James Emails 4

Email exchange between James Terry Mitchell Jr and Rick's girlfriend from James Emails 1,James Emails 2, and James Emails 3, Linda.

Emails

Linda [<REDACTED>]
Aug 21

to mitchelljames37 
Hi James! 

You know this isn't the first time we've communicated. I left a message on one of your videos maybe two weeks back. My sweet Rick had mentioned you more than once and how you and I share a... shall we say desire for certain illegal things. He's talked to me about you and the trials and tribulations you've been through. LOL! That's something Rick would say, he's quite the cunning linguist. LOL! 

I'm back home for the moment. It's not home not really because I don't have a home but it's a place I can go back to at the end of the day. I can't settle down. I always need to see something else. Visit another place. Experience something new. But through it all my Rick is my only real anchor and the closest thing I have to coming home is when the two of us meet.  I'm currently sitting here, drinking wine, feeling a little melancholy, missing him already and figured I'd drop you a line like I had promised. 

AS you can see, my name is Linda. I'm a couple years older than RIck but I'm not saying how old that is because a lady never reveals her age. LOL! Yeah! I'm no lady but I'm still not telling you my age. :P

I was molested by my cousin at a young age but instead of being angry or hurt by this I liked it and we continued doing it for a couple years later. That is until he came in my mouth for the first time. I freaked out and was retching like I was going to be sick. He was freaking out because that had never happened before and my Mom found us like that, blamed him and said never to come near me again. She thought he was taking advantage of me but I was taking advantage of him as well. Things were strained in our family for a while because of it and eventually his family moved away and we never heard from them again. But that set me down the path I'm currently walking. I'm think I'm a little tipsy because I usually don't talk like this on the first email. 

So tell me about yourself sweetie. Rick filled me in on a few things but I like to hear it directly from you. And please feel free to ask me anything within reason of course. 

Love,

Lady Linda

James Mitchell <[email protected]>
Aug 22

to me 
Well hello there.

A little something about myself?

I'm 30 a bit rotund (okay a lot rotund)
I'm also a bit of a horndog so if I ever go to far please let me know.

I'm addicted to cuddling and boobies. Lol.

I love all things cute and girly. I love cats.

One of the things I have always wanted to see video of but can't find no matter how I try is a topless woman playing with a cat. If you ever see that send it my way lqtm.

I'm not really  /that/ pedophilic I just like little girls a lot. I made love with that girl because I loved her and she let me. I didn't wanna fuck a child it just so happened that the soul I fell in love with happened to be in the body of a 9 year old girl. In fact before her I had 0 pedophilic desire in fact it is mostly nostalgia for her when I see other little girls and smile.

Or just that they're adorable. When I look at a little girl that isn't sexy to me I see a kitten and I love her as such.

Now, as to adult women with child like attributes. Do you know about kitty katzu? Or amai liu or lupe fuentes? I don't know if you like big boobs or not but there's a woman I love that her face looks like a 5-10 year old but her boobies are as big as a pregnant woman's belly. Her name is Anorei collins aka Lexxxi luxe. She is a sweetheart.

Are there any you like you can tell me about? Oh and there's a neat board I go to occasionally



Http://8ch.net/phile

You might enjoy it. But please don't act on your urges rick loves you and he doesn't want you going to jail. If you need an outlet for your urges a person to talk to I'm always here for you. I'm even willing to role play if that'll help keep you from doing anything.

I'm also available as a lover (not asking just offering) I'm willing to shave and act like a little boy for you. I'm sorry if that's too forward, I'm just lonely.

Big hugs and a kiss on your head. Hope to hear from you soon.

Linda [<REDACTED>]
Aug 22

to James 
HI James! 

I'm so happy you got back to me, it makes a woman feel wanted! LOL!

It's morning and I'm having a second cup of coffee. It makes me miss Rick's coffee. He's a total Javahead and makes the best coffee. He's also amazing in the kitchen, and in the den, and the bedroom, and the shower.. LOL!

Since you painted such a picture as you did I think turnaround is fair play? 

I'm 5'6", strawberry blonde hair and 36-25-36. Not too big, not too small, everything is juuuuuust right. RIck likes to say that my ass is a work of art. LOL!  Are you an ass man James? Most guys are when it comes down to it even if they don't want to admit it. I keep in shape by doing yoga and aerobics. I hate having to go to the gym because it's always so annoying with all those people on display. Yes yes yes, I know you're there and you're watching me work out. And no, I'm not going to fuck you but I will tease you and flirt like you wouldn't believe. Why would I want any of those overdeveloped men when the younger, smoother and more lithe bodies are where it's at?

You're a horndog? That's cool. I like sex too. It's fun. But nothing beats spending time with my little Rick. If I could stay in one place long enough I'd have made him all mine but I can't deny who I am now can I? But I'm betting you like 'em large. Most guys like big boobs. I don't but I do understand the power mine have! LOL! 
 
Cute and girly? I'm definitely cute and a girl but I'm not really girly. I do understand your attraction to that because little girls are so adoreable. But you are pedophilic, you just don't want to admit it to yourself because of the stigma. I'm totally a pedophile. I admit it where and when I'm able to. This is a safe space James. You can admit it and give in to your desires. I'm not going to judge after all I'd have to judge myself as well. Rick isn't going to judge you either because then he'd have to judge me as well and he loves me too much to do that! LOL! 

Oh GOD yes! There's a reason I've been to Cambodia and Thailand and the Philippines so often. Some of the girls there look young but are totall legal. A lot of the boys too. Naturally not hairy except maybe the crotch and it's been fashionable to shave there for a while. So there's nothing between you but a smooth, hard shaft or a beautiful pussy. And if you know where to go and who to ask you can find some tasty under age morsels as well. They're so eager to please and so adoreable. I had a mother / son team on my last trip. It was amazing. But yes, Kitty Katzu and Little Lupe are amazing. I still want to see them work together or with somebody like Kitty Jung but too often they're with big gross men to accentuate the size difference. Why not a beautiful twink once in a while? But you take what you can get. 

Ick! No! BIg tits are gross! They're right up there with a big hairy cock and make me want to throw up. I still don't understand why Rick chose to marry that cow. She's a fucking heiffer with big teats and a fat ass. I'm surprised he doesn't milk her and make her go "mooo"! 

Hold on. You claim you're not a pedophile but you go to a pedophile board? And yes there are ones I might be able to get you an invitation to but I need to be sure about you first and make sure you're okay. But you then say you're not a pedophile so why would you want to go to any of them? The truth James. Even if it's painful to you, I want the truth. I need to know I can trust you and this is the first step. No side stepping the issue. 

Yes, that man is so sweet and he'd do so much for me just like I'd do anything for him. He wants to protect me but I can take care of my own and it's not like talking to other pedophiles is going to mess me up. With this face and this body I can find anybody I want to fuck. Where I am right now it's 16 and it's possible to find some late bloomers here and there if you know where to look. I wouldn't try anything here where the laws are so strict. But in places where they're more lax or non-existent it's a different matter completely! LOL!

And thank you James. That's sweet but you're a big boy and nowhere near a twink. I'd be happy to e-mail you and even give you advice and sometimes if I'm feeling naughty tell you dirty stories but I won't ever fuck you. It's not you, it's me. I have very specific tastes.

It's almost 9am and I'm meeting a friend soon so I need to get ready and look my best. Oh who am I kidding, I always look good! LOL!

Hope to hear from you soon,

Linda

James Mitchell <[email protected]>
Aug 22

to me 
You know, I don't like coffee, it gives me the runs. 

Unless I'm fucking a girls asshole I don't really care about butt. I'm a boob man. I can play with them for hours. I love boobs so much I can orgasm just from suckling. I won't ejaculate but I can cum. 

36 what cup size? 

I'm quasipedophilic I'll admit if there were no age of consent and I met a nice little girl and she were sexually active and wanted some dick I'd take her to pound town but I would be thinking of an adult woman to finish just like if I'm with an adult woman I think about a little girl to get started. I'm weird that way. I'm actually hard just thinking about the fact that a woman is okay with talking to me about this stuff. Seriously if I could find an adult woman into ageplay that was accepting of my past and my kinks I'd be delirious. The fact is I like little girls but I much prefer adult women. The little girl thing that's just a turn on it's a really small fraction of the overall things I find sexy pie. Like imagine a pie chart denoting what you would do with a million dollars. My pedophilia is the give to a charity slice and boobs is the live my hearts desire slice. I wanna suckle a boob the size of one of those balls in front of Target. 

Now, honestly no pretense if no law prevented it and I knew my penis would fit and she would enjoy it I put no minimum or maximum age on female I allow to use my penis for their pleasure. Betty white was hot well into her 80's she took a bad turn at 90 though woof. I'm seriously most attracted sexually to women 18-45. Now the kid range is 9-14. 14-18 girls are such bitches I wouldn't date them even if it were legal. And even the 9-14 year olds I would only wanna fool around unless they were highly active before me and I won't tear their insides up. 

Kitty is retired and lupe got a nasty boob job. :( 

My favorite pornstar is ana devine. Of course she's really mature you would probably hate her. 

I have to ask when you would fuck the boys didn't their small penises leave you frustrated? I'm sorry I'm so hung up on size it's just society acts like every woman is a sizequeen and anyone that says they're not is either a man with a small dick or a woman lying about it and it really hurts my feelings. I'm sure that to some women I would be small and to others I would be too big I just hate that I only ever had one woman say ouch. It wasn't the 9 year old. She hissed a little because I was too long for her and it hurt but as soon as I found her limits I only put in 4/6ths well it was 4/7ths back then but I've gained weight since then lqtm. But with the woman I asked if she was okay she took a few deep breaths and told me to keep going and I said she sounded like she was in pain and she said she was enjoying it so I went ahead and pounded and we both came in 2 minutes. Fastest I've ever came in a pussy. 

Ok I'm a pedophile but not exclusively and I much prefer women. Just like a bi guy that prefers women but doesn't mind being a little gay now and then. If it were all legal I would have child porn but it would be mixed in with the adult stuff I need an adult woman in the picture or else I can't finish. 

Well that's all for now. Hope you had fun with your friend it's 22:10 here and I had a busy day walked a mile to the store. Also I probably walked half a mile in Walmart earlier in the day and I was wearing skateboard shoes cause my supportive shoes were wet. Anyway I'm really tired so I'm going to bed soon. 

Um if you want to role play I would enjoy that. Just saying. 

Linda [<REDACTED>]
Aug 23

to James 
Hey sweetie! 

I had such a good day yesterday. I met up with a friend in Vancouver and her girlfriend. The friend and I go way back, like a couple months when I helped smuggle her out of Alaska to Vancouver to be with her online girlfriend. She was so eager to please during our time together and I needed a nice pair of tits and juicy pussy to play with after having nothing but cock for the past few days. Not that being with Rick is bad, it's heaven, but he's only got part of what I'm looking for. LOL! So we hook up along with her girlfriend who was cute and hairless which is a big plus and just fucked the day away. Went to sleep in my big old bed and this morning after breakfast, and more sex, I let them go. At least I now have some more friends in Vancouver the next time I pass through there. 

Really? I love coffee and Rick's is the best. He's actually the one that got me hooked on it. Nasty boy! LOL!

I love tits too. But I guess you like them large like most guys. I prefer an A cup but with big puffy nipples if possible. It's one of the reasons I love Thailand so much. The girls there are tiny and don't get boob jobs.

It really depends on the maker because I'm halfway between a regular and a C so sometimes a regular cup fits and other times I need to get a C cup. It makes buying bras difficult and sometimes I just wish I didn't have to wear the damn things! LOL!

I knew it. I can always sense another pedophile. That story you said about making love to a mother and her daughter was key. Nobody other than a pedophile would want to involve children when they're with an adult. I'm sure that there are women out there willing to indulge you. You just need to be able to give them what they need in return. We're really complicated when you get below the surface but every woman wants three things from her partner. They want to know that they are loved. They want to know that they are protected. And they want to know that they're not being taken advantage of. It's very important to us that we can trust you before we can give ourselves to you. But that's something for another time. 

Damn! You really do like them big! LOL! 

And there you go. I said you could be honest with me and I wouldn't judge. When it comes to me, like you, I take what I can get. I prefer boys around 10-12 years old because that's when they start to get interested in sex. They might not be active or want to fuck but they're curious and they don't cum. Typically I'll go for boys that are 13 or 14, more than that and they all start getting body hair and mess things up by cumming all over the place. Girls are a little more flexible, I'd say the youngest I'd like is 6. Just like you'd like to have a young girl watching you take her mother and have her join in, I'd like the same thing but have a child of 6 and it's me and her mother who are teaching her about sex and how good things feel and how not to be ashamed of it. There's too much shame when it comes to sex and there shouldn't be. It's natural but then all the religious people come in and poison it all. The oldest I normally go for with girls is 18. Actually that's not true, I've had some 20 year olds in college before but that was when I was in college and I just took what I could. Like you, if age of consent didn't exist I'd be all over the young ones and show them what good love is all about. 

Yes I know, it's so sad. But I really liked Lupe not only for her looks but her love for her fans. I remember hearing that some guy bought a Little Lupe DVD in Brazil or Mexico or somewhere and when he came back to the United States he was caught by customs because they thought it was child porn. She showed up at the hearing and testified that she was over 18 and showed her birth certificate and everything. That's really nice of her. 

Good call on Ava. Her tits are way too big and I'm sorry but she looks like a ladyboy. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Some ladyboys are quite attractive and it's funny, they take so many hormones that they can't get an erection and some can't even cum. It's a shame, if they could only get hard they'd be the best of both worlds. A pretty face, hairless body, breasts that aren't huge and a nice hard cock that you can ride for hours. 

You boys are always so hung up on size. Why is that? Believe me when I tell you that most women don't want a monster dong inside them. They want a guy with an average cock but who is willing to work for it. Rick is average and he's perfect. He's not too big. Not too small. I'm able to get the head in my mouth. He doesn't stretch me too much. He's literally a perfect fit for me. And when it comes to small cocks like for the youngsters, well like you and your looking at children to get you hard, it's the idea of getting fucked by a boy that gets me hot and bothered. That and all the playing before and afterwards is usually enough. But there have been times that I've had to masturbate afterwards or use them to help me get off. Don't worry so much about the size of your cock. I'm sure it's fine. 

I think you're hiding a bit and making excuses after the breakthrough we made earlier. 

I'm going to make a little scenario and I'd like an honest answer. Don't think about telling me what you think I want to hear. I want you to tell me what it is you want. Tomorrow the age of consent will be lowered to 10. There's a little neighbor girl at that age who has always looked at you with stars in her eyes. You're her hero. You are the biggest, strongest and handsomest man she knows so much so that she decides to be with you. She comes to your door and says, "James, I love you and I want to have sex with you." She's legal, still has her child body and no secondary sexual aspects. Flattered by this you agree and you take her back to your room and the both of you get comfortable. You undress, start to kiss and make out but she's too small to take you. You try but can't get more than the tip inside and it's obvious you're hurting her. But instead of that you come up with a different way to make love to her. Instead of having her take you, fuck her between her legs. This can be done by either her straddling you and sliding up and down along your penis or instead of inserting it, you just rub it along the outside of her pussy. This way you get the stiumulation and eventually cum. She's not satisfied however and you want to make her cum. So you get down there and use your tongue. Then try using one of your fingers on her. It's a good fit and after finger banging her she cums as well. Do you continue with her and you're now a couple or would you tell her to get lost, in a nice way, because you want her to be older? What would you do in that situation? 

