- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
Paul Watson
- This is an article about the whale-molesting moneywhore; were you looking for George "W" Bush?
"Captain" Paul Watson is a Canadian best known for being so bat-shit insane that he managed to get kicked out of Greenpeace. He's also not a captain of anything, and a fat vegan to boot. As with most people who bestow themselves with honorific titles, he's into cosplay, as evidenced by the home-made patches on his Old Navy pea coat. He also loves an audience and can't stop talking when the tape is rolling. His wife is also half his age. Here are some of his best bon mots.
Previous Quote | Next Quote
He spends his time eating foie gras and sitting on Facebook shitposting about how the Faroese and Japanese eat delicious whale meat, and how he doesn't like it. When the victims of his shitposting tell him to fuck off, shit hits the fan. He will tell you to kill yourself, send death threats to the Danish parliament, wet his pants and hopefully an hero. However, Blartson earns so much cash for sending other people to "save" whales on television, that Moot gave him magical Jew powers, so now he's immor(t)al. His genius methods include: torturing children, throwing Long Range Acoustic Devices into the ocean, threatening innocent police officers and crying on the social media while not actually doing a shit. His claim to fame was the Animal Planet series "Whale Wars".
Known as the biggest money-grabbing Terrorist Europe has seen since Jerry Seinfeld, he lies about his compassion for ocean life to gain more dough from his Supporters and spends most of it on "some good weed, dude." as he was quoted saying after being questioned for the attempted murder of a Costa Rican fisherman, last thursday. His main income of Jew Gold is from selling alcohol to underage kids, winning whale-meat eating competitions, mutilating chickens on the deep web for others amusement, and of course from his fanatics back in America. He is also known to get massive donations from his cousin Shrek.
Sea Shepherd
When Paul Watson was caught molesting a cow at least 100 years ago, Greenpeace decided to kick him out, and claimed that they weren't involved. He then decided to cash in on some honest work so he could start up his big dream: helping whales in need, giving the youth jobs so they can afford college and secretly plan his utopia of world peace. He founded Sea Shepherd with fellow hippies, Lars Ulrich, Barack Obama (when he was still high as a kite) and a fucking nigger. They instantly started working on saving the ocean went on facebook to post overly photoshopped pictures of dead whales. They instantly got over 9000 million likes on their page. When Lars finally stopped doing so much blow that he didn't look like a midget Rudolf, he decided to make a band. This left only Pauline and Obama, because Obama didn't like the other nigger stealing his Kool-Aid. Obama and Paulie then decided to terrorize the Japanese, for free whale meat. While in Japan, Scrawl Twatson was arrested for attempted genocide and the very next day Wartson found himself in court.
After failing his appeal fucking terribly, Wartson decided to unleash his secret weapon: an AN602 Tsar Hydrogen Bomb his wife, Lady Gaga, revealing her true self to the judge and jury. This resulted in everyone but Paulie tearing out their eyes and eating their own hands.
See also
External links
CaptPaulWatson - Twitter account