Chelle

Chelle is one of the Paganism:3's biggest retards. Pretending to know everything about paganism, Wicca and magic, she rivals even the fatso Son of Art.

Appearance

Chelle and her sugar-daddy pose for the Republican news bulletin.

Ever wondered what Anna Nicole Smith would look like if she'd lived to 120 and been dragged through a gutter? Yeah me neither. But Chelle is probably the closest living example.

According to most people, Chelle looks like a over-dried shit that's been left out in the sun too long. With over-bleached blonde hair that looks like a woolly mammoth's pubic mass, Chelle frequently considers herself to be "hot stuff", licking her scaly lips whenever a potential customer passes her vision. A good tactic for avoiding her tramp-gaze is to remain perfectly still; Chelle's species can only sense movement.

After booming out several children for her military husband, in an effort to keep getting some of his paychecks, Chelle's looks took a turn for the worse. No longer trying to stay pretty because of getting sperm poisoning, Chelle's face soon began to look like the waste bin of a Chernobyl abortion clinic.

The Yahoo Years

With dried out prune-skin to rival even the crypt-keeper, Chelle became an internet addict, using the Paganism:3 to try and remedy her loneliness of her husband ditching her pathetic ass for the ragheads in Iraq. Realizing that nobody could see what a worthless slab of fat she is, or that her teeth are so mangled it looks like her tongue is in prison, she began to assert herself by bullshitting about every topic imaginable.

When being proven wrong on even the most basic things (such as dictionaries telling people word's meanings, or sentences meaning someone has been talking) Chelle will resort to a royal tantrum and pissing-fest. She will kick and thrash her tubby little arms and legs and scream "u r a fluffy!!!111" in an ugly font which is about as color coordinated as Ronald McDonald. Not realizing that she's the biggest joke to ever grace the religion of paganism, Chelle believes that she really is one of the "elite", even while knowing as much about paganism as one's scrotum. The sad fact is, Chelle is just as fluffy and pathetic as the losers she tries to bash.

Hopefully she'll choke on her Llewellyn books and get wheelbarrowed to the morgue.

Leech Upon Society

This is one of the crabs that crawled out of Chelle's mangled cunt. She calls it her 'child', but what would a whore like her know? amirite?

Chelle is also known for being a leech upon society. With a husband in Iraq, fighting against Muslims, Chelle has nothing to do but eat and scratch her cottage-cheese ass. After eating a small-country's worth of food while chatting on Paganism:3 'til the early hours of the morning, doctors officially decided that Chelle's blood type was ragu. Chelle used this diagnosis to claim yet more benefits from the government, using hard-earned tax-dollars to support herself and the brats she calls kids.

UPDATE Chelle's grandfather has just died. I think I would die too to get away from a skank like her. It's a shame he didn't die sooner. :(