Pyoko
A circle jerk of scenewhores on the internets dedicated to self-loathing, cognitive dissociation, and bitching about video games. The majority opinion of the group is that all popular concepts are automatically shit, and unpopular stuff like autistic 80s cartoons are the incarnation of God. Members constantly scheme up grand collaborations but invariably fail through a combination of apathy, drama, and the fact that no one actually likes anyone. The sole exception is that they are able to successfully plan multiple conventions every year, as many Pyokites are eager to fly across America in order to engage in social masturbation. On a bad day, some of them are only moderately funnier than this article.
Sharkey
The Pyoko community was founded at least 100 years ago around Scott Sharkey, a pasty white, twenty-something, unemployed internet celebrity. Sharkey's claim to fame was that of making fun of the Engrish of Japanese video games. When the All Your Base meme became popular, he decided it was too mainstream, switched to webcomics, and bitching about the Engrish meme. Comics turned out to be too typical for his taste, so he moved on to playing with every free toy and game on the internet, and of course, bitching about them. Somehow this landed a job as a reviewer at an internets gaming site, but this turned out to be short lived as the editors caught on to the fact that he is a self important attention whore. Over the years, the underlying theme of his website underwent more revisions than Michael Jackson's nose, eventually settling into an self-gratifying blog of random crap. Along the way he slept with his former webmaster's girlfriend, wasted countless hours on IRC, and managed to draw 90% of the world's basement dwellers into an online community of mutual hate.
terra
A morbidly obese whore with the life goal of sucking Sharkey's dick. Like most fanboys, terra's (sic) handle is that of a Final Fantasy character, even though Pyokites HATESSES Squaresoft. A character who is decisively female. terra attempted to pass himself off as a girl for years before coming out of the closet, and even then continued using the alias. Since Sharkey is too busy playing video games to do anything, terra is responsible for hosting the Pyoko server, cramming #finalfight full of bots, and making toys for everyone. Each month he begs for $120, $20 of which pays for the server, the rest for double quarter pounder value meals at McDonalds.
#finalfight, esper.net
An IRC channel and original incarnation of Pyoko. It mysteriously shares the same network as #rpgamer, contrary to the group's collective disdain of RPGs. The channel is an excellent source of mindless babble, 4Chan image links, video game fandom, and bots regurgitating mulched fragments of conversation back into the environment. Occasionally people engage in the group wankery of #ffags, an RPG where participants spend hours pretending to be video game, anime and/or sitcom characters and doing random crap until the game master declares that everyone dies. This activity was deemed important enough to justify a wiki dedicated to it.
Seven Deadly Forums
For many years Sharkey suffered from a void, an urge he felt could only be filled by a message board. He resisted the temptation, knowing well the responsibility and sacrifice involved with such a relationship. When terra came into his life, however, he could not hold back any longer. The two copulated and produced The Seven Deadly Forums, a repository of inane bullshit and enforced conformity. Much drama ensued.
Greater Boards
- Vanity - attention whoring and self-promotion
- Envy - see Vanity
- Avarice - because eBay is too complicated
- Gluttony - pointless rambling about food, such as the flagship "You Know What I ATE?" thread
- Wrath - similar to Disneyland but with more drama
- Lust - the "secret fortress" where users horde porn, an important commodity as they are all are riding the Virginmobile
- Sloth - blah blah blah video games blah blah blah
Lesser Boards
- Osama's Homobortion Pot & Commie Jizzporium - "The sky is falling!"
- Shigeru's Folly - where game ideas are conceived, developed, and promptly euthanized with wire hangers
- Players of Fortune - Shigeru's Folly: Artfag Edition
- The Valiant Five - perfidious Punchy's sodomy center
- PKO - the administrative panhandling corner
Threads of Note
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