Techno Viking

FACT ALERT:
Techno Viking's finger will fuck up your shit.

Techno Viking (an IRL toughguy) is the future ruler of the universe. Some people will try to tell you that he is a just a German shopkeeper named Hans Shlepkopper, but this is obviously a lie. His story begins in old Viking times. Techno Viking was born to rave; however, there was no techno music back then, so he was preserved in ice and mead in what is now known as Germany for future generations to bring to life when music worthy of Techno Viking's awesomeness was invented (See also: Ecstasy). Srsly, win is rolling off of this guys fucking face.

Holy shit, this man is fucking better than you are and he will eat your soul without a single goddamn word of warning.

It is said that to have the finger of awesomeness pointed at you is to achieve nirvana and great justice will, in fact, be obtained.

Studies show the only known way to control Techno Viking is to grab him by his magical neck charms and steer him towards more people to point at or pwnage. He will become roid-raged if any wimmins are bumped into. An offering of upside down water may be used to appease the righteous anger of Techno Viking, but there is no stopping the pwnage aura of the finger of awesomeness once unleashed. Experts advise stepping the fuck back.

Video from the Fuckparade:

Video Synopsis

Techno Viking, being better than you, is waiting for a fag to absolutely disgrace. He is given this opportunity to strike when an inferior breed of 'xtasee faggot' runs into Techno Viking's blue-haired bitch. Techno Viking doles out his righteous finger of awesomeness and forces the dumbass to go sit down at the back of the bus with the other black persons. When the 'xtasee faggot' attempts to escape, Techno Viking unleashes the finger again, subduing the faggot, who'll never bump into any of the Viking's bitches again, for great justice. Upside down bottles of water were handed out to appease Techno Viking's wrath and avert Armageddon.

It is widely believed that Techno Viking does in fact own in a dance off, and does simply dance into Mordor. I would like you all to know that these allegations are fact.