Not really into role playing. I'd rather play for real with the person in front of me. But feel free to ask me anything James. As I said, I can give you advice on women and maybe even a few tips on grooming children in case you're interested. Not suggesting you do that but the offer is there. 

Later James.

James Mitchell <[email protected]>
Aug 23

to me 
I really enjoy your letters. 

I hope you don't get offended but I would love to see them if you don't mind. It's fine if the answer is no, it's your body and I respect your right to privacy. 

If you don't want to wear a bra then don't, unless a woman needs it as a support garment I don't think any woman should wear a bra. They cost too much and they get in the way. 

Yep I want a waterbed with a nipple I can pretend is the breast of a giantess. 

The honest answer to why men are hung up on size is society. People make jokes about it and if you want to hurt a man nothing hurts worse than saying he's small. It implies that it is impossible for him to make a woman cum with his dick and if you can't make a girl cum she'll leave you and you will never get a woman to love you for life and you will be alone and unloved forever. It hurts our feelings to be called small because we are insecure about keeping a woman forever. 

How am I hiding?

Wow. 1st off thanks for the erection lol, secondly. To be honest I would make her cum first I have never been one to pop first. And in the between the thighs part I would be sure to rub her clit as well if I could only get the head in I would see if she were on her period yet if not I would pop the head in when I come and use it as internal lubricant to try to inch it in a bit more. If she is anatomically incapable of it I would try anal the anus is remarkably elastic I would stretch out her anus until she could take and enjoy it. If that also proved impossible I would wash it and see if she could suck it I would have her suck as much as possible and jerk off so I could cum for her. If she hates it like you do we would just fool around from then on and hopefully she can grow up and take me. If it's a birth defect and her pussy never grows I guess we could just fool around and have tons of bj's cunnilingus and anal if it also doesn't grow I'll fuck her butt crack or thighs or feet or pits I'll find a way. But they have dilator medical devices that can stretch her if need be. Sorry I'm so hung up on that part. But either way if she legitimately loves me and wants me I would find a way to make it work. To paraphrase jeff goldblum love, uh... finds a way. But honestly I would prefer an adult woman. I like women like nicki minaj or nicole austin or gates mcfadden or cybill shepherd (not sure of spelling) or kelly bishop or idina menzel especially in the elfaba makeup I love green and blue women. Anyway yes I looove little girls but my primary objects of lust are busty women in their late 20's all 30's and early 40's I prefer the maturity that comes with age. That's why Claudia from Interview with the Vampire has always been a dream girl to me. The grace and sophisticated manner of a 60 year old woman in the lithe fragile form of a 10 year old girl. And as a bonus vampire strength so I could fuck the hell out of her and she would heal almost instantly. Sorry bit of a tangent there. 

Really my ideal woman would have a childs body but with an adult mind and orifi so I could pound away and not hurt her. I'm usually a gentle lover but sometimes I just want to (CONSENSUALLY) rape a bitch you know what I mean. It's really rare and only when I have been working out a lot and have elevated testosterone. That's why I don't work out a lot I'm scared of the monster I become. 

Okay I'm sorry if this offends you and feel free to say no and I will respect you if you do, but would you mind taking a look at me nude and telling me if you think I would be attractive to women that like adult men and tell me if I'm well endowed in your opinion? I'm sorry if that's gross to ask you just seem nice and I feel comfortable around you and I was just curious what you would think. Please don't yell at me about this. 

Linda [<REDACTED>]
Aug 23

to James 
Afternoon James! 

You know what I love about Vancouver? The weather. I know a lot of people are sick of it because of all the rain but I love the city right after a rainfall. I love the rain too especially at night. It's so soothing to listen to the rain falling when you're in bed with a friend, just lying there after having mind blowing sex, maybe smoking a little weed or having a glass of wine. It's almost magical. Of course Vancouver is also known for it's high grade marijuana. It's almost legal here. That means unless you have a lot or you're selling the cops won't hassle you. I've seen people sitting outside in the park and toking away while the police walk right on by. It's too bad Rick is such a stick in the mud when it comes to this stuff. "Mr. Healthy Body" won't smoke anything or even try vaping but he is up for treats made with hash or marijuana. One of these days I want to get him stoned and see what he's like! LOL!

Thanks sweetie! It's always nice to meet somebody new. Who knows? Maybe one of these days the winds will blow me around your town. We'll go to a McDonald's where they have a playland and look at the children playing. Where do you live again? 

You'd love to see what? My tits? WOW! You don't mess around do you! LOL! I don't know how comfortable I am with that and the fact that you just mentioned it after only a couple days of knowing me is borderline creepy. James, I don't want you to get the wrong idea here. I'm not interested in you sexually. I know it's bad to say but you don't have anything I want. Also the kind of picture you're asking for I would only give to somebody who I was intimate with and only if I get one in return. It's a trust issue. I don't want my picture floating around the internet because I know how easy it is for that to happen. I don't want you to feel bad about it babe, but asking me for this especially now and the answer has to be no. I'm sorry and let's not speak of this again. 

When I was a teenager or in my 20's I could get away with it and I did. But time, and gravity have pulled a lot of things south. I need support for my girls and they still look great in a lacy bra. LOL!

Damn! You've really into tits! I know a lot of guys are but... damn! And wouldn't the nipple taste like plastic? 

No it hurts your feelings because you place too much emphasis on those things. Let me ask you a question, when I get together with a woman, who has the penis? The answer is neither one unless we're using a strap on or having some dildo or vibrator play but that's just a tool like the thing between your legs. You've got fingers? You've got a tongue? Are you able to use them and listen to what a woman needs? Then you don't need to worry about how big you are. Satisfy a woman by just using your fingers and you're a god. Satisfy a woman by licking her to orgasm and she'll love you forever. Finish off in her too quickly because you couldn't hold back and then lie there like a fish on land gasping for breath? She won't call you the next day or ever for that matter. I refuse to believe you've got a baby cock down there. You just need to be more confident. And if you really need confirmation I'm sure there are sites that will let you know.

You're sometimes evasive and don't answer direct questions. This is why I'm sensing that you're not being completely honest with me. A lie by omission is still a lie. Call it woman's intuition but I'm thinking there's a lot more going on there than you're letting on. 

Glad I could help but you didn't really answer my question. This ties in with what I said earlier. You don't answer, you interpret and give what you think is the answer. You jump around and take it in a strange direction. What I wanted to know before you went on about dialators. fucking her ass and waiting until she's on her period although how do you expect a girl who's not hit puberty yet to have a period I'll never know, was would you do her until she cums and then push her out the door because you want her to be older or would you stay with her? Remember, this is an underage girl who has no tits, no hair on her pretty pussy and no sexual characteristics. She's a child. You said that children get you hard but only women get you off. How would that work with her. Please, try to stay on point and answer the question. 

I can tell you what I'd do in that case. Keep her because if some gorgeous child wants to make me happy and I can teach her the ways of sex and it's legal then there's no reason not to give in and enjoy ourselves. 

You see this is what I'm talking about. You mention that it's a child that gets you hard but you need a woman to get you off but here you have a mature mind in the body of a child. It's still physically a child. She has no tits. She has no hips. She has nothing of the sort. You're sending out mixed signals here and I'm beginning to wonder if you really know what you want?

You really are forward and I'm really not comfortable with this because it sounds like you're trying to pick me up or want me to fuck you or I don't know what you want. I'm putting this out there right now. I will not fuck you. I will never fuck you . I will never suck your cock. I will never let you play with my tits. I will never let you beat off to my pictures and I'm sorry for talking to you candidly about sex because  I don't think you're mature enough to handle it. We can continue this if you want but if you ever ask me to do something disgusting like that again I will just not respond and trust me Rick will hear about this. 

Are we understood? 

James Mitchell <[email protected]>
	
Aug 23
	
to me
I just got a message from rick saying that I shouldn't ask you to look at me he said you're nice enough to look and say it's fine but he thinks it would gross you out.

I don't want to gross you out. And I apologize if I crossed the line.

You were very nice to me and I guess I have a bad habit of getting attached too fast.

Again please forgive me.

I do still want to show you but not if it would disgusting for you.

Hugs & kisses.

Linda <[REDACTED]>
	
Aug 23
	
to James
I'm going to ask you a question. Are you retarded? Seriously that's the only answer I can come up with. 

You know what? Don't respond to me. Right now I don't think I can handle talking to you because you're way too creepy.

James Mitchell <[email protected]>
Aug 23

to me 
I'm sorry to answer this but I'm compelled to. 

Your body your choice.

See above.

Yeah, didn't really think that one through, it was metaphor anyway. 

I know it doesn't Really matter but it is still talked about as if it did and most dildos are huge and the only reason vibrators aren't is cause they don't need to be. Why aren't there 5 inch dildos if size doesn't matter? I'm sorry but I've had this hate in my heart for decades it's gonna take a lot to get over it. I often have genie in a bottle fantasies where I either wish to be big enough to satisfy every woman in the world or to have a magically morphing one that'll grow or shrink depending on who I'm with and sometimes in my more morbid fantasy I wish that every woman in the world that would think I'm small drops dead. I'm ridiculously hung up on this our society makes it seem like all a man is is a walking penis and if he's small he's worthless. And honestly yes sometimes it feels like I do have a baby penis . Imagine any and every bodily flaw you hate about yourself all of it compressed into one body part that is simultaneously your biggest source of pride and of shame that you fear being ridiculed for and anytime anyone praised it you feel like a god able to do anything. THAT is what having a penis is like for a man or at least for me it is. As for sites to rate it the vast majority of the dick rate sites i have found have been exclusively gay men and their opinion is worthless to me. 

Okay direct question direct answer. I would fool around with her and maybe date her if she were mature and held my interest but if she was just a dumb kid I'd diddle her and keep her as a plaything but if I could get a real woman I'd send the kid packing okay. I didn't wanna admit I'm a heartless asshole but there there's your fucking answer and I hate myself for it. Okay I know the right thing to do is to love her forever because that's what love is supposed to fucking be but if my dick don't fit AND you ain't smart enough to keep me interested then you gotta go. God I hate that that's what I would do in that situation but I know myself well enough to know that is what would happen. 

The mature mind in a child body is guess what? An adult woman that just has a small body it's more the size difference than the innocence of a child. Hell you give me the option of a challenging intellectually stimulating child or an obedient love slave adult woman who is nothing more than a collection of willing holes I'll take the kid like 6 times outta ten. I may be just a horndog that thinks with his dick too much but I also have a heart and a mind that need stimulation as well. That is why I want the adult mind. I would be equally as aroused by a giantess I get off on size differences. If I'm the giant I get to be protective and strong if I'm the smaller one I can be the weaker one. I also love to subvert that dynamic by in my fantasies being dominated by a tiny woman. I'm weird like that. 

I honestly can't talk openly about sex with a woman I either fall in love or get uncomfortable and it stirs up all kinds of weird emotions. 

I know neither of you are going to talk to me again but I just want to say it has been fun and I hope someday you will forgive me. 

But to answer your question yes I am retarded. I'm smart when it comes to flat facts and trivia but about interpersonal relationships I am retarded. It comes from my Aspergers disorder. I'm not blaming the disease I'm the bad guy I know I don't deserve any friends. I knew it was only a matter of time before I would lose rick too just like every other friends I've ever had. I'm honestly surprised it lasted this long. 

But as a last thought I just want to say I love you both just as I love everyone and hopefully one day you will forgive me. 

Goodbye. 

Linda [<REDACTED>]
Aug 24

to James 
James. 

I'm not happy with you at all. Rick is frankly livid. You've unleashed the dragon in him and it's taken all I have to get him to calm down. I even got his fat cow of a wife to talk to him and we've managed to get him to where he doesn't want to kill you. I had to lie to the man I love and tell him that I was okay with what you had said to stop him from wanting to get on a plane and kicking your ass. You crossed a line and this is after Rick said he told you two or three times before not to even go there and you still did. 

Why would you think that I would want to see your cock? I thought I was pretty obvious that I thought adult cocks were nasty. They're cute when they're small but once they start squirting it's like an alien down there. And why would you think it was okay to ask to see my tits? There are lines you don't cross James unless you have a reason to do so. We just started communicating. I'm not a camgirl. I'm not a whore. I'm not an airhead on spring break who's cutting loose. So why would you ask me those nasty things?

And now you blame your Aspergers. I don't know if he told you but Rick has Aspergers as well and he would never do what you did. But if you're truly retarded as you claim you are then it's not really your fault so here's the deal mister. You're on probation. This means communications will not be closed but you raise any more red flags, you step out of line, you so much as mention wanting to see, feel or play with my tits, my pussy or my ass and we're done. You so much as make reference to wanting to show me your cock and we will be through forever. No take backs and no claims that you're sorry and your Aspergers caused it. At least be a fucking man about it.

It might take a few days for me to get Rick back on board but I know him and while his anger is fierce it's very short lived. The man forgives easily and will give just about anybody a second chance but no more. Like the old saying goes, "fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me". 

If this is acceptable to you then let me know. Don't go into detail. Don't apologize. Don't grovel. Simply say that you agree and that will be that. This is however a time limited offer. You have until noon PST which should be 2pm CST to respond to this. If I don't hear from you in that time then I'll consider the matter closed and we will never speak again. 

James Mitchell <[email protected]>
Aug 24

to me 
Fine. 

An explanation not an excuse. 

You say "be a man about it" what you're really saying is be an asshole and don't sugar coat it. Well here goes.

The reason I asked to show and be shown is because in my opinion I have had very little experience with women in a sexual way. I've had many female friends but I have found that if you wait until your close friends she'll be disappointed, yeah she might begrudgingly show or look but she'll hate you for it because she thought you were not like other guys but if you ask early you either get the lookiloos or you don't but she forgives you but she knows you're just a perv like other guys so she doesn't put you on the artificial pedestal she otherwise would have. 

The truth of the matter is if I had access to Magick I would make a spell to see everyone I meet naked kinda like x-ray specs but in my eyes. All women but men too so I can finally see a bunch outside of porn and get an accurate control group to compare myself to. Cause in the few lockerroom or communal shower occasions I've been in every guy was either way smaller or way bigger than me and I hate being in the middle. I mean if that's the truth then so be it but I still hate it. 

I'm a sex addict probably sexually compulsivity is part of my OCPD I don't normally think about that diagnosis it but it is at least a small part of who I am. 

I honestly don't know why I'm so sex obsessed it's likely cause I've only had approximately a dozen or so partners and I'm still alone. I'm never good enough for anyone and the one woman I was good enough for she wasn't good enough for me so I don't think I will ever actually find anyone to love me. 

