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Eddie Van Halen: Difference between revisions

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<center>[[Image:Eddie Van Halen 1998.jpg|200px]]  [[Image:EddieVanHalen2007.jpg|200px]]<br />
Left: 1998, after 20 years of [[party hard|hard partying]]. | Right: 2007, after millions in plastic surgery.</center>


Who is Eddie Van Halen? No one knows, because of his aged appearance and notorious drug habit, but at one time he was considered the greatest guitarist in the world and made multiple millions of [[Faggot|dollars]]. Almost all of it went up his [[Ass|nose]] or into his veins, but he did manage to keep enough to get enough plastic surgery to make himself look like [[Retard|Jon Bon Jovi]], another dino-rock superstar. No one under the age of 30 has ever heard of him. Lol.
{{Spoiler|Since October 6, 2020 Eddie has been dead and buried from Cancer he got from smoking but tried to claim it was from him holding metal pics in his mouth that conducted electrical fields from all the equipment on stage into his body}}
 
<center>
<gallery widths="200px" heights="200px">
File:Eddie van Halen 1985.jpg|1985, fresh meat
Image:Eddie Van Halen 1998.jpg|1998, after 20 years of [[party hard|hard partying]].
Image:EddieVanHalen2007.jpg|2007, after millions in [[Plastic Surgery|plastic surgery]].
</gallery></center>


Who is Eddie Van Halen? No one knows, because of his [[Old people|aged appearance]] and notorious drug habit, but at one time he was considered the greatest [[Guitar|guitarist]] in the world and made multiple millions of [[Faggot|dollars]]. Almost all of it went up his [[Ass|nose]] or into his veins, but he did manage to keep enough to get enough plastic surgery to make himself look like [[Retard|Jon Bon Jovi]], another dino-rock superstar. No one under the age of 30 has ever heard of him. Lol.
== Wolfgang Van Halen ==
Wolfie is Eddie and Valerie BertandErnie's fat assed, loser son that probably wouldn't have a job or be able to get into a band if his dad wasn't already headlining it.<br>
Wolfie is basicly another millennial white knight, castrated omega male that follows the modern cuckold tactic of obsessively protecting a girl to the point of creepiness and breaking all modern stalking laws to forever insure his virginity.<br>
Who is this lucky or rather unlucky girl?  The [[youtube]] [[France|Frog]] star [[Tina S.]] who found a way to overcome her disability of being born with a [[vagina]] and learned to play guitar.<br>
In contrast to most under 30s, Tina S. Knows that Van Halen exists, it's Eddie Van Halen's creepy son Wolfgang she most likely wishes she has never heard of.<br>
== See Also ==
*[[1980s]]
*[[Elton John]]
*[[Guitar]]
*[[Loser]]
*[[Metal]]
*[[Michael Jackson]] That's Eddie playing Guitar on ''Beat It''
*[[Music]]
*[[Narcissistic personality disorder]]
*[[Fat Larry's Band|Randy Rhoads]] A more talented guitarist than Eddie
*[[Rock]]
*[[Tina S.]]
*[[Yngwie Malmsteen]]
{{media}}
{{music}}
{{music}}
[[category:Music]]
[[category:Music]]
[[category:People|Van Halen, Eddie]]
[[category:People|Van Halen, Eddie]]

Latest revision as of 13:19, 20 August 2024

This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT Since October 6, 2020 Eddie has been dead and buried from Cancer he got from smoking but tried to claim it was from him holding metal pics in his mouth that conducted electrical fields from all the equipment on stage into his body!!!1

Who is Eddie Van Halen? No one knows, because of his aged appearance and notorious drug habit, but at one time he was considered the greatest guitarist in the world and made multiple millions of dollars. Almost all of it went up his nose or into his veins, but he did manage to keep enough to get enough plastic surgery to make himself look like Jon Bon Jovi, another dino-rock superstar. No one under the age of 30 has ever heard of him. Lol.

Wolfgang Van Halen

Wolfie is Eddie and Valerie BertandErnie's fat assed, loser son that probably wouldn't have a job or be able to get into a band if his dad wasn't already headlining it.
Wolfie is basicly another millennial white knight, castrated omega male that follows the modern cuckold tactic of obsessively protecting a girl to the point of creepiness and breaking all modern stalking laws to forever insure his virginity.
Who is this lucky or rather unlucky girl? The youtube Frog star Tina S. who found a way to overcome her disability of being born with a vagina and learned to play guitar.
In contrast to most under 30s, Tina S. Knows that Van Halen exists, it's Eddie Van Halen's creepy son Wolfgang she most likely wishes she has never heard of.


See Also


Eddie Van Halen is part of a series on

Television

Visit the Television Portal for complete coverage.

Eddie Van Halen is part of a series on

Music

Visit the Music Portal for complete coverage.

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