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Broken/Gaming/Featured Article/Archive
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Newest to oldest articles |
August 2014
The Console Wars are an incredibly series of boring skirmishes fought with dubious logic and an endless supply of butthurt waged by poor people. Anyone with a decent income will simply buy all three, plus a kickass gaming computer and laugh as the peasants squabble like Shia and Sunni Muslims.
April 2014
3GI Industries, more appropriately titled "Five Guys, A Girl, And A Video Game," is a crew of young misfits from Milwaukee, Wisconsin, that are internet famous for their real life Super Smash Tournament video series. 3GI began its career when the crew were all just teenagers who wanted so badly to be like the guys in Jackass. They impulsively began filming themselves doing a myriad of ridiculous stunts and public trolling while wearing costumes and using props, firecrackers, and other explosive devices.
February 2014
King.com is the current, benevolent ruler of shitty mobile games. All of their content is 100% original, and totally not just clones of older games, like Bejeweled. They are most known, however, for taking an early lead in 2014's race for Biggest Douche by trademarking the word "Candy", and using it to troll the shit out of anyone who was already using it.
December 2013
Duck Hunt (ダックハント) is a title developed by Nintendo for the Nintendo Entertainment System. The title was initially released to the unwashed asiatic masses in 1984. However, it took the passing of another eighteen months before it was finally placed into the hands of a Western audience. Some argue that this lengthy delay was nothing less than a fiendishly cunning oriental ruse in order to afford them more time to adjust their spectacle prescriptions and get in some practice so that their high-scores wouldn't appear quite so shabby in comparison to those achieved through the natural latent ability of Americans to shoot and kill stuff.
November 2013
Audiosurf is a game that simulates the effects of the drug, LSD. The main point of Audiosurf is to basically "ride" the music that you listen to. The game automatically graphs out how the song will be and calculates how hard it will be. Then, after the level is completed, the score will be posted on the scoreboards. This causes much drama due to the amount of cheaters that mess up the scores for everyone. The top songs that have been played to recently are by the Jewness Brothers and Dragonforce.
The developers of the game were so arrogant about the game that they named their team of developers "BestGameEver". This is misleading though due to the amount of fail the game has.
June 6, 2013
The Xbox One is a children's computer created by Microsoft to better serve those lacking the ability to operate a real computer. It features big, colored buttons to help the differently abled use it easily, and can even be operated by voice or flailing, if buttons prove too confusing. It sports the most cutting edge technology 2005 has to offer, and is an achievement of design unrivaled by all but the best preschool finger paintings. Upon opening the prototype, it was found to contain the same fail and AIDS that killed Steve Jobs. It is claimed that this is an essential design feature.
May, 2013
Banjo Kazooie is a video game created in the 90s by Rareware while (like Mario, but to a lesser extent) under the influence of mushrooms, LSD, and several other types of hallucinogenic drugs. The game features a furry and a talking bird fighting a fat old hag while collecting talking puzzle pieces. It is thought of as a revolutionary step in video gaming by many gaming experts (i.e. fat, lonely nerds), although it only had three games including the new Xbox 360 game, which is shittier than the other two, plus a metric fuckload of horribly shitty games released on hand-held systems.