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House of the Dead: Difference between revisions

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{{Q|Ah...The House of the Dead. This is where I keep getting myself cloned!|Oscar Wilde|House of the Dead}}
[[Image:HouseoftheFat.jpg|right|thumb|Fat is the 5th thing wrong with these guys.]]
{{Q|Where do I keep all those bullets? "coff" James's anal "coff"|Gary|House of the Dead}}
'''The House of the Dead''' is a series of rail shooter games created by [[SEGA]], in between fapping sessions with their millions of shitty [[Sonic]] games. The story revolves around a zombie virus that only seems to spread more despite the protagonists' efforts. Like anything zombie-related, the closest this series has to a plot is shooting the same shirtless zombie 300 times while having RELOAD! shouted at you.  This could be seen as an instant [[NRA]] training session, in case the [[The Walking Dead|Zombies decide to walk the Earth]].  But if you ask [[Jack Thompson|some lawyer]], all of these games are bad for you and can cause violent impulses.
{{Q|Shall all die!! Ha ha ha ha!!|That one scientist who created the zombies}}


'''The House of the Dead''' is a series of RPG platform fighting games for the game. The story revolves around the AMS organization (Asthmatic Marijuana Sniffers) which is seemingly located in London but actually is located in Wisconson. Their mission is to stop Dr."Funkhole" Curien from unleashing his polka obsessed undead frat boy army and super powered midgets that look like [[Gary Coleman]]. The main characters are homosexual life partners Gary and James, along with allies Amy and Harry, "H", Dan Taylor and Thomas Row-Gun (as well as his whiny teenage slutty daughter Lisa).
==The Bullshit Story==


==Heroes==
The same story is used throughout all of the games.  So, don't worry if you don't have the jist of it.  It's all the fucking same!  The hero/heroine has received a phone call from their [[Imaginary girlfriend|missing fiancee]] asking them to come to a random spooky location.  Which results in meeting in an epic battle with the villain who's [[batshit insane|obsessed with life and death itself]].  After venturing throughout your city/mansion/whorehouse of choice in any of the games, you end up in epic boss battles with the same rehashed bosses that SEGA had to use.  The main reason for this, they were usually too busy [[Shit no one cares about|making a Sonic game that nobody would buy]].  And let's not forget, every game has a [[bullshit|cliffhanger]] ending that leaves you wanting [[more]].


Supa-Heroes that PWN Supa-Midgets
==Characters==
===Playable characters===
[[Image:GaryHOTD4.jpg|right|thumb|FREEZE MOTHAFUCKA!!!!! We're here, we're queer, GET USED TO IT!]]
'''[[Gay|James and Gary ]]''': The protagonists of the second game. They carry magical guns that have infinite ammo but require to be [[fail|reloaded every fucking second]].


===Gary and James===
'''Thomas''': The one with the goatee. By 2019 he had gone missing, leading "[[homosexual|H]]" and his daughter Lisa to search for him since he hadn't texted them for about 3 days.
[[Image:GaryHOTD4.jpg|left|thumb|153px|FREEZE MOTHAFUCKA!!!!! We're here, we're queer, GET USED TO IT!]]  
James, the AMS's most retarded agent and Gary, an old emo faggot are both homosexual partners for life. They carry magical glocks that have infinite ammo but requires to be reloaded every fucking 6 bullets. They go around slaying super powered midgets until they were stopped by teh Magishin (who proceeded to kick them in the balls). James is way cooler and Gary is just an old gay fag. Gary has fuck a woman once in Venice before (good use of english). Her name was, AMY!!!!!!!!!


===Amy and Harry===
'''G''': The most recurring character in the series, even though nobody can tell the characters apart as [[Chinks|they all look the same]].
Meh, Who the hell cares?


Amy has a crush on Gary.
'''Lisa''': [[Slut|Rebellious daughter]] of Row-gun and a failed idea of a cover-girl for the franchise.


Who the hell cares?
'''Kate''': Kate joined James in the fourth game. She's [[noob|noobish]] and constantly makes smartass [[girl gamer|remarks to zombies about the fact that she's a woman]]. It was Kate who convinced James to end his life against "The World" by using an explosive [[Nintendo|GBA SP]].


