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Edward Snowden: Difference between revisions

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{{stub}}
[[File:Snowden datass.jpg|thumb||right|The ass that [[bubba]] is going to [[JAM IT IN|stick]] it in.]]  
[[File:Snowden datass.jpg|thumb||right|The ass that [[bubba]] is going to [[JAM IT IN|stick]] it in.]]  


'''Edward Snowden''' ('''[[Weaboo|Edowaado]]''' or '''The True HOOHA''' or '''Phish''') was an insane [[Ron Paul|paultard]] and a highschool dropout who tried to undermine US security under the guise of protecting [[terrorism|freedom]]. He fabricated the entire [[PRISM|"PRISM" scandal]] and ruined his life to [[Snitch|leak docs]] on programs that [[EFF|everyone who cares]] knew about two years ago.  
'''Edward Snowden''' is a hatefuck-able high school dropout and [[Ron Paul|Paultard]] who committed treason under the guise of protecting [[terrorism|freedom]].
 
He ruined his life by [[Snitch|leak docs]] about [[PRISM]], a program that [[EFF|anyone who cares]] already knew about two years ago. But now the [[National Security Agency]] hates his ballsack fur and every other bit of his manmeat.


__TOC__
==Background==
==Background==
Edward Snowden led a [[Sarcasm|distinguished career]], dropping out of high school, community college, regular colleges at least twice, the Army, and the CIA. He was clearly cut out for [[Welfare|government employ]]. Recognizing his ability to fuck everything up, he was hired on with a [[HA HA HA, OH WOW|top secret security clearance making $100,000 a year]]. But his handlers had no clue of his [[Over 9000|capacity to fuck things up]]. He gathered all the information he could lay hands on, and then [[Run Chubby|buggered off]] under the pretense of treatment for his [[File:epilepsy.gif|50px]].  
 
{{clear}}
Edward Snowden (AKA David Hoffman birth name from Plano, TX) is the nephew of David Rockefeller Jr. (his mother is the sister of Rockefeller Jr.'s wife) led a [[Sarcasm|distinguished career]], dropped out of Plano high school, community college, the Army and eventually the CIA.
He was clearly cut out to be a [[Welfare|government employee]].
Recognizing his ability to fuck everything up, he was hired by the government and was given a [[HA HA HA, OH WOW|top secret security clearance]].
Unfortunately, his employer didn't know just how badly he could fuck things up.
Edward gathered all the top secret information he could get his hands on and [[Run Chubby|ran off]] under the pretense that he was getting treatment for his [[File:epilepsy.gif|50px]].


==Obama Gets Doxed==
==Obama Gets Doxed==
Once he got to [[Hong Kong]], he went completely [[drama llama]]. He started snitching on all the hijinks [[Black Jesus|Obama Augustus]] had been up to, [[Bug Chasers|bugging things]], and stealing stuff, and a whole bunch of other unimportant shit. He [[User:Another_n00b/I_don't_understand|failed to grasp]] that no one except drug dealers and terrorists care if everyone in the world read their emails, and that [[Trayvon Martin|a dead nigger]] is far more important.
Once he arrived at [[Hong Kong]], he went completely [[drama llama]].
Strangely, Europe seems to be taking the revelation that Obama had bugged their offices, [[Nigger|stolen]] their state secrets, and defiled [[Your grandma|their grandmothers']] virtue rather badly. So bad, in fact, they are threatening to launch a new [[Cold War]] against the US. This is perhaps the single most empty threat in the history of international politics, as Obama has his finger on the big red "Fuck Everything Up" nuke button, while most of Europe is trying their hardest to stave off revolution.  
Edward started snitching on all the hijinks [[Black Jesus|Obama]] had been up to; [[Bug Chasers|bugging things]], stealing secrets and a bunch of other unimportant shit.
He failed to grasp that [[Trayvon Martin|a dead nigger]] is far more important and that nobody except drug dealers and terrorist care about being spied on by the government.
Strangely, Europe seems to be taking the revelation that Obama had bugged their offices, stole state secrets and defiled [[Your grandma|their grandmothers']] virtue rather badly.
So bad, in fact, they are threatening to launch a new [[Cold War]] against the US.
This is perhaps the single most empty threat known to the history of international politics, as Obama has his finger on the big red "Fuck Everything Up" nuke button, while most of Europe is busy trying to stave off yet another revolution.