Wow, I just realized I don't know how to talk without groveling, I mean I can but I'm either pathetic or an asshole I honestly don't know how to express regret or remorse without the traditional apology. But you said to not apologize for it. So here goes, the truth unapologetically.

I'm a pervert ok. I can't talk frankly and openly about sex to anyone without thinking of them that way. I can compartmentalize it with men but with women there's always transference(the psycological phenomenon that makes patients fall in love with their psychiatrists) I don't want it to happen but if a woman shows me even the slightest bit of kindness I fall in love with her. I'm so used to nothing but hatred from women that whenever I get a glimpse of kindness it cracks the thin wall around my heart. 

I understand I'm old and ugly now. What little bit of beauty and charm I had has long faded away. I'm going to die alone and the worst part is I have to wait another 3-4-5 decades to do it. 

You may find people to love and accept you but you are neurotypical outside of your pedophilic desire. People accept female pedophilia much more easily than male. And mine is much more mild than yours but because I have a penis it doesn't matter what I say or do I will always be seen as a rapist, a disgusting monster. 

See right there I have no idea how to speak without being self deprecating. I'm an asshole and unless I cower I don't know how to act. I'm very animalistic in that way. I'm more of a civilized animal than an uncivilized man. 

If you want to keep talking fine but I understand if you don't. Nobody ever stays anyway you and rick will just be the latest in the long line of short term friends that leave as soon as I stop faking being normal and reveal the childish retarded animal inside.

Linda [<REDACTED>]
Aug 24

to James 
I really don't know what is more pathetic here. Your attitude like you can't change or your insistence that you either grovel or be an asshole. Being straight with somebody is not being an asshole. No being an asshole is when you intentionally go out of your fucking way to hurt somebody or to be hurtful. Were you doing that then? No? Then grow the hell up and stop being such a child. 

"The reason I asked to show and be shown is because in my opinion I have had very little experience with women in a sexual way. I've had many female friends but I have found that if you wait until your close friends she'll be disappointed, yeah she might begrudgingly show or look but she'll hate you for it because she thought you were not like other guys but if you ask early you either get the lookiloos or you don't but she forgives you but she knows you're just a perv like other guys so she doesn't put you on the artificial pedestal she otherwise would have."

That's not an answer because you're missing the whole "why" portion of it. Why would you think it's okay to ask a woman you barely know, "show me your tits" or "take a look at my cock and tell me if it's normal". These are not things that you should ever ask anybody that you are not a in an intimate relationship with or you're paying them because they're a whore. You want to see tits? Go on the internet and see as many of them as you want. That's what I do. That's what Rick does. That's what normal people do. You don't ask a virtual stranger that you've never met whether or not you can see her tits unless she's implied somehow that she's open to this. Or it's Mardi Gras and she's asking you for a string of beads in which case the response is, "show me your tits" before throwing them to her. Friends, colleagues, total strangers, never ask them this. If there's a reason why you're alone then maybe, just maybe this is one of the reasons.

Had I expressed an interest in being a nudist or an exhibitionist or was a stripper or something I could understand but even then I'd treat it as a joke. I said nothing of the sorts.

So answer the question. Why did you think it was acceptable to ask me to see my tits. And why did you think it was acceptable to take a look at your cock?

"I've been in every guy was either way smaller or way bigger than me and I hate being in the middle. I mean if that's the truth then so be it but I still hate it."

You hate being in the middle? You hate being average? It's not glamorous I'll admit but wouldn't you feel worse if you were tiny? Every single other guy you've ever seen has had a bigger cock than yours. You are literally the man in the world with the smallest cock. Wouldn't that be worse than being average? Rick is average as far as I know and he's more than able to satisfy me with his beautiful average cock. So answer the question, what is so bad about being in the middle?

So you're a doctor now as well? You can't determine what you have and what you don't have. If I had to comment on what you had I'd say you were naive and sheltered and you put way too much emphasis and importance on sex when you were growing up. But I'm not a doctor either so I can't make that determination and neither can you.

You mean to tell me that in the literal three days that we've been doing this you've fallen in love with me? That's not love. That's infatuation. Suddenly this hot woman is talking to you and paying attention to you and calling you sweetie and babe and suddenly you fall in love with her because of it? That's not love. You don't know the first thing about me. What is my favorite breakfast? My favorite color? My favorite time of day? My favorite season? My favorite place to go on vacation? You know nothing about me so how the hell can you say you love me? James I've told you before that I don't love you, that's reserved for Rick and Rick alone. I will not have sex with you. I will not show you my tits or any other part of my body. If we were the last two people on earth and we had to have sex in order to save the human race. I mean literally the only thing standing between us and the total destruction of the human race was to have sex I'm not even sure I could do that. I'm not a whore. I'm not a woman like one of your camgirls that you pay so she shows you her goodies. I'm a real woman with real feelings and you've just run roughshod all over them without seemingly caring.

Do you know why people love me and accept me? It's not because I'm neurotypical. It's because I'm a damn nice person. I'm even giving you a second chance after what you said. That right there ought to show anybody how nice I am. I believe that you are capable of more than you're letting on. I believe that you yourself are holding yourself back out of fear. And I believe that you've built this fantasy world for you where it's easier to be despised than it is to open up to people. And finally stop bringing up your Aspergers. Rick has fucking Aspergers. He has his moments where he, as they say "spergs out" or needs to stim a bit. But he's a bright one and he's learned the art of camouflage. People meet him and think he's normal but just a little different. Not in a bad or scary way, but just a little different. I've seen him grow from an awkward but sweet young man into the wonderful man he is now. This is a man who is able to hold onto two women who don't like each other but are willing to put that aside for him. Do you think a person with Aspergers is capable of that? If not, you're not paying attention and if you are then it means you maybe need to learn to change.

Please. You're not an animal even though it's probably comforting to you to think so. It's your protection against the world. "Oh I chased another person away. Grrrr! It's the animal in me and not because I'm too stupid to figure out how things work and asking a woman to see her tits I maybe shouldn't do next time." 

If you don't want to change because it's hard I'll understand. Rick told me that you're on welfare and have no real desire to work. I've been working since I've been sixteen. My parents died in a  car crash and I've been on my own ever since. Maybe that's why I can't stay in one place for too long. I'm a freelance artist and writer so I can pen articles from anywhere in the world. I don't need to however. My parents were semi rich and I've got more than enough in banks and in investments all over the world to retire but it gives me something to do. What do you do with your time and why don't you feel the need to work?

Answer those questions please and be straight with me. Don't grovel. Don't be all self depricating. Just answer them like a normal person.

James Mitchell <[email protected]>
Aug 24

to me 
Okay well, the reason I thought it was okay to ask was because you were being nice to me and I'm used to women not being nice to me unless they're in the service industry in some way. 

Okay maybe love was a bit strong but for me love is just prolonged infatuation and then if the feelings shift to comfortability and attachment that's love to me. Maybe that's a bit childish but that's how my mind operates. 

I don't know how else to explain why I asked. I'm just a sex addict which is weird because I don't enjoy intercourse. Maybe love addict with associated desire for affection and closeness would fit better I don't know, like you said I'm not a doctor. I have read enough medical texts and things that far enough back in time I would likely qualify as one but that's beside the point. 

Ok it's not the Aspergers then what is it that makes my mind malfunction? Why is it so hard for me to understand the social rules? Why aren't they written down somewhere and drilled into our heads like math and spelling etc? Why do we force children and to a lesser extent adults to learn by making mistakes? 

I hate that there isn't just a place I can go to learn how to be normal or fake it anyway that is free. I mean people expect you to act a certain way and the only way to learn what the way is is to fuck up. That's bullshit. 

I hate being average because it means I'm not special. There's nothing to set me apart. Granted I have been told I'm a good/great lover by all the women I've had sex with but it is still socially imbedded deep in my psyche that if you aren't big you're worthless. I know that it isn't true but emotions are not logical and can not be swayed by intellect. 

Plus I was either hoping for a "yes you're small but I like small ones so it's cute don't feel bad" or a "yuck that thing is huge" either would have made me feel good. 

I was diagnosed with Aspergers and ocpd in my teens so I'm not self diagnosed. If I diagnosed myself I would have said sex addict and mild D.I.D possibly BPD with mild transvestism and vagina envy. Polyamorously perverse with delusions of grandeur and parodoxical inferiority complex. Manic depressive. Mild schizophrenia. And body dismorphia. And psychopathy. 

If I were a doctor and saw all that I would likely prescribe antipsychotic medication and antidepressants probably lithium or whatever is currently in use to combat psychosis. 

Of course that could just be the burden of knowledge that sometimes occurs in medical students where they feel like they're manifesting symptoms of the things they are studying. I'm quite mentally ill. 

However that's an explanation not an excuse. 

I'm guessing eggs. I know ricks is probably salmon cause when he talks cooking he usually mentioned it. 

Statistically speaking the safe bet is blue. Probably dusk and autumn. Probably some place in the orient. 

I hate that we mentally ill need to camouflage at all. 

I would work if I could find something that fit my skill set. Where I don't have to stand for long. I'm not good employee material. 

I'm not normal.

Linda [<REDACTED>]
Aug 24

to James 
So in other words you saw me as a whore because I was being nice to you? Wow, you really are a retard aren't you? It's called "not being an asshole because there's no reason to be one". I'm sure you've noticed a bit of a change in my writing towards you? More to the point? Maybe a little frustrated? This is because you keep saying amazingly stupid things. Just the first line alone. You thought it was okay to ask to see my tits because I was nice. Where did you ever get this impression that that was a valid thing to ask a virtual stranger? Answer the question.

Yes that is childish and you need to understand that somebody being nice to you is not the same as them wanting to rock your world. You're probably the type of person that when you meet a woman for the first time you try to touch her shoulder, put your arm around her or figure out some way to get some physical contact. Am I right? If so then stop that shit. It's creepy as fuck. Unless she's giving you signals you should never put your hands on a woman or touch her. 

If reading medical texts is all it took to be a doctor, then watching movies is all you'd need to be an actor or a director. Even if you knew everything about a particular subject you still wouldn't be an expert on it unless you've gotten your hands dirty with it at some point. Yes you're a sex addict. There should be support groups for people like you. Talk to your doctor about this and they'll suggest some. Go to meetings. And maybe you'll get better. Or do you truly want to get better? James, I don't know about you but if I had a deep seated problem like sex addiction and it took over my life to the point of wanting to give every man I met a blowjob or have him inside me then I'd seek help for it. The fact that you haven't tells me that you're either not interested in getting better or there's something else holding you back. What is it?

Your mind isn't malfunctioning. YOU'RE malfunctioning. Somebody with Aspergers has an almost laser like focus on what they're doing when it's something they like. I've seen Rick in the kitchen and he's focused on his cooking. He'll chit chat during it but he's only paying part of the attention to you and most of it is on what's in front of him. And the rules are all around you. You've just never seen them or noticed them. Let me ask you this. Why have you never taken your pants off in the middle of a mall? It's because it's one of society's rules. You know that one. Nobody had to tell you that this wasn't the case. So why should basic social or human interaction be any different. You have Aspergers. Then do what Aspergians do. Observe. Figure out. Analyze. And when in doubt, ask. Don't assume that what you want is normal. Assume it's abnormal and you want confirmation. There's also a time and a place for learning about social cues and things like that. It's called school. Why do you think you're sent there other than to learn academics? You're there to socialize. You're there to be with your peers. You're there to learn how to act and how to be in public. The fact that I need to explain these things to you is mind blowing. I can't accept for a moment that you're this stupid.

You have created this in your own mind possibly due to watching way too much porn. Answer these questions. When you've been with a woman has she ever pointed at you and laughed? When you've been with a woman has she ever not cum? When you've been with a woman has she ever asked you to put it in when you already did? If the answer to any of these is "no" then you probably have nothing to worry about. You're average. Deal with it.

No you wouldn't do that if you were a doctor unless you were a bad one. You need to understand that these ideas you have of the world and people in general are just ideas. They're not real. You're making them up yourself and sabotaging yourself before you even try. 

Those questions I asked about what I like for breakfast and the like were rhetorical. I wasn't expecting an answer but they were there to demonstrate that you know very little about me and instead you're guessing about what my likes and dislikes are based on certain things that I've said. And you're completely wrong on all of them. Seriously. Not one right.

Eggs - very vague but a safe choice considering how many people like eggs in the morning. But not me. What I like are Rick's special bacon pancakes with real maple syrup over top, a fresh fruit salad and cup of coffee. 
Salmon - true he likes it because it's good for you and it's versatile. But his favorite thing is other people's cooking. When you're in the kitchen making food often you appreciate it when somebody else makes something for you. 
Blue - wrong. I like green, pink and purple.
Time of day - night. When it's dark and quiet outside it's the best time in the world.
Season - Spring.
Vacation spot - Some private beach with a cold drink, hot body next to mine and nothing else. 

See? You thought you knew aspects of my life but you knew nothing. These are things you would need to know if you could honestly say that you loved somebody. If you don't know then it's just infatuation. 

I don't think you're mentally ill. That's just another excuse in a long line of excuses. You can't take the blame so you say you're mentally ill and then suddenly the whole thing is out of your hands. I mean how can you expect to be normal when you're so "mentally ill". Unless you have been diagnosed by a professional and have the papers to prove it you can't just say you are. So until that time you're diagnosed with it, you're just ignorant. But that's okay. Ignorance can be fixed. Unless you're just stupid in which case you're just stupid  and nothing can fix that.

Have you tried? How well did you do in high school? And what were your SAT scores? I understand that money could be tight and not everybody can go to college but there has to be something you could do that even though it's not the best thing out there gives you a kind of purpose in your life. 

I've forwarded all this information to Rick and I'm driving down tomorrow to speak with him face to face about all this. I'm going to convince him to put you on probation as well but the ground rules are the same that I gave you for me. You don't make any reference to him about me, my body, my lady bits or anything sexual about me. Understood? And as much as I'm looking forward to it the worst part will be acting all nicey nice to that fat assed heifer of his. There are times I hate her but the worst part will be he and I can't get frisky when she's around. and I'll be regulated to the guest room when I'm there. 

James Mitchell <[email protected]>
Aug 24

to me 
Why do you think I saw you as a whore?

Most women are assholes hell most people are. People being nice to me is rare. In my experience of the world people are either mean or indifferent. I always try to be nice but it is not well received. The smallest kind gesture makes my day. 

The truth is when rick cut off contact I wept because I was losing one of the few kind voices in my life that isn't family or a store clerk. 

Where did I get the idea it's okay to ask? 
I don't recall. I guess I just figured that the worst you would do was say no and that would be the end of it. I underestimated the worst case scenario. Besides there's a huge difference between porn and normal women. I like the flaws of an un airbrushed womans body and it's really hard to find images of women that are imperfect. 

I don't know how to explain my inner workings. I could use metaphor but you would just shoot them down like everything else I say. So I will explain it without metaphor. My brain is physically and chemically damaged and doesn't work correctly. 

