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Netflix: Difference between revisions

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imported>Cobaltcat
lol 720p. Netflix is fucking garbage.
imported>ZoneDart
Reverted edits by ZoneDart (talk) to last revision by Chekles
 
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{{potential}}
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[[File:Netflix.png|center|350px]]
[[File:Netflix Honest Slogan.jpg|center|350px]]




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[[Image:Netflixlulz.png|thumb|Even Netflix [[trolls|gets lulzy]].]]
[[Image:Netflixlulz.png|thumb|Even Netflix [[trolls|gets lulzy]].]]


[[Netflix]] was a service that allowed people to rent an unlimited amount of [[porn]] for a flat rate per month. The problem was that there were [[16 year old girl|16 year old girls]] who used the service for their [[Disney]] [[movie|movies]], and Netflix ditched the porn in favor of [[work safe|family-friendly]] fare.
In a land before time, Netflix existed as an alternative to something known as [[Blockbuster]], a place where you physically had to go to in order to watch a movie. Our crack research team has still not come to the conclusion if you had to hit the movie over the head with a club, and then drag it back to your cave, or how it actually functioned. Back then you ordered the movie you wanted to see by actual snail mail, then waited 3 weeks for the movie to be delivered. Probably because of slow internet. It quickly became popular as you could rent an unlimited amount of porn for just $19,99 a month. But of course 16 year old girls destroyed it, as they spent more money on renting shitty [[Disney]] flicks than losers were spending on porn. So Netflix ditched the porn in favor of [[work safe|family-friendly]] fare. Netflix utterly destroyed Blockbuster when Netflix finally thought of actually using the internet to stream movies.
Because now you can watch Netflix on pretty much everything, unless you want HD, but we will get to that.  


Their slogan is simple: "We're Not [[Blockbuster]]." This creates rousing cheers from Netflix's loyal customer base, but pisses off Blockbuster's [[Republican]] investors. Since 2007, Netflix has [[win|successfully]] [[pwn|raped the shit]] out of Blockbuster with its success. A large part of this is due to the offering of Netflix on [[gamer|game consoles]] and [[new media]] devices.
==[[Cuties]]==
"Cuties" is a pedo movie exclusively on Netflix to unite it's general audience of sick fucks. More can be found above.


[[Last Thursday]], Netflix took over [[Wal-Mart|Wal-Mart's]] [[old media|DVD-by-mail]] distribution system. This upset [[liberals]] who think that Wal-Mart is a [[slavery]] ring designed to take down the [[Communist]] system once and for all.
==Netflix and Chill==
Has its own article, click the logo to Netflix and chill.
<center>{{Navimage|Netflix and chill.jpg|Netflix and chill|320px|180px}}</center>


==Drama-By-Mail==
==Netflix originals==
You'd think an innocent DVD-by-mail scheme would be [[drama]]-free, but there must always be [[fucktard|fucktarded]] types who find some reason to bitch.
'''[[Lesbian|Orange is the New Black]]:''' A shitty drama focused around some dumb fucking rug munchers in prison, the prime audience for this shitshow is retarded 15 yearold girls who wear "normal people scare me" shirts and nigdykes.


In Netflix's case, a small minority of [[insane|tinfoil hat-wearing conspiracy theorists]] believe that Netflix is fucking them [[in the ass]]. When they put a DVD in the mail, they expect Netflix to receive it the next day and ship a new installment of ''Debbie Does [[Dallas]]'' the day after. Since the post office couldn't possibly make a mistake or act slowly with the bulk mailings, Netflix must be "[[masturbation|throttling]]" their accounts and not checking in the DVDs when they're received; thus, they only get 40 DVDs a month instead of the  [[OVER 9000|126434]] that are mathematically possible.
'''[[emo|Thirteen Reasons Why]]:''' Another shitty show, this time about some fag who offed herself because she got trolled at school. Fortunately this sparked massive lulz as the tumblrfags who usually eat this shit up got triggered because it was "too graphic". Again, only fake depressed 15 year olds watch this shit.  


Of course, this gross injustice doesn't keep them from cancelling Netflix and starting back up again with a new free two weeks.  Like [[Pirat_ponton]], when logic stares them in the face, they just holler a lot.
'''[[Furfag|Bojack Horseman]]:''' ANOTHER shitty show (noticing a pattern here?) about some depressed retard furfag which is somehow hailed as one of the "deepest" comedies ever made. Only furries and angsty 15 year olds lap this shit up.


