Straight White Boys

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Not to be confused with wiggers,

Straight White Boys are a derivative males, statistically more attractive than your general neckbeards, often with six packs and gelled up Edward Cullen hair. Also, they are straight, and white. They also are the worst kind of man, as they tend to be the least intelligent. Most of which can't tell the difference between Windows and a Mac, and more often than not stay off those big scary confusing computers and instead form a massive conglomerate on iPhones ~~and other types of mobile phones~~ No. making them no better than average 40 Year Old Housewives that also can't figure out simple technology.

The term "straight white boy" was coined by the tumblr blog StraightWhiteBoysTexting, so basically by a bunch of tumbr feminazi lesbians who reject their own sexuality and denounce the sexuality of fictional women, yet celebrate sexuality of other real life women who aren't too cowardly to admit they embrace their own sexuality. Fuckin' whores.

Straight White Boy Facts

Typical Straight White Boy displaying his only character defining traits.

Average Straight White Boy, taking a selfie to impress ~~the hot ass chicks at his highschool~~ Daddy.

Straight White Boys wearing the customary douchebag hat. Notice the blind christian faith, proving he has no critical thinking skills whatsoever.

*Straight White Boys often come from middle/upper class suburban areas, meaning they know of no real life problems and have made their whole pre-adult life about "making Daddy proud" aka doing everything he can to prevent Daddy's cock from tearing up his tight white ass.

Straight White Boys often grew up lacking video games, cartoons, comic books, toys/action figures and overall anything that is deemed "nerdy" or "geeky" meaning they are brought up to have absolutely no critical thinking skills or creativity. It is suggested however that by age 7 they are expected to be able to know and name every NFL team by name and jersey colors, otherwise they might be a homosexual.
Straight White Boys often have grown up only listening to top 40 stations, rejecting anything creative such as jazz or metal because those aren't cool bro. Live action teenage sitcoms on Disney Channel are acceptable prior to the age of 13, however afterwards it's mandatory to watch Spike, MTV, and reality based television series only.
Straight White Boys often are required to play football during recess with the other Straight White Boys, and avoid at all costs the jungle gyms, swingsets or other means of actual fun because THOSE ARE LAAAAME BROOO!!!
Straight White Boys often own their own car at age 14, bought by their Daddy's money in order to ensure that entering highschool he isn't a loser, which is a VERY IMPORTANT THING GUYS. HOLY SHIT.
Straight White Boys often are required to have already accomplished all foreplay actions ie; handjob, fingerjob, blowjob, and cunnilingus before entering highschool, so in middle school. Otherwise they're a loser and aren't cool enough to hang out with the cool kids.
Straight White Boys often are expected to join one or more sports teams in highschool, otherwise they're a disappointment to Daddy, which is the MOST IMPORTANT DILEMMA IN THEIR FUCKING LIVES. Also, NEVER learn to play an instrument, never join band, and reject any ideals of being creative or artistic because those condone homosexual behavior and are full of bisexual and gay people waiting to try and convert them.
Straight White Boys are often required to always have a girlfriend in highschool, otherwise they're a loser and/or gay. The girls he dates however need to be overdeveloped, busty, prudey cockteases that don't give them anything beyond the previously acquired foreplay, making the Straight White Boy hornier than all hell.
Straight White Boys often must have their license by 16 otherwise they're loser. Not only that, but once they're old enough to drive and can do so legally, to most that also means they're old enough to drink, and will do so in order to remain socially acceptable.
Straight White Boys often while desire to be cool party animals, will only drink beer and have sex with a girl ONLY when drunk, therefore he doesn't have to actually develop people skills and since they have to critical thinking skills anyway, alcohol makes up for the lack of what's necessary.
Straight White Boys often are expected to be captain of the football team like Daddy was, otherwise they aren't living up to their Daddy's legacy, and therefore are a failure to their family.
Straight White Boys are ALWAYS expected to attend prom and senior ball with a female date, and to have sex after with said dates, otherwise they'll be a loser forever and will never amount to anything.
Straight White Boys often are fully required to dress black and preppy at the same time, with low hanging pants, sideways hats and preppy clothes, basically looking like the exact type of person a black person would probably want to assault for looking like a dipshit.
Straight White Boys often must have bleach white bright teeth. No fucking arguments.
Straight White Boys often must also have a six pack and defined muscles while not being overly large, because the way they look physically is more important than having any sort of personality.
Straight White Boys don't have jobs. They don't. All of their money comes from Daddy's allowance. Daddy also pays for their gym membership and all their fuckin' protein shakes and shit. Daddy's money also pays for all the CLUBBIN' they apparently do (even though clubbing is only for middle aged women).
Straight White Boys are allowed to like porn, but are not allowed to like certain fetishes including incest, bestiality, furry, hentai, cartoon, bdsm, kinky, squirting, young/child/loli/shota, and also are only allowed to enjoy the porn that is on the "Most Viewed" section or (if they can't even find that) the "Most Recent Uploads" videos. In a nutshell basically, Straight White Boys can't figure out a fucking search engine.
Straight White Boys all are expected to own an iPhone, however have no idea what an apple account is, iCloud is, what the Settings app does, or how to close simultaneously running apps. In fact, the only apps Straight White Boys know how to use are Hot or Not, Tindr, and Facebook, although not all aspects of the Facebook app.
Straight White Boys often do not ever take pictures of themselves with a shirt on (they still have sideways hats on ironically, IN DOORS EVEN) because there is literally nothing more to their characteristics aside from their sweet ass abs, which no one gives a shit about anyway.
Straight White Boys, similar to 40 Year Old Housewives are not allowed to know anything about anything such as Computer IT, Car Mechanics, Sciences or theories of any derivative, cultural ideals or practices outside of their own Suburban White society, the name of any country in Europe other than England, Spain, France, and Germany (and also not know where they are on an unlabeled map of Europe), and the concept of Space, Time, and even the confines of reality and it's laws. A Straight White Boy's perception of reality only revolved around his small life, his own wants and desires, and only him in the then and now.

Straight White Boys Texting

So some women (and probably some Guy IRLs) made a tumblr called StraightWhiteBoysTexting in which they post several screenshots made by Straight White Boys, often with out-of-nowhere sexual messages. The proposed point by these feminazis is that men are pigs and don't know any better than to come on sexually to them right off the bat due to the lack of any people's skills. However due to the previously mentioned criteria, it's no WONDER why Straight White Boys tend to send such idiot messages, for they are raised from birth to be idiotic, non-creative, self absorbed dickweeds. Even with their actions somewhat justified it's still kinda lulzy for more intelligent males and women to witness their idiocy and lack of any sort of social skills whatsoever.

"Gallery of Straight White Boys Texting" About missing Pics

lol, what even the fuck?
Aw man, you almost had her with that one!
HAO DID THAT NAUT WERK?!?!?!?!
Nice abs, faggot.
Ohh, I bet you are, sir!
Not your fault bro! She's just a shallow bitch anyway!
Whoa whoa, dial it back there. Someone's been spying on little sis through the doorcrack.
YEAAA BRO! BRA SIZE ACQUIRED! Daddy would be proud.
Nahhh bro, that isn't a weird question. She's weird for not answering it!
Cold bruh, usually girls are fucking SOAKING WET when I use that one.