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Angry Birds

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Concept art for gameplay
Angry Birds IRL

Angry Birds is a ttyl c00l game for your various mobile devices that had a swift run of popularity through all the hip new kids, being the best app evar.

Also advertised by Chrome but seen by nobody as Firefox is better.

"Plot"

Be prepared to be confused as fuck. The story begins with green pigs who, like all normal swine, crave the fetus of dumb ass birds that make their nests on the ground. The pigs come up with the idea to have their pig queen eat the eggs while the birds watch helplessly in horror, all the while being too retarded to realize how defensive birds are with their eggs when they're stolen. The birds amass an army of different species of birds recruited through their fanatical orgy sessions to die for the 3 bastard eggs the pigs actually stole in the opening cutscene. The designers of Angry Birds decided that the birds should catapult themselves directly at the enemy compound instead of flying, because everyone knows that birds can't fly, amirite? Eventually, the birds win, but the pigs don't die, even when they get blown the fuck up.

TL;DR - Angry Birds is a retarded game that, like all iPod apps, is used for little more than quickly draining your battery while you wait for your AIDS test to get back.

Gameplay

This is a bit more simple. You have a slingshot and you have to kill the pigs with birds fired from said slingshot. However, this is too easy. The pigs had a shit-ton of wood, and thus built over 9000 fortresses. However, the fact that the Angry Birds are actually BIRDS is useless due to the fact they have no wings.

The specific bird types are:

  • Regular Bird: Works well for the first 0 levels until the game implements walls that can't be moved by this bird.
  • Multi-Bird: A bird renowned for it's uselessness, this bird, when launched, will samefag across the screen.
  • Fast Bird: Like you, it's high on meth and heroin. Flies fast when tapped.
  • Bomb Bird: Similar to sandies, these birds suicide bomb the place and thus, actually CAN do shit.
  • Bomber Bird: The Bomb Bird's retarded cousin, who drops useless turds instead of bombs.
  • Boomerang Bird: An Australian bird that, surprise, can't do shit.
  • Fat Bird: Dude's fat and will gang rape the entire screen.

Trolling

There is no possible way to troll the game itself, for the game is a troll. It will present before you a seemingly impossible level, which will consume up to 10 minutes (and hopefully ONLY that much time). This is because there is always one freakin' immortal pig that will hide and then laugh at you when you fail. Once you finish your ragequit, you may consult the manual, but even the walkthrough doesn't stop you from failing and the pigs resume laughing at you. And here's where the creators struck gold, because of the amounts of fucktards that have access to a credit card, they decided to add an in-game purchase called the "Mighty Eagle" which allows you to skip a single level for the same price of the game itself.

You can, however, troll the Angry Birds forums, as they are usually filled with easily upsettable children.

Real reason why Angry Bird is angry

Merchandise

The rich company that shat out the game one day ran out of solid-gold dildos, and needing more jew gold, resorted to the ways of the Star Wars franchise. Angry Birds plush toys and T-shirts were born.

Fun Fact: T-Shirts include hilarious original content like Omnom!

See Also

Angry Birds is part of a series on

Gaming

Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage.

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