==Reaction==
==Reaction==
For a grand total of [[Faux News|twenty seconds]], the world stood still. NORPs everywhere paused to think about all the [[child pornography]] they had emailed throughout the years, and [[Nuoh my god|how bad it would look]] if they were outed. Then the weather report came on, and [[ADHD|Snowden was forgotten]]. Once he became [[Old meme]], China [[GTFO|kicked his ass to the curb]], and he ran off to Russia, in hopes of escaping to somewhere [[Global warming|warm]]. Ecuador looked promising, until Obama dispatched his [[Homo|lap dog]] Biden to give the country a stern [[Whine|talk]]ing to, at which point Ecuador shaped right up. That left Snowden, hero of [[Ron Paul|libratardians]] everywhere, [[Fucking|shitting]] in an [[Larry Craig|airport toilet]] and stealing Starbucks Wi-fi indefinitely. [[Colonel Quaritch does not give a fuck |Obama now says he doesn't give two shits]] about Snowden, indicating he knows there is no punishment worse than being [[Hell|stuck in a Russian airport terminal indefinitely]].
For a grand total of [[Faux News|twenty seconds]], the world stood still.
[[NORP]]s everywhere paused to think about all the [[child pornography]] they had emailed throughout the years, and [[Nuoh my god|how bad it would look]] if they were outed.
Then the weather report came on, and [[ADHD|Snowden was forgotten]].
China kicked his ass to the curb once be became old news.
He then fucked off to Russia, in hopes of escaping to somewhere warm and rapey.
Ecuador looked promising until Obama dispatched his [[Homo|lap dog]] Biden to give the country a stern [[Whine|talk]]ing to, at which point Ecuador shaped right up.
 
That left Snowden, hero of [[Ron Paul|libertarians]], [[Fucking|shitting]] in an airport toilet and stealing Starbucks WiFi indefinitely.
[[Colonel Quaritch does not give a fuck |Obama now says he doesn't give two shits]] about Snowden, indicating he knows there is no punishment worse than being stuck in a Russian airport terminal indefinitely.  After seeing [[Hong Kong]] emerge as a citadel of relative freedom, [[Internet]] junkies dropped their U.S. accounts in favor of [[China]], the uncontested leader of world liberties and philosophies.  Republicans quietly put out feelers toward rededicating the Lincoln Memorial as the Alibaba building, perhaps retrofitting the statue to look more like [[Mao Zedong]].  The NSA was subsequently supplanted as the nation's number one spying outfit by the Syrian Electronic Army, which seemed more savvy to the pulse of modern day social networking.


==Videos==
==Videos==
<center>{{fv|Snowden|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;  
{|style="margin: 0 auto"
|<br /><youtube>5yB3n9fu-rM</youtube>
|{{frame|{{Videoframe|vf||font-weight:bold;
|'''The Chinese made this!'''<br /><youtube>OWVGDBeR42I</youtube>
|<youtube>5yB3n9fu-rM</youtube>
}}
|<youtube>OWVGDBeR42I</youtube>
</center>
}}|border=lightgray}}
|}
 
==Gallery==


<gallery><center>
<center><gallery>
File:Edsnowden.jpg|Edward and his insane conspiracy ramblings
File:Edsnowden.jpg|Edward and his insane conspiracy ramblings
File:Edwardsnowden is a racist.jpg|Edward Snowden is a racist white male who just wants to undermine our black president!
File:Edwardsnowden is a racist.jpg|Edward Snowden is a racist white male who just wants to undermine our black president!
Line 31: Line 50:
File:Snowden34.jpg|Obligatory 34
File:Snowden34.jpg|Obligatory 34
File:EdSnowdenTrueHOOHA.jpg|[[Animu]] version
File:EdSnowdenTrueHOOHA.jpg|[[Animu]] version
File:TeenSnowden.jpg|Teen Snowden
File:Snowden nipple clips.jpg|Teen Snowden
File:Snowden in a snow den.jpg|I herd you liekd Snowden so here is Snowden in a snow den
File:The_snowden_ultimatum.png
File:snowden_first_acting_job
</gallery></center>
</gallery></center>


Line 42: Line 64:
*[[Moot|Traitor]]
*[[Moot|Traitor]]
*[[PRISM]]
*[[PRISM]]
*[[whistleblower]]


==External links==
==External links==
* [http://web.archive.org/web/20030330151446/http://www.ryuhanapress.com/ed.html Ed Snowden at Ryuhana Press]
* [http://web.archive.org/web/20030330151446/http://www.ryuhanapress.com/ed.html Ed Snowden at Ryuhana Press]
* [http://arstechnica.com/civis/memberlist.php?mode=viewprofile&u=60591 TheTrueHOOHA at Ars Technica]
* [http://arstechnica.com/civis/memberlist.php?mode=viewprofile&u=60591 TheTrueHOOHA at Ars Technica]
{{FoxNews}}
{{Truth}}
{{stub}}
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:People]]
[[category:2013]]

Latest revision as of 23:18, 22 August 2024

The ass that bubba is going to stick it in.

