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Douchebag

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Typical douche with douche accessory
Feel fresh again!

A douchebag is a feminine hygiene product. However, it eventually became an insult, because 13-year-old boys (who made it an insult) are fucking stupid. If you are fucking stupid, and were looking for the definition of "douchebag" that applies to the insulting version of the word, then it is as follows.

The douchebag is a common subspecies of the white American male, jurk, rude person, who has an over-inflated sense of self worth, compounded by a low level of intelligence. Douchebags behave ridiculously in front of others with no sense of how moronic they appear, they can also be seen in almost any setting although they do seem to prefer malls, college campuses, and country clubs.

Sharp dressed douche.

.

Identifying the Douchebag

Note the Extreme sadness created by being in the presence of a douchebag.

The common American douche is easily identified as a result of their distinctive manner of dress. There are slight variations, but common traits share among them are as follows.

  • Tom Brady
  • Gelled hair
  • Aviator Shades (usually worn when not needed, e.g., indoors)
  • Plaid shorts
  • Pastel polo shirts with popped collars, often wearing several at the same time
  • Designer T-shirts (especially Ed Hardy)
  • Brand new worn-out jeans worn with over priced flipflops
  • Bluetooth Headsets
  • Those flattened link chains
  • Possess a red car
  • Button up collared shirt, worn open so the muscle shirt beneath is visible.
  • "Vintage" T-shirts of bands they've never listened to and know nothing about.
  • Quote Shitty Movie lines (usually from films involving Adam Sandler)
  • Have an iPhone
  • The quintessential douche accessory beyond questionable doubt is the Douche Hat.
  • Drives a Hummer or some other loud gas guzzling SUV type thing.
Exhibit A:


typical douche attire
File:Tuff.jpg
He gots ta git paid.
File:Vanilla Ice.jpg
Look at that hat. Douche.

Also douchebags are known for extreme orange tans, a look that makes it appear is if they just got done bathing themselves in carrot juice.

 
“ 		 
I wear polos with plaid shirts[sic]sometimes. Go ahead and say that's how douchebags dress, but if Ralph Lauren makes you a douchebag, what does your clothing make you?
  		„
 

—An offended douche

Qualities of a Douchebag

Using the word makes you end up dying like this.

There are many ways for someone to be classified as a douchebag, but the main qualities of a douchebag are: stubbornness, complains excessively, asinine goals in life , extravagant, and knows he/she is right and you are wrong. They often have a short temper, but they usually are pussies and run to solitude.

Douchebags are commonly sighted attaching to their mangier, odorous silent partners, the ones who squeeze right into infected ground zero, THE DOUCHENOZZLES. ie. Giuliani

Classes of Douchebags

PROTIP: how to be a douchebag.

There are three classes of douchebags:

  1. The Plain Douchebag: Loud, Stupid, and Famous.
  2. The Educated Douchebag: While they have done their homework on whatever it is they are doing, what they are doing is spectacularly dumb; whether it be their main goal, or their motives, its extremely retarded.
  3. The Nice Douchebag: While they can seem like the nicest person alive, they are a douche through and through. An example is John Hardy, who gives jobs and food to hundreds of people in Bali on his farm. However, he lives extravagantly . . . believing that every time he looks at the mountains from his house, it lets him realize how amazing he is.
  4. The Goth Douchebag: Exactly what it sounds like. They are the rarest kind of douchebags. They wear platform boots, listen to Voltaire, and always get the hottest dead bitches. Examples: Gothzilla, TheeObsidianReaper, Jerry from Doomsday Refreshment Committee, Don Henrie

here is a picture of a typical douchebag http://newmedia2.funnyjunk.com/pictures/birth_control.jpg "We’re living in one of the most beautiful places on the planet…we don’t need ornamentation." – John Hardy

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Professional Douchebag

See Fred Phelps.

I accidentally Nazi

Gallery

Galleria Le Douche About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Types of Douchebags

Douche-bags on the internet

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