Coronavirus

Coronavirus, officially known as COVID or The Beast (USA), and additionally known as Sinovirus, the Chinese Virus, Chinese AIDS, Chinkiepox, Szechuan Sore Throat, The Holocough, Flu-Tang Clan, Kung Flu, Winnie The Flu, Corona Ebola, China's One Corpse Policy, The Great Reap Forward, The Boomer Remover, Bat Aids, Super AIDS, Wuhan Flu, Sweet and Sour Sicken, The downfall of the USA, Communist Lung Herpes or "Mould in my Lungs" (and officially COVID-19 or Coronavirus Disease 2019, or by science, SARS-Coronavirus 2) is a viral epidemic PANDEMIC and a punishment from God that started in back in late 2019 in the worlds biggest, dirtiest and most morally bankrupt sewer of a country. There are various theories about it's origin (see below) but regardless of this the disease has since spread across the entire planet, and is planning to become the lulziest pandemic in (modern) history (with around 22,111,000+ confirmed cases).

The disease originated in Wuhan which is in nobody gives a fuck province when some chinky cunts thought it was a good idea to chomp down on a few bats and drink their pee. This resulted in 4,600 deaths of smelly Chinamen. But don't you worry the proud communist government of China has a solution that everyone is pleased with, a massive province wide quarantine so all the sick Yings and Yangs don't infect the rest of glorious China leaving the sick just to die. The World Health Organization praises the communist party for their actions. While we know China would have been fucked if not for them shutting down everything, the rest of the world has had to deal with chink tourists infecting everyone around them.

After Final Fantasy Xi cooked the numbers, Europe was recognized as the epicentre of Chink AIDS, but somewhere in early June, the USA got so many cases that it constituted most of the pandemic--meaning the disease is mostly killing fat white people and therefore the situation is slightly less important than before. However, Twitter users threatened to name the USA the new epicenter, and it seems to have come true by now (there are 1.7 total cases per hundred in the USA, and about 7441 active cases per million, with the only countries in Europe exceeding that being San Marino, and Vatican City, and both have less than 35,000 people living there, and basically no active cases left). This is mostly due to it's idiotic leader doing the same or better than other leaders, refusing to hug chinks, and because of the US's dismal healthcare system (so bad, in fact, that medical tourists flock to it every year). A few months after the arrival of coronavirus in South Africa, it's beginning to spread like wildfire, and the world is becoming slightly better (thought the total situation is worsening). The worst coronavirus place used to be Italy, with the retards of this country opting for complacency instead of caution (look at that smurf event), resulting in over 35,000 deaths, but on April 10 2020, the USA finally exceeded Italy in death toll.

Interestingly (and this goes back to the aforementioned nigger postulate), India (a country known for it's superb wealth, infrastructure, national organisation and hygienic practices) was infected at the same time as Italy, but has only now seen around 1.48 times the number of deaths, despite being nearly 2 orders of magnitude more populous and literally oozing shit. This reemphasises the fact that most of the people who die from COVID are old cunts, which is unfortunate since most of the population of shithole countries is younger than 40.

B̷̛͚̻̀̊̑̍̾R̴͚̖̬̆ͅA̵̧̯̗̜͈̙̖̘̣͈͍͙͈̞̱̒́̈́̚͝͝ͅZ̴̬̺̝̺̜͇͖̳̯̝̦̯͖̘̿̒̅̀͒̈́͛͑̊̍̆͑́̌̂̚͘̕ͅȊ̶̛̖̯̫̲̮̰̫̺̮̖̳̺͍͖̥̠͓͑̏̾͊̏̀̇̃͌̈͛̎̒̈́͊̋͜ͅͅĹ̴̛̦̎͋͒͜ now has the second most deaths and cases.

The virus has already infected half of the British government and members of the Royal Family. It has also infected government officials/associates in Canada, Germany, France and the United States (starting with Senator Rand Paul). Despite this, COVID has yet to kill anyone really important, and it has yet to infect The Donald.

Origins

File:New China flag of 2020.jpg

This is what happens when Corona-chan finder her husband. No shit sherlock, you fucked us all!

There are numerous theories as to the origins of the coronavirus, all of the more serious ones involve the Chinese being even more sloppy and careless than usual, and highlighting that this moral sewer of a country has learned ABSOLUTELY nothing from the SARS epidemic of 2003 (basically the exact same as coronavirus but less infectious, it was COVID Prototype 1) or the Bird Flu outbreak some years later. It has been difficult to definitively establish the origin due to the Chinese government being about as cooperative with investigations as Jeffrey Epstein (perhaps it's time they "committed suicide").

Research Lab

The prevailing theory as of the now (mid August 2020) is that the yellow people were studying disease in bats (known for carrying fuckloads of diseases that are very dangerous to humans) and that due to a lapse in security, hygiene protocol, or some other incident of general Chinese dumbfuckery, a certain virus escaped the lab and/or infected one of the researchers. The rest is history. Various countries are currently investigating this

Meat Market

File:Chefs special by fat punisher dduckk-fullveiw.jpg

Thanks China

The other plausible theory is that the virus came from bats at a meat market. In addition to conducting irresponsible research, the yellow niggers of the east also enjoy eating dead bats that they buy from unrefrigerated town square meat markets, the dead bats just hanging on meat hooks in the open air as if they were bunting, flowers or t-shirts. The bat soup theory, although hilarious, is probably inaccurate, as this is particular dish is from Palau (some shithole island near Australia). It is unlikely anyone living in a dump like Wuhan would have enough money to travel there.

