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Above Top Secret
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THIS PAGE IS BEING WATCHED BY ENEMIES OF THE LULZ. BEWARE OF BUTTHURT REVISIONISM. |
Above Top Secret started in 1997 by a self-proclaimed idiot Simon Grey. ATS is the YTMND of conspiracy they have NO original content but yet at the same time try to take credit for every thread they post. In their archive (of a site that started in 1997) the only original thing the owner would take credit for are couple of shitty articles about 9/11. This is backed up by the name of the site its self, it was ripped off from the book Above Top Secret by Jim Marrs. The Moderators of ATS chose to give Marrs his own personal board, they said it was to "honor his contributions to the conspiracy community" but it was really just to evade a Law suit over people posting large chunks of his book on their site and calling it their own. They get crazy pissed when you tell them that John Titor never visited ATS (they did put all of his threads on their site) he only went to some shitty time travel and Coast to Coast AM's forums. This just rubs their nose in the fact that in 2035 ATS is still just a heaping pile of shit.
An Overview
—Jalis obviously an expert on secret societies, |
It is the conspiracy nut's bomb shelter of the Internet. If you were ever interested on how to protect yourself from the mind rays of the Illuminati Masonic Shape Shifting Lizard men from the year 2012 that reside on the dark side of your brain then look no further. However ATS does in fact confirm the theory of time warps as every user appears to be stuck in the AOL days and posting terms like "lol" make you look like the cool new young guy. Above top secret hosts a variety of topics such as UFOs,9/11 and religion. At times these articles tend to blend together to create hybrid threads such as Jewish aliens killed Jesus and Jesus was a UFO from the year 199595. They constantly throw around the term "Deny Ignorance", it is like a badge to these fucktards. If you are ever being flamed there all you have to do is say something like "Come on, we are supposed to deny ignorance here" and you will promptly be given an apology even if you were being a total asshole. Another thing to do is to post "what would you do take the red pill or the blue pill".
Typical Conversation on ATS
- ATS guy:Can you see the UFO in my mind?
- ATS girl: Well would you take the red pill or the blue pill? Rolling on the floor ROFLing?
ATS guy: Oh so true! LOL?
ATS'ers have a special gift for stupidity. They form what are called threads on their forum which entail topics of discussion. When forming a thread, ATS'ers having no original ideas and thoughts of their own and will often post up shit they have found on one of their competitors sites. This is then reworded and pawned off as their own prose. Anyone who wishes to dispute this is automatically called and branded a "Disinfo" agent. They then spend the next 909890 hours trying to work out which government this "disinfo" agent works for and how they are living life right on the edge just like in a spy movie. Then they get a call from their mothers telling them to stop wanking over the family computer screen and put down the bottle of man-o-man lube as dinner is on the table. This infuriates all ATS'ers and therefore their mothers are banned from ATS so as not to let everyone know that they still breast feed and love having their butt-holes tickled by their step-fathers.
All ATS'ers bow down the complete dickhead Nazi known as the SkepticGayLord, a fat balding useless turd. The SkepticGaylords real name is Bill Irvine (Kiidyfiddler to his friends) and he rules over ATS with an iron fist. If you disagree with his point of view then you will be harshly spoken to and banned from the site by SkepticGayLord. All ATS'ers love this man and often offer to raise his children in return for lavish stories about how he can put believers in touch with aliens. In fact the only Alien Willy Irvine has offered up is his overweight mother. This though has kept many an ATS'er happy as they are some of the most clueless and dumbest people to grace the net. Profile of the Fat-One. Being "in" with the Skepticgaylord is the ultimate goal of the ATS members as they have faith that one day they too will gain 80Lbs of excess lard and churn out more BS then an Arab in the interrogation room.