If you ever see a postal worker carry in a cart full of mail, these are full of Netflix mailers.
'''[[Spain|La Casa de Papel]]:''' A spanish series that is EVEN SHITTIER than the above three. This time, a basement dweller called "the professor" recruits spain's dumbest criminals to fulfil his wish of biggest heist in history. This series serves as an example why women should never leave the kitchen, as it doesn't matter whether they are criminals (tokio) or cops (raquel), they always fuck up everything and men die because of them.


==Game Consoles==
==Enjoy that 720p content==
The [[Xbox 360|Three Sixty Box]] and the [[Wii|Wry]] allow you to watch [[Porn|softcore porn]] on your TV via [[Netflix]] and gives [[Boys|kids]] yet another way to get their [[fap]] on.
Do you like video in High Definition? Then Netflix is not for you, because unless you install Internet Explorer or its less retarded, but still retarded brother [[fap|Edge]], you will not able stream 1080p. Oh and enjoy the security flaw known as [[DOUBLE_NIGGER|Silverlight]] as well.
Note that no other major distributor has this issue.
{{archive|4zjd6|Netflix even admits they are incompetent}}
 
==To lower the price of Netflix start torrenting==
To punish countries that don't download as much illegal shit as others, Netflix increased the price while lowering it for countries where torrenting is prevalent.
{{quote|Piracy is a governor in terms of our price in high piracy markets outside the US,” ..
 
“We wouldn’t want to come out with a high price because there’s a lot of piracy, so we have to compete with that..|https://torrentfreak.com/netflix-sets-pricing-based-on-local-piracy-rates-150416/|David Wells - Chief Financial Officer}}
 
==Prices around the world==
<center>
{| class="wikitable sortable"
! Country
! Price for standard in USD*
! Available Titles**
! Titles Per USD
|-
| United States
| $8.99
| 5879
| 654
|-
| United Kingdom
| $8.28
| 5673
| 685
|-
| Eastern Europe
| $10.00
| 5077
| 85
|-
| Sweden
| $10.43
| 3579
| 343
|-
| Canada
| $8.11
| 5730
| 707
|-
| Brazil
| $4.13
| 4208
| 1018
|}
</center>
 
{| width=100% cellpadding=15 cellspacing=0
| width=50% style="text-align:center" |
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Prices from [https://www.comparitech.com/blog/vpn-privacy/countries-netflix-cost/ here]


[[Gamefly]] is the video game equivalent.
<nowiki>**</nowiki>Available titles from this [https://surfshark.com/best-rated-netflix-shows-and-movies page]
|}


==Enjoy that 720p content==
==Better alternatives==
Do you like video in High Definition? Then Netflix is not for you. Because unless you install Internet Explorer or its less retarded, but still retarded brother Edge, you will not able stream 1080p. Oh and enjoy the security flaw known as Silverlight as well.  
*[[ThePirateBay]] - Free and supports all resolutions.
So yes, even the worst services are able to show 1080p on any browser.<br />
*[http://kodi.tv Kodi.tv] - Free
{{archive|4zjd6|Netflix even admits they are incompetent}}
*[http://popcorn-time.to/ Popcorn Time] - Free
*[http://www.hbo.com HBO] - Cheaper and supports resolutions of at least 1080p on all browsers
*[http://www.amazon.com/Prime-Instant-Video/b/ref=primedp_piv?_encoding=UTF8&node=2676882011 Amazon Prime] - supports resolutions of at least 1080p on all browsers
*[http://www.hulu.com Hulu] - Cheaper and supports all browsers.
 
===Best Alternative===
*[[ED Movie Night]] - Only shows good movies.
 
==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:Netflix.png
File:Urinating Forcefully Netflix.jpg
File:Netflix4.jpg
File:Netflix1.jpg
File:Netflix2.jpg
File:Netflix3.jpg
</gallery>
</center>


==Related Articles==
==Related Articles==
Line 36: Line 111:
* [[Streaming Video Content]]
* [[Streaming Video Content]]
* [[Hulu]]
* [[Hulu]]
* [[Stranger Things]] - One of their terrible original series.


