Battlefield 2142

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Proof that EA is nothing but a bunch of sellouts.

And even more.

BF 2142 is a fan mod of BF2, released by EA for the full price because they are all filthy money-grubbing Jews using the same engine because they are all too cheap and fucking retarded to create a new one. Still, EA maintains that this is a completely new game due to the inclusion of totally original content such as everything from BF2 with added robots which took at least 100 years to code and have never before appeared in any PC game. Later, it was realized that any originality was absent and a patch had to be quickly created to prevent a re-release of Battlefield 2. The game, takes place in the future where an ice age has covered much of the earth and there's a war with Eurofags against commies. Gameplay and graphics are similar, guns still don't do shit damage (but can actually hit someone when standing up unlike BF2) and tanks actually have no secondary weapon

Also, enjoy your bundled spyware. After all, why wouldn't you want to stare at a billboard featuring Pepsi, iPods or Coca-Cola while your friends are being blasted to oblivion?

If the enemy's titan icon doesn't look like this by the time you've breached the reactor room, you've failed as a BF2142 player.

How to destroy a Titan

Forget what was said in the piece of shit manual that was included with the game, EA is full of mindless, brain-dead emo bitches who can't even figure out how to produce relevant instructions for their own product because they're too busy getting hopped up on acid. Contrary to popular belief, capturing silos, taking down the shields, boarding the titan, then destroying the consoles and the core is most certainly NOT the real way to win in the new titan mode. Instead, the steps below show the proper procedure to destroying a titan:

• At the beginning of a game, get a buddy to join the other team and make him wait somewhere. The rear of your Titan is an ideal spot.
• Plant RDX charges on one of your Titan's consoles.
• Meet up with your buddy where he's waiting.
• Instruct your buddy to kill you, take your kit, and then make him use the RDX detonator that came with the kit. The RDX you planted will detonate and destroy the console, even though the titan's useless shield is still up.
• Repeat the steps above for the rest of the consoles and the core itself. For the core, it is highly advised that you put the charges on the glowing part of the core so that they cannot be defused by any faggot teammates.
• Get lulz, GG.

Item-Unlocking 101

To get items that can actually get lulz, get these for the following classes:

• Recon: Get the RDX Demopaks, first thing on the right. Use these for the above method and many other things you can come up with to grief, use your fucking imagination.
• Assault: Because this class was made for helping out, there is not much you can troll others with. You could try Smoke Grenades but everyone knows they are shit and using them on your own team does not do much because they clouds are not thick enough.
• Engineer: Get the Defuser and head for the path to the Motion Mine Bait. Defuse any teammate's explosives (defuse a Recon's RDX and APM's when he is defending a Titan for lulz) and use the bait to get your team's motion mines over to an ally vehicle. Because whoever laid the mines gets the kill credit, you could force some TK punishes on to someone else. Unfortunately the bait is gotten only from the fag expansion pack.
• Support: Get the EMP Grenades and read below. Use the IPS Shield to block the ladder tops so teammates can't climb up to the top, but it can also be used to be deployed near an ally sniper to reveal his location to enemy forces.

Teamkilling in this "Game"

By mastering these moves below, you can keep your score untouched (without the TK penalties) and TK-ban your BF2142'ers quickly and efficiently!

• Commanding with Lulz P.1: As a commander, drop a supply box on someone's head who keeps bitching for supplies.
• Commanding with Lulz P.2: As a commander, launch an EMP Strike on one of your teammate's vehicles while they are in the middle of a massive battle with the opposition, causing them to be stunned and ripe for rape. (This is not directly TK'ing, but it leads to lulz)
• Commanding with Lulz P.3: As a commander, move the Titan over a silo. Regardless of who controls it, the missiles will only hit your Titan. Sure to bring complaints from high ranked fags. Again not TK'ing but still funny.
• Shoot and Shock: With the defibrillator equipped, go to a server with FF ON and select your victim. Walk up behind him and knife him. Then proceed to revive him with the defibrillator. As soon as he's on his feet, stab him again. Repeat at least 20 times.
• Dropping Planes on People: Apparently helicopters had sex with airplanes in the future, so now we have hover-plane things. Transports work and maneuver best, just grab one and jump out once you are flying dangerously fast towards your victim. If you jump out far enough to be away from the explosion, you'll be alive and well to try out MOAR TK'ing moves...
• Fun With Infinite EMP 'Nades: If you can't get the commander position to EMP strike your team's vehicles, then take advantage of the fact that EMP grenades belong in the support class! Drop an ammo hub close to a friendly vehicle and you can keep chucking EMP grenades at him for as long as you like. Works well for grounding helojets and stranding APCs, as well as getting pissed off drivers to promptly TK you. It can also be used to reveal the location of invisible allies who will turn into bright colors when he is EMP'd.
• Jeeps vs. People: See a teammate walking around like a moron? Grab a jeep, drive to him, hit the boosters, jump out before collision. Punish, then lulz.
• Jeeps vs. Tanks: See a teammate driving a tank? Grab a jeep, hit the boosters, and ram into that somabitch. GUARANTEED the tank will remain intact and you will explode, making for an EASY punish.
• Anti-Aircraft Lulz: Get into a server with FF on, then grab an AA gun. Spam "Need Pickup" while shooting any friendly aircraft that come by.

IM IN UR TRANSPORT, BLOCKIN UR HANGARZ.

Campin' in Da Transport

BF2142's Titan mode allows players to capture far-away missile silos (to pwn the enemy's titan) by allowing players to have access to an air transport on the deck of their Titan. Similar to carrier blocking on BF2, here are the steps to taking advantage of this to maximize the lulz:

• Find a Titan server with FF turned off, preferably a HUEG map with lots of players. If you do the following steps on an FF=ON server, prepare to be blasted by a rocket launcher in seconds.
• At the beginning of a game, get behind the wheel of a transport.
• Park it at the corner of the Titan deck so your transport won't go anywhere. Adjust position as necessary. No other transports should spawn. Otherwise, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.
• Stay inside the transport, then sit back, relax, and watch your teammates get pissed off about how they can't go anywhere thanks to you. Saying "threat spotted" over 9,000 times while doing this also adds to the hilarity. If you also happen to be the commander, move the titan as far away from the silos as you can.

Doing this (from beginning to end of the match) is guaranteed to bring death to your team's titan, since your teammates can't reach the silos fast enough, and/or they're sooooo desperate to fly in the transport that they're too busy shooting at you with everything they've got, despite the fact that friendly fire is off. For even moar lulz, find a friend to do the same thing to the other team. Can anyone say, raged?

Related Articles

• EA
• EA Download Manager
• BF2
• Battlefield Heroes

External Links

• Website

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