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IRC CASE STUDY: Andres
IRC CASE STUDY: ``Andres'':
__ __
/..\ /| |'-. OH WOW
.\_O/ || | |
_ / `._ \|_|_.-' AN IRC CLIENT WITH HUNDREDS OF USELESS UNNECESSARY
| / \__.`=._) (_ FULLY-CUSTOMIZABLE SETTINGS THAT MAKE INSIGNIFICANT
|/ ._/ |"""""""""| CHANGES TO FULLY ENHANCE MY PRECIOUS IRC EXPERIENCE?
|'. `\ | |
;"""/ / | | LET ME IN
) /_/| |.-------.| ON THIS
' `-`' " "
Andres
..::// Index \\:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
: :
: (1) The following prose contains adult content and may not be :
:.... suitable for some children. Viewer discretion is advised. :
: This is the story of Andres. :
: : : (2) The paradigmatic structure of Andres' personality. :
::: (3) Prologue: "Shots Fired! Shots Fired!" :
: (4) Chapter 1: A Cry for Help. :
(5) Chapter 2: The Return of Diego Grez. :
(?) What others have to say about him. :
(?) In conclusion. :
(?) Diagnosis. :
:
Last updated: 20130106 22:48:34 GMT .::
..................................................................::::
/******************************************************************************
* This is the story of Andres. *
******************************************************************************/
/******************************************************************************
* The paradigmatic structure of Andres' personality. *
******************************************************************************/
The following is a depiction of how Andres sees himself:
,
__ _.-"` `'-. YES HELLO I AM ANDRES YOUR BELOVED AND BENEVOLENT IRC DICTATOR.
/||\'._ __{}_( LADIES! DECIDE AMONGST YOURSELVES WHO THE HONOR OF REMOVING THE
|||| |'--.__\ SHIRT CLINGING TO MY BODY, SO YOU ALL MAY HAVE THE PRIVILEGE TO
| L.( ^_\^ WORSHIP THE TEMPLE KNOWN AS MY BODY, WHICH HATH BEEN CRAFTED BY
\ .-' | _ | HEPHAESTUS HIMSELF. WHILE YOU DECIDE THIS AMONGST YOURSELVES, I
| | )\___/ SHALL BE IN MY PRIVATE JET DECIDING WHICH IRC SETTINGS TO TWEAK
| \-'`:._] TODAY, SO THAT I MAY PERSONALLY CRAFT FOR YOU THE AWARD-WINNING
\__/; '-. CHATTING EXPERIENCE THAT YOU HAVE COME TO RELY ON ME TO NURTURE
YOUR VERY SOUL USING. I WILL SIGN AUTOGRAPHS FOR THE NEXT HOUR.
The following is a depiction of how others see Andres:
, _ OH BOY! IS IT TIME TO CHANGE ANOTHER TINY SETTING IN IRSSI
)\ __`9) AGAIN ALREADY? I WOULD LOVE NOTHING MORE THAN TO SPEND THE
_,/^`^(G)-' < REST OF MY LIFE READING MIND-NUMBING DOCUMENTATION UNTIL I
\(\a a ) / ) EXPIRE OF STARVATION OR MY HEART GIVES OUT FROM ALL OF THE
`(v__/` ,_ (_, ) EXCITEMENT! MAYBE I COULD CHANGE A FONT OR COLOR THIS TIME
`U) _,) )-(_/
(_/ (_/ BY THE WAY I SHIT ON YOUR RUG! SORRY! I GOT EXCITED AGAIN!
The following is a depiction of Andres demanding operator status:
(n.b.: Andres' grasp of the English language is prone to slipping when upset.)
_..
.' `", Please trust me, this time I will really not
; \ get you down. Please. I pray to you. I swear
.---._; ^, ; to you. You are my God. I love you.
.-' ;{ : \ /;
.--"" \*' o/ o/ Oh my god, what more can I do. I need to fix
/ , / : _`"; the problems with this IRC by changing a few
; \; `. ''"+' settings. Trust me. Please I beg of you.
| } / _.'T"'-"\
: / .'.--""-,_ \ ; I read the documentation. I know what to do.
\ / /_ `,\ ; I really need to comeback, tweaking ircds is
: / / `-.,_ \`. : the best thing I've ever found on the net, I
|; { .' `- ; `, \ need a space to show everybody my knowledge.
