Penis envy

Penis envy is a claim often thrown around in internet arguments involving feminazis, asspies, and otherwise Canadian people, as an ad hominem attack meant to show what a douchebag they are. The key is to diagnose them in the most condescending, yet scholarly way possible.

Jacques Lacan has a phallus and it's the center of the symbolic order.

As a female, BitingBeaver lacks a phallus, and can only have one through giving birth to a future rapist.

Penis envy as an argument tactic

Remember, anyone who has penis envy is not equipped to argue anything, as they wish they had a penis and/or balls:

• A penis-envying anonymous poster accuses someone of having penis envy because he doesn't agree with them:

Anonymous: "Basically, what you're saying is that you don't like countries that exercise military or other power abroad. That doesn't leave a lot of innocents on th globe. Bhutan the new Japan, perhaps? Did you have a rivalry with your dad as a boy? Penis envy?"

• Penis Envy. Nuff' said.
• Being a bulldyke is hard work when you're lazy and you have penis envy:

matociquala:"Yes, I know I lose dyke points paying somebody else to change a tail light, but I don't really care. I was going to get it done today, but the first garage I went to is no longer in business, and the second one doesn;t do tire repair.

fidelioscabined:"Really, bull-headed insistence on doing something just because one has the capacity to do it oneself is right up there with absolutely refusing to ask for directions, and might qualify one as a penis-envy case."

Penis envy at its worst.

Signs that YOU may envy penis

• You are a woman.
• You drive an SUV.
• Extra points: You are a woman who drives an SUV.
• The concept of penis envy enrages you

Balls envy

Now and then you also hear the accusation of balls envy. It's a little known fact that many new and upcoming bisexual women wish they had BALLS, rather than a penis.

Why lesbians are jealous of balls

• Balls come in a convenient designer bag
• Your grandmother enjoys them
• Excellent christmas ornament

Mushrooms

Penis envy is a strain of magic mushroom which resembles the phallus. It was first discovered when man realized that he can fuck the softened earth after a rainstorm. It just so happens that manseed doubles as a fungal spore, thus the Great Penis Shroom was born.

See also

• Bandwidth envy
• My Tiny Dick

Penis envy is part of a series on Sex Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage.