The Orion Project: Difference between revisions
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The Orion Project is an experiment available on Steam that was created by David Prassel, a developer who wishes to piss off others while still convincing them to buy his games by offering them thousands of free copies and steep $1 sales. It's a first-person shooter filled with every cliché ever known: dinosaurs, jet packs, space, robots, an open world gameplay, character customizations and money hungry developers.
History
In the beginning there was David Prassel, who's dream was to become a game developer, allowing him to make money while being unimaginative and contributing nothing of value to mankind. The result was Incoming: Source, and later ORION: Source, mods built on Valve's Source engine. While still in the beta testing phase, people who wanted to participate had to sign a contract to make sure only the most Aryan niggers could join his growing empire. As an added bonus, he could also sign contracts under your name with your signature to order large amounts of testicle pain reducing drugs.
When the mod went public, players realized that it was just another Halo rip-off and for the first time in the franchise's history, the drama ball started rolling.
—David Prassel | ||
David Prassel said the quote above in his defense, which basically says he helped create Halo Combat Evolved three years later and it was his idea from the very beginning. So you see, he was only stealing his own models and concepts which is acceptable.
After the Source mod enjoyed only a minor success, David founded Spiral Game Studios and decided to do what any independent game developer would do: Build a game with Unreal Engine 3, which happens to be 5 years old. The result was ORION: Dino Beatdown, released in May 2012 for $10 on Steam. This game failed to impress as it only featured Titty Control mode in which you had to recapture escaped titties to bring them back to the cathouse. Beatdown was bugged like the basement of your mom's house that you live in, issues with the game included sounds, servers, framerates and the AI. Goldeneye 007 had better animations, textures were blurred and the music didn't go well with the game, it sounded like you were riding an elevator waiting to arrive at the floor of your death. A patch was released afterwards but it didn't help so David began work on his next game.
Released in April 2013, ORION: Dino Horde was simply a content update for Dino Beatdown, however it was advertised as a completely new game. Dino Horde added new game modes, sound effects, over 200 useless achievements that nobody will ever bother with unlocking, and at least 100 DLC packs, which include the Jungle DLC, Desert DLC, the Arctic DLC, the Jurassic DLC, the Grasslands DLC and other shit nobody cares about. It's worth mentioning that with the Grasslands DLC the game got higher system requirements as well, meaning that most players that have stone age hardware or are still on Windows XP can't play the game anymore. Even though this sounds neat at first, below all the content updates the game still doesn't support simple mechanics such as voice chat, a map or kick voting system or a functioning server browser.
In late 2014, the game was renamed again to ORION: Prelude. Planned DLCs include the Mountain DLC, Ocean DLC, Factory DLC, the Summer Map Pack, Fall Map Pack, City Map Pack, Get Outside More Map Pack, the Ported from Tribes: Ascend Map Pack and the Nigger Map Pack as well as the Barbie Dress-Up Update and the MLP Update (which, as the only positive thing, turns dinosaurs into ponies for you to shoot). So all Prassel's after is that delicious money-milking system Valve has already implemented into Team Fortress 2 and in the future into Counter-Strike: Global Offensive. Secretly he hopes that once he has a large enough player base, he can add an in-game item store and make the game Free-2-Play, earning more jew golds in the process just like the big boys do.
Game Modes
Since the Dildo Hoard update, ORION features five great and exciting game modes the world has never seen before:
Survival 2.0 (Survival/Dinosurvival/Conquest): A mix between Halo, Left 4 Dead and Jurassic Park. You kill waves of dinosaurs and occasionally you have two walk a few miles to capture an objective. There are no cars except at the objective so instead of shooting you'll be walking half of the time.
Rampage: Capture the flag but with dinosaur eggs. Five players have to capture three T-Rex eggs before the time runs out. Meanwhile a sixth player is the T-Rex and he has to stop the Marines from stealing the eggs. Yay?
Rocketeer (Free For All/Gun Game): A very original game mode, in fact, so original you'll shit your pants twice and write Santa Claus a 14 page letter about how great it is before traveling to the north pole itself to kiss the big red pedo's butt and then travel to Egypt to protest about why this game mode wasn't discovered earlier. Deathmatch.
Ninja: Team Deathmatch with a twist: Everyone is a spy.
Dude Huge (King of the Hill): King of the Hill with big guns.