: \ `; { `-,__..-' \ `}+=,
: \ ; `. `, `-,\"
! |\ `; \}?\|} Why you don't say something about this? Your
.-' | \ ; making omiss case of this. Answer this. Pls.
.'}/ i.' \ `,
``''-' / \ Please think me well I'm really trying to be
/J|/{/ changed. Please give me the last of chances.
`' ` I just want to fix my IRC. Help me. (crying)
/******************************************************************************
* PROLOGUE - IN WHICH THE ACTION(S) OF INTEREST ARE SET INTO MOTION. *
* (N.B.: THE ACTIONS OF THE PREVIOUS NIGHT ARE LIKELY BEST SUMMARIZED BY THE *
* FOLLOWING VISUAL WORK OF ART FOUND AT <http://youtu.be/eeW5CzUnPEg> *
******************************************************************************/
12:01:24 <@Edenkips> soli: I demand o-lines for cutepin & me
12:01:39 <@Edenkips> WE WILL NOT _ABUSE_ SERVICES
12:05:06 <@flun> kill services on first day of haing ops
12:05:14 <@Edenkips> SOUNDS GREAT
12:05:18 <@LiteralKa> protip: /msg operserv shutdown
12:05:29 <<< emoquit/#dongforce([email protected])(shutting down)
12:05:34 <@LiteralKa> like that :)
12:05:45 <@Andres> why the fuck
12:05:47 <@Andres> is he asking
12:05:49 <@Andres> for olines
12:05:50 <@Andres> to the one
12:05:53 <@Andres> that has nothing to do
12:05:55 <@Andres> with maractus
12:05:57 <@Andres> fucking faggot
12:05:59 <@Andres> kill yourself
12:06:00 <@Andres> seriously
12:06:07 <<< emoquit/#dongforce([email protected])(Killed (Andres (<No reason given>)))
12:06:43 >>> join/#dongforce ([email protected])
12:07:28 <@Edenkips> Imo LiteralKa and Andres should have a dong fence match
_ _.,----, YES HELLO I'M ANDRES "PROF. IRC" RODRIGUEZ.
__ _.-._ / '-. - ,._ \) YOU MIGHT ALSO KNOW ME AS *THE* IRC WIZARD.
| `-)_ '-. \ / < _ )/" }
/___ '-. \ '-, ___(c-(@)=(@) YOU MAY BE FAMILIAR WITH THE IMPROVEMENTS I
, '. -._ '. _,' >\ " ) MADE TO THIS VERY IRC SERVER. IF NOT I WILL
:;;,,'-._ '---' ( ( "/`. -='/ CEASELESSLY BLOG ABOUT THEM INTO THE WINDOW
;:;;:;;, \._ .`-.)Y'- '--' OF YOUR IRC CLIENT UNTIL THE END OF TIME!
;';:;;;;;'-._ /'._| |// _/' \
'''"._ F | _/ _.'._ `\ I AM THE SOLE RULER OF YOUR IRC EXPERIENCE.
L \ \/ '._ \ EVERY TWEAK I MAKE TO THE IRC SERVER IS BUT
.-,-,_ | `. `'---, \_ _| ANOTHER LAW ADDED TO MY COMMAND OF IRC.
// '| / \, ("--',=`)7
| `._ : _, \ /'`-._\,_'-._ BUT I AM ALSO A MAN.
'--' '-.\__/ _L .`' '.// IF YOU PRICK ME DO I NOT BLEED?
