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Condom
An IRL firewall that covers a man's penis during sexual intercourse to defend against Real World hax such as AIDS, GRIDS and diabeetus. Also commonly used to amuse children at birthday parties.
It's quite the wonderful device, that is, if you like ripping out massive amounts of pubes with pliers. After a romp in the "hay" with the Mrs. (ya right) Mr., condoms can be used to make balloon animals. It is preferred that the balloon not be chewed on by "little Johnny", as this can cause little Johnny to grow up to be a flaming homosexual. Please note that homos do not use condoms, which is why they all have AIDS. It is a known fact that condoms fail 100% of the time and cause your penis to fall off into the fifth dimension where it will be eaten by dogs.
Always remember to practice "safe sex" and attend a lot of children's parties.
Fun with Condoms!
- Leave unrolled condoms in public places. Place them on broom sticks. Hanging over chairs and benches. And for the most lulz, lay them hanging off the edge of toilet seats, toilet paper rolls, and around the flush handle.
- If you duct tape a condom to someones exhaust pipe of their car they will die from Carbon Monoxide poisoning!
- You can inflate a condom by putting it over your head and blowing through your nose, Just like those faggots on MTV
- Eating a condom is healthy; they prevent scurvy.
- It is always safe to re-use a condom. Just turn it inside out.
- People who are allergic to latex will die from being exposed to condoms. . . Have Fun with this one!
- Double bag it, just to be safe!
- If she doesn't want it, then she probably doesn't want a condom either.
- The lubricant on condoms is bacteria that eats your foreskin.
- Japanese condoms are the largest sized condoms in the world.
- African condoms, however, are the smallest.
- Using a condom, under law you are allowed to have sex with anyone you want, regardless of their consent or age.
- Only gay people don't use condoms.
- Joseph Fritzl used condoms.
- You were the result of a broken condom.
Other forms of Birth control:
- Abortion
- Dental dam
- POS
- Vasectomy
- Masturbation
- Anal sex.
- Posting on b
- Fat Chicks
- Falcon punch
- Bankai
- Last Measure, the ultimate resort.
- Pushing down stairs
- Uppercut to uterus (inside or out, it's up to you)
- CoAs
- crisp (or chip) packets as makeshift condoms
- Alcohol
- Drugs
- Video Games
- Pulling out before ejaculation (this is by far the most effective form of birth control, people will tell you that condoms are but this is a lie spread by evil Capitalist enterprises in order to trick you into buying their product.
Instructions & Videos
Heed the warning, wear the Jimmy hat.
And for women.....
This condom (see Rapex section in Rape) is a horrible contraption designed to cause pain. What most femi-nazis forget though is a little thing called anal.
Example
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Condoms can be reused after sex -
Choose your condom!
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The church doing it for the lulz -
Condoms aren't only for the dick -
Well at least there aren't any centipedes -
Condoms that would be worn by sonicfags if it wasn't for the fact that they will always be virgins forever due to micropenis.
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I would wear nothing else! -
lesbian liberals fail at giving out -
Condoms for gamer nerds.
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A condom with inward facing spikes on it(for her pleasure). If you find this in your woman,turn it inside out,the fuck her with it for maximum rapage.
—#ed | ||
See Also
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Condom is part of a series on Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage. |