Grogeous George

It all started when a Something Awful goon named Dr. Quinn first spotted GG on public access:

"There's a public/cable access host here in Richmond, VA who calls himself Grogeous George. He's a big fat son of a bitch with greasy hair, ill-fitting clothes and a heavy dose of self-delusion. He's sort of a local celebrity - just about everyone I know has had some sort of real-life encounter with him. He's been hosting his little call-in show for about the past 10 years, I think, although my friends and I only discovered it maybe 3-4 years ago. Anyway, needless to say, we had no choice but to prank-call him relentlessly. Unfortunately, he was only on maybe 12 weeks per year.. but we made those weeks count. During any given episode, we had at least half a dozen cellphones dialing in, the end result being that literally about 90% of the calls he received were us insulting him."

Grogeous George

Grogeous George is pushing 45 and still lives in a tri-level house with his mom. It is a decent house in a decent neighborhood, but it's not the mansion George likes to say it is on TV. Alimony money pays for it and his mom must be pretty tolerant to let her retard son still live with her after 45 years. Grogeous George used to deliver food for a living. Now he hosts karaoke nights on occasion.

Fun facts about GG:

• Although he rants against fat chicks, they seem to be the only type of girls who will show up on his show.
• He often claims that his show is getting picked up by UPN. Not surprisingly, though, he's still on public access.
• He often wears a t-shirt with his own picture on it.
• He thinks he's god's gift to women. He also thinks he's an absolutely hilarious sketch-comedian.
• A female Richmonder put up a personals ad on a local phone-based dating service. After a couple days, she received a cocky but friendly message in her inbox from George. The next day, another. A couple days after that, a less friendly, more aggressive message. And it went on and on for two weeks, each message getting more and more angry. "You're lucky I would even lower myself to talk to you, you stupid bitch!" and so on.
• He is, in fact, not particularly gorgeous.
• He is thought to be a bisexual.
• In cockney rhyming slang, any person who exhibits these traits is referred to as a "cheddar" (Cheddar Gorge; Grogeous George).

Grogeous George Show

The Grogeous George show is the television equivalent of AIDS. The show itself is about as comedic as watching your parents die of cancer while set on fire. George and his retarded lap dog, Kevin, both have severe speech impediments. The production values make home movies look professional. The jokes themselves are only funny if you've never been allowed to leave your house in your whole life. In many respects, the show provides an example on why cable access television is a gigantic failure. In any given episode, watch for these few funny tidbits:

• GG yelping like he's being penetrated in the ass with cactus skin condoms.
• His retarded sidekick, Dogfucker Jones, who looks like Squeak from the Academy Award winning film, Baseketball. Apparently he's not allowed to speak much. Doing so causes small children in Africa to catch Syphillis.
• Some random black guy who looks ashamed to be in the studio.
• Fat chicks miming Britney Spears. This has negative sexual arousal value.
• "Grogeous George's Donkey Penetration Extravaganza".
• GG attempting to do karate and collapsing under his own fat.
• GG being fat.
• GG drinking his own urine and fellating a whole circus, while assorted 10 year old boys rub his fat ass down in Crisco.
• GG knowing that 99.9% of his calls are insults and yet he still takes calls.
• You know what? Fuck this. Grogeous George is just a fucking mess. Abandon all hope, ye who enter. Watching a segment that does not feature him being insulted via phone repeatedly has no point. You will just come away feeling like you've been hit by a truck of pure fucking idiocy. I remember sitting down to watch it one night; I was left with this feeling I shall never describe. It's worse than disappointment. It is the feeling of your soul slipping away through your hands. Grogeous George is that stray dog at the pound. You know which one. That 13 year old mangy cobbled together mutt founded chained to a post on I-80. Instead of being loveable and friendly though, it's meaner than piss and just sits there all day and pisses and shits itself. For the love of Jesus Fucking Christ on a Stick, I hope nothing good comes of this guy, ever.
• Every episode ends with a montage of GG taking an 18 inch dildo from multiple angles. This montage goes on for 25 minutes.

Sue

For two years, GG repeatedly made references to his "girl Sue in Vegas". Many people joked about how they believed that stripper he created a fantasy relationship with. In his season finale last year (after returning from a 2-week absence), he went on a 45-minute monologue about how he went out to Las Vegas to visit his girl Sue to bail Sue out of jail for a crystal meth addication. Durring this show, George reavled that Sue was/is a stripper. While bailing "sue" out of jail gorgeous George gave her a necklace and a ring and asked her to marry him. According to George she took the jewellery and proceeded to hock them and then go into hiding to get away from him.