And Harry likes James.
'''Daniel''': Curien's son. [[Sandy Hook|Shot his dad]] with Lisa's help after being forced to make a body for him.


So wutevur.
===Villains===
'''Curien''': The [[batshit insane|mad]] scientist that created legions of zombies because zombie series always need a bad guy that [[truth|creates the zombies for no reaso]]n. Killed in the first game and comes back to life as a [[lolwut|wedding ring in the third one]].


[[Fag|pooface]] W/e
'''Goldman''':  [[Jew]] who believed that infesting Europe with zombies would protect the life cycle. [[An hero|Kills himself]]. He has the [[Sarcasm|best voice-actor in the history of everything]], with the exception of [[Stephen Hawking]].


===Thomas Row-gun===
===Bosses===
Veteran AMS agent from the 1998 Curien Funkhouse incident. Row-gun is well known for his goatee, which gives him super strength and was the sole reason for his marriage with Sophie "Monster Bait" Richards. By 2019 he had gone missing, leading "H" and his daughter Lisa to search for him since he hadn't texted them for about 3 days.
[[Image:82210.jpg|right|thumb|No he does not do card tricks. But he can do the "pull the bunny out of the hat" trick without the hat.]]
Because the standard zombies only take one bullet to kill, the characters have no personality or motives whatsoever, and the plot couldn't have more holes, people only play this series for the bosses, which include:


=== "H" ===
'''The Magician''': Dr. Curien's "[[masturbation|Masterpiece]]" and the most overused boss in the series. In the first game, kids thought this guy was tough shit as his weakness was unknown ([[Captain Obvious|clearly unaware of his pulsating leg and shoulder]]), but by the time he reappeared in the second game, he was a total [[pussy]].
Mysterious , shady , anonymous. "H"'s real name is believed to be "Leeroy H. Jenkins" , but since Sega refuses to let him talk , little is known about him. During the 2000 Goldman Incident , "H" was wounded in a tragic Hot Pocket incident, which took him 5 years to fully recover from. Later joined Lisa to search for Row-Gun 19 years later.


===G===
'''The Judgement''': A [[Islam|headless knight]] carrying an axe that is always accompanied by a annoying flying robot skeleton. Takes forever to attack and for some reason [[Brogrammer|shooting the skeleton hurts him]].


The reason for his name is because his true identity is that of the talentless musician, [[50 Cent]]. He disguised himself as a white man to avoid any sort of recognition or confrontation, which is somewhat useless since he keeps babbling his "song" lyrics constantly, which almost brought Gary to the point of shooting him in the head.  
'''The Heirophant''': Some fish dude who looks like a rejected Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle villain. Has the power to summon annoying ass fish and jump in the air like a retard.


G/50 Cent was wounded somewhere around the beginning of HotD 2, which both Gary and James were ecstatic about. It seems that he got caught in some sort of shooting like he always does, and died afterwards from a shot to the spleen. Before his demise, he handed a legendary rhymebook containing all of his substandard material to James and/or Gary.


'''The Tower''': A mutant snake with 5 [[head]]s that is encountered in the sewers. Whenever you kill one, it moos like a [[lolcow|cow]]. Its middle head can detach and swim about like [[sperm]].


He bears absolutely no relation whatsoever.
'''Strength''': Leatherface rip-off who makes the same retarded grunts and screams. Only difference is he is 10 feet tall and can run faster than a pedophile chasing a kid in a speedo.


===Lisa Row-Gun===
'''The Emperor''': Apparently the shape-shifting bad guy from Terminator 2 is considered a zombie. Imagine The Magician but without the ability to fly, looking like a blowup doll, and very, very slow. Was shot up by James and Gary, leading to Goldman's emo-like end.
Rebellious daughter of Row-gun. Would rather be dying her hair or partying than shooting up zombies, but when threatened with losing driving privileges, she followed "H" to rescue her dad. Basically a failed idea of a cover-girl for the franchise.