I'm literally psychotic but because I'm nonviolent nobody ever believes me. I hear voices, not hallucinations of external voices more like thoughts that if I had control over my mind I would never think them but there they are. Nattering away even now as I'm writing this parts of my mind are telling me to grovel other parts are saying be mean others are telling me to just sleep forever all my emotions are distinct people in my head and they are constantly bickering with each other. I don't seek help because I know there's nothing doctors can do that would fix me outside of powerful drugs that would completely take over my mind. I would be alone an emotionless husk on autopilot finding neither joy nor sadness in anything. I have been alone inside my head before it is not pleasant. 

I'm not a complete person I am an amalgamation of my observations of existence. If I have not seen or read someone else react to something I have no frame of reference and I have a meltdown. I curl up and sob. I don't know anything except the world is a harsh painful place and the only thing that keeps me going is the mystery of life the hope that someday they will find a cure for the laundry list of things wrong with me.  I have so many neuroses I am afraid if I actually told them all to a therapist they would have me committed for life. 

If I'm normal, then I am shriekingly terrified of the rest of humanity. Like grouco marx said "I'd never belong to a club that would have me as a member." Yeah that's a funny joke but if you unravel it it's a portrait of self loathing.

Sorry for the digression and rambling. I'm horrible at communicating. I either ramble on incessantly or I only saw a few lines. 

I don't know how to convince you that I can't function in society, that is what I get SSI for. I talk to the psychologist and he tells the government "yep he's still too weird to function give him his money." Or something like that. 

I wish I were normal like other people well adjusted with a job and a wife and children the whole thing. However I am crazy and crazy men are not worthy of love unless it's a really crazy guy in jail and then it's only from women even crazier than they are. 

I'm socially retarded nothing humans do makes sense to me, well not literally nothing but a great deal. I would say I'm like an alien but you would shoot that down and say be more observant and learn human customs better I could say I'm a robot that was programmed wrong and you would say that I'm not and even if I am I should be smart enough to reprogram myself to act more human. 

I just hate that the world is not and never will be logical the rules always changing and evolving. 

I don't want to change I want the world to change to fit me better. It's as if I have been given a uniform that everyone has to fit in and it's way too small for me. That's what the world feels like. And even when I take the medicine to fit in the uniform it's itchy and stinks and it's a color I hate. When I take the meds that make me a happy normal person I don't feel right. 

It's impossible to explain madness without sounding mad. 

I don't have a doctor. I don't see doctors unless there's something wrong with me. I guess I could go tomorrow and talk to one downtown and try getting help but it's just hard for me to believe that talking about it can help. 

I always thought wanting to fuck every woman you see was normal for men, at least that's the stereotype perpetuated by hollywood. If it's not, then I have a serious problem. 

Why haven't I gotten naked in public. A mixture of body shame and indecency laws. If it were legal and I were proud of my... Body, I would walk around naked all the time. I'm an exhibitionist, that's why I want as many women as is possible to see my... Body. 

I didn't make many friends in school. I was always alone. The other kids were always scared of me either intellectually or physically and they steered clear. I have always been the weird kid. I didn't socialize much. All I did in school was read and learn and take tests that's it. There may have been mandatory physical activity in gym but otherwise it was just a procession of nearly identical hellish days. The only interaction I had with my fellow students was them tormenting me so I would explode. They took delight in my breakdowns. Out of a school of a few hundred students maybe ONE each year would be nice. And in my high school of about 1200 or so students maybe 3-5 were nice to me in a tolerate me and say hi sort of way. I have never been to a party in my life. 

No I haven't been laughed at by a sex partner. No I've never failed to make a woman cum in some way if my dick didn't satisfy. And no every woman I've fucked felt it. I will admit I've missed a few times and I have fallen out a few times though. My insecurity is probably highly motivated by porn but also by societies preoccupation with it as well. 

I got c's and d's in everything. After middle school my grades dropped. In elementary I was getting a's b's and the occasional c. But in middle school mostly b c and d didn't get one lousy a and then in high school c and d's I dropped out in the 10th grade. I couldn't handle the pressure both academically and the bullying was making me suicidal so I just stopped going. I tried going back later but I was so far behind they wouldn't let me come back. Then a few years later I got my ged. I did better than average on all subjects but my math was my weakest subject but I squeaked just above the line there. 

I probably could get into college if I were willing to plunge myself into inescapable debt in student loans but really the only thing I would be able to get would likely be a degree in English and that and 10 bucks'll get you a cup of coffee. Pretty much any college degree is worthless anymore. There are hundreds of people going after every job and no matter how hard I work I will never be more qualified than someone else. 

I'm too fucking stupid to do anything with my mind and my body is also shot so manual labor is all but impossible. I'm really good for nothing.

I never took the sats. I have no idea what my score would be. 

You really shouldn't talk about her that way. Rick really loves her. You both love rick you have at the least that much in common. And why do you attack her weight do you really hate fat people that much? I bet if you gave her a chance you might get along. I mean she tolerates you being ricks girlfriend she can't be all bad right? Other than jealousy what makes you hate her so much? What has she ever done? You know Rick hates it when you badmouth her so why do it? 

Linda [<REDACTED>]
Aug 24

to James 
Well here we go. I'm back ensconsed in the guest room at Rick's place. We got to talking, I had nothing really holding me in Vancouver so I packed my bags, dropped off the key a couple days early and made my way down to see my sweetie. There was some tension when I showed up but the fat bitch kept her mouth shut and didn't let Rick out of her sight all night. And the worst part about it is they're fucking right now and she's being really loud about it. Fucking cunt. What does Rick see in her fat ass and pendulous breasts? But no I'm not bitter. I'm just... frustrated. 

You saw me as a whore because the only girls that are ever nice to you are family members and those in the service industry. Well I know you like camgirls after sending me a couple of links to them and what else is camgirl but a whore that takes off her clothes for money so that thirsty men can sit around and stroke themselves to her. Why the hell else would you think I would show you my tits?

No most people aren't assholes unless YOU give them a reason to be. Have you never considered that what you're getting is a result of what you're giving off? People aren't assholes to me. But I guess you're thinking that because I'm a hot woman it must be a sexual thing and they're only trying to get in my pants. Maybe in some cases you're right. Or maybe it's some pervert trying to get me to show them my tits? People aren't assholes to Rick. He treats people with respect and guess what? People respond to that. He's a nice guy and doesn't go out of his way to make life bad for anybody. Of course you're thinking that he's this towering hulk of a man with manly muscles and a steely gaze and nobody would dare mess with him? He's taller than me and he's got muscles but he's a nice guy. He doesn't make somebody's life difficult. I don't know anybody who runs into assholes unless they themselves have a touch, or more, of asshole in them. I really suggest you look at yourself.

Yes and you should have cried. This is a man who wanted to help you and you betrayed his trust. He extended a hand in friendship when he didn't need to when he felt you needed a sympathetic ear. And tomorrow I'm going to try my best to get him to give you a second chance. Don't blow it.

The world doesn't work that way. You don't ask a stranger to see her tits. Never ever ever ever do that again not just to me but to any other woman out there unless you're in an actual relationship with her. This means if you're just friends, don't ask her. If you two are an actual couple and she offers or the subject comes up then you can say it but not to anybody else. Get it?

Yes, I shoot thigns down because they make no sense. You make no sense. It's like your ideas just float up out of your mind without any rhyme or reason to them. 

Anybody with a psychosis is psychotic. I'm psychotic according to some people for being a pedophile. It doesn't always mean you're crazy. And you don't hear voices but you have thoughts in your head. My guess this is from being forced due live inside your own head having Aspergers and all. You'll be glad to know that means you can't be Schizophrenic. The merest fact you have Aspergers makes it an autism spectrum disorder and that means you can't be a Schizophrenic. They're two mutually exclusive things. This means they're not voices, they're just thoughts. And they're not actually speaking in your mind so much as you're just allowing yourself to think of them. There's no drugs for this at least not that I'm aware of. But a good shrink really ought to be able to help you with this. What I'm getting from you though is you're too afraid to even try. Nobody can commit you without your consent unless you're a danger to yourself or to others and even then they can rarely hold you for more than 24 or 48 hours. Go speak to somebody or be forced to live inside your head for the rest of your life.

Cut it with the sob story. I lost my parents at 16 and bounced around the foster care system until I became an adult. I moved from house to house. I was beaten up, threatened, almost raped a couple of times and if it wasn't for a lucky break in finding Rick and finally finding something to live for I probably would be dead right now. My friend Stacey has been in an abusive relationship with her asshole of a boyfriend for years now. He's busted her jaw, put her in the hospital twice and each time she lets him back in because she's a softie and thinks that he's "changed". I know people that have died from drug overdoses. I almost wound up on the streets permanently at one point in my life but I kept going because the last thing I wanted was to let the bastards win. You've given up the fight so don't come crying to me with the problems you have. We all have problems. Deal with it. For fuck's sake. You're 30 years old. You're an adult. Start acting like one. 

SSI sounds like your sheild against the world. It allows you to stagnate in your little hole and never progress. You're stuck in neutral right now. I'm spending tonight and tomorrow night at Rick's place with luck I might stretch that to the end of the month. This is a house that he and his fat wife bought. They have managed to pay off their mortgage so they own it. Both of them have cars. His is his own and hers is a lease. Again, they got this with their money. They take a vacation every year to new and exotic places. They're able to afford good food, good drinks and are very comfortable. What can you do while on SSI? Maybe pay your bills and then scrimp and save on everything so you can go out and eat at a restaurant at the end of the month with what you have left over? Why would you even settle for that unless you've somehow convinced yourself that this life is easier. Makes me wonder what's going to happen when you hit 65. Do SSI benefits continue past that point?

You say that at school kids were afraid of you then in the next breath you say they tormented you. How does that work? Rick was a weird kid and he had friends. I was a really weird kid and I had loads of friends. It was awful though during lunch. We were secretly dating but nobody would have believed I fell for a Freshman of all people. Rick said he didn't care but he would have done anything for me at that time. There were times walking down the hall I'd see him with his group of friends and I just wanted to grab him and hug him and kiss him but I knew we couldn't. Finally for the Senior prom I said fuck it and went with him anyway. I didn't care if anybody knew about us then. I wanted the man... well boy that I loved there with me on that day. Back to the point. You dropped out in 10th grade due to the bullying. So I'm guessing that nobody was scared of you physically or intellectually then because that's not the kind of thing that happens to somebody people are afraid of. You know what my guess is? You were, as you say, weird and nobody wanted to associate with you because of it. What you thought was them being afraid or jealous was just them not wanting to be near you.

Of course it's jealousy. Why the hell else would I bad mouth the woman he married even if she is a fat cow? But she's not exactly my biggest fan either. We're coldly polite to each other on those rare times we're in the room together. I don't really know anything about her and don't want to know. It should be me he railed earlier. It should be me that he's holding in his arms and kissing tenderly. It should be me he's holding in his arms, making me feel safe in this world and I can fall asleep in those arms knowing he'll always be there for me. I'm not fooling myself. I let the best man in the world get away from me and I should have married him when I had the chance. He's going to grow old with her. If they ever decide to have kids I'm probably out of the picture then completely. And through it all, he's my everything. I'd give up everyting I have if it meant he'd be mine forever. And don't you DARE tell him ANY of that, I shouldn't have even told you but you got me talking...

All I can say James is you have some serious issues and you really need to speak to somebody about them. I'm sorry if I got too personal but you really pissed me off and that along with the drive and Rick's wife screaming like a banshee to rub my face in it I've just had too much for one day. I need a fucking drink.

OMG! Best. Night. Ever! I'm feeling low. Went to find a drink when I feel a couple of arms come about me and somebody kiss the side of my neck. Seems like after he got done filling up his wife, she gave him permission to come down and tuck me in but with the understanding that he's sleeping with her tonight. It's exactly what I needed. It was so beautiful. He was so beautiful. When he enterred me he just kept looking at my face, his eyes full of love. I couldn't help but start to cry because I was so happy right then. He kissed my tears away. I just held onto him as he did, not wanting to let him go but eventually nature took it's course. He did me for what felt like an hour. We changed positions so many times. I climaxed countless times. Both of us were just soaked in sweat when we were done but he came in me so hard it triggered another orgasm. We just lay there for a little while longer before he kissed me goodnight and said we'd have some more time tomorrow and left. 

I go to take a shower and get ready for bed and figure I'll finish this before going to sleep. Think about what I said James. 

James Mitchell <[email protected]>
Aug 25

to me 
Ok I know you are being rhetorical again but I do know the answer or at least some psycobabble that sorta makes sense in context. But I don't think you really wanna know. 

Because you are nice and showing boobs is a nice gesture. I don't and didn't think you're a prostitute. Stop gnawing that bone there ain't no meat on it jeesh. 

I sent you the cam girls cause they looked young and I thought you would like them. I just watch and talk to them if they don't have a token block on it I just like to talk to naked women about mundane things. If I had my fantasy I could meet a woman with large breasts and a psychology degree preferably from Yale. That would be topless but otherwise nonsexual and I could play with them and suckle them while she talks and gives me advice on how to act normal operative word act because without powerful drugs of some kind I will never just BE normal Rick must be much higher functioning than I am. Aspergers bridges the gap between autism and NT he must be much closer to the NT side than I am or I'm closer to the autism side. I was originally diagnosed as autistic but it didn't quite fit I slid off the autism proper and onto the bridge a little bit but not enough. Rick has crossed a great deal of the bridge in fact at times I don't think he's high functioning Aspergers he seems NT with a slight touch of the sperg. 

He's not a freak... Like I am. I'm sure he doesn't have fantasies of murdering anyone who annoys him of going on a spree of carnage and destruction. You know what stops me? Hmmm? That nagging little voice called a conscience and the forknowledge that I will feel guilty about it and shame and remorse so I hold myself back I don't give in to those base desires to snap necks to rip out jugulars with my teeth. God I miss the killing of my former lives the sweet catharsis of a good kill is so much better than sex. But since sex is the only thing that comes close at all, I obsess over that because it's the only thing that numbs the pain of existing. 

He's not a "nice guy" he's a guy that is nice. There is a difference. 

You know what maybe it is me that's the asshole. I guess the people who are mean to me online because of what they know about me are just reacting the way they think they're supposed to. And the people who are mean to me in real life I'm probably misreading their faces and body language. I must be projecting my own thoughts and insecurity onto them. 

Okay. I guess I won't be seeing boobs other than pornstars for the rest of my life. I mean if only girlfriends is the only women I'm allowed to ask then porn will be my only outlet for boobs. God that's depressing. And before you ask no there's no strip club in town they tore it down and they're building a burger king there. The nearest one is probably in the next county and I have no way to get there. So except for porn there's really no way for me to see them. 

Actually I looked it up and the only reason I can see that an autistic person wouldn't be considered schizophrenic is because of too much overlap between symptoms with only a few differences in deciding which one it is. I have all the symptoms that overlap but I don't have hallucinations. That's the only reason they said it was autism. If I had been having hallucinations back when I was diagnosed I'm certain they would have chosen that diagnosis instead. Mom is schizophrenic with sleep deprivation dementia and depression but as long as she stays on her meds she's fine. And they say mental illness is genetic. I only think I dodged the bullet because of my fathers blood. And frankly my own willpower and determination to never snap. Ooohh I have been sooo close. Especially when I lost the girl. It was like losing my wife I love her that much. Losing her was like losing a part of my soul. I almost pulled the trigger that day. 