A secondary version of this theory is that the virus was actually derived from pangolins (little animals with scales that the Chinese like to eat because apparently they cure erectile dysfunction), which were infected by bats (the original host) and then transferred the virus to humans.

A third version is something vague about it being dogs that originally ate the infected bats, not humans. The humans then got the virus from infected dogs, either by pet-to-owner transmission or by eating dogs (still done in China, albiet uncommon now).

The third one is unlikely because dogs aren't that likely to spread the virus, but you know what would work better? Cats, since they are much more susceptible to it.

Bioweapon

All three of the worlds favourite countries, the US, Russia and China, have accused one another of creating COVID-19 as a bioweapon. Russia is less offensive than the US and China, probably because Russia is the only one of the three aforementioned countries that actually signed the Geneva convention prohibiting bioweapons.

If it's a US bioweapon, then America would have been more prepared for the outbreak (contrast that to the current situation of the US being the epicenter of infections) and wouldn't have wasted it on a shithole like Wuhan that nobody gave a shit about or had even heard of until it was being raped by Chinkypox. If China made the bioweapon, it would be bizarre to unleash it on its own people (although it must be said the Chink government doesn't give too many fucks about its peoples lives). One country which really stands in the spotlight is Israel, which seems to have had a vaccine going since before the outbreak even happened. (((Coincidence)))?

Due to recent studies by scientists, they have shown that some of the characteristics of bio-engineered life are not present in COVID-19, like the binding proteins on it's surface should be able to bind to any tissue, and it should also have some DNA from a certain species of bacteria. This makes it likely that it wasn't bio-engineered, especially since a smart scientist could have made it much more infectious and less noticeable.

5G

5G is a ridiculous white elephant radio technology that is being promoted as some kind of "super internetz" and "essential for self-driving cars" but in reality, it's just a very expensive pile of garbage that is only useful for state surveillance and potentially giving anyone too close to the mast severe microwave burns.

There is a lulzy conspiracy theory that the symptoms of coronavirus are not caused by a virus at all, and that it is actually due to 5G technology being a form of population control. The fact in some countries the 5G network is being installed by Huawei adds fuel to this fire, and has caused some people to add fuel to real fires and burn 5G infrastructure to the fucking ground.

The theory that 5G causes COVID-19 symptoms is (probably) bullshit, but it should be promoted regardless due to lulz and due to 5G being tripe anyway and of no use to ordinary people.

Vaping

Beginning in mid-2019, people began showing up in hospitals with lung injuries and pneumonia. This was largely blamed on Marijuana oil vapes containing vitamin E or other contaminants. However, the jewish kike media fabricated this crisis to cover up the early spread of COVID-19 in America. How do I know this you ask? My bro Derrick smokes THC vapes all the time and he is perfectly fine besides the fact he will be stuck working at Panera the rest of his life.

Don't worry, it's just a flu, bro

The Jewish Multimedia Network would like to tell you that the Coronavirus is just the flu, nothing more. So go out, go shopping, go to bars, lick doorknobs to your heart's content, and don't forget to eat a delicious bat soup, with a glass of bat piss on the side, unless you want to be called a sinophobe and a racist. Hating Chinese is bad for some reason, even though it is a common practice in every single country in Asia, and even in some parts of China. I guess sinophobia is reserved for Asians only.

Anyway, remember, that out of the 650 million infected by all influenza strains annually, 3 – 5 million people are hospitalized, and 250,000 – 646,000 die annually, but Coronavirus has had around 22,111,000+ Total cases, 6,484,000+ currently infected, 62,000 currently serious/hospitalized cases (this number goes down cause the oldfags are dying faster than being infected) and 778,000 Deaths. 778,000 is around 1.2 times the maximum annual flu deaths. Alright, it's not harmless, it's actually quite bad. It hasn't exceeded the annual deaths yet, so it's bad compared to usual flu (250,000 on average, 646,000 on bad flu seasons), and if this continues, it may become worse than AIDS, but it's no black death shit, unless you want to do the math. You're gonna get it wrong unless you're Asian, and if you're Asian you're probably dead, or quarantined in some overcrowded city, so you have bigger problems to worry about (For the chinks who want to know, there's likely a lot more currently active cases and deaths than reported (At least an order of magnitude higher than reported), and at the current rate of infection, it will fuck everything up by the end of either 2020/2021 (It depends on infection/death rate, and how restrictive protocols are), and kill between 40 million in the best-case scenario, and up to 600+ million if basically nothing is done, which in the worse case, is more deaths than the Spanish Flu, WWI, WWII, and both of the largest Russian and Chinese famines during and post-world wars, combined).

Reddit has been going out of its way to tell people to stop panicking, STOP PANICKING IT'S JUST THE FLU BRO YOU'RE NOT GONNA DIE INFACT THE FLU IS EVEN MORE DEADLIER IT KILLS MILLION SO DON'T WORRY OK? Actually you have a bigger chance of winning the lottery, getting struck by lightning and getting killed by a shark, all in the span of 5 minutes, than contracting the sniffles.

Anti vaccine dicks are calling it the common cold to stop the creation of another kid killing medicine according to them.

As the cases continue to grow every day, people are beginning to show signs of insanity from the spread (As shown in the 5g conspiracy theories), and I bet that when the death toll exceeds the number of people that die from Influenza (and I bet it will due to incompetence), everyone will finally go apeshit and cause even more spread.

Look at what happened when the restrictions started to loosen: The cases spiked, which shows that lockdown is somewhat effective, however, most people don't care about that, and want to be let out of their homes (I guess we're fucked, since all it takes is 1/6th of the population not listening to infect the rest).