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Tamias the Chipmunk
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Tamias the Chipmunk is in an internet sissy fight with Felinoid. Please dig up lulz on them both. |
Tamias the Chipmunk, aka theblackhand2 aka Adam Chapin, is an aspiring Furry Guru and manchild living at home, fighting for the honor of the Furry Fandom in the comfort of his parents doublewide trailer mumbling out of the side of his mouth.
A Special Announcment by The Black Hand
Not unlike wealthy debutantes of the old English, Mr. Chapin took his coming out into furryness as something worthy of a grand and elaborate video presentation. The video would set the classic Blackhand Standard for the videos to follow; declaring furrydom one of, if not the absolute, greatest accomplishments of human civilization (citing the Egyptians and Hopi Indians as totally factual and not at all exaggerated examples of fandoms global influence), comparing the haters and anti-furs to the oppression blacks overcame during the civil rights struggle, and generally just making an ass of himself while talking like an unassured, under-prepared middle school substitute teacher.
—Motherfucker actually believes he's doing humanity a favor | ||
Previous Quote | Next Quote
As a Burned Fur
During his earliest days as a furry, Tamias did not partake in yiff and yiff acivities, and was concerned about the image it caused the mainstream to have of furries. As such, he enlisted in the Burned Furs, and happily joined in plastering the groups manifesto on all of his websites, forums he frequented, and to anyone that would listen. When the Burned Furs became unpopular with the degenrate fanbase, Tamias betrayed the group and went into self imposed exile, not participating in furry related activities for nearly a decade, though indulged his furry fantasies secretly.
—Tamias' beautiful delusions | ||
It would be during this ten year period that Tamias set the greatest example for his fellow furs. However, as it always does, the furry attention cravings set in. As a result, Tamias set off onto YouTube...
As the Wise Sage of Furrydom
After about 10 years, Tamias decided to make his glorious return to furrydom, but needed a way to erase all the shame and drama from the previous decade in order to redeem himself. He was initially too chickenshit to do so without an alias, and developed his theblackhand2 persona. Under this account, he pretended to be an average mundane watching the YouTube Furry War from afar and eventually took the furry side of it. Creating videos such as "An open message to furries and trollers" and "A message to those reluctant to join the Furry Fandom", Tamias lies about his preivious involvement in the fandom, claiming he spent years too afraid to involve himself in furrydom for fear of trolls., but that the Furry War had encouraged him to embrace his furryness.
—theblackhand2, lying via his self written WIkiFur article | ||
This charade,however, greatly fooled the furry masses on Youtube, and theblackhand2 was championed as the frontrunner of furry rights in the face of troll onslaught during the Furry War. With his newfound soapbox, theblackhand opined on a number of subjects he deemed important for the community.
In Regards to Trolling
Tamias is quick to mention his history of bullying in his lifetime, stressing he has been both a victim and a bully himself. Because of such firsthand experience, he makes many educational videos on how to deal with trolls, including how freedom of speech doesn't apply to them and, despite by his own admission effectively trolling him for nearly a decade prior without even trying, people that troll furries are haters that take the internet too seriously. Some select videos include;
- Re: We, as furries should listen to the trolls moar...
- The Freedom of Speech Card, A Knavish Troll Trick
This strong held belief played no part in his involvement in FurryOps, however. During that little expedition of his, Tamias not only had no problem with attempted hacking and doxxing, crimes he claims he believes to be the very bottom of trollfail, but was actually seen admitting to several flagbombing attempts against trolls he deemed the nastiest on YouTube. He, as with the rest of the denizens of that doomed forum, maintain those claims were taken out of context and that despite his own involvement in many of what he deems as inexcusable actions, his advice is sound and to discard it would be foolish.
Being 40+ years old, living in his parents trailer, unemployed and taking low level animation courses at his local community college in between bouts of arguing with people over the internet, Tamias is seemingly psychologically incapable of understanding a reason someone will make fun of him other than that fact that he is furry. When this is pointed out to him, his response is a mixture of asinine "Furry Pride!" and butchered "NO U" retorts, seemingly unaware of the stigma that usually surrounds grown men that live in filth who go to chatrooms and forums about cartoons with the intention of befriending children. As such, bring it up any chance you get.
Sockpuppet Accounts
While most wouldn't want people knowing they use a plethora of fake accounts to upvote their own material to make it look like they have a large fanbase, Tamias has no such qualms about the idea. Using toys, he explains that this is a completely legitimate tactic to help gain notoriety on YouTube, and explains that using fake accounts to use for mass flagbombing against people that piss him off is not only ethical, but expected.
