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G4
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BREAKING NEWS!! G4 is back and it's already dying. |
G4 is a shitty ass television channel that used to be about technology and good gaming. They had recently decided to scrap decent shows with actual content in favor of showing nerds uglyass boobs. At least 9001% of the programming schedule is Cops, Campus PD, and "Movies that don't suck". Adam Sessler co-hosts the show X-Play, a show in which video games get rated 3 out of 5 stars, with Morgan "Man-Jaw" Webb, a very creepy woman who gets mistaken for the red skull. She's been called a "Random cocksucking wannabe TV star" whos' big role is to play the part of a video game female, even though we've never seen her once play a single video game. This show is full of dialogue that might be mistaken for humor. Maybe.
G4 is over guys, it's now becoming the Esquire Channel. Where's your God now?
AS OF DECEMBER 31, 2014, G4 IS NO MORE! GOODNIGHT SWEET PRINCE!!
2022 Update - G4 is now back, and run by SJWs that don't even care about your vidya games.
The Channel's History
Originally, G4 was all about good games and talking to talented game developers. While some shows were weak, they still were about acceptable games. Due to sucking terribly, G4 merged with the popular technology & gaming channel TechTV. g. , creating G4TechTV, then due to egos, G4TV. Gaming-wise their biggest competitor was TechTV. TechTV was the number one technology & gaming channel on earth. TechTV had amazing shows and events... basically it was equal to a winnar.
TechTV went up for sale on the open market 'cause the old ZDTV guys are douchebags. Comcast (which owns G4) noticed this and then developed the perfect plan to "dominate" -which in their terms means FAIL. Here was their plan: Buy popular channel that's on almost all cable & sat providers, merge it with FAIL channel that's only available on Comcast's network, instantly have this crap shit broadcasted around the world, slowly push out the tech part, change name back to G4... after which no one knows WTF they did...
Because of this, G4 suffered the fate of MTV, VH1, and every other niche TV channel. The channel rarely, if ever, talks about video games. And much like MTV, they rarely, if ever, play any music videos.
G4 moves to E!, Comcast, smartening the fuck up, got rid of them. Or not.
It was announced that G4 would become the Esquire Channel starting in 2013. OH NOES!! HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS
As of 2015, G4 is dead! Game over man, game over!
G4 programming
- Attack of the Show Consists of nerds doing soft as soft can be softball interviews with pop culture people who slum enough to set foot on the show, showing strange ebay auctions, and discussing blogs they have found. Its pretty much like taking all the stupid shit your friends email you. Combined with a shitty public access tv show with hosts who are completely oblivious to the fact that they come off as huge tools. The "female" host on AOTS, Olivia Munn, is part Chinkese and is quoted to have a slanted vagina. Kevin, the other host, is an annoying fag who embodies everything toolish and fake about the network, to such an extent that even Morgan Webb finds Kevin to be a fraud of epic proportions. He also has a reputation of being a furfag on air, so he's doubly doomed. It's too bad, cause this show is now over!
- Banzai See: fucking stupid, AZN. Some people may remember this had aired and was canceled several years ago on network TV.
- Cinematech The show consists of cutscenes and gameplay videos from video games a slot dedicated entirely to whoring the station out for more money from piss-poor developers. See also: Machinima
- Cheaters What used to be a show dedicated to showing cheat codes and tricks to certain video games, now rebranded to just show everyone cucking on everyone else.
- Star Trek and Star Trek The Next Generation reruns, which aired until they realized that no one cared about Star Trek
- International Sexy Ladies Show A show where public domain porn from all over the globe is constantly interrupted by pointless commentary from losers and meatbeasts.
- Electronic Playground A formerly good show now turned into a shit-fest. This show has reviews of games that in the end all get 5/5's, so that the show's producers are swimming in cash and don't care if the fucking show even gets any popularity or interest at all. The host of the show now is Victor Lucas, a cocksucking motherfucker who "allegedly" loves to molest young boys and also loves to be a a true gamer. Over 9000 decades ago, Tommy Tallarico used to be on this show and was Victor's buttfucking buddy. But he left due to being diagnosed with AIDS.
- Star Trek 2.0 Basically the original Stark Trek with a news tickers at the top and bottom of the screen and a sidebar for trivia. Looking at it makes your eyes bleed.
- Cops Watch the opponents of the lulz arrest rednecks. Played all day, every day, forever and ever.
- Training Day A show which consists of a bunch of fratboy jocks talking about Madden. People who play Madden do not play other games and will therefore never watch G4. Madden fans will shell out $50 for the same game every year, no doubt masturbating to upgrades such as more realistic fans and 3 new stadiums to choose from.
- X-Play The only show currently airing that has anything to do with video games and is a fucking good show, srsly. That's too bad because this show is over too! It's dead now guys, move on.
- Hurl A stupid fucking show inspired by a scene from the movie Problem Child 2 where they pay losers to throw up for your lulz...if it was funny
Forums
Like the failed channel itself, the forums also contained much fail.
Halo 3 Countdown
A board made by G4. It was created for the purpose of trying to get the Halo crowd in their forums or to watch their channel. It still exists, even though Halo 3 has been out for FIVE AND A HALF FUCKING YEARS.
X-Play
Main article: X-Play
One of the most gay fucking boards in the history of gay shit. That's all there is to it.
G4 Gamer's Lounge
The Gamer's Lounge was a forum created for the whiney "veterans" of G4, by TheDude (Admin). The forum was created to satisfy all of the people from the "G4 The Show" forum (that's right - all three of them), and also to keep all the darkies in one place. The forum mostly consists of about 99% of the nigras who lurk on the G4 forums, and making just ONE thread about liking something else other then chicken or watermelons will result in constant flaming by Uppity Nigras. Expect to be attacked on sight if you bring up a question that doesn't involve Halo 3 or Mass Effect. At E3 2009, G4 had a physical Gamer's Lounge in which they chased out the passerby's because they were rapists trying to fuck Olivia.