===Kate Green===
'''The World''': [[Deviantart|Butterfly-man that can make pretty flying ice dragons]]. In case you're oblivious to exposed hearts, its weak-point is really [[retard|easy to guess]]. James and Kate whipped out some Uzi's to shoot it down , but it wasn't until James decided to end everything by blowing himself up with an explosive GBA SP that the thing was defeated. It's not like he could've just thrown the bomb or anything.
Noobish and constantly making smartass remarks to zombies about the fact that she's a woman , Kate joined James in the 2003 Goldman Strikes Back incident. It was Kate who convinced an AID's stricken, depressed James to end his life against "Za Warudo" by using an explosive GBA SP. She then took his post in the AMS and magic glock. She has a nice ass BTW.


===Daniel "Pantalones Jr." Curien===
'''Temperance''': A fat [[American]].
Curien's son, aparentally was ill with SARS until Funkhole devloped "Zombie Juice" , saving him yet causing everything to be FUBAR'd. Shot his dad with Lisa's help after being forced to make a tinfoil body for him. Daniel later appeared on an episode of Maury entitled "He may have been an insane doctor-who-became-a-shiny-robot...but he's still my Dad!" , which became the highest rated show in the series history... Garnering 10 viewers.


===Dan Taylor===
'''Death''': A giant Nazi that attacks with a club and [[stupid|is not the Grim Reaper]].
Younger cousin of James lived his life when he became AMS commando as he joins the AMS, he seemed to put his effort and prove a lot of things that he experiences. He's smart, brave and loyal, and he can do anything. Although he lost his parents and family when he was 10.


But he turned 31. He works with Row-Gun to investigate and to deal against Curien's undead experiments. In House of the Dead III, he was encountered
'''The Sun''': A sunflower that chokes itself when you hurt it.
by Zombie boss called "Death", who clobbered Dan in the back, thus ending his amazing life. NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!pooface


==Villains==
'''The Fool''': [[Chris-chan|A sloth prone to falling asleep and taking 50 hours to finish one attack]].


===Dr. Roy "Funkhole" Curien===
'''The Lovers''': A pair of spiders that were accidentally attached during [[pornography|hardcore sex]].
 
A freking pimp master mad scientist that created legions of undead and created an army of super midgets including robotic clones
of Gary Coleman (as seen in the first HotD game). Known as an intergalactical pimp, even larger than Captain Kirk. He went crazy over
his son who simply got a minor cold and started creating polka frat-boy zombies. Recently got a lawsuit from Capcom. Loves deep-fried chocolate coated honeydew.
In HotD 3, he became a robot funklord with a wedding ring the size of a large van.
[[Image:Omg.gif|thumb| Curien's master plan to destroy the world: he tested it on Fosters]]
 
===Goldman===
Angry, Jewish, Tree-hugging leader of the D.B.R (Donut Breaching Retards), funded Dr. Curiens work until his death. Then decided to cheer up by doing
the best "feel-good" activity around, like invading Europe with zombies like a fucking [[nazi|racist]] pussy. Before James and Gary could stop him, Goldman quickly
left a Myspace note saying, "Call the Police : Goldman Building, Top Floor. Tell them to look down from [[Hell|"Pandora's Box"]], I'm sooo sorry <3 " , before acting
like an [[emo]] and jumping to his death after losing 'Teh Emperah' to James and Gary. In 2003, though , he apparently left another set of recordings to
piss James and his nu partner Kate off. This time, he used "Za Warudo"... and failed again. Go figure. His main job was to protect the LOYFE SOYCLE. LOL =D
 
==Creatures==
 
These are teh zombehs of teh game.
 
===Axe-zombies===
 
Identical zombies that all have the same name. They have miniature [[Acne|dark holes]] in their pockets in which they carry an infinite amount of axes.
Despite being lumberjacks, they have long hair and aren't very manly.
 
===Bitey-zombies===
Undead flesh-eaters that have no shirt. The reason why they have no shirt is still a mystery.
How many are there?
ITS OVER 9000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AMIRITE?
 