But hey, when you're discussing a topic as controversial as the furry fandom this is what comes with the territory, amirite?
Furry Fandom & The Mainstream
In one of his more brazen attempts at garnering attention for himself and his views, he takes on a video from Yong Turks on which they humorously mock people that dress up as puppy dogs and go to playground to hug children as pedophiles. In true Tamias fashion, he takes the opportunity to spend six and a half minutes justifying his horrible life choice to the audience by claiming Ancient Egyptians worshipped furries and that people people that fap to furry porn voluntarily hold the same code of ethics as people that wear Goofy suits at Disney Land. In this video, Tamias also breaks one of his own sacred rules by disparaging diaperfurs in order to gain mainstream approval.
tl;dr- Wait for someone to say something bad about furries; bitch about it for 7 minutes with inane talking points not even he believes. Repeat for 5 years.
The Furry Manifesto
Deciding there wasn't enough underaged fur around for his liking, Tamias posted a helpful guide to becoming a furry.
Appropriately targeting those who feel odd and alone with collections of plushies, Disney movies and piles of sketchbooks, Tamias panders to perspective furs with the most sanitized version of furry fandom he could muster. Elaborating on all the fun and excitement of the furry community, Tamias encourages his audience to stop feeling alienated and do the proper research before hopping into the fandom head on! In the minds of trolls and haters, it would seem all the things Tamias highlights as some of the fandoms strongest selling points are things anyone at anytime could and probably do on their own accord without needing such an epiphany, however this is not a lack of information on Tamias' part, but actually a subtle acknowledgment of his persuasion abilities, recruiting those he feels are more likely to prefer his company than no company at all.
Relationship to Wolfee Darkfang
Tamias, along with Wolfeedarkfang and Felinoid, make up the Unholy Trinity of Last thursday's YouTube furfaggotry. More often than not, Tamias' videos make some mention of how wonderful Wolfee truly is and how blessed Furrydom should consider itself to have him. Serving as propaganda master of Darkfang Empire, Tamias makes a point to not only help Wolfee regain his squandered credibility within his community but attempts to portray him as a war-worn Furry Guru deserving of admiration and respect. According to Wolfee Darkfang, the reason he came out of self imposed exile after the FurryOps/BeastForum debacle was because of overwhelming support and encouragement from Tamias to continue and combat the trolls on YouTube, happily feeding Darkfangs already grossly overinflated ego. The entire version of events may be found here.
The pudgy, cockeyed Dick Cheney to Wolfee's backwoods, hillbilly George W. Bush, Tamias has mastermind every Darkfang adventure from the notorious BeastForum "re-hacking" to the myriad of sockpuppets to Wolfeetube. Tamias tries his best to downplay the more affectionate displays of camaraderie with Wolfee and explains he's merely doing what he can to repay having such an amazing, charismatic individual grace his life, and that he only (frequently and emphatically) yiffs Wolfee due to trust issues and as a sign that they are the very best of friends; momentarily forgetting that he is a furfag, and that a grown men that draws himself as a scantily clad chipmunkman that masterbaits while chatting to a man making fake girly voices through his headset pretending to be a wolf with tits is actually very common and approved by his people.
Previous Video | Next Video |
—Tamias, totally not contradicting that whole "I was a furry 10 years ago and had to leave because of BurnedFurs..." story from before | ||
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Oh, wait, nevermind. They aren't close at all. More troll lies -
Dirty, unbelievable... -
basless, fabricated... -
troll lies. -
Wolfee puts his shape shifting abilities to good use. -
In real time. -
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From "Best buds? First I'm hearing of it LOLZ!" to this in 3 months. -
In case we had been too subtle, let us inform you that Tamias and Wolfee are very gay for each other. Very, very, very gay. -
Tamias and Wolfee hope to grow old together. -
"FOR THE LAST TIME, we're not faggots! Friends fuck in fields all the time!!!" -
...yup.
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Tamias and Wolfee Double-Team a 16 Year Old Girl
In one of the more shockingly blatant attempts at garnering credibility for themselves at the expense of softball targets, in the summer of 2009 Tamias had arranged a write-up in a Second Life blog where he and Wolfee expose a young girl who had previously been "a troll posing as a furry" in attempts to circumvent their hard fought efforts in order to promote and spread furrydoms messages across the internet. What appears to you and me to be a simple case of an ugly nerd girl deciding maybe hanging around grown, gay men is probably a bit too much and maybe it was time to step back, Tamias and company instead take the opportunity to spin the tale as a brilliant sages cautionary tale of trusting furrydoms true and honest elders saying shit like "The stakes are high in the YouTube furry wars for the hearts and minds of Second Life players" and recounting nightmarish tales of "votebotting atrocities"(the name Wolfee has decided to name the phenomenon in which his bad videos get bad ratings) all while literally calling themselves, we shit you not, 'war weary veteran(s) of troll/furry conflict on YouTube".
