David Firth

Did you know that... The feeling of rust against your fingers is almost orgasmic?

David Firth is a purveyor of Flash movies of a rather retarded nature. He can't draw for shit, but he makes up for this by being a sick fuck. He hails from a really crap city in the north of England called Hull, which is populated mostly by zombies and chavs and reguarly makes the top two on surveys on the worst places in Britain, something which the residents believe to be an achievement of sorts. In Hull it is common etiquette to rape grannies and impregnate your pets(WTF?!), which explains a lot.

Salad Fingers.

David Firth has gotten a lot of attention on Newgrounds where he is either adored by goths, retards, weirdos and pretentious French people or hated by other flash animators, 13 year old boys and queers. David Firth also sometimes reviews other flash animations on Newgrounds, usually damning them to hell for not being up to par with his wonderful work.

He is totally not cool with his vids being on YouTube.

Salad Fingers

Salad Fingers is a a popular terrible flash animation about some creepy fuck who sits around being a faggot. Scientists believe that the Salad Fingers cartoon is based on the typical Hull resident, they have not been able to confirm this because all explorers who dared to venture into Hull were raped to death and had their bodies sent back to their family with a 2nd class stamp stuck to their forehead. The whole thing reeks of Tim Burton and attracts pretty much the same crowd of goth fags and turds. Newgrounds also hosts a myriad number of Salad Finger tributes which are all the exactly the same. Many scientists tried to investigate the inner meaning of the movie. Most of them stopped giving a shit after they saw Salad Fingers jacking off a rusty grid.(lolwut)

Episode Guide

• Episode 1: Spoons. In which we meet Salad Fingers and learn that he likes the feeling of rust cock against his salad fingers anus. He ventures into the abode of a strange creature and caresses its kettle testicles.

• Episode 2: Friends. Salad Fingers has a get together with his friends who are finger puppets. He proceeds to taste them. They are: Margery Stewart-Baxter who tastes of sunshine dust, Hubert Cumberdale who tastes of soot and poo and Jeremy Fisher of undisclosed flavor. We learn that Salad Fingers knows at least rudimentary French.Salad Fingers then tricks a scared looking chav into his oven. He then skewers his finger on a rusty nail and remarks "I like it when the red water comes out I'm anally penetrated". He then loses consciousness, presumably from lack of blood. He dreams about seeing Hubert Cumberdale in a slaughterhouse. Hubert Cumberdale screams and Salad Fingers awakes looking pale in a pool of blood. There is smoke everywhere, presumably from the chav in the oven. Salad Fingers remarks "That fish smells about done".

• Episode 3: Nettles. Salad Fingers has been enjoying the pleasures of nettles cock. He then finds a soiled, rusty old pram, which he calls a nettle carrier. He is followed home by an enraged, retarded BBQ employee with no arms called Harry who Salad Fingers names Milford Cubicle. He then proceeds to rub a nettle on his nipple and makes milk come out. Harry/Milford knocks himself unconscious banging his head on the door so Salad Fingers drags him inside and puts him on a hook. He then plays an Irish ditty on the flute and offers Harry/Milford a glass of milk.

• Episode 4: Cage. Salad Fingers meets Brian Peppers who apparently has a crush on him. When Salad fingers explains to him that their love is forever doomed, he is imprisoned in a cage. He escapes by using some form of voodoo and rides off into the sunset on a giant rusty tap.

• Episode 5: Picnic. There was a fairly large time gap in between making episode 4 and 5. This episode is a bit crap really. THE WHOLE SERIES SUCKS COCKS! Salad Fingers goes on a date with Cracky-chan and that's pretty much it.

• Episode 6: Present. Jeremy Fisher gives Salad Fingers a toy horse whom he names Horace Horsecollar. He then eats Jeremy Fisher and plays with Horace. Salad Fingers finds a toilet in the middle of the wilderness and fishes around it. He apparently sees someone accusing him of something in teh toilet bowl and returns home, were he finds a copy of himself who proceeds to eat the brain cock of the original Salad Fingers.

• Episode 7: Shore Leave. Salad Fingers has been eating sand. He finds the rotten corpse of his younger brother, Kenneth. He continuously refers to "The Great War". After a meal he kicks Kenneth back into the hole singing "We'll meet again". We then see Salad Fingers in a dress, singing in front of a crowd, but he complains that the pianist is playing in the wrong key and walks off stage.

• Episode 8: Cupboard. Salad Fingers is enjoying his radio but we can't find a clear station. We see him putting pellets into the back of the radio saying "He gets a little uppity when he hasn't had his substance". The radio starts emitting a frequency that upsets Salad Fingers.Salad Fingers decides to wait it out in his safety cupboard. He finds a hair in the cupboard which he tapes to the wall with other hairs. Salad Fingers awakes in the night to find his radio telling him he wants his hair back and to clean the house. Salad fingers gets upset and proceeds to eat the hairs and hides in his cupboard crying.

Burnt Face Man

The only one of Firth's series that doesn't regularly involve corpses being sodomised. It involves the homoerotic misadventures of a gay superhero with a burnt (sic) face. In context with the rest of Firth's work, this is actually pretty normal.

Devvo

A Semi-autobiographical account of David Firth's youth, as well as being a toned down factual documentary about life in Hull. It is an epic tale of sleeping in bins, drinking cider in the park and taking pills. The main character is surprisingly articulate for a chav, possibly in an attempt to make the subject matter more accessible to regular folk.

Panathinaikos Bear

A strange and hypnotic retelling of the adventures of George W Bush and some green thing that will give you a fucking headache. Probably makes less sense than anything else by David Firth. No JewTube.

Sock

This series is based on Firth's dreams, proving once again he is a sick fuck.

Spoilsbury Toast Boy

This is a backwards running series much in the style of Salad Fingers only more fucked up as it involves his grandmother being sodomised by roaches, roaches commanding Spoilsbury Toast Boy to cut off his grandmothers nipples and a machine that totally pwns Spoilsbury Toast Boy. Aside from that, the cartoon makes pretty much no sense at all.

Hell Claymation

Unlike Firth's other stop animations, "Hell" will leave you wanting to Pwn urself IRL if under heavy doses of the weed. At the end of it, most would wonder if Michael Jackson really is Peter Pan and what had just happened to their lower extremities.

Jerry Jackson

David Firth also makes flashes under the name of Jerry Jackson. Jerry is a 13 year old boy alter-ego who thinks he's better than he is at flash. Despite the obvious parody, many people think he's real. These people are the lol-cows of Newgrounds. To further prove that Jerry Jackson is not an alter ego of himself, David spead false rumors about actually meeting and having sexual relations with Jerry. Similar to actual acts he perfomed with a Little girl.

Waller FM

Firth has recently released a podcast pretending to be a radio show pretending to be funny. The show, for the most part, is incomprehensible and and features old characters spouting the same humor as previously seen on his website.

MilkMan

A flash cartoon filled with dasies and ponys. The name of the flash is Milkman. Oh, what a joy it is to behold this fine piece of animation. Ages 0-3.

Video Dating

A story of retards, perverts, and fat ugly women.

Gallery

• 
  girls love salad fingers
• 
  Salad Fingers
• 
  salad fingers and friend
• 
  Salad Fingers and a 'Special Friend'
• 
  Salad fingers on his spare time

External links

• David Firth's homepage.
• Firth's other web page.
• The best Flash cartoon EVAR.
• [1] Newgrounds boasting a perfectly visible boner over Salad Fingers.