to in order to watch a movie. Our crack research team has still not come to the conclusion if you had to hit the movie over the head with a club, and then drag it back to your cave, or how it actually functioned. Back then you ordered the movie you wanted to see by actual snail mail, then waited 3 weeks for the movie to be delivered. Probably because of slow internet. It quickly became popular as you could rent an unlimited amount of porn for just $19,99 a month. But of course 16 year old girls destroyed it, as they spent more money on renting shitty Disney flicks than losers were spending on porn. So Netflix ditched the porn in favor of family-friendly fare. Netflix utterly destroyed Blockbuster when Netflix finally thought of actually using the internet to stream movies. Because now you can watch Netflix on pretty much everything, unless you want HD, but we will get to that.

Netflix and Chill

Has its own article, click the logo to Netflix and chill.


Enjoy that 720p content

Do you like video in High Definition? Then Netflix is not for you. Because unless you install Internet Explorer or its less retarded, but still retarded brother Edge, you will not able stream 1080p. Oh and enjoy the security flaw known as Silverlight as well. Note that no other major distributor has this issue. Netflix even admits they are incompetent

To lower the price of Netflix start torrenting

To punish countries that don't download as much illegal shit as others, Netflix increased the price while lowering it for countries where torrenting is prevalent.

   
“ 		 
Piracy is a governor in terms of our price in high piracy markets outside the US,” ..

“We wouldn’t want to come out with a high price because there’s a lot of piracy, so we have to compete with that..
 

„
  		 

—https://torrentfreak.com/netflix-sets-pricing-based-on-local-piracy-rates-150416/, David Wells - Chief Financial Officer

Prices around the world

Country Price for standard in USD* Available Titles** Titles Per USD
United States $7.99 (Adjusted for new prices) 5750 720
United Kingdom $10.05 2028 202
Eastern Europe $8.99 764 85
Scandinavia $11.93 2140 179
Canada $7.99 (adjusted for new prices) 2140 398
Brazil $5.60 2234 398

*Prices from Reddit

**Available titles from this CSV file


Better alternatives

Related Articles

External links

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