I make more on ssi than I would at any job I could get. I could only get maybe fast food work part time at best and with that I would be making less than I do now and my quality of life would be worse. Which is pretty hard to imagine. I would be stuck in a boring job for hours every day I would not be able to do anything because the second I got home I would need to go to sleep because I would be exhausted. Hell a 1-3 mile walk an I have to sit for an hour 5-6 miles and I need to sleep for nearly two days for my body to heal up to even be able to move again. I can't do anything physical and I'm too stupid to do anything with my mind. I'm not saying this for pity I'm seriously good for nothing. If ssi stops at 65 I'll be dead at 66. I can't get a job and even if I could get one I can't keep one because the level of painkillers I would need to take would show up in the drug test and I would be fired. I'm saying I would need to take an illegal amount of even legal stuff not to get high but to stop the pain. 

They tormented me out of fear. I think you're seeing fear and reading it as intimidated they weren't intimidated by me they were afraid like you would be of an insect or a rodent. 

You knew each other in high school? He said you were a phantom woman that cruised around town and found him out walking one day. I assumed you were in at least your 20's by then. The way he told it you were a stranger in a mask for a long time before you trusted him enough to let him see your face. But now you say you were in high school together? What's up with that? 

I really think you should try to get to know each other better. I know she's not your type but maybe the two of you could go out sometime and talk and have drinks and have some fun and maybe one thing would lead to another. I know it'll never happen but I just want all three of you to be really happy and I'm sure if the two of you could put aside your jealousy and learned to love each other you could be. I'm sorry if that sounds pushy or anything but the only way I've seen a triad work is when the two women like each other too. Maybe your arrangement works for you but I can't help but think if you got along better you would be happier and she might even let you stay there and the three of you... 

I'm sorry if I'm out of line with that it's just my opinion take it how you want. 

Linda [<REDACTED>]
Aug 25

to James 
This morning was a bit of a change from our usual encounters. I get woken up with a kiss and Rick tells me that breakfast will be ready in about twenty minutes. You'd be proud. His wife and I weren't catty like we normally are. She did however make it more than obvious that she had staked her claim to him but part of me was okay with that. She'd be gone reasonably soon and I'd have him for the rest of the day. We did however wait a respectful amount of time before fucking to ensure that she was at work and wouldn't bother us again. If last night was full of tenderness, this morning was full of animal passion. The sex actually didn't matter so much, well part of it mattered but it was the closeness we shared. 

A quick shower later, a second cup of coffee and we were ready for the matter at hand which was you. You'll be glad to know that he listened to me. He always does but part of him felt responsible for this because he was the one that set up our eventual communication and he didn't expect you to act the way you did. I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself. But he's a sweetheart that one and I love how he cares and worries about me. By now he's probably sent you a response so you probably know what's happening. You have a second chance James. Please try not to throw it away like the last time.

I'd be interested to know what your take on it is. Rick never seems to want to go there when I bring it up. I'm his first love. Well his first real love and his first time. We share a bond that she can never break.

You're skating on thin ice there James. No. Showing tits is not a nice gesture. It's something private between a woman and her lover. And you don't have the right to say "stop gnawing that bone there ain't no meat on it jeesh" when it's all because of stuff like this that we broke it off with you. Remember our agreement? You're on probation. You were in the wrong. You don't have the right to have hurt feelings about this. This is not something that Rick needs to know. Don't make me regret that decision.

I liked one of them but that's not the point. You don't know how to talk to women and it shows. You talked to me like you would be talking to one of those camgirls. It's disgusting and degrading the way men speak to them. It's all about specific body parts. Tits ass and pussy. That's all that matters to them and all that mattered to you. I'm a real human being with real thoughts, real feelings and real desires. They are a fantasy and while they too have thoughts, feelings and desires they're simply acting for the camera. 

Oh trust me, Rick has his moments. I've seen his papers. On a scale of 1-10 with 6 being the start of Aspergers and 10 being complete autism as far as I understannd it he's a 7 or a 7 1/2 so right smack dab in the middle. You really need to know what you're looking for with him because he's incredibly smart, observant and he's learned how to put on a human mask. He can't hide everything like unless he's focusing on certain things he still gets distracted by bright shiny objects and quick movements. There have been times of great stress where I can see he was close to meltdown and it took everything I had to bring him back around. He's stubborn like you wouldn't believe. But at the same time is able to make these incredible leaps of logic. Can truly think outside the box and can do complex math in his head. His IQ is in the genius range. I won't give you the number because he says it's stupid and worthless but believe me when I tell you he's one of the most brilliant men I've ever known. 

Sure he does or at least he did when he was younger. But that's a childish response to a situation. And what do you mean by, "God I miss the killing of my former lives the sweet catharsis of a good kill is so much better than sex." You're talking metaphorical kills in your mind but of your "former lives"? How many lives have you lived? I'm sorry but this makes no sense to me.

What's the difference then? What would you call a person who is kind and polite to everybody he meets. Never raises his voice if he can help it. People like him, remember his name and he genuinely wants to help people? What else would you call a person that routinely gives blood and has done so since being 16?  What do you call a person that hands the cashier at Starbucks a $50 bill and say to use that for everybody's coffee until it runs out and leaves before people can thank him? What else do you call a person, an atheist of all people, who volunteers his time at the homeless shelter to ensure the homeless are fed? He sponsors children in the third world, gives to charity because he feels it's right and buys sandwiches for the homeless on street corners? Is he a nice guy or just a "guy who's nice" because really I'm not seeing any difference and it just feels like sour grapes. 

Online is not real life. Everybody online is an asshole because they can get away with it but it also depends on how you present yourself so you can't use that as a baseline. And yes, if it often happens to you in real life then it's most likely something you're giving off. Maybe it's a look, a regard, a facial expression. Maybe you're doing something without thinking like a nervous twitch. Or making funny sounds. I don't know but I do know that while you will run into assholes, not everybody you meet in real life is one. 

Is there something wrong with porn all of a sudden? You must like it because you post porn all over your tumblr. It's the next best thing to being there. It's safe to see in the privacy of your own place and you can pick and choose what you want to see and you don't need to worry about her feelings afterwards. For most guys that's total win. Besides how different is it to see a picture of my tits and those off some amateur site? They're still real tits connected to a real woman. The only real difference is one was hopefully done because the girl wanted to and not for any other reason. But please, let's no longer talk of tits okay?

No. It's because while there are connections you can have one or the other, not both. One of the girls in one of the foster houses I was in was schizophrenic and her brother had high functioning autism / Aspergers. The two things are related but have different symptoms. It's been said that if a woman has a child with schizophrenia there's a greater than 50% chance that one or more of her children will be autistic to some degree. And just because you share some of the symptoms your mother has doesn't mean it's related to the same thing. Rick gets migraines. A common trigger for people with migraines is red wine. Red wine does not give him a migraine but sometimes plain alcohol does.

How much do you make if you don't mind my asking? And how long have you been on it? Are you truly as disabled as you claim you are? If you tried to lose some weight woulnd't it be easier for you to get around? What I'm hearing James is a lot of excuses but no solutions. Being in SSI is easy. You don't have to do anything and you still get money. Have you never considered trying to better yourself and get off SSI to get a real job? Ask Rick to tell you about his friend Chris. He's got a story that is similar to yours but with a different ending. 

You made it sound like intimidation that's why. When you say, "people were afriaid of me" it conjures up images of fear and distrust, not disgust. There's a difference. 

If Rick told you about me and how we met I'm sure he would have mentioned that we went to the same high school. I was a junior at that point and preyed on freshmen and some sophomores. I'd see them in the hallways, young boys who still had high voices and weren't very athletic. I'd track their movements, follow them home and find the best place to corner them and invite them for a ride. Rick usually walked home with two friends. They'd take one of the side roads because one of them lived on it and one of them lived just off it. There was a place where there were three bends in the road and that's where I got him. And no, I wore the hood and the mask for only a week where he was concerned. Usually it was a five day cycle. I'd test them on the first day by giving them a blowjob. If they came then I'd drive them back and that was it and I'd go on the hunt for another one. If they passed they got a kiss and a promise that there would be more. Second day was a blowjob and second base. Third day was a blowjob and third base. Foruth day was a 69. And the last day was actual fucking. On the final day we fucked twice and I knew then that this was the one I had been looking for so I took the mask and the hood off because I wanted him to see my face and didn't need to hide anymore. He was surprised because he recognized me from school and he said I didn't look the part to which I said that was the point. 

I was living in a crappy place then. My foster parents were religious assholes who saw them taking me on as being their Christian duty and they rubbed that in my face constantly. I hated them and every moment I spent under their roof was torture. Rick saved me. If it wasn't for him coming along when he did and giving me something to look forward to I don't know what I would have done. But he made me stay there until I was at least 18 and could make my own decisions. Even back then he was looking out for me. I don't know where I'd be today if it wasn't for him. Sweet man.

What is this fascination you have with me and her getting it on? Is it some sick fantasy you have about me and her doing it? You know what? Don't answer that I don't even want to know. Just please understand that what we have has worked for close to ten years now. And as much as I like this place I can't stay in one place for too long. I've got half a dozen condos scattered around the world but I never stay at any of them. They're just there as investments and a way to make money. I still have my old home that my parents left to me. I've got a management company looking after it and they rent it out because I can't live there anymore. The only time I did was after I turned 18 and until I was done college. I thought I'd settle down there, marry Rick and we'd have a family but the longer I stayed there, the less I wanted to. It was too big for just me and him so I looked into getting somebody to look after the place and rent it out but that's not a problem. The best I can see us being is cordial to each other. We both love the same man and there's always going to be some jealousy and some back and forth over who has the better pussy. So just drop it. It's none of your concern. You don't get to tell us how to live our lives. 

I'm going to ask you to drop it with Rick's wife. She's none of your concern and has nothing to do with any of this. 

Now if you'll excuse me, my honey is waiting patiently for me to finish this and we're going out for the rest of the day.
...

James Mitchell <[email protected]>
Aug 25

to me 
Well I just replied to rick. Thank you for helping me there.

You talk about his Aspergers so clinically as if I already know what your talking about. Yeah he mentioned it once him being a 6-7 on the scale but I was never given a scale test or if I was I was not privy to the paperwork. If ricks a 7 I'm a 13. Which coincidentally is the number of lives I've had. I don't remember them all vividly just the ones I've accessed memories from in dreams and deep meditation. The one that stands out most is a celtic warrior possibly a viking I'm not entirely sure. I mostly remember charging into battle and slicing people up until I could no longer move and then being hacked to death myself. I drowned in my own blood. I have been many types of people too. I'm not sure but I think I may have even been my own grandfather but that's just speculation at this point. I'm not entirely sure. Reincarnation does run in families though especially if the death and birth are close together. My neice is definitely the reincarnation of my grandmother that died a few months before she (the neice) was born. I wouldn't call them hallucinations more like daydreams that are highly vivid. 

"Nice guy" is Internet slang like neckbeard it is derogatory. But if Rick really is that nice he must feel guilty for something. Nobody is that nice unless they either are trying to atone for something they did or they feel guilty about their thoughts and are trying to assuage their guilt. Humans are by nature greedy and vindictive and just plain evil and I am ashamed of being a human. That's why it's more comforting to think of myself as an animal. At least I don't hide myself behind the artifice of being nice. Sure it feels good to be kind or generous occasionally but to be constantly nice to everyone must be exhausting. Humans didn't evolve past our animality we simply piled a big brain on top of the animal. We took a beat up old truck and put a high performance engine in it we didn't become a high performance car. I'm just more primal and honest than most. 

Well there's a social stigma about porn. I feel ashamed to use it as much as I want to because it means I'm too stupid to figure out how to get laid unless the woman is damaged or it's dumb luck. The only good woman I've ever dated (other than the girl and that's never gonna happen) was way too good for me and I ruined it by being insecure. I hate myself why would anyone love me? I'm ugly and fat and effeminate as hell I have nothing going for me and I'm broke. And even if I were rich all I would have to offer is security and that isn't enough to base a relationship on. Because if someone married me for money I would in essence be married to a whore with only one customer. I'm not worthy of a long term love. Maybe a fling or a love affair but I am not a good man. I'm not a good human. I don't think that even in fiction exists a world in which I would be a catch. Maybe a world where I'm the last man but even then the majority of women would turn lesbian or kill themselves to not fuck me. I guess I should stop caring what society thinks and just be myself and not care about ever getting laid again cause just me being me ain't getting anything. 

733$ a month. I pay 350 a month rent and 134+/- a month for cable and wifi. With the rest I usually get things I need and a few luxury items and then it's usually gone by the 5th or 6th only very rarely do I still have anything left at the end of the month. I get 38$ in food stamps on the 15th they're usually gone by the 18th or 20th at the latest. 

He didn't mention high school or if he did I missed it. I thought you were like 10-15 years older than him at least. And you were just a random kid hunter back then that found him and blew him and since he didn't cum you gave him some again. 

No I don't have a sick fantasy about you two. Yuck I don't like lesbianism. Oh lesbians themselves are great gals made friends with many when I would karaoke at the gay bar downtown. But to actually think about it meh. I mean if I'm hard and have retard boner brain yeah four boobs awesome but as soon as I cum and my head is clear it's not as hot anymore. It doesn't gross me out but it makes me feel oogie. I'm wanting it to happen because you seem really nice and I just want to facilitate harmony in the situation. Of it can't happen fine I just thought I'd try to help to try to be nice to try to somewhat make up for being a jackass. 

One last thing, you're on protect right? Cause I don't want you to get knocked up and his wife to think you're trying to trap him. I'm sorry if that's crossing the line I'm just concerned. If it's none of my business then fine I just thought I'd show concern to be nice. 
...

Linda [<REDACTED>]
Aug 25

to James 
Such a nice day together, then we come back, just had a delicious coffee with my delicious sweetie and now he's getting a delicious dinner ready for all three of us. 

These are what days are supposed to be. We drove to a lovely little town on the bay called "Port Townsend". It's small and quaint and reminded me of where we grew up even though we were landlocked. Spent some time together, had lunch at a charming little cafe and didn't have to hide our love. I told him maybe I should buy a house here and every weekend he could come up and spend some time together. He just chuckled deep in his chest like he does and said that would be the day, my settling down and actually putting down roots. He kissed me and said he'd love me being so close but we both know it would never happen. Within a few months I'd be climbing the walls and the road would be calling. But it's nice to dream. Walked through the town, walked along the shore, made out a bit, got some ice cream and just had such a nice time together. We picked up some really nice seafood just freshly caught today and Rick's going to make a seafood pasta tonight. Can't wait. 