[ ( /
) `{
\__)
/******************************************************************************
* PART 1 - IN WHICH THE DRAMATIC SCENARIO IS MADE APPARENT *
* AND IN WHICH ANDRES' FATHER SEEKS TO HELP EASE HIS SON'S PAIN *
******************************************************************************/
12:07:28 <@Edenkips> Imo LiteralKa and Andres should have a dong fence match
12:07:52 <@Andres> no because LiteralKa is a pipe dancer
12:08:40 <@LiteralKa> thats just frotting, lol
12:09:56 <@Edenkips> http://gayteens.about.com/od/questions/f/Losing-Virginity-From-Frotting.htm
12:09:57 <@wiseau> Title: Does Frotting Count as Sex - Can You Lose Virginity if You Frot? @ gayteens.about.com
12:10:01 <@Andres> lol
12:10:14 <+Dr_Rice> i would say yes
12:10:19 <@LiteralKa> lol
12:10:20 <@Andres> gayteens.about.com
12:10:21 <@Andres> gayteens.about.com
12:10:22 <@Andres> gayteens.about.com
12:10:22 <@Andres> gayteens.about.com
12:10:34 <@LiteralKa> andres
12:10:37 <@LiteralKa> is that a cry for help
12:10:41 <@Andres> lolno
12:10:53 <@Andres> you are the one that does not want to fuck kitties irl
12:11:45 <@LiteralKa> Andres: do you want to fuck kitties irl
12:11:53 <@Andres> no comment
12:12:09 <@LiteralKa> Andres: do u have a crush on kitties
12:12:11 <@LiteralKa> its okay, i wont tell ;]
12:12:15 <@LiteralKa> scouts honor
12:12:19 <@Andres> no comment
12:12:27 <@flun> loool
12:12:40 <@LiteralKa> damn son
12:12:52 <@LiteralKa> thats rough
,,,,,
\ e e\
C _\/ |\\, ANDRES, THIS MAN IS YOUR FATHER
)\_) \_ /
_/|/_ _// <-- DAD WANTS TO HELP YOU IN
,'\ ~ /'-,_/ \ YOUR TIME OF NEED
/ \_/ / /
, | \_._,-" WE CARE ABOUT YOU ANDRES
( < _' DON'T LET THIS DESTROY YOU MAN
| \ \
', -',-~.-'
_/ ) |
|// | '
' ) |
| | |
._., - |.,_ //
_\-' )___|__|_ '-._
/____\__\
/******************************************************************************
* PART 2 - IN WHICH OUR HERO PROVES THAT THE HUMAN SPIRIT IS THE ONLY THING *
* REQUIRED TO BE A TRUE PSYCHIATRIST. *
* - NOT ONLY IN WHICH THE RESPECTIVE SIDEPLOT IS THE GOOD DOCTOR'S *
* (OUR HERO'S) IGNORING THE FACT THAT EDENKIPS WISHES HE HAD BEEN *
* MOLESTED... *
* - BUT ALSO IN WHICH OUR DEAR FRIEND ANDRES CHANNELS THE NOTORIOUS *
* WIKIPEDIA EDITOR, FELLOW CHILEAN HISTORY ENTHUSIAST, AND RUINED *
* SHELL OF A MAN DIEGO GREZ. *
******************************************************************************
* THIS RESULTS IN A SÉANCE IN WHICH OUR FRIEND CHANNELS DIEGO GREZ' *
* KNOWLEDGE OF THE BOY SCOUTS, ARISING FROM HIS HAVING WRITTEN *
* THE WIKIPEDIA PAGE ON THE BOY SCOUTS. *
* *
* '-. *
* '-. _____ *
* __ | '. *
* /@@\ | : EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT BOY SCOUTS *
* \_0/ | .-' I LEARNED FROM THE HISTORY CHANNEL *
* / \ .')--( *
* / \ .-'_/____\___ *
* .-' : : *
******************************************************************************/
12:13:56 <@Edenkips> LiteralKa: Were you in the boys scout?
12:15:08 <@LiteralKa> Edenkips: until my father died yeah
12:15:25 <@Andres> in 9/11
12:16:19 <@LiteralKa> Andres: yes thx for spelling it out
12:16:42 <@Edenkips> I was a little bastard
12:16:48 <@Edenkips> Fooled around a lot
12:16:59 <@Andres> im a scout
12:17:18 <@Andres> but scouts in the rest of the world aren't like the american tards one
12:17:29 <@Edenkips> I wished I was molested
12:17:29 <@Andres> BOY SCOOT TROOP ETC LOL COLLECT THEM ALL SHITS
12:17:32 <@Andres> fuck you. seriously. fuck your country. you actually give the scouts a bad image
12:17:49 <@Edenkips> Chile is shitty. Fuck you and your country.
12:17:57 <@Andres> chile was the second country on having b.p's boy scouts after england
12:18:14 <@Edenkips> To become a second world country or even third
12:18:15 <@flun> both england and chile are shit
12:18:20 <@Andres> lol america is shit
12:18:30 <@LiteralKa> how would u know. u live in the 3rd world, son
12:18:31 <@flun> ya, but better than chile
12:18:41 <@Andres> LiteralKa, i travel
12:18:49 <@LiteralKa> Andres: but have you lived there?