===Bitee zombies===
Not to be confused with bitey zombies. These blokes actually wear shirts and other assorted garmants, and prefer pie to cake.
 
===Teh Magishin===
[[Image:82210.jpg|left|thumb|450px|No he does not do card tricks. But he can do the "pull the bunny out of the hat" trick without the hat.]]
A failed attempt at an animatronic attraction for older crowds at [[Chuck E. Cheese]] , teh Magishin was Dr. Curiens "Masterpiece", until it confused him with
a small child one day and cracked his spine , then began to shriek about destroying the world and giving out free tickets. "H" and Row-Gun were thought to have
defeated him in the 1998 Curien Funkhouse Incident , but he came back anyways because NO ONE, -NO ONE- can stop Teh Magishin.
[[Image:The Evilness.gif|thumb|Teh Magishin made Nightmare on Sesame Street, which had horrifying effects on anyone who saw it.]]
 
===Headless Sam and his annoying high-pitched buddeh Joe Black===
 
A headless dude carrying an axe that is always accompanied by a annoying flying skeleton.  Since Headless Sam is [[dumb|super retarded and lacks a brain]], he is
basically a [[slave|meat puppet]] for the flying skeleton. The flying skeleton loves [[J-Pop]] in case you're wondering.
 
{{Q|Im called Kuarl you Prick!|Headless Sam|House of the Dead}}
 
===King Ghidorah===
 
A mutant [[hydra|graboid]] with 5 [[head|head's]] that is encountered in ye old [[sewer|sewer's]]. Its middle head can detach and swim about like [[sperm]]. Roars
like a dinosaur.
 
===Mini-Freddy===
 
A miniature midget version of [[Freddy Krueger]] that was cloned via strands of DNA found on his fine fancy hat. He made his debut in the 1998 Curien Funkhouse
incident where he and his clones were mercilessly pissed upon by Row-gun and H.
 
===Leeches===
 
Pissed off leeches that find [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] offensive. They were originaly employed to guard teh Magishins fishcakes but were offered better pay for being
cannon fodder. They also make a great stew.
 
===Zombeh Monkies===
 
Monkies strewn with [[AIDS]] just like that one [[chimp]] from [[28 days later]].  They're albino and will claw your face off. And
their [[shit|poop tastes like old jerky]].
 
===Bats===
 
Friends of the leeches. The only bats [[Batman]] hesitates to befriend.
 
===Robot Zombies===
 
Not actually zombies, but robot wingers that try to fit in with the zombie crowd. However they can easily be distinguished by their squeaky-clean [[hygiene]], use
of [[Lightsaber|light-sabers]], and ability to phase through walls. Thus, zombies will tend to act [[racist]] against the robots.
 
===Slime zombies===
 
What happens if you mix the [[goo|slimes]] from [[shitty game|Maple Story]] with the [[infection|T-virus]]? You get a lot of dead [[Koreans]](virtually speaking). These
buggers have appeared in every game. Shit.
 
===Mecha-Jason===
 
A mechanical version of [[Jason Voorhees]], he is equipped with two OWNAGE chainsaws because simply he OWNS you.  He can OWN anybody at anytime and his OWNAGE level
totally OWNS. His catchphrase is: I OWNS YOU! because he totally can OWN your ass. He's so fuckin' badass that he OWNED [[Chuck Norris]]. His hobbies include watering
his prized SUPER OWNAGE lilies and taking a stroll through the park LIEK UH BAWS. He has a brother named Eric who OWNS as much as he does. Exept he's armed with 2 OWNAGE
lightsabers insted of chainsaws
 
===Teh Emperah===
A Jell-O man made by Goldman out of dead fucking cows to serve as Bill Cosby's successor. Could fling shiny bowling balls at enemies. Ex universe's leading expert in
impersonation-based combat. Was shot up by James and Gary, leading to Goldman's emo-like end.
 