==External links==
==External links==
Line 41: Line 117:
*[http://www.manuelsweb.com/netflix.htm Netflix throttling conspiracy site] that makes the [[Time Cube]] look reasonable.
*[http://www.manuelsweb.com/netflix.htm Netflix throttling conspiracy site] that makes the [[Time Cube]] look reasonable.


{{sites}}
[[Category:Communicae]]
[[Category:Communicae]]

Latest revision as of 00:06, 3 October 2021

Hey! This article isn't lulz just yet, but its coverage can spark a lollercoaster.
You can help by reverting people who delete shit, and vandalizing their user pages.
See this article on Google? Want to add something? Join us!


People get pissed because their tentacle rape hentai doesn't show up quick enough.
Even Netflix gets lulzy.

In a land before time, Netflix existed as an alternative to something known as Blockbuster, a place where you physically had to go to in order to watch a movie. Our crack research team has still not come to the conclusion if you had to hit the movie over the head with a club, and then drag it back to your cave, or how it actually functioned. Back then you ordered the movie you wanted to see by actual snail mail, then waited 3 weeks for the movie to be delivered. Probably because of slow internet. It quickly became popular as you could rent an unlimited amount of porn for just $19,99 a month. But of course 16 year old girls destroyed it, as they spent more money on renting shitty Disney flicks than losers were spending on porn. So Netflix ditched the porn in favor of family-friendly fare. Netflix utterly destroyed Blockbuster when Netflix finally thought of actually using the internet to stream movies. Because now you can watch Netflix on pretty much everything, unless you want HD, but we will get to that.

Cuties

"Cuties" is a pedo movie exclusively on Netflix to unite it's general audience of sick fucks. More can be found above.

Netflix and Chill

Has its own article, click the logo to Netflix and chill.


Netflix originals

Orange is the New Black: A shitty drama focused around some dumb fucking rug munchers in prison, the prime audience for this shitshow is retarded 15 yearold girls who wear "normal people scare me" shirts and nigdykes.

Thirteen Reasons Why: Another shitty show, this time about some fag who offed herself because she got trolled at school. Fortunately this sparked massive lulz as the tumblrfags who usually eat this shit up got triggered because it was "too graphic". Again, only fake depressed 15 year olds watch this shit.

Bojack Horseman: ANOTHER shitty show (noticing a pattern here?) about some depressed retard furfag which is somehow hailed as one of the "deepest" comedies ever made. Only furries and angsty 15 year olds lap this shit up.

La Casa de Papel: A spanish series that is EVEN SHITTIER than the above three. This time, a basement dweller called "the professor" recruits spain's dumbest criminals to fulfil his wish of biggest heist in history. This series serves as an example why women should never leave the kitchen, as it doesn't matter whether they are criminals (tokio) or cops (raquel), they always fuck up everything and men die because of them.

Enjoy that 720p content

Do you like video in High Definition? Then Netflix is not for you, because unless you install Internet Explorer or its less retarded, but still retarded brother Edge, you will not able stream 1080p. Oh and enjoy the security flaw known as Silverlight as well. Note that no other major distributor has this issue. Netflix even admits they are incompetent

To lower the price of Netflix start torrenting

To punish countries that don't download as much illegal shit as others, Netflix increased the price while lowering it for countries where torrenting is prevalent.

   
“ 		 
Piracy is a governor in terms of our price in high piracy markets outside the US,” ..

“We wouldn’t want to come out with a high price because there’s a lot of piracy, so we have to compete with that..
 

„
  		 

—https://torrentfreak.com/netflix-sets-pricing-based-on-local-piracy-rates-150416/, David Wells - Chief Financial Officer

Prices around the world

Country Price for standard in USD* Available Titles** Titles Per USD
United States $8.99 5879 654
United Kingdom $8.28 5673 685
Eastern Europe $10.00 5077 85
Sweden $10.43 3579 343
Canada $8.11 5730 707
Brazil $4.13 4208 1018

*Prices from here

**Available titles from this page

Better alternatives

  • ThePirateBay - Free and supports all resolutions.
  • Kodi.tv - Free
  • Popcorn Time - Free
  • HBO - Cheaper and supports resolutions of at least 1080p on all browsers
  • Amazon Prime - supports resolutions of at least 1080p on all browsers
  • Hulu - Cheaper and supports all browsers.

Best Alternative

Gallery

Related Articles

External links

Netflix is part of a series on

Sites

Visit the Sites Portal for complete coverage.

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