I talk about it clinically because I thought you'd understand it that way. And no, the highest you can be is a 10 and that would be completely and utterly inside your own head and unable to communicate except in whatever language you have. You'd be unable to form any kind of emotional attachment to anybody. When angry you'd either punch or kick things like the wall so hard your fist would go through it or you'd break your hand or both or you'd just punch yourself in the head. You'd shit yourself because you couldn't figure out to go to the washroom. Any change in your routine would be met with an immediate meltdown. In short, you'd be completely and utterly autistic and not have Aspergers. If anything you're an 8, maybe 8.5. And sorry but past lives don't exist and neither does reincarnation. Although Rick likes to pretend he was a pirate in previous lives as it gives him an excuse to go "arrgh" and say things like, "heave to me lusty wench and prepare to be boarded!" when he wants to fuck me. But he doesn't even need to ask. I'm always hot for him even when we have an argument. If we're alone he could pull down my pants and start massaging me and I'd be up like a flash. If he wants to grab my tits and give them a squeeze then I'm more than happy to let him other things to me. It was one of those things that he was so sweet about before. He'd timidly ask me for sex or he'd get all embarrassed and shy and would touch me on the shoulder or the thigh and just smile a little weakly. So I said to him, "whenever you want me and we're alone, just take me. I'm yours and yours alone." So he did. One time I was in my big house and he had come over for the day so it must have been a Saturday and I was in the kitchen washing things. He marches right up to me, pulls down my track pants, spreads my legs and starts with the tongue on my pussy. Soon he's just plowing into me and I'm loving every second of it. For so long I wanted him to take control like this and he finally did. He comes. I come. We kiss and then he pulls my pants back up and helps me finish the stuff in the sink. Like the old saying goes, you can't rape the willing.

I don't care what the internet says. He's a nice guy. He's always been a nice guy and he's going to continue to be a nice guy. If you have a problem with that then it's your problem and not his. And it is possible to be altruistic without having an ulterior motive. Just because you think something is true doesn't make it so. You've assumed so much so far and not all of it has been correct so why would this be any different? He's not feeling guilty about anything, it's just the way he is and the way he's always been. One time I remember we were standing in line at the supermarket and there was this old lady who was five dollars short for her groceries and she was deciding what she could put back. He paid the difference, gave her a lift back to her place, helped her in with her groceries and slipped an extra $20 into her eggs when she left to get her money and insisted on paying him back. Yes humans are bastards but every once in a while they produce one that's exceptional and that's Rick. You might be an animal. He's a saint. 

Why should you care if you watch porn. Everybody does. And enough with the pity because that's not an attractive thing in a man. You hate yourself. It's pretty obvious. Guess what? It probably shows and you make yourself ugly in the process. I've seen pretty women with men that looked like squashed frogs and they were together because of the inner beauty of the man. You need to work on yourself and improve yourself. Nobody else can do it for you. However if you prefer to wallow in misery then that's your choice.

$1160 per month minus taxes is what you'd get working minimum wage. Tax rate in Indiana is 7% so you're looking at roughly $1078.80 per month after taxes. $728.80 after rent, $594 after cable & wifi. How is it again that you;d make more under SSI than working minimum wage? And if you're so poor then you just cut out the cable and wifi. Do you really need those? Can you not get by on certain plans with a lower rate? I'm not trying to be difficult here but it really sounds like you're making up reasons why you can't work and one of them is you don't want to.

If he told you the story of how we met then he would have told you that he recognized me as somebody he passed in the halls and how I took him to the senior prom and then two years later he took me. My guess is you either didn't read it all or you forgot it. Although it would probably be true that you just read the sexy parts he wrote and skimmed over the rest. 

Really? Most guys think lesbians are hot. And even if she was my type which she totally isn't it would just get awkward afterwards. But maybe I shouldn't tell you this. Rick admitted that his wife was a little turned on seeing the two of us the other day and while he hasn't said anything about it to her I think she might be interested in maybe watching us sometime. She'd be in a chair fingering herself as she sees Rick take me. I'd even lend her one of my toys, properly cleaned of course, if she needed anything extra to get off. But I don't know if it will ever happen because she's rather straight laced. 

Honey I got my tubes tied a long time ago. Rick might be the only man I allow to cum inside of me but I'm not fit to be a mother. I'd probably wind up warping the children and wanting to have sex with them and that's terrible. 

So I hope you're feeling better about the whole situation. Please don't be a stranger but I only ask that you think about what you're going to say before you say it. Okay? 
...

Linda <[REDACTED]>
	
Aug 25
		
to James
James,

Sorry, for some reason I wanted to ask you this sooner. I know you said you found lesbians to be boring and make you feel a little oogie. I love that word "oogie". LOL!

But what about gay porn or tranny porn? I know most guys don't like it but I'm a huge fan of twinks and there is something about a tranny with smaller tits that's nice in a best of both worlds kind of way.

Do they make you feel the same way as lesbians?

You don't have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable but I've got a glass of wine in me. Rick is in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on dinner and his wife is in the shower getting ready so I'm here and going through my stuff to see if I need anything for later. 

Bye!

James Mitchell <[email protected]>
	
Aug 25
	
to me
I'm sorry if this sounds homophobic but gay porn turns my stomach. I try sometimes but it's never a turnon.

I love tranny porn especially if they fuck women especially if they have a small dick but the woman cums good anyway. That's why I love ava devine so much she loves trannies and she acts like a man but I'm like 93% sure she was born a girl she's just really horny. I like tranny/girl amd even tranny/tranny can be nice but tranny/boy is not as gross as boy/boy but still I don't like.

Oh if you really like tranny you might like funtari. I don't think you will because the dicks are usually big but you might.

Other than liking small ones because they look juvenile but why do you hate big ones just curious. If that's over the line just don't answer and tell me it is.

Linda <[REDACTED]>
	
Aug 25
	
to James
Didn't think it would be but I felt I needed to ask.

Yeah some trannies can be hot so long as they're very feminine, aren't too big and have a small cock. I love tranny on tranny, tranny on girl and tranny on twink. You don't find too many of those so it's pretty hot when I find it. Yeah, Ava Devine looked like a tranny but her tits here huge so that's a real turn off. Anybody who's my size or bigger and I'm not into. 

I've seen some and you're right, the cocks are too big and the women's tits are enormous. I want shota and loli in my manga. Luckily it's perfectly legal in Japan. Hmmm, haven't been to Japan in a long time. You might have given me an idea where to go next. 

We've been over this James. A big cock is a man's cock. I want a boy's cock. It's cute and it's fun to play with and I don't have to dislocate my jaw to suck on it. You really need to get beyond dick size because obsessing on it is not attractive.  And since I'm waiting for my turn tonight like last night, I'll try to get to the other email before my honey shows up.

James Mitchell <[email protected]>
	
Aug 25
	
to me
Actually it's legal here too. 

I know I already asked but why do you hate boobs? They're the most beautiful wonderful thing in the world. 

I was pretty sure you wouldn't like it but I figured that it might be like how I am with lolicon. I don't like the real stuff but drawings are hot so I thought it possible though not likely that you might enjoy a drawing. I was obviously mistaken. 

Have fun. Good night. 

James Mitchell <[email protected]>
Aug 25

to me 
Um, could you please not use the word rape I'm kinda sensitive about it. Thanks.

Yeah but that's full time but nobody hires full time anymore it costs the company too much. My friend was grinding ass at Pizza Hut going in literally every time they let him work and he still wasn't making as much as I do. They dick you out of hours here. Plus the longest I've ever had a job was 7 months. I'm not good at faking normality well enough to keep a job. 

Wifi is cheaper than a phone plan because I would go over in my data plan. And it's just easier. 

Nope. He never mentioned you were in school together. I mean maybe in passing in one line but I doubt it. Seriously I remember the story like you were like the flying Dutchman a urban legend among his friends and he sought you out by walking alone a lot. Maybe I'm misremembering it but as far as I can remember he never mentioned that you went to the same school. 

Ok that's good. But I have to ask, you think you would be sexually attracted to your own children? Wow. I. Just. Wow. 

I appreciate the second chance from both of you. Ttyl.

Linda [<REDACTED>]
Aug 25

to James 
Really? Why? It's just a word and it's a thing that me and Rick share. He doesn't actually rape me if that's your concern it's just that he doesn't always ask for permission and he doesn't need to. One time I just walked by him on the sofa, he grabbed me around the waist with one arm, pulled down my shorts with the other and started kissing and licking my butt. I bent over to give him better access and he proceeded to eat my pussy like he was starving. Finally he whips off his shorts, pulls out his cock and proceeds to just fuck me like an animal. I was crying in pleasure. he was grunting and gasping and both of us were just so turned on by it all. But I won't use the term if it bothers you even though Rick could never hurt me or be mean to me.

Then learn how to be normal. In fact what is it about you that is so abnormal what prevents you from getting a job? You don't have any gross deformities or anything. You look alright in the videos I've seen. So what is it about your personality that is so "abnormal" that people wouldn't hire you or they'd fire you?

I mean is there any other way to get what you need without paying so much for it? Maybe a pay as you go plan or something that could loosen up a bit of cash. Just trying to come up with solutions here.

I'm sure you're mistaken but it doesn't matter in the end. That was high school and it's been 16 years since then? Yeah, I was class of 2000 he was class of 2002. He looked so handsome up there in his cap and gown. Everybody knew about us at that time even his parents. His mother was so worried about him being with an older woman. Please he was 18 and I was only 20. His father really liked me though. We had a bit of a party afterwards at their place and then he and I went out which was really back to my place where we just fucked our brains out. I miss those days when he had a load of energy and was good for several bouts per day. Now he's good for only a couple times although he's gotten a lot better.

You see that's something that worried me. I don't find infants sexy but remember your fantasy where you're making love to a woman and her little daughter joins in? I told you that I would love the same thing but me and her mother would actually teach her and show her and guide her as to what to do to please a woman. What if I had children and I did the same thing? That would make me a terrible mother and of course children need structure, they need roots and I can't stay anywhere for more than a few months at a time. How would a child handle that? No. No children for me and that's for the best. 

He's still not here so I see you responded to the other one and I'll continue it below this one

That's nice to know that shota and loli are legal where you are. Do you know if they actually sell those magazines or do you need to go online to find them. Japan you can buy them just about everywhere.

I know they're nice but I don't like large tits. I like small tits. They're cuter and they're easier to run my tongue over the whole thing. My rule of thumb is anything larger than a mouthful is too much. 

No as I said I like loli and shota but I dislike it when they include some big titted cow or guy who's just overly buff and hung like a horse. I'd rather see the children playing with each other and themselves, maybe a nice older person to help them out but so long as their bodies aren't too adult.

Thank you. I hope so. Good night to you too.
...

James Mitchell <[email protected]>
Aug 26

to me 
Well because I was raped. I mean maybe to some people it wouldn't count but it does to me. 

Well after working for Taco Bell for 7 months they fired me for attitude problems because I wasn't always chipper. I'm not good at service jobs but it's all I'm qualified for. They're building a new Burger King close by maybe I can try to get a job there when they open. But it will only last as long as I can fake it. I can be nice for short periods but eventually it gets cloying and I snap and I'm just my grumpy sullen self. Imagine luke from Gilmore girls. 

Re loli shota I believe I have seen stuff in book stores but I never saw it at cirillas the only porn store I've ever been too but it's possible they don't get any requests so they don't stock it. I only ever looked at it online. Actually a few manga at the library are a bit racy when I flipped through but I don't think there's any porn there. 

I passed out in the middle of writing this and had a sex dream about mrs kim from Gilmore girls not lane her mom. Is that weird? I guess I find older women of power sexy. Anyway. Back to replying to your letter. 

Oh it's an oral thing gotcha. I love being smothered by big ones I'm big into breath play and choking. Both are supply kind and the kind where you squeeze the veins but leave the throat alone so I/they can still breathe but the O2 is cut from the blood and you get dizzy and happy for a while that's fun. 

Okay that's the end. 

Linda [<REDACTED>]
Aug 26

to James 
It's my last day here so we're spending my last few hours together. Rick offered to put me up for the rest of the month and I really want to but this has been way too much strain on the poor dear. He wants to do right by both of us which means overextending himself in certain departments. Between me and his wife we've been draining him dry and I can see in his eyes he's tired and that's not good for him because he's really supposed to be resting and mending. I've taken care of the breakfast dishes, his wife is gone for the day and I've ordered him back to bed to take a nap. You don't mess with nurse Linda.

Still haven't figured out where I'm going although I am supposed to meet a friend in San Francisco before the 31st so I might head down there and either garage my car or maybe keep going? Haven't decided. The whole world calls to me. Maybe Greece. Haven't seen that in a long time. Maybe rent a villa in Oia. It's so beautiful there.

Okay now you've piqued my curiosity. You say you were but others would say you weren't? Could you explain so long as it isn't too difficult? I can tell you the handful of times growing up that I was almost raped. It never actually happened though.

You don't always have to be chipper but you can't get away with being a grumpy puss all the time and I refuse to believe you're grumpy all the time. You were able to fake it for 7 months which means you were doing something right during that time. I'm just wondering if you'd be able to do it while at work and then somehow get rid of it once you left? I've never watched Gilmore Girls so I don't know who that is.  

Or it could be that they do have it but you need to ask for it. Not that you should but I would think if there's a market for it they sell the hard copies. But I think online is the best or something you can download to your phone or laptop and carry it around that way. Just be careful crossing borders. Some border guards will check your stuff to see if there's anything illegal on it. Know what's legal and what isn't before you go.

It's not an oral thing so much as it's a young girl thing. I don't know why I need to keep on telling you this. When a girl is just starting to blossom she gets these tiny little tits that are just adorable. So long as they don't get too big I'm happy. You don't find a lot of women in porn that don't have big tits. Somebody like Charmane star is about as big as I like them. She's really pretty too and tiny but hot. Anything bigger than that and it's a woman's body. But the best part of it is these small breasted women often times play the naughty schoolgirl or such in porn shoots so it's twice the fun! LOL!

I might be out of touch for a few days but don't worry. I'll still be here.

Later James. 

...

James Mitchell <[email protected]>
Aug 26

to me 
Okay maybe not all the time but yeah I am grumpy most of the time or am perceived as such because I have "resting bitch face" my default face is grumpy frown and it causes cramps in my cheek and jaw to smile for too long. 

Okay here goes. I went with a friend to a woman's house to get high. She was drunk and high already and she popped her boobs out and I am incapable of not latching on if I'm too high to have inhibitions she then proceeds to get naked and I not capable of stopping myself go down on her. The sober me inside my head was screaming to stop I hated it I had a girlfriend and I hated myself for cheating on her but she got me high for free so part of me felt obligated to repay her thank the fates that she went crazy and ran off before I got my pants off. She was actually outside naked and my friend came into the room and got me and dragged me hone the second we got home I wanted to call my gf and apologize for it but he stopped me. Basically I felt violated both by her and myself basically I raped myself with her pussy because I couldn't hold back that's why I don't get that high anymore. One or two hits I stop I don't like losing control of my body. Instincts take over and that's never a good thing. But most people I tell the story too deny that it was a rape because I consented but I was incapable of not consenting and I know this is gonna sound naïve as fuck but I honestly didn't know that men were allowed to say no. I thought any time you get the opportunity you have to take it even if you don't want to. So it was kinda a rape of uninformation. Seriously we were never taught that no is an answer boys can give. We can get rejected and we must respect that but up until a few years ago I didn't know men could be raped by women I know that that may sound impossible but we were always taught that men are the rapist and women are the victims and if a man is raped it's in a prison and nobody says anything because usually it's treated as inevitable and unavoidable. I'm sorry to go on so long about it it's just a traumatic memory. That's pretty much the reason I hate being called a rapist so much is because I was raped and she wasn't even the first I was fellated against my will by a boy when I was 10. I think he was 8. He was half my size and I didn't dare fight back I was afraid I would break him. Thank the fates his mom caught us and sent me home. I never went over there again. That wasn't nearly as traumatic but I do think it may be the seed of my oversexuality. At least one person I told that story to said that's why I'm such a horndog it warped my mind. Wow I didn't realize until just now how similar the two events were. Not the same but with many parallels weird. 

