Jack White

srsbusiness

Jack White has no Internets connection ED articles need internets relation, and it's not hard to do. You can help by adding more info on websites/trolling about this topic and lulz/drama pertaining to them or this page could be deleted at any time. For help, see this and this

srsbusiness

Jack White aka John Anthony Gillis is the ex lead singer of mediocre Indie, Alternative rock band called the White Stripes. The White Stripes are a band that consist of Jack White a 40 year-old hipster and his wife/sister who failed to learn how to tune or play their instruments. They recorded a bunch of cacophonous screaming and indiscriminate drum-bashing to a music video of Legos masturbating and were an overnight success.

Jack White looking like a husky, drug addicted, cross-dressed version of Johnny Depp & The Crow

White's Humble beginnings & rise to fame

Jack White grew up in shit hole Detroit with his Catholic parents and 10 something or other siblings. He was abused as a child by his father who constantly molested him in front of his brothers and sisters. His mother who was a crack whore sat there and did nothing. She allowed her husband to rape and abuse her children because she was to busy snorting crack and cooking in the kitchen. White having no idea what to do with his life, decided to become a catholic altar boy, probably due to the fact that his father touched his pee pee place so many times before. Life in catholic school didn't work out for him, so he decided to become a rock star when he grew up. That way he would be the one touching other people's junk instead of the other way around.

The White Stripes aka him and his sister playing instruments badly

Jack White and his incest lover after doing coke lines and having sex together.

When Jack decided to become a legend rockstar he began playing instruments (very badly might I add) and joined in a few bands before starting White Stripes with his sister and lover Meg White.

• Discography
• The White Stripes--Their first album was a self titled realize because both Meg and Jack are highly original/creative lol just kidding. They were so lazy that they couldn't think of a better debut album title. This album is nothing but horse shit and no one even cared enough about it, in fact they didn't get famous until their third album's realize. True fact.

	“	Jack White's voice is a singular, evocative combination of punk, metal, blues, and backwoods while his guitar work is grand and banging with just enough lyrical touches of slide and subtle solo work... Meg White balances out the fretwork and the fretting with methodical, spare, and booming cymbal, bass drum, and snare... All D.I.Y. punk-country-blues-metal singer/songwriting duos should sound this good.	„
	—prove that wikipedia doesn't know shit about music, or anything else for that matter.

Instead of listing all of their album's on this article I will just tell you about the specific ones that people know about.

• White Blood Cells--This is the album that got them famous. Basically it was just a video of their's that did it. A video that showed people made of lego parts having sex with each other.

• Icky Thump--Their final album, Icky Thump which I can only assume stands for gay butt sex. Was the most horrid one yet. It was basically just a sad attempt at crossing genres such as country, dad rock and blues. Anyone who likes this album is nothing but a plebe and should be taken out in the dessert to be beaten and left starving to death.

The Dead Weather & other shitty projects by White

The Dead Weather aka generic shitty emo punk band that appeals to hipsters.

The Dead Weather--was/is a stupid ass fuck project by Jack White. It's basically a wannabe super group made up of several members from other shitty rock bands.

The Deadweather being witty and funny during an interview.

• Cast members of The Deadweather include--

• Jack White--Lead singer, drums, writing shitty lyrics while snorting coke in the tour van.
• Alison Mosshart--Bitch whore from the indie band The Kills. She severs the purpose of sucking cock and being the group's token whore.
• Dean Fertita--Some fag from the queer-core band Queens of the Stone Age. He does nothing and no one cares about him.
• Jack Lawrence--The bands punching bag, the only reason why he is in the band, is to make the other band members feel more important and useful to the group. He is Jack's personal butt buddy and takes it in the ass during those long winded tours.

The Raccoontours--was/is another stupid ass project by Jack White. It's basically, yes, another wannabe super group made up of several members from other shitty rock bands.

• Jack White-- if you don't know who this is yet then what the fuck are you doing here?
• Patrick Keeler-- a gentle homeless fellow who hung around outside of various Walmarts sitting at folding tables asking people for money for charities that did not actually exist until on a dare he gently tongued Jack White's asshole for a cheeseburger.
• Brendan Benson-- doesn't this mother fucker look like the guy who worked at Guitar Center who always came up and asked, "Can I help you?". Moonlights as Ronald Mcdonald for children's parties in the Nashville region.
• Jack Lawrence-- he was the pre-op emo chick who always wore black and sat in the back of your high school english class who smoked pot in her bedroom and talked about how everyone around her was a hypocrite. She blossomed in to beautiful young woman and also plays drums for the Kings of Leon.

The Raccoontours are famous for that song, "Steady as she Goes" that middle aged radio DJs think will make them cool to the hipstercore crowd. It is unknown if they have ever recorded any other music since no one has ever claimed to listen to them.

Jack White-- his first solo effort entitled "Blunderbuss" was a self indulgent vanity project recorded with a bunch of people no one knows. There is good music on the album provided that you are a fag.

Third Man Records

A Professor-Xavier's-school-for-gifted-youngsters style hipster training center located in Nashville. They sell vinyl versions of Third Man Records artists which means they sell nothing.

Jack White is part of a series on Music Visit the Music Portal for complete coverage.