===Za Warudo===
Huge fuckin' bug man that can make pretty flying ice dragons. James and Kate whipped out some Uzi's to shoot it down , but it wasn't until James  decided to end
everything by blowing himself up with an explosive GBA SP that the thing was defeated. Constantly shrieked "WRRYYYYYYYYYYYY!".
 
to the elusive "H", who is actually [[Satan|Maynard James Keenan]] in disguise.
 
===[[Brittney Spears]] The Dancing Wacko who Should Stop exposing her chest===
 
She is known as that fucking huge zombie with a nutshell in her chest and when it opens, it exposes her heart, which kind of looks like a tongue. What the hell is
wrong with these people? It should also be noted that she holds the highest score for [[Dance Dance Revolution]] but the lowest score for [[Guitar Hero]].
 
Dance Moves of OWNAGE:
 
1. Move away from screen.
 
2. Do her Little Dance.
 
3. Double-Jump.
 
4. Get OWNED!!
 
===Peter Simpson The Fat American Frog Guy===
[[Image:HOTD4-Temperance.jpg|145px|left|thumb| oh John Candy you really let yourself go]]
 
A totally fat american guy that fucked [[your mom]].  He is most likely the mutated combination of [[Peter Griffin]] and [[Homer Simpson]]...only less
amusing and less fond of beer but way more fond of doughnuts.  He once had a sumo match against [[Godzilla]] but he was so fat he couldn't move on to the stage. He
licks himself to get stoned because he is half frog.  He moves via group of trucks carrying a section of his fat. Has the biggest man boobs in the world.  Rumor has
it the people who designed this boss had to sit in a [[hot tub]] with [[God|Rosie O'Donnell]] for [[hell|three hours]]. Oh yeah, he has a
brother in [[Left 4 Dead|another video game.]]
 
===Sunny the [[Emo]] Plant Monster===
 
A popular singing emo plant that is a favorite among children, he has his own T.V. show on the [[Disney Channel]] called "Tea Time with Sunny the Emo Plant".
He and [[Elmo]] got in a [[lightsaber|light-saber]] fight with only one survivor: [[Oscar Wilde]].  He also gets a hangover whenever someone shoots one of his many
faces(which he ripped off, one of them belonging to [[Michael Jackson]] when he tried to rape a super midget) and there are [[Xenomorph|xenomorph's]] living inside
his pods.
 
===Boobby the Clown and his chansaw, Timmy===
 
We think the title says it all about his name. Defeated after James and Gary were saved by [[Oscar Wilde]] when he rushed in piloting a [[Transformer|Gundam]] and who
then used as [[fire flower]] against clown.
 
===The Fool===
{{Q|Hey! I pity this guy!|Mr. T|The Fool}}
 
Steve Irwin's true killer, WARNING: CONTAINS REALLY BAD BREATH, Do not approach unless I Told you To. a massive, fugly but slightly handsome sloth that was discovered
by "H" and Lisa. Was prone to falling asleep and taking 50 hours to finish one attack. After Lisa realized that Irwin (her childhood idol) had fallen at the hands of
The Fool, she became filled with rage and savagely beat the creature on the head with her shotgun, causing it to fall to it's death. "H" soon decided to stay the fuck
away from Lisa, realizing that she was bat-shit insane.
 
===The Love Spiders===
 
A pair of spiders that were accidentally attached during hardcore sex, they can't stop pumping out pimp juice or else they'll die from a narrowing urethra.  A cut-scene
featuring them was part of Animal Planet's animal porn documentary. They attack by using their own new born children. How neglectful huh?


==Weapons and Items==
==Weapons and Items==
===Weapons===
*[[Mary Sue|Magical gun that has infinite bullets A]]
*[[Goldeneye 007|Magical gun that has infinite bullets B]]
*'''Killer keyboard''': A [[Dreamcast]] backpack with a keyboard featured in the lame version of the game. [[LifeInATent|It can kill anything with the pressing of a few words]].
*'''Shotgun''': Featured in the third installment of the game.  Worst weapon in the whole series.
*'''[[Israel|Uzis]]''': Featured in the fourth installment of the game. Somehow, it can actually [[lolwut|shoot grenades]].


