Nothing Toxic
Nothing Toxic (AKA YouTubes Superior Twin) is a website that was founded several years ago by a genius residing in California. He saw the fail that was YouTube climbing in fame without having any videos that depict suicide, porn, fatal accidents, or retards doing dangerous things and realized the irony in such a concept. The internet needed more lulz than retards worshiping Tween Musicians through their mac notebook integrated-cameras. He set out and succeeded in making one of the lulziest, openly-viewable video-hosting websites on the internets. The years that followed were filled with people posting funny videos of police murders, uncensored rape videos, women drivers, and other such hilarious spectacles. Nothing Toxic now redirects to Break.com. NEVAR FORGET.
Since its founding, Nothing Toxic has gone through several owners, giving it a prostitution status on the internet. It's current owner prefers to be called klarkbar: a man who is believed to be an oldfag.
Categories
Nothing Toxic groups it’s videos according to in what way they will make it's viewers shit bricks. The categories are as follows:
Videos
The random homemade and newscast videos: expect terrible quality and funny shit.
- Bizarre are the videos that will give you guaranteed WTF moments such as a homosexual fart fetish, getting up close and personal with a skunks asshole, and well known porn stars attacking amature paparazzi.
- Funny are videos of people being retards solely for your amusement. If you are the aspie we know you are, you’ll spend your entire visit to the site looking at only this section and not at any of the lulzier content that Nothing Toxic has to offer. There are no videos in the funny section that are worth linking you to, as your IQ probably allows you to laugh at whatever was most recently uploaded anyway.
- Accidents consist of one of the finest selections of car crashes, motorcycle crashes, bicycle crashes, and pedestrians being killed by any number of the 3. Due to a lack of diversity, this category gets boring as fuck rather fast despite it’s great potential as a source of entertainment.
- Cool has videos that can’t even begin to be explained. But don’t take our word for it, go there your fucking self.
Sexy
Tired of looking at fatal accidents and bizarre shit? Well you’re in luck. The YouTube killer has a section dedicated solely to pornography, be it high quality and choreographed or barely legal homemade. Nothing better to follow up watching punk retards swallowing helium and tazing eachother then some tits amiright? If you are so porn deprived that you decide to watch it on Nothing Toxic, you should be careful what you wish for.
Shocking
These videos are similar to the Cool section, except with a whole new level of mindfuckery. Usually centered more towards shit that would make PETA get sand in their vaginas, for example: decapitated alligator heads with preserved motor functions, a horse being eviscerated in front of a crowd, or a donkey getting pwnd by a truck. There are also videos of this kind of shit happening to people in the category, but they are in less abundance as it’s more fun to watch it happen to things that are cute.
Fights
The most self-explanatory category of them all; intellectual individuals solving their problems with debate and rebuttal. Battles of wit between both men and women, always ending in a peaceful solution in which the person who better thinks on their feet comes out the victor. Also a kid with down syndrome getting falcon-punched for kicking a kid, lawl.
All sections of Nothing Toxic succeeding these are just shit nobody cares about.
klarkbar
The sites current owner, klarkbar, is completely anonymous outside the known fact of his state of residence (califag). His venture into the lulzy side of the series of tubes began with picking up girls over aim that he was too shy to talk to IRL. This disease spread when a troll linked him to something amazing.
—klarkbar on his first dose of lulz | ||
Like every drug worth doing, he was hooked and immediately cried for MOAR.
Rumor has it that at this time he took up a job editing sick fuck footage for a local news station, to which he fapped regularly. His developed habit of getting hard at the sight of dead things led to a job offer from the previous owner of Nothing Toxic.
Lawsuits
Nothing Toxic has proved that it is, in fact, an immovable source of lulz. In their over 9000 year history, the internet has not seen so much as a petition against Nothing Toxic, effectively making it a more socially acceptable uncensored news source than Encyclopedia Dramatica. While one may think that the friends and family of the deceased, or animal rights activists, or porn stars might have tried to take their content down, the stars of Nothing Toxic are really quite helpless. They have little they can do due to the site's massive Terms of Use page which is in ALL CAPS. Everyone with half a brain knows that the more text on the page, the more legal it is. Furthermore, the Terms of Use page serves as a defense mechanism because in the amount of time it would take for you to get your ass kicked in court by the websites owners, you would be lucky to have managed to read through half of this massively legal mother fucker. The result of this system is anyone who becomes butthurt will instantly realize the futility of trying to do something about it and stfu. Anyone who is offended by Nothing Toxics content is, in fact, over it completely by the time they have begun to comprehend how much reading they would need to do, thus giving Nothing Toxic more impunity than a police officer lynching a black person. This final solution to indigo children BAWWWING over the immortalization of their retardation allows the sites lulzy founder the freedom of responding to any butthurt emails with tl;dr and gtfo.
—klarkbar | ||
When interviewed, klarkbar confirmed himself as a reader of Encyclopedia Dramatica and he endorses all the fucked up shit that you love.
Because without it, his website would suck dick.
—klarkbar | ||
Even Less Toxic Forums
You'd think that having forums that are less toxic than nothing toxic would be equivalent of dividing by zero but as it turns out that isn't how math works, retard.
How can forums of such a great source of gore and sick fuck be so mundane, you ask? For some unknown reason, the site's founder is of the opinion that people who frequent the forums don't want to see lulzy pictures. Instead the forums are composed of people posting reactions to videos, complaining, and "off-topic" (aka shit you would know already if you looked for it elsewhere). The forums are adamant in keeping gore pictures and lulz to a minimum, due to the site's servers already being under enormous lulz strain. Posting of pictures is not allowed, and you will be banned if you post anything in the spirit of the Nothing Toxic video library.
tl;dr Nothing Toxic has a forums now, cool!
Sample Videos / The End
Unfortunately for the internet, Klarkbar is not a rich oldfag. With little cash in his pocket, he was forced to shut down Nothing Toxic. Below are a long list of videos that you found this article too late to watch... haha, faggot.
- Best. Costume. Ever.
- Pure Romance
- Chimpanzee Smoking a Cigarette
- Eating Dogs
- Catching fish with your dick, then roasting it over a campfire
- Azn girl gets shrink wrapped then suffocates like a dumbass.
- Pop musician has a seizure on stage, and the show continues.
- Happy thanksgiving, coke heads
- The most hilarious noise you have ever heard
- Ghost Rider IRL
- Fuck hands
- "This dudes job is fisting elephants"
- The lolocaust isn't over yet!
- Meteorologist with a big cock
- Wild Bucks
- Buck Wild
- LOL LOOK A TRAIN
- Minivans are gay
- IS THAT HANNAH MONTANA????
- Paris Hilton don't give a fuck about you
- Nice legs, baby.
- BEST. HAIRCUT. EVER.
- Confessions of a Shit-Gobbling Porn Star
- Hipster Sick Fucks Anonymous
- A Face only a Plastic Surgeon Could Love
- Girls Can Has 3 Boobs now? Cool!
- Christfag Owned
- Blowjob Queen
- Give Grandma a Kiss
- Everyone wants a piece of paraplegic pedro
- What happens when a sexy Dutch (new fag) news reporter can't hold it in
- Christian Talk-Show Lulz
- Sexy australian girl talking nice, warm, and wet
- How to give your neighbor murderous thoughts
See Also
Links
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