Previous Video | Next Video |
Conspiracy Chicks
Above top secret in a desperate attempt to make some money has put "girls" on their site. They will talk on and on about crap nobody cares about, kind of like real life girls. The one on the left Asala is a cheap whore who only got accepted into the conspiracy circle because she claimed her father was a Gray Alien but that was just a twist of the truth. He was actually a gay Alien and by Alien she meant dirty cock sucking Romanian immigrant. She became a mod on above top secret by posting bang up threads about Seeing shooting stars with a friend which is total bull shit because the rest of her threads are bout her dogs and cats and any woman with cats has no girl friends and any woman with dogs has no interest in men. The other one AshleyD earned her mod stripes by creating custom avatars. Just for kicks it is always fun to go ask her to make you one of her toothless trailer park ass sucking cock for Meth money, when she says no just tell her you have the polaroid of her from the texas rest stop you just want her to trace it. These two girls now shoulder the responsibility of making us non believers believe that ATS men can in fact get girlfriends. This fact however can be disputed by the simple formula -x^2 + 2(k+2)x - 9k = BIG FAT LOSER. There is no hope of any ATS'er getting themselves a man or woman companion unless they are from Uranus.
The Conspiracy chicks are two whores with small and protruding clitorises where their nipples should be. One of our researchers met an Alien behind the Mall and the Alien is quoted as saying "...yeah, the conspiracy chicks are indeed men from a planet called Alpha bigfatus and they were banished for eating and then regurgitating there own turds. This is a big no-no in alpha culture. Plus one of the conspiracy chicks is really a ginger fire crotch. So you can't trust her and she stinks of piss!!
Aliens and UFOs
Please Note: The use of the red pill at the start of this video. And that this video was made by watchZEITGEISTnow
In this board you will find massive amounts of crappy pictures of stars,the sun and clearly photoshopped UFOs. The lulz do not however come from the crappy photos themselves but the delusional back stories people make up for them. It is almost law in this board to make something batshit crazy up for a UFO picture. You can't just leave it at a picture it has to be "This is a picture of the reptilian starship Drakonias and they have come to spread the word of Jesus"
How to troll:
- Post pictures of random shit of the sky or forest saying that if you open your eyes and mind you should be able to see the aliens or UFOs
- Start a thread asking for everyone to share their abduction stories, once you get a couple pages worth of crazy mix it up by asking how could christian aliens do this to anyone.
- Go to SeeingUFOsPA's Youtube page and post a thread for each one of her videos. All her videos are of planes flying over her house. Some people at above top secret.com really think those videos are real but most do not. Post the videos and watch as the shit storm begins.
Here is a classic UFO pic that ATS members worship Best UFO evidence Ever. They feel so strongly about this that when a normal person questions the pics authenticity a slapping fest ensues and the smell of bad breath and piss surround that person with such force that the person is said to turn into stone. ATS members such as Greeneyedleo the Whoretalk live about their UFO experiences and that being abducted is very much like being molested as a child. You know nothing of it till someone tells you that you fucking weird. Then all the memories and lies start flooding out like shit through a goose.
ATS members like to take their fellow members word for UFO and Alien sightings and will often relay stories of how they were in the woods with two friends (always three of them) and after singing campfire songs an Alien came down out of the trees and took them to the Mothership for scientific experimentation. This is then later backed up by each of the friends showing other ATS members photos of their stretched out assholes claiming wildly that on the ship the Aliens probed them.
One such story ATS member story claims he has been taken three times and he has been in three different flying saucers.
Here is an actual quote from 330BC ATS member I've been in three different flying saucers and they all looked pretty much the same from the inside. They don't really have a lot of equipment in their saucers (they have nano-technology), but one thing I found kind of funny was that they actually had toilets in the saucers, nothing like our toilets but yeah, I guess even they have to take a piss sometime. I didn't get to spend a lot of time in the saucers because we arrived to our destinations pretty quickly. On the first and third time they took me to a base in Mars and on the second time we went to a base on the back side of the moon. They live in underground bases that are completely self-supporting systems, meaning that they can produce their own energy, food, etc.. The first two times I was gone for a couple of hours but on the third time I must've spent something close 15 hours with them. The weirdest thing about it is that when they returned me on the third time, I hadn't actually been gone at all because it was the same time that it was when I had left. I'm guessing they somehow manipulated time and returned me to the same point in time (I'll talk about time travel later). This is the kind of truth telling that goes on on ATS and its because of these very believable accounts that ATS is striving to become the one place a mental fucking weirdo can feel safe and at home.
