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House of the Dead

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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The House of the Dead is a series of rail shooter games. The story revolves around a zombie virus that only seems to spread more despite the protagonists' efforts. Like anything zombie-related, the closest this series has to a plot is shooting the same shirtless zombie 300 times while having RELOAD! shouted at you.

Characters

Playable characters

FREEZE MOTHAFUCKA!!!!! We're here, we're queer, GET USED TO IT!

Gary and James: The protagonists of the first game. They carry magical guns that have infinite ammo but require to be reloaded every fucking second.

Thomas: The one with the goatee. By 2019 he had gone missing, leading "H" and his daughter Lisa to search for him since he hadn't texted them for about 3 days.

G: The most recurring character character in the series, even though nobody can tell the characters apart as they all look the same.

Lisa: Rebellious daughter of Row-gun and a failed idea of a cover-girl for the franchise.

Kate: Kate joined James in the fourth game. She's noobish and constantly making smartass remarks to zombies about the fact that she's a woman. It was Kate who convinced James to end his life against "The World" by using an explosive GBA SP.

Daniel: Curien's son. Shot his dad with Lisa's help after being forced to make a body for him.

Villains

Curien: The mad scientist that created legions of zombies because zombie series always need a bad guy that created the zombies for no reason. Kills in the first game and comes back to life as a wedding ring in the third one

Goldman: Tree-huger that funded Curien's work. In the second game, he infests Europe with zombies like a fucking racist pussy. Kills himself in the second game. His main job was to protect the life cycle.

Bosses

No he does not do card tricks. But he can do the "pull the bunny out of the hat" trick without the hat.

Because the standard zombies only take one bullet to kill, the characters have no personality or motives whatsoever, and the plot couldn't have more holes, people only play this series for the bosses, which include:

The Magician: Dr. Curien's "Masterpiece" and the most overused boss in the series. In the first game, kids thought this guy was tough shit as his weakness was unknown (clearly unaware of his pulsating leg and shoulder) but by the time he reappeared in the second game, he was a total pussy.

The Judgement: A headless dude carrying an axe that is always accompanied by a annoying flying skeleton. Since Headless Sam is super retarded and lacks a brain, he is basically a meat puppet for the flying skeleton.

The Tower: A mutant snake with 5 heads that is encountered in the sewers. Its middle head can detach and swim about like sperm. Roars like a dinosaur.

The Emperor: Apparently the shape-shifting bad guy from Terminator 2 is considered a zombie. Throws flying shiny balls. Imagine The Magician but without the ability to fly and very, very slow. Was shot up by James and Gary, leading to Goldman's emo-like end.

The World: Butterfly-man that can make pretty flying ice dragons. In case you're oblivious to exposed hearts, its weak-point is really easy to guess. James and Kate whipped out some Uzi's to shoot it down , but it wasn't until James decided to end everything by blowing himself up with an explosive GBA SP that the thing was defeated.

Temperance: A totally fat American guy.

The Sun: A sunflower that chokes itself when you hurt it.

The Fool: Prone to falling asleep and taking 50 hours to finish one attack.

The Lovers: A pair of spiders that were accidentally attached during hardcore sex.

Weapons and Items

Weapons

  • Magical gun that has infinite bullets A
  • Magical gun that has infinite bullets B
  • Killer keyboard: A Dreamcast backpack with a keyboard featured in the lame version of the game. It can kill anything with the pressing of a few words.
  • Shotgun: Featured in the third installment of the game. Worst weapon in the whole series.
  • Uzis: Featured in the fourth installment of the game. Somehow, it can actually shoot grenades.

Items

  • First AID kit
  • Useless junk
  • First AID kit
  • Foreign currency
  • First AID kit
  • And finally, a First AID kit.

House of the Dead is part of a series on

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