There are several items in the game.
===Items===
 
*First AID kit with [[Hello Kitty]] bandages
Weapon list:
*A Playboy featuring Paris Hilton!
*magical glock that has infinite bullets A
*First AID kit with Tylenol!
*magical glock that has infinite bullets B
*20 Euros, useless in most of Europe.
*Killer keyboard -A keyboard featured in the lame version of the game. It's a special keyboard blessed by [[Mr.T]] and has the ability to kill anything with the
*First AID kit with [[Herpes|Valtrex]] for that French whore you slept with.
pressing of a few words. Proof the [[English]] language is fucking deadly.
*And finally, a First AID kit with cyanide, so you can kill yourself for playing this game for so long.
*shotgun - Featured in the third installment of the game.  Worst weapon in the whole series.
*Uzis - Featured in the fourth installment of the game. Despite being small, it can actually shoot grenades. these guns can give the power of the 0wnzh00r to
any n3w|3 who wields them, you must be a level 30 dark mage with the cloak of power to use thes 1337 pieces
*banana gun - A unlockable weapon, this causes zombies and monsters to slip on a banana peel in a comical fashion only for their skulls to be cracked to pieces.
*Phallus ray - Featured in the [[porn|adult version of the game]]. This weapon shoots a [[cum|white blast]] that causes the zombies to explode via huge orgasm.


Items:
==Gallery of the Dead==
*First AID kit
{{cg||Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="4">
*Useless junk
Image:The House of the Dead.gif|What you did playing this game
*First AID kit
Image:House of the Dead comic.jpg|Comics?
*Foreign currency
Image:House of the Dead Stamp by KooboriSapphire.gif|[[Truth]]
*First AID kit
Image:ZombieHospital.jpg|There's even cosplay of it...
*And finally, a First AID kit.  
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="4">
Image:VikingZombie.jpg|Dethklok is in this game...
Image:HelloNurse.jpg|This game kills your nurse fantasies quickly...
Image:HeadDONOTWANT.jpg|You may have wanted a [[fellatio|girl with a wide mouth]]...
Image:HospitaloftheDead.jpg|Get used to it, [[Anonymous|they outnumber you]].
Image:UweBoll.jpg|Only thing worse than playing the game, watching the movie [[Uwe Boll|this asshole]] made.
</gallery>}}


==Plot==
==See Also==
The plot of House of the dead is to help your homosexual partner by shooting the shit out of other shit while having RELOAD! RELOAD! shouted at you
*[[SEGA]]
*[[Video Games]]
*[[Zombies]]
*[[NRA]]
*[[Batshit Insane]]
*[[The Walking Dead]]
*[[Uwe Boll]]


==Quotes==
==External Links==


"RELOAD MUTHAFUCKA!!!!!!!!" That one annoying announcer dude
*[http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0317676/ The AIDS filled movie] - Watch at your own risk
*[http://www.sega.com/hodoverkill/ House of the Dead: Overkill] - The only appropriate title for it all.
*[http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0277737/ The IMDb of the Game] - The shitty game is rated higher than the shitty movie.


[[Category:Video games]]
{{gaming}}
[[category:SEGA]]

Latest revision as of 05:14, 21 August 2014

Fat is the 5th thing wrong with these guys.

The House of the Dead is a series of rail shooter games created by SEGA, in between fapping sessions with their millions of shitty Sonic games. The story revolves around a zombie virus that only seems to spread more despite the protagonists' efforts. Like anything zombie-related, the closest this series has to a plot is shooting the same shirtless zombie 300 times while having RELOAD! shouted at you. This could be seen as an instant NRA training session, in case the Zombies decide to walk the Earth. But if you ask some lawyer, all of these games are bad for you and can cause violent impulses.

The Bullshit Story

The same story is used throughout all of the games. So, don't worry if you don't have the jist of it. It's all the fucking same! The hero/heroine has received a phone call from their missing fiancee asking them to come to a random spooky location. Which results in meeting in an epic battle with the villain who's obsessed with life and death itself. After venturing throughout your city/mansion/whorehouse of choice in any of the games, you end up in epic boss battles with the same rehashed bosses that SEGA had to use. The main reason for this, they were usually too busy making a Sonic game that nobody would buy. And let's not forget, every game has a cliffhanger ending that leaves you wanting more.