9/11
See how the "hogogram's" wing fucks the building up? OMG PROOF!!!
This is where people convene to discuss the collective amount of 20min worth of footage from the 9/11 Jew attack. The theories here range from "9/11 was an inside job" to "9/11 never happened, those planes were CGI".
How to Troll
- Start a thread stating that the official 9/11 story is the real story and that all the conspiracy stories were started by disinformation agents to try and trick you.
- Ask them if the illuminati/Masons/Reptiles already run the world, why even start a war why not just give the oil/money to themselves, if they are really in control it should be like taking money out of your right pocket and sticking it in your left.
- Say Jews did it
- Say you were inside the trade center when the plane hit and there were no bombs or anything strange going on besides the planes crashing into your office.
Religion
Like most shitty forums instead of letting the atheists and christians duke it out in the politics board these assholes decided to give them their own soap boxes. In this board the same 50 or so people constantly have the same arguments over and over. Atheists put up copy pasta from Time Ghost and the God Delusion while the christians put up copy pasta from the bible. No side ever pwns the other side but the only thing the Christians have going for them is that they don't pretend that they are posting something that they took the time to write.
How to Troll
- Start threads titled "God Delusion review by a christian man" or "The Scientific bible review by an Atheist".
- Tell people in the board that without the bible and Dawkins they would all be a bunch of mindless retards.
- Tell them you are a scientologist, and watch the shit fit that ensues.This will normally end with someone getting banned but never you.
Secret Societies
In Secret societies people just discuss how the world is run by some small secret group that EVERYONE knows about. They pretty much play 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon but with political figures, and it always leads back to the illuminati. It is also common to find random strings of numbers put together to make a point, "1 president,1 vice president,1 country so if the first one is a 9 than that is 9/11 which is masonic so you can see the mason's did 9/11.
How To Troll
- Post random pictures up and say OMG can you see all the masonic symbols?
- Keep updating the list of Masons article on wikipedia and add the site owners of ATS.
- Ask why there are thousands of books about secret societies by people who had never beeen in one and how could they be secret if you can read about them on wikipedia.
Alternative Substances
Ironically this board makes less sense than all the others. It is a board to talk about Drugs, illegal substances and related conspiracies, but there is a catch. Members here are not allowed to talk about personal drug use, legalization or the spiritual effects of said substances. Here you are bound to find members posting numerous threads all crying about how pot should be legal. How to Troll
- Just post something that makes weed sound like it is not the best thing evar.
- Post your brother died from a pot overdose.
- Just argue that pot makes you retarded.
- Argue that if CP was legal it would stimulate the economy more than pot.
- Write something about the government conspiracy to stop you from eating horse meat
- Write as if you think pot should be legal but stick to the most ridiculous arguments
- If pot was legal there would be world peace
- Smoking pot increases the your brain's production of brain cells thus making you better at self exploratory surgery
- Studies show that children who begin smoking pot before the age of nine are 420 times more likely to earn PHDs
- If pot is so bad then why do people who smoke it live on average 70 years more than people who don't
- Write a thread about how dangerous Meth is and why so many people are using it, while doing this be sure to include in depth instructions on how to make a meth lab.
- Ask if flouride in toothpaste is used to control people's minds then how would legalizing pot not be part of the NWO agenda.
- Tell them that pot has been so altered through selective breeding that it is about as natural as a pomeranian.
