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Bandwidth envy

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Doing it right
Doing it wrong

Bandwidth envy is a condition triggered by your fellow basement dwellers' bragging about their ungodly amounts of bandwidth for downloading furry porn. This can result in an unhealthy lust for your neighbor's internet speed, especially when you think it could solve your life's biggest problems (admittedly, most of which probably involve an insufficient supply of porn). The amount of bandwidth one has is generally proportional to their e-peen, but inversely proportional to the amount of sex they have.

History

Bandwith Envy started in the mid 90's. At the time dial-up modems were the only option and people with cable modems were few and far between, later the cable connections became available and thus the start of bandwith envy. Asking any player on an online game would forever claim to have a T1 connection. Players that were clearly connected at 56k would claim to have girlfriends in their house downloading terrabites of MP3 files slowing down their T1 connection. In reality these people were attempting to play Counter Strike via dial-up connection to AOL.

Normal men and women suffer from have penis envy, but since penis size only matters if you're capable of attracting an actual sex partner, pipe size becomes a substitute for cock size.

Decline

Due to practically every man and his dog having a fast internet connection outside of Africa and Australia, the amount of bandwidth one has is now almost redundant. To improve latency in online gaming, the speed of one's rig, and the quality of networking in the household has become a major factor.

Example IRC Conversation

No matter how big your pipe is, if you're a douchebag, you're gonna get the banhammer. Reproduced below: 

Prima: u suckl!!! 
@Secunda: who? 
Prima: yuo becuase i g0t m0r3 bandwith then you!!!! 
@Secunda: care to rephrase that? 
Prima: i got r0xin bandwith to downolad nething i want!! 
@Secunda: do you have an actual point or should i just ban you now? 
Prima: i'd jsut like to s33 j00 tr'/ sux0r!!!! 
[02:04:09]: Prima was kicked from channel #linux by Secunda (Reason: ) 
[02:11:33]: Prima has joined channel #linux 
Prima: mother fucker 
Prima: pr3p4r3 to be h4x0r3d @$$h0l3!!!!!!!! 
...
[02:21:54]: Prima was kicked from channel #linux by Secunda (Reason: Banned)

See Also


[Give $500 PlzOpen Up to Us]
Bandwidth envy is part of a series on Psychology
Mental illness & Disorders

Acrotomophilia • Addiction • Agoraphobia • Alcoholism • Alexis Pilkington Syndrome • Alzheimer's • Anorexia • Antisocial personality disorder • Anthropophobia • Anxiety • ADD • ADHD • Asperger's Syndrome • Autism • Bimbofication • Bipolar • Borderline personality disorder • Bug Chasing • Bulimia • Cognitive dissonance • Deep thinker • Depression • Dick Impalement • Down's Syndrome • Dyslexia • Eating disorder • Factitious disorder • Fake Schizophrenia • Fauxlimia • Feminism • Gender dysphoria • Girl on the Internet Syndrome • Heterophobia • Hero Complex • HFA • Histrionic Personality Disorder • Hutchence's Syndrome • Hyperbolimia • Inadequacy • Inconsistent personality disorder • Insanity • Liberal Butthurt Syndrome • Liberalism • Low Self-esteem • 'Missing White Woman' Syndrome • Multiple personality disorder • Napoleon Complex • Narcissistic personality disorder • Neurotypical • Obsessive Compulsive Disorder • Paranoia • Paranoid personality disorder • Peter Pan Syndrome • Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder • Psychopathy • Pyromania • Retardation • Schizophrenia • Seasonal Affective Disorder • Self-diagnosis • Self Injury • Sexsomnia • Sickfuckery • Sociopathy • Social anxiety disorder • Special Snowflake Syndrome • Terminological percipience disorder • Trolling Induced Transsexuality Syndrome • Tulpa • Unrealistic expectations • Victim complex

Fetishes:

Acrotomophilia • Aquaphilia • Arborphilia • Audiophilia • Autogynephilia • Balloon Fetish • Bestiality • Carmen Electra complex • Cross Dressing • Dollfilia • Emetophilia • Emosexuality • Eproctophilia • Fatty Fetish (Female Fat Admirer) • Fetishism • Foot Fetish • Furniture Porn • Furrism • Goo girl • Guro • Heterophilia • Homophilia • Inflation Fetish • Japanophilia • Jungle Fever • Lesbian pedophilia • Lotion Play • Macrophilia • Maiesiophilia • Mechanophilia • Mpreg • Necrophilia • Objectophilia • Oedipial Complex • Paraphilia • Pedophilia • Plushophilia • Pregnant Loli • Pregnophilia • Quicksand Fetish • Rangerphilia • Spectrophilia • Statuephilia • Trichophilia • Voraphilia • Wet and Messy Fetishism • Wetlook • Xenophilia • Yellow fever • Zoophilia

E-Psychosis:

Chronic Troll Syndrome • Deletionism • E-go • E-Psychiatrist • E-Psychiatry • ETD • Hivemind • I-Dosing • I have a 140 IQ • IRC Disease • Imaginary girlfriend • Internet Disease & Internet Disease Chart • Internet poverty delusions • Internet Rehab • Internet troll personality disorder • Mega ultra super genius • Nerdy Fandom Gateway Theory • Sex by association • Lulz-Blindness • Wikipedia's Greatest Hits Diseases

Experiments:

ask.fm • Brainwashing • Hypnosis • Milgram Experiment • Scientology • Stanford Prison Experiment • The Hivemind Corollary

Sites:

Above Top Secret • B/ • Bodies Under Siege • CYOC • Chatroulette • Defense Industries Organization • Deeker • FoolQuest.com • InkBunny • Neuticles.com • Psyke.org • WarpMyMind.com

See also:

American Psychiatric Association • Anger • ASMR • Child abuse • Conscience • Dreams • DSM • Elan School • Enlightenment • Intelligence • Lobotomy • Mary Bell • Psychiatristy • Serial Killers • Take the meat bridge • The Law of Conformity • Trigger Warning

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