Encyclopedia Dramatica:Why not pie?
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Pie is a delicious treat in any country, but varies from each to the next. It comes in two forms, the American Pie that is generally fruit-based, and the British Pie that is meat-based. You can create pie by combining pastry and filling in a pan. Æ does not currently have support for automated pies.
Pie was invented by Darren Aronofsky in 1998 and is named after the Greek letter π, because both are circular and Archimedes was a fatty. Archimedes preferred the British Pie variant.
Reasons not to pie
Because Æ is built primarily on the internet, the internet must be easy accessible. Pies diminish this ability by distracting the reader with luscious fillings, by confusing the reader as to why they would want the internet when they have pie, and by raping Mwells.
Common mistakes with pies
Plural pies are better than singular pie (or vice versa)
This is a mess, because rational logic would show that if one pie is good, then many pies is better. Unfortunately the reverse is often true - if a reader has too many pies then they become fat, and will either kill themselves from shame or die from a routine medical procedure.
Note: generally speaking one pie is enough. It is easy to have many pies, because they taste delicious, but it is better not to.
Already have a pie
This breeds confusion because while having a pie serves as a status symbol, you should not accumulate more pies while you already have one. Anybody who has eaten a pie will be of the expectation that you are getting pies to eat them - when they see you already have one then they probably won't give you one, or will give you one only in exchange for the one you already have. The solution for this is to either eat the pie you have, put it into a refrigerator for storage, or eat the person not giving you any more pie.
What the fuck are you eating for?
Seriously, this makes no sense - when you eat then you have to poop. You're eating pie just so you can shit it out later. In other words, you're wasting time and money. Breatharians have conclusively proven that eating isn't necessary.
It's fucking backwards, n00b
As the title suggests, messing with the pie is just like fucking backwards: it hardly works and even if it will, you'll just end up in teh internets (or similar series of tubes) as some kind of laughing stock.
Reasons to Pie
Fats, mainly. You can also pie if you desire a delicious taste in your mouth. For example, to eat a pie you could walk to the nearest store, but you would most likely want to order it over the internet, which yields the maximum fat per pie.