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Newgrounds/BBS/intro
The Despotic Reign of the Fantastically Retarded
Jewgrounds, unfortunately, also possesses a BBS -- a veritable cesspool of idiocy where retards can rabidly discuss video games, how Bill Gates is the fourth horseman and whether the popular image editing program known as Photoshop will hang itself from the rafters of Newgrounds and become an hero after placing Josh Bedn into every possible picture in every possible thread to be found on this site.
The forumgoers are not entirely without redeeming qualities, however. Every once in a while, an uber-l33t h4xx0r will make the post of the century, sparking discussion of the highest caliber.
Most of the frequenters of the BBS are e-refugees, seeking shelter from the appalling lack of a decent chat system that has characterized Newgrounds since the outset of the Anti-Lulz era (July 17th, 2007). Despite the promise which was made two years prior, at the current time there is no form of chat that the users of Jewgrounds are even theoretically able to make use of. The fact that Jiggers' inability to actually make use of a chat system was not even considered by Tom and his damnable gang, is further proof of the admins' disconnect with the members who provide the food garnishing their lavish dinner-tables. The chat system has been in a constant beta state for all this time, and there is no sign that it will ever be anything else.
It is hard for members not to be fucktards with the example set by admins, such as the founder's art posted in the Unicorns with Dicks for Horns thread, in which, literally on company time, employees of the proprietor of Newgrounds were paid to render pornographic horse phalli for purposes unknown, delaying the promised redesign of the website to at least 100 years later, on July 17th, 2007.
Posts by regular members that contain similar content however will be instantly locked, due to the fact that the BBS has over fifty moderators that consist of everyone who has a five-figure post count. The Newgrounds moderators also fill the same function as 404, immediately pouncing on any thread that reaches a certain length like a pack of rabid dogs and racing each other to the lock button. Yes, that really is how they do things over there.
The golden rule is fairly simple: never, ever, EVER do anything that could stimulate teh lulz in anyone. Doing such things are grounds for an immediate ban in the ass from one of their moderators.
Never do anything unfunny either, or risk getting flamed to hell by a bunch of 13 year old boys.
To become accepted in this community of blatant suck, the following actions must be performed to the letter:
- Bitch constantly about how everyone is bitching constantly about how people are bitching constantly about how people are bitching constantly about something. Get to the point where you don't even remember what was being bitched about in the first place if possible.
- Never speak to someone with a higher post count; it is categorically forbidden.
- Suck up to the mods day and night, to facilitate a healthy relationship. A mod-cock a day keeps the banstick away!
- If you really want to be funny, (not to be confused with stimulating teh lulz,) you have to have a post count of 10,000 and make a thread with a retarded title like "OMG GUYS LIEK HELP ME GET ACROSS THIS LAKE" with a MS Paint image of a stickman (you) on one side of a lake and no bridge to the other side. You will soon get other people drawing unoriginal MS Paint contraptions to help your stickman get to the other side. These threads, however unfunny they may be to the disgusted oldfags, usually last for about 5 pages until a mod come by and realizes people are having a good time, so they lock it and ban everyone who posted in it.
No matter how horrible the site is, and has increasingly become, though, at least it doesn't didn't have emoticons; It does now. A candlelight vigil, if you will, for the effective spiritual death of the site.