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Eugene Terreblanche
Lolcows such as apartheid, Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Rolf Harris, Charlize Theron and the incredibly sexy Yo-Landi Vi$$er are among the many reasons why South Africa is a country favored by ED. (A little known fact is that Pedobear - originally found at Grand Central Station by Anon, sitting on a suitcase bearing the label "WANTED ON VOYAGE" with a note on his coat which reads "Please look after this bear, children," whilst clutching a bag of sweeties and a "Disney Princesses" comic - is in fact from "Darkest Pretoria," South Africa, sent abroad by his Uncle Jacob Zuma for being too much competition [1].)
However, the crowning king of them all, a practical unknown who should be worshipped by all of ED, is General Eugene Terreblanche.
The Facts
The Madeupname
Eugene Terreblanche's name means "eugenics for a white planet." Clever.
The Life
Terreblanche was a man with a cause - the white domination of majority black South Africa, for the country's own good. So he did what any patriotic gentleman farmer would do: he raised a far-right racist militia and set out to ethnically cleanse the nearest hotbed of mud people, in this case the bantustan of Bophuthatswana. After this righteous failure left a number of his AWB drones dead and his credibility assfucked, Gene decided that perhaps instead of total dominion, a mere separate autonomous region for white pigfuckers such as himself might be sufficient. The government of SA has yet to be convinced.
The General's later life contained much that was noteworthy: some dog attacks at the local gas station, a little jail time, a lot of tedious drama about some journalist he fucked and then publicly defamed, a few interviews, and a famous swan dive off his horse that got a 9.5 from the judges but still didn't manage to bring home the gold. Then, in 2010, his work done, it was only left for Eugene to return home to The Lord in an appropriate fashion.
The Death
Eugene Terreblanche was beaten and hacked to death by darkies, and is, as such, a martyr. (See Eugene chopped up: a nation laughs in the Guardian [2].) His murderers violated his corpse and left behind a used condom at the scene for the lulz [3].
Apparently, (according to TOW) Eugene got himself some delicious Chocolate Shotacon from a 15 year old boy, and his older brothers told him GTFO with their machetes.
If the story is true, Then Eugene was the Mark Foley of South Efrica, except with better taste in hats.
The Message
Subtitled for the ignorant pigvolkers among you who don't speak Afrikaans.
The Legacy
The French have named a whole town on the Cote D'Azur after Terreblanche [4], acknowledging their debt to the General in their struggle against Algeria.
The Coming War
Ironically whereas most of the blacks in South Africa come from one blood line, Afrikaaners are in fact mongrels, the result of mating between Dutch farmers and albino pigs, a fact that they proudly proclaim in the nicknames "The Boaers." Luckily the murder of Terreblanche will cause all of the inbred white hicks to try and take on the South Africa government, and this will allow the purging of the cracker bastards once and for all, leading to a lovely, peaceful, and prosperous Pan-African state run by Jacob Zuma, Robert Mugabe, and the ghost of Idi Amin.
The Movie
Like the Gandhi movie, but with less blacks and more boring.