Edward Snowden is a hatefuck-able high school dropout and Paultard who committed treason under the guise of protecting freedom.

He ruined his life by leak docs about PRISM, a program that anyone who cares already knew about two years ago. But now the National Security Agency hates his ballsack fur and every other bit of his manmeat.

Background

Edward Snowden (AKA David Hoffman birth name from Plano, TX) is the nephew of David Rockefeller Jr. (his mother is the sister of Rockefeller Jr.'s wife) led a distinguished career, dropped out of Plano high school, community college, the Army and eventually the CIA. He was clearly cut out to be a government employee. Recognizing his ability to fuck everything up, he was hired by the government and was given a top secret security clearance. Unfortunately, his employer didn't know just how badly he could fuck things up. Edward gathered all the top secret information he could get his hands on and ran off under the pretense that he was getting treatment for his .

Obama Gets Doxed

Once he arrived at Hong Kong, he went completely drama llama. Edward started snitching on all the hijinks Obama had been up to; bugging things, stealing secrets and a bunch of other unimportant shit. He failed to grasp that a dead nigger is far more important and that nobody except drug dealers and terrorist care about being spied on by the government. Strangely, Europe seems to be taking the revelation that Obama had bugged their offices, stole state secrets and defiled their grandmothers' virtue rather badly. So bad, in fact, they are threatening to launch a new Cold War against the US. This is perhaps the single most empty threat known to the history of international politics, as Obama has his finger on the big red "Fuck Everything Up" nuke button, while most of Europe is busy trying to stave off yet another revolution.

Reaction

For a grand total of twenty seconds, the world stood still. NORPs everywhere paused to think about all the child pornography they had emailed throughout the years, and how bad it would look if they were outed. Then the weather report came on, and Snowden was forgotten. China kicked his ass to the curb once be became old news. He then fucked off to Russia, in hopes of escaping to somewhere warm and rapey. Ecuador looked promising until Obama dispatched his lap dog Biden to give the country a stern talking to, at which point Ecuador shaped right up.

That left Snowden, hero of libertarians, shitting in an airport toilet and stealing Starbucks WiFi indefinitely. Obama now says he doesn't give two shits about Snowden, indicating he knows there is no punishment worse than being stuck in a Russian airport terminal indefinitely. After seeing Hong Kong emerge as a citadel of relative freedom, Internet junkies dropped their U.S. accounts in favor of China, the uncontested leader of world liberties and philosophies. Republicans quietly put out feelers toward rededicating the Lincoln Memorial as the Alibaba building, perhaps retrofitting the statue to look more like Mao Zedong. The NSA was subsequently supplanted as the nation's number one spying outfit by the Syrian Electronic Army, which seemed more savvy to the pulse of modern day social networking.

Videos

Previous Video | Next Video

Gallery

  • Edward and his insane conspiracy ramblings
    Edward and his insane conspiracy ramblings
  • Edward Snowden is a racist white male who just wants to undermine our black president!
    Edward Snowden is a racist white male who just wants to undermine our black president!
  • Edward,a typical cisgendered,privileged white male.
    Edward,a typical cisgendered,privileged white male.
  • Edward Snowden believed he could use his girlish figure to attract lolis.
    Edward Snowden believed he could use his girlish figure to attract lolis.
  • Obligatory 34
    Obligatory 34
  • Animu version
    Animu version
  • Teen Snowden
    Teen Snowden
  • I herd you liekd Snowden so here is Snowden in a snow den
    I herd you liekd Snowden so here is Snowden in a snow den
  • File:Snowden first acting job

See Also

External links

 Edward Snowden
is part of a series on
Fox News

[Back to The StudioOver To You]

Edward Snowden is part of a series on

Truth

Visit the Truth Portal for complete coverage.


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