Laura Loomer

Laura Elizabeth Loomer is a hook-nosed Christ-killing reporter for The Rebel Media who was formerly employed by James O'Keefe's Project Veritas.

Early life

In her interview with the Jewish Daily Forward, Loomer says she got clowned on as a kid for being a morbidly obese piece of shit with a large hook nose and every other student was so repulsed by her presence that she was forced to eat in solitude during every meal. “I ate every single meal by myself for an entire semester,” she said. Loomer's dad raised her to identify as “ethnically, culturally and politically Jewish” yet she gets pissed anytime someone brings up the fact that she behaves like a stereotypical Jew. Due to her low self-esteem, Loomer found work in the adult film industry and frequently appeared on Casting Couch.

Julius Caesar Play Disruption

Laura Loomer hates liberal snowflakes and is a free speech advocate, which is why her claim to fame is when she bravely shut down a Trump-themed stage performance that depicted the president in a negative light. As Loomer was being arrested for trespassing and disorderly conduct, her and a prominent gay rights activist, Jack Posobiec, can be heard shouting, “You're GERBILS! YOU'RE ALL GERBILS!”

Previous Video | Next Video

Crowdfunding

After her brush with the law, Loomer decided that she couldn't afford her nominal disorderly conduct fines and set up a GoFundMe page to act as a legal defense fund. This campaign raised over 13,000 dollars that was never ultimately spent on any legal activities; instead, Loomer decided to spend all her sucker beta-orbiter fans' money on a nose job (because she's a proud Jew and totally not ashamed of her Jewish features).

Pedophilia

Loomer was spotted in public recently at a local college bar and a high school senior snuck in with one of his friends. Video has surfaced of Laura making unwanted sexual advances toward the minor in question.

Previous Video | Next Video

TireGate

Loomer's e-fame started to wane over the months since the Shakespeare in the Park drama and she needed a way to increase her media exposure, so she took to Twitter and claimed that Alt-Right neo-Nazis slashed her tire.

Anyone with half a brain cell immediately recognized that the tire was ruptured and cracked due to dry-rot because it was a six year old tire.

After finding out nobody believed her totally legit hate crime story, Loomer began lashing out at fellow e-celebs and condemning them for not defending her and her tire.