The Prank Calls

As time went on and the prank calls continued they became a Richmond pastime. As more people jumped on the GG insult train it gained critical velocity and turned into an unstoppable lolz-train bound for dramatic trainwreck. There were several GG prank call clips released to record the lolz for those who do not have Richmond public access. These clips became immensely popular on the SA forums.

Somehow Grogeous George found out that his show was being distributed on the Internet without his consent. This led to him going on an insane rant on his show about how he was going to sue everyone involved for copyright infringement, RIAA style. Thankfully GG never figured out how to make a DMCA request!

During this episode George stopped taking phone calls, but in the next episode he states that the public access administrators (who hate the fat fucker just as much as we do) told him that he had to take calls, and the pranks immediately resumed.

Here are some examples of the memorable calls people have made:

• Fatass
• Douchebag
• George. Hiya Shithead.
• Yeah I want to talk about gas bills man, they really screw me over you fat fu--
• Is tonight your last show? If not, youre gay.
• [toilet flush]
• I got a story about a fraud, a bad expierience I had at a store. You see, I was payin your mom for sex--
• Uhh, the email adress earlier, was that fat pig @--
• Who nutted in your hair
• Fat Pig
• Greasy pig
• GaaaAAAAaaay

The Zopilot Era

When a troll named zopilote moved to Richmond, the first thing that popped into his head was to go fuck with Grogeous George. He took one of his friends with him and visited the studio after GG's show, making his best attempt to make friends with Grogeous George. He pulls a promise out of Grogeous George to let him be a guest on the next show. Project Georgehem had begun.

A massive effort began on livejournal, some Richmond forums, and on the VCU campus to organize a mob to flood the public access studio during GG's next show. On the day of GG's next performance, several phonecalls were made by interested parties to ensure that GG would actually be on that night. All responses were positive: Grogeous George's show would go on. Shortly before the show, the crowd gathered outside Richmond's Siegel Center. A cursory headcount revealed a figure around 50 people.

Upon reaching the TV station, zopilote banged on the door and waited for a representative of rva public access to speak to. No answer. He tried several times. Still nothing. It didn't take long for the mob that followed him to begin assisting, banging on all the doors and windows and screaming a frequent taunt such as "COME ON OUT AND FACE US, YOU FAT FAGGOT!" However, inside the studio Grogeous George was not there to answer their demands. His show had been spontaneously canceled to make way for an interview with the man running as a Presidential candidate for the Libertarian Party, Michael Badnarik. Given the circumstances, the staff of the public access TV studio came to the only logical conclusion: that a rogue pro-establishment terrorist group had come to assassinate the Libertarian candidate. They called the police, and within minutes there were more flashing lights outside the TV studio than there are at a rave. Faced with armed and angry law enforcement agents, the crowd dispersed.

George Strikes Back

On 30 June 2005, just two days after this article first went live, George sent Weev the following highly erotic e-mail:

"That disturbing picture that you sent through e-mail was viewed by others. (SUCH AS AN HENRICO (sic) INVESTIGATOR). Keep the shit up (sic) and you will end up in cell (sic) with worthless faggots like yourself showing you which way is up. All your other loser friends at VCU can rot in hell (sic). If there are any more disturbing pictures that are sent through my e-mail, there will be problem (sic) on your hands. You do not know who your (sic) fucking with. Your (sic) the new poster child to carry the torche (sic) for those losers from the joke of a show (sic) wednesday (sic) night crap explosion. Just know any vulgar pictures , (sic) such of (sic) what you sent this past monday, (sic) is consider (sic) a felony. Do your fucking homework. Keep the shit up (sic) and we will see who gets the last laugh."

Within the hour, he sent another one:

"I know that a bunch of you assholes get off on somebody else's problems. You all are (sic) a bunch of pissants that are miserable with yourself (sic). Pushing my hot buttons (sic) talking about my girl Sue. Sue is doing fine and is getting the help she needs. I talk to her at least once a week and she and I have made peace with one another. She has a support group that help and she knows that I'm only phone call away (sic). It is true that I had some odd jobs here and there, bartending, doing catering events and working as a D,J (sic) for private parties that I do (sic). Also have (sic) my own personal business that I'm making a lot of lute (sic) and enjoy doing. So otherwords (sic) my plate is full. It is true that I have a second house windsor farms (sic) that I recently purchased over a year ago (sic), plus my house in the west end (sic). I also buy houses , (sic) get them fixed up and then resale (sic) them. So once again I have hands in different projects. Lastly, I have worked hard in getting my show in other markets (sic). So I do not need bunch (sic) of complusive (sic) masterbators, (sic) such as you turdlings, needing to be concerned (sic) with my endeavors. George"

Conclusion: (sick)

The idiot's official website

His very own personal website that delivers the lulz. Grogeous George Website