Life Coach

A life coach(also known as a cult leader) is a charlatan and a deep thinker who is simply too patheic to get a job at anything, so he attemps to make a living by throwing far-reaching promises he can't fullfil, althought he at least bothers to use rhteorical garbage new age bullshit as explanations for how he is going to fullfil his promises. No matter how dumb and meanigless his advices and arguements are, there will always be some people who haven't realized ghosts aren't real that will actually eat his every word and will view him as an awesome guru, which is why life coaches do often succed in making a living out of their "coaching" even thought they have about the same amount of braincells as the the typical DBZ fanboy.

Properties

1. He has no education whatsoever at anything, sometimes expect from a institution with no requirements that gives a coaching license after less learning hours than the averge time it takes to eat a candy.

2. He is good at answering every question he's asked about anything(usually by attacking the questioner's personality("you do not posses my magical powers so your question is flawed") instead of actually answering his question or inveting baseless answers out of his ass that the questioner would lick his ass to)

3. He has infinite amounts of free time and his family ignores him(or is dead) - so that he can spy on his belivers at all of his time and do the most vacid crap imagineable.

4. Sometimes he does what he does simply because he wants intercourse. That works too.

How to become a life coach

a. Study something either in the institution above or pull joyful arguements out of your ass. Don't worry, it doens't really matter which of the 2 options above you choose, if you're questioned about your authority, even "I went pew pew on my dog yesterday and he ran away!" will do.

b. Open a website on WordPress with your name or mystical password and buy a personal domain. Not everyone have relized that today, an averge 13 year old boy can do that easily alone.

c. Write that you can help people in a really awesome way(like giving motivation, immortal life, etc), without explaining how clearly.

d. Mock everyone expect yourself, to make people think that you with your special powers(usually it's either wisdom or some mystical shit) are literally disrespectfull god.

e. Only accept to "help" asspies.

f. Meet up with them(either in groups or one by one or both) and make sure to take over 9000 dolars of money for every meeting, and pull advices out of your ass that are related to your special power. Make sure to leave every meeting with something unfinished so that they keep coming often.

g. Spy on all of them and make sure to respone to every arguement against you that reveales what you're hiding they read. They'll be on Facebook usually since this is where the dumbest people on earth post their opinions, like your belivers, so don't be too hard-pressed to become a life coach beacause of this.

See also

1. New Age
2. New Age Bullshit Generator - This is the main source of the rhetorical garbage the Life coaches and cult leaders use.
3. the official inspiration generator for alternative medicine] - This is the main source of the alternative medicine which so many 13 year olds love to belive in.
4. Deep thinker
5. Philosophy
6. Cult