Characters

Playable characters

FREEZE MOTHAFUCKA!!!!! We're here, we're queer, GET USED TO IT!

James and Gary : The protagonists of the second game. They carry magical guns that have infinite ammo but require to be reloaded every fucking second.

Thomas: The one with the goatee. By 2019 he had gone missing, leading "H" and his daughter Lisa to search for him since he hadn't texted them for about 3 days.

G: The most recurring character in the series, even though nobody can tell the characters apart as they all look the same.

Lisa: Rebellious daughter of Row-gun and a failed idea of a cover-girl for the franchise.

Kate: Kate joined James in the fourth game. She's noobish and constantly makes smartass remarks to zombies about the fact that she's a woman. It was Kate who convinced James to end his life against "The World" by using an explosive GBA SP.

Daniel: Curien's son. Shot his dad with Lisa's help after being forced to make a body for him.

Villains

Curien: The mad scientist that created legions of zombies because zombie series always need a bad guy that creates the zombies for no reason. Killed in the first game and comes back to life as a wedding ring in the third one.

Goldman: Jew who believed that infesting Europe with zombies would protect the life cycle. Kills himself. He has the best voice-actor in the history of everything, with the exception of Stephen Hawking.

Bosses

No he does not do card tricks. But he can do the "pull the bunny out of the hat" trick without the hat.

Because the standard zombies only take one bullet to kill, the characters have no personality or motives whatsoever, and the plot couldn't have more holes, people only play this series for the bosses, which include:

The Magician: Dr. Curien's "Masterpiece" and the most overused boss in the series. In the first game, kids thought this guy was tough shit as his weakness was unknown (clearly unaware of his pulsating leg and shoulder), but by the time he reappeared in the second game, he was a total pussy.

The Judgement: A headless knight carrying an axe that is always accompanied by a annoying flying robot skeleton. Takes forever to attack and for some reason shooting the skeleton hurts him.

The Heirophant: Some fish dude who looks like a rejected Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle villain. Has the power to summon annoying ass fish and jump in the air like a retard.


The Tower: A mutant snake with 5 heads that is encountered in the sewers. Whenever you kill one, it moos like a cow. Its middle head can detach and swim about like sperm.

Strength: Leatherface rip-off who makes the same retarded grunts and screams. Only difference is he is 10 feet tall and can run faster than a pedophile chasing a kid in a speedo.

The Emperor: Apparently the shape-shifting bad guy from Terminator 2 is considered a zombie. Imagine The Magician but without the ability to fly, looking like a blowup doll, and very, very slow. Was shot up by James and Gary, leading to Goldman's emo-like end.

The World: Butterfly-man that can make pretty flying ice dragons. In case you're oblivious to exposed hearts, its weak-point is really easy to guess. James and Kate whipped out some Uzi's to shoot it down , but it wasn't until James decided to end everything by blowing himself up with an explosive GBA SP that the thing was defeated. It's not like he could've just thrown the bomb or anything.

Temperance: A fat American.

Death: A giant Nazi that attacks with a club and is not the Grim Reaper.

The Sun: A sunflower that chokes itself when you hurt it.

The Fool: A sloth prone to falling asleep and taking 50 hours to finish one attack.

The Lovers: A pair of spiders that were accidentally attached during hardcore sex.

Weapons and Items

Weapons

Items

  • First AID kit with Hello Kitty bandages
  • A Playboy featuring Paris Hilton!
  • First AID kit with Tylenol!
  • 20 Euros, useless in most of Europe.
  • First AID kit with Valtrex for that French whore you slept with.
  • And finally, a First AID kit with cyanide, so you can kill yourself for playing this game for so long.

Gallery of the Dead

  • What you did playing this game
    What you did playing this game
  • Comics?
    Comics?
  • Truth
    Truth
  • There's even cosplay of it...
    There's even cosplay of it...
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

See Also

External Links

House of the Dead is part of a series on

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