ATS Drama
Jared Lee Loughner
| File:Jared-Lee-Loughner-mugshot.jpg |
Jared Lee Loughner aka erad3 was ATS's 2nd person to attempt fighting the NWO by killing people for no reason while spewing nonsensical gibbersish online
Jeff Weise
Jeff Weise was a hero of ATS he would often vent and share his suicide notes with the other members there. Evidently the group offers great support because he is still alive. Supprisingly going on a real life shooting rampage will not get you banned from Above top Secret.com.
—Moderator commenting on News story about Jeff Weise Being an ATS poster | ||
John Lear
John Lear claimed to be an engineer from New Mexico that helped back engineer UFOs for the government. This claim made him the Swinging Dick of all conspiracy whack jobs and in turn a celebrity poster on ATS. Almost any TV or low budget documentary on UFOs is bound to have at least one interview with this guy. He is a special guest on Coast to Coast AM at least 360 times a year. He got banned from ATS for offering no evidence of any of the crazy claims he would make, but he is still elsewhere on the net claiming it is a conspiracy against him. This led many ATSers to leave the site (and hopefully the internet) for good.
Whispers in the Dark
Whispers in the Dark was by far the best troll that Above Top Secret ever encountered. He posted threads about shit that already happened then hacked the forum to set the date of his post back so it looked like he was predicting these events. He went on to say that he was a high level Department of Defence fluffer and had access to all types of inside information. The last of his posts revolved around the theme that Above Top Secret was part of a CIA counter intelligence program. The community on ATS became divided on the matter and even the forum owners had to put their crack pipes down and leave their tin foil tents to respond to the matter.
Tin Wiki
At one point they tried to create their own wiki made of conspiracy theories. Having only one sysop with no knowledge of how to run a wiki or repair a server the site was taken down after one night of vandal fun. Every page was replaced with "The NWO is Watching you". In an attempt to restore all the articles while rebooting their server took a shit and now tinwiki just redirects to Above Top Secret. Feel free to stop by and tell William One Sac to suck your dick. Nevermind William One Sac lost a fight with cancer
http://tinwiki.org
Things that will get you B& a lot
- Suggest that the site is run by the Illuminati
- Point out when a mod violates their Terms and Conditions.
- Tell them that AMKON is a much better forum
- Post information in ANY board and claim that your source is your friend Dr.Rufus Red (this is now an instant ban offense)
- Hate Speech- Just for fun make a white nationalist's style speech thread about the Masons then write the same exact speech in a different board but replace masons with Jews
- Trolling the Moral Fags- over 1/2 of the members there think they are moral fags and or /b/tards point out to them that their Jim Marrs does Anti-psychiatry lectures for CCHR. Then watch the lulz as they either start bashing Jim Marrs (risking the B& hammer) or try and use their retarded logic and explain how CCHR is in NO WAY connected to Scientology.
- Start a post with "As a christian i was offended"
- Claim that gravity ≠ magnetism
- Mention that Dawkins is anything but all powerful and all knowing
- Start a thread letting people know how to install and use an ad blocker.
- Always post that Jkrog08 died from taking way too many pills on purpose.
- Ask if WilliamOneSack's name was a pun because he had ball cancer.
- Ask the Mods if a UFO and a girl's titties have anything in common, both disappear when when you get your camera out.
- Tell the Mods that they are pedos and animal molesters and that everyone knows this to be true. If they don't believe you tell them they are "disninfo" agents.
- Ask ATS to show just one good photo of a [UFO] that is not blurry and not a lampshade in the basement of their house. OOOOOOH this drives them nuts.
- Tell the Owners of ATS that a girls legal age of sexual consent is not 10.
- Start a post with the line "Muslims destroyed the twin towers not the government"
- Start a discussion about the ratio between a Jews foreskin and his bank account balance
- Ask the members for absolute proof they are not complete fuckwits!
- Tell the ATS board that sticking their penises between Willy Irvines Moobs does not constitute a proper tit wank!
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Above Top Secret is part of a series on Visit the Truth Portal for complete coverage. |
