Premenstrual Tension
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Warning! PMS'ING BITCHES ARE FUCKING CRAZY!!! |
PMS, or Pre-Menstrual Stress (also known as PMT or Premenstrual Tension, but more accurately known as MCD or Mad Cow Disease), refers to the point in every female's menstrual cycle where she can legally and psychologically justify screaming fits, destruction of property, assault, murder, binge eating or denial of sex.
Exploration
Things to know:
- Girls bathrooms are big.
- Girls bathrooms are clean.
- 90% of girls are on their periods at any given time.
Symptoms
Women suffering from PMS may exhibit the following symptoms:
- rapid mood swings
- fits of rage and sadness
- tantrums
- the irresistible urge to get a terrible haircut
- a sense of inflated self importance
- violence towards friends, spouses, children, pets and inanimate objects
- complete breakdown of all logical and reasoning faculties
- running for president
- sighing a lot and making pained facial expressions
Unfortunately, women who are not suffering from PMS may always exhibit the same symptoms.
If you need additional help to determine whether a woman is on her period, try smelling for something like dead fish and slaughtered cattle. If you have reason to believe she's on her period, she probably is, and asking her directly and in public is the only sure way to get some answers.
Options for those living with women suffering from PMS
- Slap the bitch
- Murder
- Suicide
- Hunker down, go into the fetal position, and pray your way through the 3-7 days.
- Lock them in a closet for days on end
- Scream yourself hoarse
- Extreme Rape
Synchronized Menstrual Cycles
When several women live together for moderate to long periods of time, they will eventually synchronize their periods. If you are a male and you find yourself in a house with multiple women suffering from PMS at the same time, fucking kill yourself NOW.
Interesting Fact
It should be noted that while the "effects" of PMS are wonderful material for jokes, they are a myth (in the sense of murderous women in a fit bordering on mental disorder). Not only are there no hard facts to support it, but there have been studies that prove "PMSing" women are merely influenced by the power of suggestion. In the studies, women kept daily journals describing their attitudes and feelings throughout the day, and from these accounts, no abnormal variation was found in their levels of aggression or feelings of anger. The natural variations are small and statistically insignificant, on par with that of males.
However, when asked, weeks later, to recount their feelings and actions, they tended to construe them in a light more in line with the stereotyped view of PMS. So, simply put, if some woman tries to get special treatment from you because it's "that time of the month", be sure to point out that it's in her head. It's always in the head, but the pains in the stomach are probably what cause the MASS HYSTERIA.
TL;DR: To paraphrase the great philosopher Dr. Dre: Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks, so don't take their shit when they try to bitch.
See Also
- A frank discussion of mental illness
- Disorders
- Fibromyalgia - Another "disorder" that women make up
- Menopause
- Period