Mod Abuse in G4 Gamer's Lounge
The Moderators of G4 treat The Gamer's Lounge just like the Police of LA treat the people in the 'hood. Senior Chief Mlegg usually sends Officer Ramos Gonzales to patrol the forum to make sure everyone stays in line. This involves Ramos picking a random black guy to arrest or to shoot at, and thus its' "Mission Complete."
The Real Truth
The mods do their job well most of the time, but usually overreact to stupid shit.
Off Topic
This channel is like /b/ but moderated and full of fail. ALL THEIR CONTENT IS STOLEN FROM 4Chan's /b/, but lately has toned it down and is now almost used for a blog for the users that frequent it. It is almost as bad as Gaia but with signatures as long as fuck that has all their Dox in it.
The only thing lately stolen from /b/ is a lame You Laugh You Lose thread, and the old PROFIT joke.
Notable OT fags
- Pouncy-The furfaggot of Offtopic. Who makes threads about stupid ass drama shit on G4, "ATTN:I'M SPECIAL". Since most people "open up to others" furfags were allowed a free pass to express their feelings every minute. The Nigras were helpless. Pouncy hasn't been to G4 since June. There are rumors out there that a couple of elite nigras went to Pouncy's house to kill the furfag himself. In fact there's evidence.
- GeneralIvan-Was perma banned but now posts under a different user name.
- s0m31john-Got V& for using the HTML feature in his sig.
- troy3001-He is the new punching bag for OT since L_mo got V& for posting snuff porn in G4's Dumpster forum. It's not hard to see why he's picked on though.
Mods of the Forums
Your mods consist of typical' tards who don't even know how to operate or choose the best forum software to use. This opens up exploits since lulzy raids and direct HTML's can be directed, such as Last Measure.
- The Dude- The admin of G4, he is extremely serious about his forums to the point of making essays of his seriousness. He is also known to complain anytime someone comments on his poor choice of forum software that he chose for the forums. Thedude however is a fucktard due to his seriousness, he can easily be trolled by anyone.
- Mlegg/Mikedow- A senior mod and typical faggot. He is known to stay on g4 so he can ban a troll or someone who speaks l33t. He also likes to point out that the internet is serious business. He is known to hate Goatse, and tubgirl.
- Ramos- Since G4 acts like Mcdonalds, Serving shit meals for a cheap buck and hiring people who can't speak English. G4 is the same, by hiring someone who doesn't know about video games or anything, they hire a Mexican who can't even speak English. Ramos is mostly a target from the Nigras of G4. Once he is hurt, he goes and bawwws to the senior mods, thus the man starts to do a old tyme lynching.
- ShiektheGeek- A typical Blap, you will find Shiek mostly locking threads every 20 hours or trying to find a better looking Japanese porn star to put in his sig. Since he isn't consistent with locking threads, most of the time you will see him spamming threads.
- MisterKalas- Another worthless mod, who doesn't do shit, but make threats about banning people.
- Loki- Aka loki is an old shit. He bans people for pointless things such as Racism and language.
- Belle- The only reason she was made a mod was because she's got a nice ass. I'd hit it.
DirectTV dispute
DirectTV dropped G4 from its channel lineup on November 1, 2010 because the two were "...unable to reach an agreement to continue carrying the G4 channel and it has been removed from the DirecTV channel lineup.". It was dropped from low ratings, as DirectTV only wants channels that bring in money.
— DirectTV pwning G4 on their service | ||
Only G4 and their few remaining fans bawwed while everyone else carried on living their normal lives. DirectTV also stated they didn't see the value of the network, which surprisingly only took them about two years to do...
Rebrand
In 2013 as a desperate attempt to save dying relevance of their already forgotten channel. G4 was rebranded as the Esquire Channel, a channel focused on shit you do in your daily lives such as cooking, fashion, sports and a bunch of shows stolen from other channels that aired in the 90s. HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS Esquire Channel was launched as it's one channel, while G4 was left to die with cancer as it deserved. More channels kept shutting down due to more people realizing how much of a waste of time G4 was. nobody even noticed when these channels shut down.
Shutdown
On December 31, 2014, G4 became an hero and ceased all programming. It turns out, there is a God after all!!
Return
On July 24, 2020 a teaser for the revival of G4 appeared on Twatter; On October 12, 2021 it was announced an official relaunch on November 16, 2021. Nobody gave a shit about G4, or even asked it to return, and nobody gives a shit about the network "coming back."
The channel has new hosts, weren't faceable like Olivia Munn. Instead you got a bunch of a bunch of generic corporate NPCs like The Completionist (Jirard "Y'know My Mother Died 10 Years Ago, Right?" Khalil), who were hired for "representation". Because of the lack of Olivia Munn's tits, nobody cared. Basically all the white knight pandering garbage was gone and replaced with soulless corporate ugly millennials that don't even play games.
Until they gave up pretending to be gamers and started forcing their libtard agenda down peoples throats. On Twatter the host started calling any person that dared to criticize them a racist, fascist, bigot, as they believe all Republicans are the worst of society. G4 actually got their wanted attention in the end, not from people actually watching their channel, but from everybody roasting them to shame on Twatter.
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G4 is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |
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G4 is part of a series on Visit the Television Portal for complete coverage. |
| Featured article January 22 through January 23, 2022 | ||
| Preceded by Denial of Service |
G4 | Succeeded by WingsofRedemption |