Ruslan Akhtyamov

This is a better, more fleshed up remake of MisterRemover's draft. Props to him for giving me a base.

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Ruslan Akhtyamov
Nationality:	Ruskie
High Score	4 killed, 1 injured
Top 50?	FUCK NO
Style	Single Player
An Hero?	Shotgun mouthwash

On April 26th 2022, two months into Putin's escapades, some batshit insane Vatnik named Ruslan Akhtyamov would go for the High Score after finally snapping and shooting up a fucking kindergarten, and the gun owner's house before that.

Ruslan in the flesh (and blood)

So, who was Ruslan really? Was he an alt-right extremist? Was he influenced by these faggots? Was he a glowie? No, not at all. He wasn't any of that. The ongoing investigation shows Ruslan had a personality disorder and was a basement dweller. Does that remind you of anyone?

Sometime in 1996, Mrs. Akhtyamov would go to the toilet to take a shit, only to find out that that piece of shit could walk, talk, cry and kill kids. And thus, Ruslan was born. Not much is known about him, but just looking at him, he was probably bullied as a kid for having a retarded looking head. You may think that this prevented him from having any friends, but you are wrong. He made 1 friend; an old man who would invite him over to shoot guns.

A few years later, Ruslan began developing a severe bout of Insane Retard Syndrome, (scientific name: Insanis retardis), or just IRS. This got so bad to the point where he had to be registered as mentally ill by the fucking state! Of course, that didn't stop the old man from letting him onto his property and use his guns.

Loadout

Class Setup
Item	Accessories/Bonus
Primary: IZh-27	Average double-barrel shotgun, nothing fancy. Perfect for killing old people, women and children. 65~155 Damage
Perk 1: Stopping Power	Increases bullet damage to blow apart kiddie heads. As if they were gonna survive a shotgun shell to the head anyways.
Perk 2: Sleight of Hand	Increases ability to fap on the corpses of the successfully killed children before cops, FSB and other stalkers come in and break up the party.
Spell: Stolen Firearm	This spell imbues the player with a higher chance to get V&, but gives your weapon +10 Damage.

The shooting

At first I was like...

...then I was like

On April 26th, Ruslan woke up, did his usual shit, and went over to the old man's house, as was the usual for this retard, to shoot guns. However, while loading his shotgun, the old man, in a drunken state, naked and screaming, tried to have his way with him, and in an act of self-defense, he shot the old man. Not knowing what to do now, he opted for the next best thing: shooting up a fucking kindergarten.

And so, using the old man's car, he'd drive over to the kindergarten, where he was confronted by some nagging bitch who met the same end as the old man, before moving onto the second floor, where the children were having their naptime. In a room full of at least 100 Vatnichkas, he was only able to score TWO frags, before being confronted by some wagie who tried to calm Ruslan down. This didn't work however, and Ruslan shot at him, but thankfully, his Tard Rage power-up had expired, and rendered his aim crap, with the wagie only being injured.

Upon realizing how badly he had fucked up, he sat down on a nearby bed, fapped to the dead children one last time, before finally taking a nice big sip of shotgun mouthwash. И ничего ценного не пропало.

Russia and Mass Shootings

When did Russia become such a hotbed for Mass Shootings? That's our job!

Ever since Dmitry Vinogradov's High Score attempt in 2012, there have been a fuckton of Russian players trying to get onto the coveted FPS leaderboard, with only one getting there: Vladislav Roslyakov, a pasty noodle-armed Columbiner and faggot that racked up 20 kills using a shotgun and a bomb that actually fucking worked. Seven years later would come Ilnaz Galyaviev, who racked up 9 kills despite using a semi-auto shotgun and Timur Bekmansurov who got a shitty K:I ratio of 6:47, and got one of his legs amputated. (Dis)honorable mention goes to a 15 year old faggot who held his school hostage and killed a cop.

This has caused the Russian government to shit themselves, first blaming Western culture, before moving onto passing stricter gun laws in Russia, a country that already has a fuckload of gun control, though that didn't really stop our hero from attempting to get the High Score. How? He just stole the shotgun the old man let him use, and killed him with it. Can't really regulate stolen guns, can't you?

Graded Score

Graded Score
Kill count:	4/20 4 killed and 1 injured
Accuracy:	16/20 Did pretty good for a shotgun player.
Style:	18/20 Stole the gun, shot some nagging bitch, and entered the classroom at naptime.
Butthurt:	7/20 Moderate asshurt in Russia, overshadowed by more pressing matters.
Bonus:	9/20 Stole an old man's shotgun and killed him with it before shooting up the kindergarten.
Total Score: 54/100 (F)

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See Also

• Russia - Where this all happened
• War - What this was overshadowed by
• Vladislav Roslyakov - Owner of Russia's Golden iPod.
• Gun control - What was enacted after Ilnaz and Timur's failfests, and what failed to stop Ruslan.
• Batshit insane - duh