12:18:49 <@flun> Andres, where in usa have you been
12:18:58 <@Andres> flun, FL
12:19:04 <@flun> fl is shit
12:19:06 <+Dr_Rice> Florida doesn't count
12:19:08 <@LiteralKa> Andres, where in usa have you lived
12:19:13 <@Andres> not lived
12:19:26 <@LiteralKa> america is awesome if ur white
12:19:32 <@Andres> like, i still have my us visa for 10 years
12:19:40 <@Andres> agreed
12:19:42 <@Andres> im white
12:19:44 <@Andres> I HAVE A VISA AND YOU DON'T BECAUSE IF YOU WEREN'T AMERICAN YOU WOULDN'T HAVE A VISA
12:19:46 <@LiteralKa> not white enough
12:20:00 <@Andres> BECAUSE YOU ALL ARE FUCKED UO
12:20:08 <@Andres> BUT I HAVE ONE FOR TEN YEARS
12:20:10 <@LiteralKa> Andres: are u mad about kitties
12:20:11 <@Andres> TEN MORE YEARS
12:20:15 <@Andres> no comment
12:20:21 <@LiteralKa> you sure man?
12:20:22 <@Andres> no comment
12:20:25 <@Andres> no comment
12:20:26 <@LiteralKa> i can understand if u are
12:20:27 <@Andres> no comment
12:20:28 <@Andres> no comment
12:20:29 <@Andres> no comment
12:21:02 <@LiteralKa> Andres: i'd be mad too bro
12:22:04 <@flun> Andres, can a brother couch surf in your mexican hellhole
12:22:35 <@flun> i will show you how to talk to girls
12:22:43 <@Andres> i do talk with them
12:22:46 <@Andres> im not beefcake
/******************************************************************************
* What others have to say about him. *
******************************************************************************/
PROMPT:
18:25:44 <LiteralKa> what is ur opinion of andres
18:25:48 <LiteralKa> like, if u could say one thing about him what would it be
18:28:37 <[REDACTED]> ocd. he is sooooo ocd
18:29:50 <[REDACTED]> rude but caring
18:30:14 <[REDACTED]> hes also very condescending
/******************************************************************************
* In conclusion: *
******************************************************************************/
/******************************************************************************
* Diagnosis: *
******************************************************************************/
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Attached inline are some recent chat logs from the past several months |
| as further evidence of Andres' unstable mental condition. |
'----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
Evidence behind [sexual compulsion and sick fetishes]:
14:00:05 <@Andres> LiteralKa,
14:00:09 <@LiteralKa> what
14:00:10 <@Andres> what features should i include
14:00:13 <@Andres> in wiseau
14:00:24 <@Andres> im out of ideas
14:00:26 <@LiteralKa> a feature that disables the titlebot feature
14:00:33 <@LiteralKa> what about an etymology checker
14:00:38 <@LiteralKa> for etymonline.com
14:00:39 <@Andres> lol
14:00:48 <@Andres> ok
14:00:49 <@Andres> more
14:00:51 <@LiteralKa> thats something i use all the time
14:01:15 <@Andres> more
14:02:13 <@Andres> LiteralKa,
14:02:17 <@Andres> more suggestions
14:02:20 <@LiteralKa> lol
14:02:25 <@LiteralKa> are you getting off on this
14:02:28 <@LiteralKa> or something
14:02:38 <@Andres> lol
14:02:40 <@Andres> why
14:02:41 <@LiteralKa> srsly
14:02:47 <@LiteralKa> you're going
14:02:47 <@LiteralKa> MORE
14:02:47 <@Andres> i just want to include more features
14:02:48 <@LiteralKa> MORE
14:02:49 <@LiteralKa> MORE LEON
14:02:50 <@LiteralKa> YES MORE
14:02:51 <@LiteralKa> MORE
14:02:52 <@LiteralKa> MORE
14:03:02 <@LiteralKa> kid just rub it out already
Evidence behind OCD diagnosis:
14:29:00 [Maractus] !dongcentral.maract.us *** Notice -- ERROR :from wos.maract.us -- Closing Link: 127.0.0.1 (Invalid credentials.)
14:43:51 <@LiteralKa> Andres: ru tweaking
14:43:58 <@Andres> yes
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