Okay never watched Gilmore girls. Wow. It's like one of my favorite shows. Okay let me think a grumpy character. 

Mr grant on mary Tyler moore or archie bunker on all in the family or moe on the simpsons. I believe the word is curmudgeon. I'm grumpy the majority of the time. I try being kind and loving everyone like mister Rogers who btw is a role model to me and really one of the few genuinely good people I have found. But if I don't keep my guard up I get screwed over. 

Okay idky but this question popped into my head.

Let's say hypothetically speaking you met a little girl say 13 or however you like and she's small and cute exactly how you like and she just so happens to be wearing a big sweatshirt anyway she wants you and you take her to bed you get to kissing and fooling around and she takes off her shirt and she has huuuge boobies (think saaya irie when she was 13 big uns) would them being big be a turn off and you would have to nope out of there?

Same scenario but with a little boy you pull down his pants and an adult size penis is there. No pubes he won't ejaculate he's just a freak gonna have 12 inches as an adult but he's like 10 years old with a 6 inch dick would you be more turned on or less? This isn't a size matters issue I'm just curious to your reaction. 

If either of those hypotheticals were out of line I apologize I'm just curious. I revealed something about myself emotionally it's your turn. 
...

Linda [<REDACTED>]
Aug 26

to James 
Hey James. 

You know what's worse than driving long distances? Driving long distances alone especially when you're going down the West Coast. It's so beautiful out there. On the trip down from Alaska to Vancouver the scenery was just gorgeous. Of course I had a junior dyke in the seat next to me and half the time she's leaning into me. That's one thing I love about my old Chevy Nova and yes it's the same one I used to in my youth when trolling for boys. It's got sofa seats in both the front and the back. And with the tinted windows you can't see inside so it's always possible to break to the side of the road for a quickie when you get too horny. 

But it's just me, the open road and the I-5 south all the way down. I've stopped in some small hick town of Medford Oregon. The only saving grace of this town is they actually have an In & Out burger. Have you ever had one of those? They're really good and they're famous all over the south west. I wanted to see what kind of action this town had but could only find a bunch of macho douchebag rednecks in their pickup trucks who think that "hey baybeee!" is the height of sophistication. I swear there are parts of this country that I absolutely hate. 

Oh honey, that's not rape. Trust me you might feel guilty about it and were pretty naive about the whole thing but it's not rape. No rape is when your foster father continually makes advances towards you. Rape is when you need to barricade your door or else you're going to wake to find him masturbating over you as you sleep and you might or might not find yourself to be partially naked. Rape is when he continually tries to find a way to see you naked, feel you up or give you gross kisses. Rape is being drugged, your clothes removed and literally being seconds from being violated . Luckily for me he never managed to actually do anything to me as my darling Rick was supposed to come over and he literally came to the door right before Mr. Rapist was going to stick his disgusting thing in me. I never got the full story from him as I was totally zonked out. He got me out of there, brought me to the police and they had my Foster father arrested. You had a momentary loss of judgement, I was almost literally raped and it wasn't the only time it's happened to me. Trust me when I say this. You weren't raped. And if I can talk about it now and make jokes about "you can't rape the willing" then you can get over that.

I have a hard time believing you're always grumpy. Maybe you just need to speak a little more. Inane chit chat as you work can sometimes be good. Kinda like what we're doing here. You're working the grill or whatever and make an innocent comment to a co-worker. They laugh or say something like, "that's really stupid" and you agree with them and laugh about it. That and places like that really place an emphasis on teamwork so maybe if you're a little more friendly and outgoing things would go better for you next time. It can't hurt to try now can it?

I had to look up who Saaya Irie was and she's really cute and I can't believe she was only 13 when those pictures were taken! I love Asian women. They're usually so petite and they always look younger than their real age. It's really a wonderland for people like me; Problem is her tits are waaaaay too big especially for an Asian girl. I know I've mentioned her before but Kitty Jung is exactly what I love. She's petite and looks young. She's perfect. Now for your hypothetical if she's wearing a really baggy sweatshirt I'd be thinking she was hiding something there, possibly she's fat or, as you say, she has really big tits for a girl her age and she's trying to hide them. Truth be told I'd check first. You know how? Give her a hug and if you feel any large lumps there on her chest we either don't do anything or she keeps the sweatshirt on. She is not allowed to have larger tits than I do and as much as I like tits, I don't want to deal with large ones.

Same for your little boy although a six incher is average. Rick has a six incher and I can't get enough of his cock. God just thinking about it now is making me horny and how right now I could be there with him. That man is the only person in this world I have no resistance to. When he's around a turn into a nympho. When I talk to him long distance I need to jill off afterwards. But anyway some of my toys are about that size so long as he wouldn't cum I wouldn't have too big a problem with it. Now if he was that age and had a monster cock like 12 inches, then I'd probably take a couple of pictures of it to show to people who wouldn't believe me and then send him on his way. I'm not touching something like that.

James dear, we can talk sex all you want. I like sex. I like talking about sex. The only thing you need to remember is we, that being you and me, will never fuck no matter how much you want it to happen. So long as you are able to handle that and not get all upset over we can talk like this all you want.

Now if you'll excuse me, it's been a long day and I need to use the massage showerhead in the bathroom of this shockingly nice hotel although slightly outdated decor for such a hick town and get some rest for tomorrow. I've got another long drive in front of me so I need my beauty sleep. The less time I need to spend in this toxic waste dump the better.

G'night.  

James Mitchell <[email protected]>
Aug 27

to me 
Yeah I wouldn't know, I don't know how to drive. It's a panic attack issue. But if it's anything like riding a greyhound for 18 hours (at least it felt like it if it wasn't) then I understand. 

Never had that but whataburger is an orgasm on a bun if you ever get the chance. Sonic is also amazing. Oh and if you make it to the east coast or midwest try whitecastle the restaurant burgers are like 5-10 times better than the frozen ones at gas stations. Speaking of gas stations Speedway has by far the best gas station coffee I've ever had. I'm not even a coffee drinker but their coffee is worth the hour or two on the toilet after drinking it. (Not exaggerating for comedic effect all coffee puts me in the bathroom for at least an hour with the cramping constipation and then the diarrhea sorry to be so graphic but I'm just trying to make the point speedway has damn good coffee) anyway.

God I hate those guys. I mean yeah I'm creepy but those guys are just jackasses I mat think with my dick but they think with their balls. I'm primal but they are primitive (why is it primitive not primative based on the root word primate I'm gonna have to google that later) they sicken me. I was raised to be polite to the ladies, even when I'm creepy I'm polite in my creepiness I have never catcalled. I've been catcalled it can lift you up if you're blue but if you're neutral or even good it can make you feel cheap like a piece of meat which I do want to be a piece of meat sometimes but not when I'm walking down the street minding my own business. 

Actually chitchat makes me more grumpy unless I start it or it's a lively debate about something I'm passionate about but that's not really good for the workplace. Also part of the reason I didn't get along with my coworkers was they were always talking about sex and it was mostly women. Women talking about sex makes me feel oogie unless they're seducing me or talking dirty to me I got flustered and blushing all the time. I'm really shy irl, basically it was sexual harassment it was high school all over again. And I tried working here in Muncie selling kirby vacuums you know what the other sales people on the bus would not stop talking about SEX I mean I know a lot about sex clinically but at that time I was still a virgin if you don't count the girl and the boy that blew me against my will which indiscretions of youth I don't think they really count. Anyway at the time I was basically a virgin and still a Baptist so I was saving myself for marriage and I didn't like talk of fornication and all that it made me feel icky. 

Jill off HAHAHAHA that's adorable and filthy at the same time. 

Okay just curious. Do you like chubby little girls providing they have small boobs? 

Separate question do you find lena dunham attractive? I would fuck her twice a day everyday and 14 times a day on weekends she has almost the identical body shape as the girl. I mean the girls boobs were smaller and more uniboob in nature but otherwise perfect representation. Oh my god her but is glorious huge but smooth but jiggly and pale... Well there's a boner. Damn it molly go away I already wanked twice today I don't wanna go again ahh good girl now stay soft. Sorry about that but lena dunham is definitely on my freebie celebrity list if I get married. 

What do you call a camel with 3 humps?






Pregnant! 

I love that joke. If you get the opportunity to see zootopia please do it's awesome. 

Anyway I can barely keep my eyes open. Good night. 

Linda [<REDACTED>]
Aug 27

to James 
A good late afternoon James!

Do you have a nickname by any chance? Something that friends call you? I don't mean something that you want people to call you. Mine would be Stella. It's a really stupid story but back in college a group of friends and I went out to a comedy club. As I'm drinking the comedian on stage points to me and asks me my name. I choked a bit and tried to swallow but before I could say anything my roommate calls out "Stella! Her name is Stella!". From that day on they called me that! LOL! Rick's name is Chill, The Chiller, or Iceman because he was always so cool about things. You should call him that and see what he says! LOL! What's yours?

I even found a driving buddy all the way down to San Fran. Well I drove and she took up the seat next to me. And yes, we had sex. It was funny because she was there when I was getting gassed up and picking up some snacks for the road. She had a sign there reading "San Francisco" and I offered her a lift. She had the look of a college student heading back for the fall semester and she was smelling a little ripe so as I hadn't checked out of my hotel room yet offered her the use of my shower. She gets clean, walks out wrapped only in a towel and she mentions about how she's lucky I wasn't a man because I might have tried something. I told her I wouldn't try something unless she offered. The look on her face was priceless and with a bit of boldness, dropped her towel to the floor and just stood there as if challenging me. Like that's going to stop me from pushing her down onto the bed and bringing her to the juiciest orgasm she's probably had in months. I love college girls, they shave everywhere. She returned the favor. Her technique was a little amateurish but this wasn't her first time with a woman. We cuddled afterwards. I asked if she did this with her roommate and she admitted that she did. It's good to know that some things just never change.

We get down to San Fran and she gives me a big kiss and her phone number while I head for my favorite place to stay when in town, the Hotel Griffon on Steuart street. I don't know how long I'm here but we'll see. Responded to Rick's e-mail. He always wants to know that I've made it safely to my destination. Sweet man always looking out for me. I felt grungy from the trip and took a shower, just ordered something light from room service to munch on before dinner so I'm sitting here in my bathrobe with a towel around my head waiting for the room service waiter to come deliver it which leads me to the last e-mail of the day which is yours. 

Really? That's a shame. I think everybody should learn how to drive even if you never actually have to do it. At the very least you get a drivers lisence that also serves as ID. But yes, I've taken the Greyhound on several occasions and didn't really like it. The only good thing about it is you can take a nap. You can't do that when you drive unless you're travelling with somebody and you swap every 100 miles or so. 

I've had Whataburger before and they're good. Not as good as In & Out but good. I've also had White Castle, Crystal, Sonic, Heart Attack Grill and just about every single other place you can mention including the original Whalburgers although I never saw Marky Mark or Donny there. Although I've never had one from a gas station or 7-11. On the other hand I've eaten a lot of food from convenience stores in Japan. They're surprisingly good. There's this one called Family Mart that sells hot food... well they all sell hot food, but this one has the best chicken nuggets I've ever had. No word of a lie and they use real chunks of chicken and not that McNugget stuff that comes out of a tube. But then there are so many good places to eat in Japan and not just Japanese food either. I've had great Indian, Italian, North American, French, Spanish, German and the list goes on. Some of my favorite bakeries are in Tokyo and they rival those you find in Paris. They're that good. They send people all over the world to learn how to make the food properly then they come back and teach everybody. Or they get the chefs to come from wherever to teach them how to cook or open restaurants there. Tokyo I believe is the city with the most Michelin stars or they're second to Paris. People take their food seriously over there. 

Excuse me.... sorry the room service waiter came by. He was really cute but he was also really gay. Sometimes I like to pretend I was just in the shower when they show up and walk to the door all drippy and towel drying my hair with the terry cloth robe clinging to me and flash them a bit of cleavage. If they're cute I'll try something a little more sexy! LOL! But he was nice. Too bad I couldn't make him blush. But yes, I have my Sonoma Salad and glass of white wine now! Onto the rest of the email! LOL!

And yes, Speedway has decent coffee although I don't know if it's worth spending two hours in the bathroom for. Best coffee I ever had was in Italy and it was at some small little sports bar when we were waiting for our tour group. My present to RIck when he graduated High School was a Mediterranean Cruise. He loved the Renaissance and I chose one that would hit all the major cities of the Renaissance. So we're talking Rome, Naples, Florence, Venice etc. It was two weeks of some of the most gorgeous scenery and luxury ever. Every day was a new port of call. Every evening was a different menu in the dining room. Every night was spent under the stars on the balcony before going back into the room and making love. Or sometimes we just brought out the blankets and fucked under the stars. We were so young back then, crazy in love and full of bravado and the feeling that we were invincible. Sorry I get carried away like that sometime as you might have already noticed! LOL! Getting back to the point, it's this little sports bar and we're waiting for the bus to show up to take us back to the ship. Rick walks in and comes back with two cups of espresso. I never had it before but he had and it was amazing. Coffee never tasted so good and this was just regular every day stuff for these people. I was so jealous. But as I said, Rick makes some really good coffee.

They're redneck douchebag macho assholes is what they are. They're probably also members of the NRA, go to church every weekend and call themsevles Christians but break every commandment the mintue they walk out and are voting for Trump. God I'm so jealous of Canada sometimes. Not only did they elect a good man as their Prime Minister but their whole election cycle is only like 2 months long. Ours is now literally 365 days a year. Once this election is over, they're going to be starting for the Senate and the House. And it's just not going to stop. Can't we bring back some civility and civilization to this process? Yes it's nice that I can still attract the young bucks but do they have to be so crude about it? 

You are aware that women have sex too right and we're just as dirty as you guys even if we try to hide it from you? And does it bother you if I talk about sex? Or do you feel comfortable enough around me to listen to it? I don't want to make you uncomfortable but I like sex, I like talking about it and sometimes I can get carried away. Tell you what. If I go too far I want you to tell me. Okay?

You guys jack off, we jill off. Makes sense don't you think? 

It depends. A little bit of baby fat can be cute but so long as it's not like really fat and she takes off her clothes and you see fat rolls. I get they're there on adults because of gravity and age and everything but on kids? That's just wrong. But no, a little bit of chubbiness has never bothered me.

