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Encyclopedia Dramatica:Article of the Now/February 29, 2024: Difference between revisions

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{{AOTN|Final Fantasy VII Remake|Ff7 cloud in drag.jpg|
{{AOTN|Final Fantasy VII Remake|Ff7 cloud in drag.jpg|


Final Fantasy VII Remake is to the ancient [[retro|nostalgia fags]] looking to relive those  [[teen]] years they lost some 60 years ago as a skinny little [[pedophile]] is to  to a bunch of [[murder]] hungry [[prison]]ers looking for something to beat on just to pass the [[time]] and make one day appear different from the last [[Over 9000|couple thousand]] they have already served out.
'''Final Fantasy VII Remake''' is a game made for the ancient [[retro|nostalgia fags]] looking to relive those  [[teen]] years they lost some 60 years ago as a skinny little [[pedophile]], and also marketed to a bunch of [[murder]] hungry [[prison]]ers looking for something to beat on just to pass the [[time]] and make their "today" appear different from the last [[Over 9000|couple thousand]] they have already served out.


The original is mostly known for making players [[Crybaby|cry]] in their pillow until [[your mom|their mommies]] took their little [[pussy]] asses for counseling because of [[Death|Aerith]] getting that big ol' [[banhammer]] from 🔯[[Jew|Sephiroth]]🔯 and didn't come back to [[life]] like they expected, '''Remake''' is meant to be a retelling of [[old|the same old story]] that works to open it up more by making [[you|forgettable]] minor characters like [[Star Wars|Biggs and Wedge]] into more relevant ones and that are, at least, necessary for the plot to advance or, for the more [[Asshole|cynical]], a way the get gamers to dish out [[Jew Gold|Shekals]] for a multiple game releases of the one they have already played.
The original is mostly known for making players [[Crybaby|cry]] into their pillow until [[your mom|their mommies]] took their asses to counseling; Because of trauma from [[Death|Aerith]] getting the big ol' [[banhammer]] from 🔯[[Jew|Sephiroth]]🔯 and didn't come back to [[life]] like they had expected. '''Remake''' is meant to be a retelling of [[old|the same old story]] that works to open it up more by making [[you|forgettable]] minor characters like [[Star Wars|Biggs and Wedge]] into more relevant ones and that are, at least, necessary for the plot to advance or, for the more [[Asshole|cynical]], a way for corporations to get gamers to dish out [[Jew Gold|Shekels]] for multiple releases of games they have already played.


The entire game consists of the first few hours of the original game spanning from when [[Emo|Cloud]] arrives on the train til you break [[Dog|Red XIII]] out of the [[prison|pokey]] and have the highway fight after escaping [[Shinra Online|Shinra]].  The most it does is give a new personality to Cloud, changing him from a whiney ass [[emo]] [[crybaby]] and more into the rough and ready soldier that he is supposed to be rather than the one in the original that only gets caught up in a [[Hero]] quest at the promise of getting a piece of [[ass]] from Aerith.
The entire game consists of the first few hours of the original game (spanning from when [[Emo|Cloud]] arrives on the train until you break [[Dog|Red XIII]] out of the [[prison|pokey]] and take part in a highway fight - after escaping [[Shinra Online|Shinra]].) The most "innovative thing" this shitty retread does is giving a new personality to Cloud, changing him from a whiney-ass [[emo]] [[crybaby]] and more into the rough-and -eady soldier that he is supposed to be (rather how in the original, Cloud only gets caught up in a [[Hero]]-Quest at the promise of getting a piece of [[ass]] from Aerith.)


|You Waited 4 Years For The Sequel,  Now Go Bitch About How Disappointed You Are With It|Suicide|Blackface|Kanye West}}
|You Waited 4 Years For The Sequel,  Now Go And Bitch About How Disappointed You Are With It|Suicide|Blackface|Kanye West}}

Latest revision as of 09:35, 28 February 2024

Final Fantasy VII Remake

Final Fantasy VII Remake is a game made for the ancient nostalgia fags looking to relive those teen years they lost some 60 years ago as a skinny little pedophile, and also marketed to a bunch of murder hungry prisoners looking for something to beat on just to pass the time and make their "today" appear different from the last couple thousand they have already served out.

The original is mostly known for making players cry into their pillow until their mommies took their asses to counseling; Because of trauma from Aerith getting the big ol' banhammer from 🔯Sephiroth🔯 and didn't come back to life like they had expected. Remake is meant to be a retelling of the same old story that works to open it up more by making forgettable minor characters like Biggs and Wedge into more relevant ones and that are, at least, necessary for the plot to advance or, for the more cynical, a way for corporations to get gamers to dish out Shekels for multiple releases of games they have already played.

The entire game consists of the first few hours of the original game (spanning from when Cloud arrives on the train until you break Red XIII out of the pokey and take part in a highway fight - after escaping Shinra.) The most "innovative thing" this shitty retread does is giving a new personality to Cloud, changing him from a whiney-ass emo crybaby and more into the rough-and -eady soldier that he is supposed to be (rather how in the original, Cloud only gets caught up in a Hero-Quest at the promise of getting a piece of ass from Aerith.)

(( You Waited 4 Years For The Sequel, Now Go And Bitch About How Disappointed You Are With It ))


What have I missed?
 		Suicide
2 days ago 		Blackface
4 days ago 		Kanye West
6 days ago
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