Marketing
—David Prassel | ||
Like every great gaming studio you admire, the idea is to release the same game every year, but with minor changes so the game is totally new again. The master plan for ORION however is to rename the game every time an update is made so the Metacritic page gets updated with higher scores and to fool any player whose IQ is below pi.
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Typical raction to someone speaking the truth. -
Subtlety is not one of their strong points. -
Metacritic -
And so far this idea is working:
—Metacritic boss Marc Doyle | ||
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Further strategies include paying people to write positive reviews on Metacritic which get displayed on the Steam front page of the game, the constant quoting of random posts of people who wrote positive about the game like "OMGWTFBBQ THEES IS THA BEST GAIM EVAR!" as well as deleting posts and striking the banhammer on anyone who attempts to spread the truth about their schemes on any official ORION discussion board.
—Stormageddon Dark Lord of All | ||
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Kickstarters
In 2011 a Kickstarter was created with the goal of raising $10,000 in donations from the community to fund the game's development and to extend Prassel's comprehensive dildo collection.
Drama was on it's way when (shortly after the Kickstarter was funded with well over $17,000) several members of Spiral Game Studio were fired without any reason given by Prassel or his fellow brothel goers. Many discussions were had but in the end none of the fired members was compensated, further increasing the amount of jew gold left in Prassel's wallet. [1] [2]
In February 2014 the game was available for free on Steam for a few days. Most intelligent players stopped playing after they walked over 2000m to the first objective in Survival mode, leaving the game with a community consisting of 9 year olds and pedophiles trying to catch their child butts.
During the week THE GAME WAS SOLD FOR ONLY $0.99, a price still too high for a game of this quality but it ensured that all the kiddies who stole their mother's credit cards could still play and fap to the game in the future without getting their asses spanked too much afterwards.
Shortly after the event, on February 27th, Prassel decided that all the income he's made via Steam and the previous Kickstarter isn't enough, so he creates another one, this time with a goal of 
$200,000.
But what is the reason that YOU should support this?
Pledge $5,000 to hang out with the incredible and trustworthy David Prassel at Disneyland for a day. Pledge $10,000 to hang out with the incredible and trustworthy David Prassel and his team and play the game with them at E3. It'll make you cheap and you'll end up on the street afterwards, but at least you had a good time before your demise.
For everyone else, if this Kickstarter ever reaches its goal, something is wrong with humanity and you should kill yourself.
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Guardians of Orion
Because all the drama surrounding the project wasn't big enough, in September 2015 David Pissel announced yet another game he wanted to make, called Guardians of Orion. At this time he also renamed his company to Trek Industries, Inc. as the reputation of his former company Spiral was already down in the shitter. Descibed as a "Next Gen SNES Game" it is a prequel nobody asked for to Orion: Prelude. Because nobody had bought any of David's previous games despite claiming that Orion: Prelude sold over two million copies two million Steam keys were given away for free two weeks before the announcement, he had created yet another Kickstarter campaign to fund his jew business. Again asking for a measly $200,000, the fundraiser AGAIN failed by only accumulating $10,000.
Later David got butthurt that he couldn't earn millions of dollars with his shitty games by exploiting weak minded individuals and thus felt it was appropriate to attack Star Citizen over their business model he himself wished he would've come up with. As with Halo before, Star Citizen was the next game he wanted to rip-off.
TL;DR: The game was released in December 2015, has 51% positive reviews on Steam and is completely abandoned. AGAIN. So much for being "extremely involved with our community and always putting them first".
Videos
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Gallery
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Your god. -
Todd Howard has serious competition. -
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Irony. From Iron, a.k.a. the iron bar your forehead receives when you mention Halo on any ORION related thread.
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A PS4 was too expensive as a fine price; note that if you should get the second place all you get is stuff that isn't even released yet. Ready your lawyers! -
Maps in ORION are very unique and imaginative. -
In order to be able to communicate with the typical ORION player you need a doctor's degree as well as 8 years of experience in advanced linguistics. -
You are A) A fan and B) butturt? Then play the ultimate card. -
You heard him. Join the PC master race! -
See Also
External Links
- David Prassel's homepage
davidprassel His twitter- On Google Plus
- His ModDB profile
His Steam account
SpiralGameStudios on YouTube
spiralgamestudios- SpiralGames
- ORION on Steam
- Guardians of Orion on Steam
- On ModDB
- On Metactitic - Notice the link and where it finally leads to.
- Interview on Rock, Paper, Shotgun - Let the lying begin!
- Orion Prelude Kickstarter 2011
- Trek Industries Domain already up for sale.
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