You know, as opposed to middle aged fuckwits who's lack of knowledge regarding trolling, internet etiquette, or basic social skills had instigated and prolonged most of said furry trolling to begin with.
The article, which to the untrained eye would appear to be a parody piece written by trolls mocking the overtly indignant reactions furries often have in response to internet teasing, puts the cherry on top of said the sundae by providing a video that 'shows the impact of the furry war on society at large'. Thus scoring Tamias and Wolfee precious, precious e-cred against the furry fandoms biggest and most dire threats; 16 year old girls.
Tamias Forfeits
In spite years of fighting hard for the promotion and defense of the furry fandom, in December of 2009, Tamias took his ball and went home. The final straw being a mini-feud with notable retard Cid Silverwing, Tamias vents his frustration at not being able to enjoy his yiff without having to stop to make a drawn out, boring pseudo educational over whatever minor situation he deems a crisis.
<video type="vimeo" id="29562966" width="500" height="500" desc= frame="true" position="center"/>
Taking the time to congratulate himself on all the people his videos have saved from trolls and haters, Tamias finds it only appropriate to take his own advice and stop trying to fix what cannot be fixed without liberal doses of fire. Apparently stunned that the majority of his fellow furs are seemingly idiots and getting worried that his precious rep was being tarnished by "participating in drama", Tamias tries to fool himself into thinking that the furry fandom isn't a natural hotbed of hissyfits and lolcows and comes up with his best "You know I've learned something today.." moment to commemorate the occasion. To top it off, he admits the vast majority of his viewers have been trolls the entire time and that he's tired of filtering comments; dubbing those responsible for the less than flattering remarks as newfags and disabling comments entirely as a result. He makes a final promise to his loyal base to fight the trolls the best way imaginable; continuing to participate in and love the furry fandom. His fellow furs cheer him on.
Except that he didn't actually stop his whining, he merely proceeded to do exactly the same thing on Fur Affinity journals. Apparently, Tamias' definition of "dropping out of the drama" merely means bitching about every single percieved offense in 4 paragraphs of verbose indignation on a different website.
The Short Version
Life well spent, Tamias.
Discovery of his Article
One day Tamias thought it would be a fun idea to look up his own name in a search engine and see what popped up. Rather than seeing the results fill with his YouTube, FurAffinity page or any of the numerous fan creations out there, Tamias discovered that this very article was the very first result. Naturally furious, he decided he would pull a reverse-Wolfee Darkfang and instead announce that ED was a silly place not to be taken seriously. Totally not taking it seriously, Tamias went to his FurAffinity page to bitch about being on the notorious wiki, despite, you know, nobody taking it seriously or anything. He insists that the article is a lame trolling platform, as only newfags take it seriously (because, if you recall, ED is totally not meant to be taken seriously), and that the only thing this article would do is make him totally popular, with a massive influx of YouTube friends and subscribers. Confident that nobody would ever take the article seriously, as ED seriously never delves into the serious business, Tamias warns the pages editors that the only purpose the pages existence will have will be a total and inevitable spike in popularity that will push him to new heights of Furry popularity.
—Tamias, under the impression Wolfee Darkfang is famous for reasons other than being retarded | ||
Tamias' Nice Long Hiatus
In December of 2010 Tamias ran into a bit of a snag during his tenure of self appointed furry sage of YouTube. You see, not unlike his buttbuddy Wolfee, Tamias had a tenuous grasp of YouTube Terms of Service and what he as a furfag figurehead had authority over. However, also like Wolfee, he came to the conclusion that DMCA takedown notices were his own little free pass to removing unflattering parody videos of him and being filling those fuckers out left and right. Too bad that on this occasion, while gleefully announcing his plans to file mass DMCAs against a handful of videos he deemed unfit, his bff Felinoid, in a surprising bit of self awareness, informed Mr Munk that no, in fact he did not have copyright license over videos of his fat face droning on about YouTube time limitations and, should anyone decide to edit these videos in a humorous fashion, he'd be shit out of luck, as the sites terms of service allowed such derivative content and he had neither the means or case for going through with a legitimate copyright lawsuit anyway. A dissenting viewpoint being a strange and unwelcome occurrence, Tamias filled the DMCAs anyway; confident that, like Darkfang, he too would have furry popular opinion backing his righteous struggle.
