Death Van

Their candy is lethal.

Unlike the party van, the Death van is taking the law to the extreme-kinda like Judge Dredd. If you fuck up, you get a permanent IRL ban. Where in the world are these vehicles being utilized? How can this be legal? Easy! China!

Azns in general have a fucked-up way of dealing with everyday problems like over-population. Since having a male child is important, and your first kid turns out female, she either gets sold or drowned and they continue to breed until the woman gets it right. Theoretically, this should work greatly to diminish the breeding population as there will be no women left to bear children. The side effects of this is why they now have the vans of death. Men find that females are scarce and they hate the butthurt from gay sex so get frustrated sexually and wreak havok. Also for sport many steal, pillage and rape.

Naturally, in any civilized territory, this kind of behavior warrants swift retribution. According to these articles , the heathen Chinese have been using lethal injection more frequently recently and have stepped up to the ranks of the United States and Singapore with their humane treatment of terminally guilty criminals. It makes one wonder if they are now no longer a third world country as they aren't dispatching their murderers and rapists with Chinese water torture and firing squads.

Among some thoughtful philosophers, the very idea of these rolling execution chambers makes has them horrified instead of stunned by the awesomeness that they truly are. Conspiracy abounds as critics of the death van conclude that China is really using the vans to chop your organs on the black market. Well, duh! That's China's major export, along with crappily made impulse items and avian flu.

Known Victims and People We'd Like to See Take A Ride

A bad motherfucker by the name of Zhang Shiqiang, who was such a ornery cunt his dad cut one of his fingers off for stealing at the age of 13, was one of the first to take a ride in the death van at age 38 for double rape in 2004. Another fellow named Yuan Baojing was put to death March 2008, for murder by contract. 68 different crimes that are common misdemeanors here are punishable by death in China, such as rape, CP, and bad artwork. The glossy full-color brochure at the death van outlet in Jinguan is convieniently printed in both Chinese and English so that the American goverment fanbois can make their order and we will have a shiny new fleet of awesome death vans. Certainly there are a few public executions we'd all like to see, namely:

• Josef Fritzl
• Chris Forcand
• Rosie O'Donnell
• Satan Claus
• Ohbutyouwillpet
• Bigboxbear
• Anyone who contributes to Yiffstar

a look inside the high-capacity model in action!

See Also

• Death Cat
• Justice
• China
• Coffin
• Death
• Dr Kevorkian
• Party van