Person of Interest

Don't cross him, or he'll shoot you in the leg.

Person of Interest is a TV show about a ex-agent on a mission to right wrongs, avenge those killed by The Man, and protect the innocent. Since people are too stupid to realize that this plot has been done to death, it quickly became a hit. Person of Interest had the highest test rating of any drama pilot in fifteen years, according to CBS who own the show and are obviously an unbiased source of information. Careful analysis of the show reveals that it's basically Lie to Me without the sexy British lead, no fake-ass lie detecting, no slutty daughter character, and more shooting people in the legs.

Plot

The central plot MacGuffin is a powerful AI run on super secret servers, designed by Harold Finch, and called "THE MACHINE". Learning this fact makes the average viewer go "Oooh", while people with even a basic grasp of software and AI design are left scratching their heads wondering why a computer genius would confuse software with hardware. THE MACHINE constantly pervs on people, looking for terrorists, bronies, and other threats to America. In order to feed the machine sweet, sweet data, Finch invented Facebook, Twitter, 4chan, and Encyclopædia Dramatica. But not Reddit, 9fag, LiveJournal, or MySpace, because Finch would never create anything that lame.

The government has people secretly trying to hack THE MACHINE, and as the series progresses they get closer and closer to cracking its polymorphic magic encryption, while THE MACHINE secretly notes them as threats and adds them to the "WILL PWN LATER" list.

Thanks to the backdoor function, Finch can only access the social security numbers, (Referred to as "The numbers") of people who are deemed by THE MACHINE as "Persons of Interest", which means that all the characters in the show live in America, and have social security numbers. Wow, what an incredibly useful piece of technology.

John Reese constantly "bluejacks" people's phones in order to learn their secrets. This would be totally awesome except what he's doing is actually called "bluesnarfing", and for some reason computer genius Harold Finch never notices this.

Characters

John Reese: Fresh from trying to save the wormhole of suck which was The Prisoner remake, Jim "Rick Santorum's biggest fanboi" Caviezel plays John Reese, which is totally not his real name. For some strange reason, when the series was announced, some news outlets pretended Caviezel's character didn't exist and presented Michael Emerson as the star of the show.

Harold Finch: Played by Michael Emerson, the gayest straight man in television. Totally not his real name. All his aliases are bird-related which provides material for for stuck up members of the audience to mull over as they sip their soy lattes and discuss the deeper meanings of a show designed to rake in as much cash for CBS as possible.

Detective Jocelyn Carter: Tough black cop who was in Iraq and became an epic moralfag when she realized the atrocities which were occurring under her nose. She wants to catch John Reese for about 9 episodes. The she becomes his little cop buddy helping him out and feeding him classified evidence, just like Detective Sharon Wallowski from Lie to Me. Her actress, Taraji P. Henson, got butthurt when she felt she was being ignored during promotion. PWNED by dirty cops, Season 3.

Detective Lionel Fusco: Played by Kevin Chapman, Lionel is John Reese's little crooked cop with a heart of gold. Betrays John once over money, but John warns him and forgives him, in a plot twist totally not stolen from Firefly.

Nathan Ingram: The co-creator of THE MACHINE, whose moral qualms led to him inserting the super badass backdoor functions which Harold Finch later exploited. Was pwned, but we haven't found out how yet.

Samantha Groves a.k.a. Root: Sociopathic haxor who now has direct contact with THE MACHINE and wants it out of the hands of Reese and Finch to prove some batshit apocalyse theory correct. Is totally fucking psycho.

Samantha Shaw: Token bad-ass lesbian. Also a towelhead infidel Arab, though she worked for the CIA. Only redeeming quality is she can kick ass over 9000 times better than Reese. Replaced Carter.

The Cult of Abram

Fantards of J. J. Abrams like to pretend this is an Abrams show, when in fact it was created by Jonathan Nolan, and Abrams, the executive producer, just sat around sucking Starbucks and demanding "MOAR LENSFLARES!"

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