Instead, he was greeted with a rather infuriated Felinoid, who was quite upset that Tamias ignored his advice and broke serious internet law out of butthurt. Tamias saw this latest move as an unforgivable act of betrayal, and had Wolfee make several rambling videos attacking Felinoid as he lay low as to not draw a ton of attention to the fact that everyone was now watching a fat man hypocritically breaking DMCA law, the very same law he himself raged against when he had his videos DMCA'd not a year prior.
The drama soon spread, and Wolfee began telling everyone about how Tamias' social security number and credit cards were in imminent danger of troll attacks, hoping to once again let everyone know that, so what if him and Tamias were caught red handed hypocritically breaking what they themselves just under a year ago called very series laws, they were the victims here. They're always the victims. Surprisingly, Wolfee's usual pattern of "Blame everyone else but ourselves for our actions, bask in furfag eminence" failed gloriously, an in order to lose the ever increasing heat, Tamias and Wolfee hastily retired thier beloved fursonas and went on a "break" in order to regroup from their best friends unexpected and totally unwarranted betrayal. In a completly expected move, he attempted to spin his exodus journal into a glorious tale of triumph over the anti-fur haters, that he was caught filing false DMCA's like a punk faggot, however, didn't really get addressed.
—"That jackass like, wanted me to "not break the law". Fucking clown, doesn't he knew I head the mother fucking Chipmunk KINGDOM?! | ||
Tamias Ragequits: The Movie!
The angry little manbaby he is, Tamias threw a bitchfit when his verbose blog was found and given a dramatic reading the only way suitable; through the mouth of a mocking teenage girl. The tribute infuriated the Chipmunk King, and now with his proclivity to "lying to have unflattering shit removed" he reported the masterpiece as "commercially deceptive content".
<video type="vimeo" id="29563068" width="500" height="500" desc="THIS TROPER is the King of the Chipmunks!" frame="true" position="center"/>
The Video Tamias Doesn't Want You To See!
The video that set off the unfortunate chain of events leading to his temporary demise was this roughly made slideshow video, juxtaposing Tamias' holier-than-though presentation with his less than noble history of silencing critics. The video, like the hundreds of thousands of troll videos, would have gone unnoticed had Tamias not made it his sole mission to have the videos shitcanned, no matter the legality of the means. It's assumed that tamias' motivation for ridding the internet of the video is a fear that YouTube will strip his account of its special, time limit-less features; it's also assumed Tamias is a retarded person who didn't realize that wasn't a special privileged given by a select few YouTubers, they just got rid of the time limit on the entire site. Despite it all, Tamias has spent many a lonesome night trying his hardest to rip the video and all it's mirrors by any means he came. Most of which are just flagging it as hate speech.
<video type="vimeo" id="29563151" width="500" height="500" desc=HARASSMENT! frame="true" position="center"/>
Tamias the Weeaboo
Prior to his indulgence in his furfaggotry, Tamias was a full time japanophile. In what had later become a standard practice for him, he rants about the elitist anime fans he's encountered over his years of enjoying Naruto. He does so in a falsetto, and entirely through pantomime with a stuffed chipmunk doll.
Like you're surprised.
Tamias Productions
Before dedicating his utmost attention to preaching about the dangers of fursecution, Tamias found time to piece together quality animation to show off the progress he's made from his many years of animation class at community college. The first, Bri the Raccoon, features Tamias trying to incorporate his transformation and vore affinities into what he attempts to pass off as a children's cartoon. The other being a shitty DragonBall Z ripoff, where the main character has apparently skinned and worn Sonichu.
—a professional, competent voice actor | ||
Gallery
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Tamias is well grounded in reality. -
It really only gets worse. -
That he has so many childrens toys readily available should surprise nobody. -
Tamias, an expert digger.
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theblackhand2 shows fury like no man before him. -
The real reason Tamias is so eager to have troll accounts banned. -
Niggers don't want none of that. -
It took time, but Tamias was eventually able to kind of see why people teased him for being mated to Wolfee. -
Just one of the many examples of unhealthy dedication to Wolfee Darkfang. -
We're not kidding, dude really, really likes Wolfee Darkfang. -
And this is Felinoid. But he's uninteresting. -
Cid Silverwing hateart. Kinda. -
External Links
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Tamias the Chipmunk is part of a series on Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage. |