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Super Straight
—An anonymous super straight cis-male, dealing with a daily micro-aggression. | ||
With the popularity and accessibility of social media, hordes of children have been able to express their every idea and belief with no parental figure to tell them to shut their mouth and get back to their homework. Combine this with the over-politicization of the mainstream internet, and ideologues have now brainwashed a generation of kids into thinking they're fighting for the next civil rights movement. Everyday hundreds of underdeveloped-monkeys record themselves as they rant on and on about their new identification, name, or sexuality. What went from a meme about being a helicopter has ballooned into girls with atrocious haircuts, bawling ze eyes out because zir uncle doesn't understand ze are a proud polyamorous non-binary qualilateral-demi-benevolent-sexual.
In February of 2021, a 16 year-old TikTok user thought it be delightfully-devilish if he were to make a new sexuality to mock his peers. Explaining he only wanted to date cis-women, he was proud to come out as "Super Straight", a sexuality for those only interested in the cis-members of the opposite sex. This seemingly innocuous joke went viral as an army of mentally-ill monsters started threatening the kids mother, reporting the video until it was deleted. It was too late as people were already re-uploading the video and creating ironic accounts to represent the many proud members of the "SS". Once 4chan caught wind of the joke, they only helped the effort and made sure the Super Straight movement had all the support it needed to fight off the awful bigots trying to prevent true love.
While the meme is almost completely dead now, its legacy is both important and hilarious, as the roles were reversed and the supposedly accepting LGBT movement acted identical to the intolerant bigots they claimed so opposed to. Meanwhile dumb rednecks, boomers, and neets from /b/ used every phrase and talking point of their enemies as they made a mockery of those who thought the Super Straight movement was not only real, but a threat to their lives.
The Origins
On February 21st 2021, a TikTok account called "Kyleroyce" uploaded a video to his small audience of fans, titled "Who else is super straight?". Sitting in his car, the yellow 16 year-old explained he was tired of being accused of being transphobic, and to quell these accusations he created the Super Straight sexuality. Super Straight men are only attracted to cis-women, and Super Straight women are only interested in cis-men. "I've made a new sexuality, Straight men liek me get called transphobic because I wouldn't date a trans woman. Now, I'm super straight. I only date the opposite gender, women, that are born women. So you can't say I'm transphobic now because that is just my sexuality.".
Kyle's mistake was tagging the video with "Sexuality", which exposed to the audience he was making fun of. Despite also having "Funny" in the tags, he was bombarded with angry messages asking if he was serious, to which he'd respond with the most sincere "yes" he could muster whilst keeping a straight face. This got out of control very quickly, as the angry alphabet community decided to dox him, and start threatening his mother. Kyle quickly privated the TikTok but it was too late as TikTok themselves deleted it, and deleted any subsequent videos Kyle made, because he was trying to defend himself, explain the joke, and ask for the attacks on his family to stop. It reached the point where Kyle was banned from TikTok, probably for his own good. Creating a YouTube channel, Kyle reuploaded the TikTok along with his explanation that he was not some hateful monster, and only wanted to be left alone. What Kyle hadn't realised was that he hadn't upset actual gay, trans or non-binary people; but instead the cabal of terminally-online children who will stand behind any movement or group if it means being justified in their cyberstalking and harassment.
Despite Kyle's claims of being just as progressive as the LGBT-lunatics, it's clear he's just having fun trolling his classmates and didn't expect to go viral. While he has been a bit of an attention whore and tried to capitalize on his 15 minutes of fame, he should be recognised for his creation of the meme, and his trend-setting when it comes to using LGBT terms against the Super-phobes.
Urban Dictionary Faggotry
Urbandictionary has always been a bit of a mess, but it's at least tried to keep up the pretence that's it all jokes. Most entries try too hard to be funny and fail to give a half decent definition. When someone tried to create a joking entry for Super Straight, presenting it as a legitimate sexuality, it was quickly downvoted into oblivion and in it's place were a myriad of butthurt faggots deeming the movement and followers to be transphobic. Despite these entries being created solely from a political bias, devoid of comedy and exposing the genuine anger and upset behind the creators, they skyrocketed to the top and are now the definitions of Super Straight. You can look for yourself if you want to see the retardation first-hand.
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Comedy? -
Cope -
Seethe -
Butthurt
The Movement Faces Superphobes
As the story was being retold on Twitter, Kyle's video reached the right-wing boomers who quickly changed their pepe profile pictures and started rocking the black and orange flag. This upset the sizable community of left-wing screeches, child groomers and future aids victims, who all started attacking what they believed to be a real movement. While there were a few idiots in the crowd who started unironically identifying as Super Straight, most of the supporters were trolls, who quickly realised using LGBT talking points against these superphobes was incredibly effective. Once 4chan's /b/ and /pol/ caught wind, Twitter was inundated with Super Straight propaganda, memes and appeals to emotion, all of which was misconstrued as genuine support to the enemy. Apparently the hidden pentagrams, spelling mistakes and inconsistencies weren't enough to tip off left-wing twitter that they were being trolled. To this day, when left-wingers try to insult the other side, they include the Super Straight flag in their "memes".
With this retarded war breaking out, the roles were completely reversed as the progressive movement revealed itself to be capable of being far more aggressive and spiteful than their detractors normally were. The Super Straights used every phrase and word out of the faggot dictionary to great effect, from claiming "My body, my choice", to claiming trans culture is "rape culture". Instead of wising up to the obvious trolling, the LGBT-spergs started screaming and claiming they wanted to kill anyone self-identifying as a Super Straight. They claimed that the SS would never be allowed in the LGBT treehouse and that they were clearly nazis in secret.
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The Reddit Ban
Just 9 days after it's creation, the Reddit page for Super Straights was banned by Reddit themselves, who claimed it was "promoting hate towards a marginalized group or community.". Whilst this subreddit was probably the biggest one taken down, there was also Super_Lesbian, supersexuals, and superstraights, all banned for punching down on the incredibly powerful and untouchable LGBT community.
The curious part is that Reddit didn't even use a specific post or argument beyond this vague ban statement. If you wanted to argue the subreddit itself was transphobic, you'd find it quite hard. Amongst the countless ironic memes were quite a few vent threads and expressions of love for both the SS community and the movement itself. Obviously some of these were also ironic, but it's entirely likely some really were speaking from the heart. Regardless of their authenticity, the important part is that they were definitely not hateful. In fact, their pinned post was a GoFundMe for the "Vancouver Rape Relief," Canada's longest-running rape crisis centre. The Super Straight's had raised nearly $7,000 before the subreddit was banned.
At the end of the day the subreddit, like the movement itself, was only really making light-hearted jokes, claiming they like the gays and lesbians before them were "just born this way". The only argument you could make of them spreading hate, was the uncomfortable truth hidden within their jokes about the forced trans "rape culture" and the onslaught of insults if you ever utter any semblance of something that could go against the trans rhetoric.
Videos
See Also
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Super Straight is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |
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Super Straight is part of a series on Visit the Memes Portal for complete coverage. |
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Super Straight is part of a series on Visit the Faggotry Portal for complete coverage. |
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Super Straight is part of a series on Visit the Social Media Portal for complete coverage. |