Oh god no. I've never found her attractive in the least. She literally does nothing for me and quite honestly I find her a little vulgar. Oh, but one I found the other night was Aubrey Addam. She did this really hot lesbian scene with Kitty Jung and she had these tiny little tits and they were both playing schoolgirls. The problem was when the gym teacher came in and joined them although I tried to put myself into her shoes and pretend like Kitty and Aubrey were doing me instead. She did get a nasty boob job though. Why do so many girls think they need breast implants? Tiny tits are beautiful. Rick agrees and thinks that all women should have natural chests. What do you think?

I just saw that movie! The other night Rick and I were just relaxing with pizza and he put it in. It was so cute and funny. I love Judy Hops. She's adorable. And Rick has a bit of Nick Wilde in him. He's sly and he's got one of those knowing grins. And Shakira! I love Shakira not only is her voice great but she's one sexy mama. She's muy caliente and I'd make a lot of exceptions for her. 

It's just after five thirty and as is tradition, my first diiner in San Fran is at the House of Prime Rib. Guess what they serve there? LOL! So I need to get dressed and I need to get down there. I know the maitre'd and he always gets me a table even when they're full. 

Just in case I'm too stuffed to respond or you didn't respond yet. I'll give you a pre-emptive good night. 

James Mitchell <[email protected]>
Aug 28

to me 
My dad calls me book boy other than that nope no nicknames. Back in job corps they called me Indiana but that was long ago. Why do you ask? 

I wish I could drive but it's like riding a two wheel bike I'm too scared to learn like heat beating so hard I feel like I'm going to die type afraid. 

I have a state ID you don't need to be able to drive to get. Actually I think it should be like they do it in France when you're in your teens you can get either a license to drive or a license to drink but you can't have both licenses so that you can't drive drunk I like that system. 

If you go to BP convenience stores I haven't seen them in the gas station but anyway try a "Big AZ" burger if you get the chance they are very good. 

Please don't knock the NRA I would be a member but I don't own a gun so I never looked into it but I love guns they are beautiful works of engineering and sometimes are works of art as well. The weight, the power. I mean I could just as easily kill with my hands but a gun makes it so much easier. A man with the ability to kill is more than a mere man but a person that can kill in a fraction of a second is a god. Sorry to sound so scary. I was going for poetry I'm scared I may have come off sounding like a killer. I have not killed anybody (it's early yet ;) ) 

I know that NOW but back then I was taught it was improper to talk about it in mixed company. The women talking about it in private and the men talking about it in private and the only person of the opposite sex you were supposed to talk about sex with is your spouse. I was raised baptist and I honestly thought that I would marry the first woman I slept with or I would get married and then sleep with her. I legitimately had planned on marrying the girl that I "molested" I was deeply in love with her. Hell it took 10 years to get over her. And to be honest I will never really stop loving her. You know the weird thing is I was really a prude for the longest time and both my parents said they never raised me to be that way. I guess it was the church and school preaching abstinence only and the slutshaming both genders got in the 90's/00's that taught me my attitudes toward sex hell I didn't even experiment with my sexuality until I became an atheist because of church and societal taboos against it. I lived in shame and self hatred for years and it was ultimately over nothing cause I tried it and hated it so all the years I hated myself for the semi gay thoughts I was beating myself up over nothing. 

I'm fine now but I'm not fine online. Irl women gossiping about it still makes me skin crawl y'know and especially if it's too graphic. Like I love jessie janes body and face but she talks way too fucking dirty I have to mute it to stroke to it yech. I'm sorry if you thought I was uncomfortable. However if you ever do cross the line I'll let you know just as I expect the same from you. 

I always referred to female masturbation as diddling so "jilling" struck me as funny just like how you liked my use of "oogie". 

I asked about lena because as I said the girl had her same shape body. That's why I asked about fat little girls to see if you would have found my ex gf sexy. But apparently not. 

I've seen that one. In my opinion the teachers breasts were also small. 

Linda [<REDACTED>]
Aug 28

to James 
Morning James!

Ah morning in San Franciso! There's something in the air, maybe it's smog, maybe it's fish, maybe it's toxic waste. I don't know but I went running along the Embarcadero nice and early then came back, had a nice Californian breakfast with an omlette and lots of fresh fruit and now I've got to decide how long I'm staying. I booked for a week but if things get settled before then I might not stay around. Anyway I need to contact my friend first and set up our meeting. I know I make it sound so exotic! LOL! Nothing of the sort. I've just decided to sell the condo I have down here. Prices here are going through the roof and while I love the city I could never see myself settling down here. And my funds are starting to get a little low so this should keep me going for several years and it means I don't need to break into my long term investments to survive.

Just wondering. I sometimes like calling people by their nicknames or maybe we'll come up with one for you that fits. 

You don't know how to ride a bike? Are you kidding me? I learned to ride one when I was three or maybe four. It was at our old townhouse before we moved to the house I'd grow up in. My parents had bought me my first real bike. It was bright yellow with a basket and everything. I think they wanted to make sure that people would see it just in case. So I rode around with training wheels for a long while then I remember seeing some of the kids maybe a year or two older than me weren't using them and I wanted to be like them so my father took them off. I practiced by him running behind me and holding the seat and then before I knew it I was biking all by myself!  LOL! I was so proud because I was now a big girl. Then I lost control and fell. But I was a tough cookie and got back on and with another attempt all by myself this time I managed to get it to work. Is it just fear that's stopping you from riding a bike? Have you considered other forms of bicyles like an adult tricycle or something because it's steadier or is it just the bike itself that scares you?

Never heard of that in France. But over there the drinking age is 16 for wine and beer and often times it's not even enforced. One time I was in a store getting a bottle of wine and this kid, not even 12 years old, comes in and buys a bottle. You would think it's for his parents the way that people drink over there but it could have been for him although I doubt it. They're a lot more relaxed about alcohol and it's common place for them. One thing I loved there, well Europe as a whole, is that nobody looks at you funny when you have a drink with lunch. OMG! I just remembered. The cruise we took, one of the stops was in France and we visited the Castle of the Popes. Literally at one point in time the pope had a castle in France. We went there because it's also along one of the major wine regions so there was a wine tasting. And afterwards lunch was included so we head out to this restaurant where they had set up a bunch of long tables outside and we get served this delicious beef in wine sauce. And on the tables, every so often, there were these big carafes of wine. Well we sit down in front of one, pour out a couple of glasses and enjoy. Why not but strangely enough a lot of the people there weren't drinking. I found it odd until I heard one of them mutter how it wasn't even five o'clock yet which made me giggle. I never understood that. If you want a glass of wine or beer or whatever with your lunch or after work or at 3 o'clock in the afternoon after mowing the lawn then have the damn drink! LOL! We've still got this damn Puritan streak running down the backbone of this country, 

I don't know, I'll check it out if I see one but I've never been one much for convenience store food here. If I want a burger, I'll go to a real place that sells them so long as it isn't McDonald's or something like that.

I'm not knocking the NRA, I'm knocking people who think that they can open carry assault rifles all over town and actually believe they're making the world "safer". I like the idea of the NRA as a gun safety club. I like the concept of the NRA as teaching people about guns. I don't like the NRA as the redneck lobby group that says that more guns and concealed carry permits makes the country safer. You look at Canada. Again another reason I love that country. They're not gun happy up there but they own guns. Per capita there's like 31% of the population has guns. Of course they're mostly for hunting so we're talking shotguns and hunting rifles but this includes handguns as well. Handguns who's only purpose is to be used for target practice. No word of a lie. You can own a handgun up there but can't use it for anything other than target practice in a gun range. You also need to be investigated by the Mounties. Have them check on your employment history and go back two years to make sure you haven't been divorced, lost your job or been through a crisis of sorts. Then go to a mandatory training course and then you're allowed to get your license. While here you go to a gun show, make a comment about Obama taking away your right to own a gun and some guy then sells one to you under the table and fudges the paperwork. Their instance of gun related deaths are seven times lower than ours, and they STILL think that's too high. Say what you want about Canadians but they have the right idea on a lot of things and I think this country would be a lot better if we followed some of them. Not the least of which is they don't have a mass or a school shooting every week.

And speaking of guns, I'm reminded of a story I read a long time ago. I went through my sci-fi phase when I was about 12 and one of the books I read was, I think it was called "Tunnel in the Sky" by Robert Heinlein. In it a group of students in some survival course are sent to an alien planet for a week to survive. Some of them might die but they're allowed to bring any weapons and supplies they need. The hero of the story is warned by his sister who's some kind of Ranger who leads groups of colonizers to different planets not to get a gun. The reason being that a gun makes you stupid. You yourself said that killing with a gun is so much easier and you can do so in a frraction of a second. It gives you the power of a god. But it blinds you to the danger because it's so powerful. You think it's going to protect you but chances are it won't. Meanwhile the guy with the knife who knows he needs to get in close to use it is much more aware how fragile he is and is going to take that much more caution meaning he'll probably survive. 

Gotcha. Yeah my fucking stupid religious asshole rapist foster parents were all about being proper at all times. I couldn't wear pants and had to always wear a dress. I couldn't curse or show them any disrespect. I had to be back at a certain time. Any time spent with Rick in their house had to be chaperoned or at least supervised which meant no physical contact, talking about sex or anything they deemed immoral. Fuck them and I hope they burn in hell. Religion poisons everything and the really worst part about it is that these Christians are usually some of the worst people you'll ever meet. I have no problem if somebody believes in God or Jesus but when you make it the center of your life AND you're a total hypocrite in the process, that's when it rears it's ugly head.

I agree that sometimes it can get too much. Dirty talk can be nice if it's well done but too often it's just crude and unnecessary. But the worst thing I hate in porn is when the actress is just going, "(breathe in making a hissing sound) moan. (breathe in making a hissing sound) moan. (breathe in making a hissing sound) moan." Can you mix it up a bit please? It's times like that that I wind up muting it. I like it when a woman is moaning and groaning and making little squeaks but when it's repetitive and mechanical it's just boring. 

Diddling can work for both sexes if you really want. And yes the term "jilling" is cute but then so are we. And I like the word oogie. It's cute too! LOL!

Maybe on another woman but I just find Lena to be repulsive. Sorry. 

Yeah you would find them small but to me, they were too big. Also I didn't like her acting. It was too over the top. But I will admit the scene where the two girls are sucking on her tits was really hot. But if you want to see what a perfect woman looks like for me, check out this hottie: https://66.media.tumblr.com/4be073f4138378454eeea6bd1d4271ab/tumblr_njj8xccahP1u6r78go1_1280.jpg. Small breasts, beautiful skin, lovely freckles and gorgeous red hair to die for. I don't know if I could ever get tired of a woman that perfect. And the absolute best part? She's a lesbian. How great is that?

Well it's 9am and I've got things to do. Later James!

James Mitchell <[email protected]>
Aug 28

to me 
San franciso. You know the self appointed king of America was from there. Google him it's a fascinating story. 

I have a tricycle already. I used to love to ride but it's really hard for some reason so I haven't in a while. Maybe the chain needs some oil or something like that either way it's too hot to ride anyway. It's gotta be in the 60's or at most 70's or I can't take it. Plus the roads here SUCK.

A teacher told me that when I was little he could have been messing with us. 

Big AZ are really good. 

I'll have to check that out. 

Yeah. And it's almost impossible to find one where she acts like it hurts. I mean there's like 2 videos out there and one it looks like rape and I can't wank to that. And the other one gets old after repeated viewings. 

Too skinny. But I love the red hair. My sister is a redhead and I've always had a crush on her. 

Linda [<REDACTED>]
Aug 28

to James 
Afternoon James!

Well I did it. I sold my condo. Signed all the papers and the money will be coming my way in a couple of days so I'll probably be around just in case. New owner is still using the same management company so I guess they're going to be renting it out like I was. This calls for a bottle of champagne. Well it would if we hadn't already had one! LOL! I think I'm going to treat myself to an Asian massage tonight. Some of those places do service ladies. God I love San Francisco although I wouldn't mind a hard dick about now. Maybe a couple vids and my dildo would work instead before the massage?

Yes I've heard of him. Emperor Norton. Did you know that Mark Twain modeled his character of "The King" in Huckleberry Finn after Emperor Norton? But there's weirdos all over the place like in Nevada there's a guy calling himself "President Baugh" and he rules over a micronation called "Molossia". It's a legal micronation within the United States of course it doesn't actually mean anything but it's funny. And they even showed up in the manga for Hetalia: Axis Powers so that's a thing! LOL!

It's been the hottest summer on record this year. They weren't like this when I was younger. Maybe a couple days at 90+ degrees at the end of July or in August but not the whole month through. At least up in Alaska it was nice. Here I need to be in the air conditioning all the time. 

Your teacher could have been messing with you or he could have heard it and just went with it. We have this idea of teachers being infallable but in reality they're just as human as the rest of us with all the follies and foibles we have. One teacher I had in high school was weird and I don't know if he was really a conspiracy guy or if he was just having fun at our expense. Rick had him as well so he can vouch for me.

Well I'm sure you can find videos like that but that's not what I want to see. If it's hurting her then it's not fun. Sex is supposed to be about pleasure for both of you so unless your partner is into pain as well as you are then there's no reason why you should be inflicting it on them. Sure a little bit of roughness can be fun when you're wrestling under the sheets or if you're playing games of submission. Rick can win those things so easily because he weighs twice as much as I do and can easily get me off of him but it's cute when I want to take control and he pretends like he's helpless in my grip, He's a devil at times that one. And then when he's had enough playing he flips me over, covers me with his body and proceeds to do me. If I cry out in pain at any time he pulls back. It's so cute.

Nah, she's perfect. Perfect body. Perfect tiny tits. Gorgeous red hair. Perfect ass. She looks so hot when she's got her head between another woman's thighs or when she herself is getting eaten. You have a sister? I didn't know that. Tell me about her and more importantly how much of a crush did you have on her? Enough to want to do her when you were younger? Did you ever get the chance? Don't answer if that's too personal but I'll tell you more about my cousin who molested me if you do. 

Time for coffee then either a massage or see if I can find myself a nice boy for the night. Maybe find a nice slim one who's bi. They're everywhere in this city.. fuck how could I forget the sissy? Let's just hope he's still doing his thing because if he's around I'm in luck.

Just in case, g'night James! 

James Mitchell <[email protected]>
Aug 28

to me 
Luckily it's raining and really cooled off hopefully it stops soon so I can go for a walk. 

It's not exactly that I want to see the girl get hurt I just want to see an ouch or two when the guy is big because it happens. Hell I'm average and hurt one woman once. I just hate how porn lies and is never representative of real life. Even in amateur stuff only guys with big dicks have the guts to film themselves and their gf/wife fucking. I'm not saying it's hard to find average dick in porn but they always call it small and that makes me feel small. That's why I have such a hangup about it. 

James Mitchell <[email protected]>
	
Sep 3
	
to me
All these years I've used google or yahoo but I have found bing to provide better results on the naked girls front. It was a suggestion on the 8ch.net/loli board they said with the safe search disabled you get better results there. I tried 9 year old girl naked it suggested 9 year old girl bath and there is a treasure trove. I hate there's a few boys scattered throughout but you'll enjoy. Have fun.