Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare

That's right! The guys from Sledgehammer who tried to help Infinity Ward on the heap of garbage that was MW3 have finally came up with their game they were planning on doing after 2 years, known as Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare, also known as Titan Fall: Reloaded, Elysium: The Video Game, and Cock of Doody: Advanced Whorefare, BAL of Duty: Advanced BALfare.

Campaign

You play crippled veteran in the 2040s after murdering dozens of North Koreans (Yeah, more futuristic bullshit), who's recruited by some generic Mercenary company inspired by countless FPS games where you're stuck in an exo suit that gives you superpowers!!!. But then your protagonist is like, LOL NO FUCK THAT SHIT, betrays his employer in an instant and then just goes on a murdering spree.

Characters

• Jack Mitchell: - Ungrateful puppy eyed redneck bitch-boy protagonist who shits on comradeship the instant something wrong is done in the world. Except when he brutally murders Koreans or all his former comrades. Takes a shit on his 4 years of service with ATLAS just so he can "do the right thing" and murder all his old comrades.

• Gideon: Token britfag. Cold-bloodedly enjoys murdering his ATLAS ex-comrades after 4 years of service, because fuck loyalty.

• Ilona: Ex-SPEZNAS (how the fuck?!) feminazi that is essentially useless to the plot after discovering TEH DARK SEKRIT OF KEVIN SPACEY.

• Knox: Some guy nobody cares about, gets rek'd by MANTICORE germs.

• Joker: That guy that ... umm ... cracks jokes? Nope, didn't do that one. Did he fly the Normandy ... no that's not him. That's how important this character was to the plot.

• Cormack: The token Call of Duty nigger, dies like a bitch by bleeding out after getting shot in the dick by Kevin Spacey.

• Will Irons: Son of Kevin Spacey, dies like a retard after getting his arm stuck with a grenade in his hand. HOLD SQUARE TO PAY RESPECTS!!11

• Jonathan Irons: HOLY DOGSHIT KEVIN SPACEY!!!one!11!! His company ATLAS rebuilds sandnigger towns into high tech cities in less than 2 years, don't ask how that is even physically possible. He's clearly the bad guy here. Gives Mitchell a second chance by giving him a robot arm and lets him join his private military force, but then he *DER GASP* TRIES TO PROFIT FROM TERRORIST ATTACKS THAT HIS ENEMY, "HADES", PLANNED OUT, SO HE CAN DO THINGS FOR THE GREATER GOOD BY CAUSING SOME DEATHS WITH A SUPER WEAPON. 3 times he has the chance to shoot Mitchell right in the face, but doesn't because he's "NOT A MONSTER", yet he shot an informant in the back of the head and shot Cormack so he could bleed out (?!?!). Did anyone even read the fucking script when they wrote this game? Falls off a burning building after Mitchell cuts off the Robo-arm he was hanging onto, OH TEH IRONY.

Multiplayer

Weapons

Assault Rifles

Call of Duty: Assault Warfare. That is all.

• BAL-27: Used by fucking-everybody, it is so overrated that this game is starting to be called BAL of Duty.
• AK-12: CTRL-C + CTRL-V from CoD Ghosts, it's either the BAL-27 or this gun that is m̶o̶s̶t̶l̶y always used.
• AK-12G: That's right, this thing is back from CoD:Ghosts. Only available from that ripoff "Day Zero" pack which gives players who ordered it the game a day before it's actually released.
• ARX-160: More copy and paste. The only difference is that this gun fires 3-round burst instead of Automatic like in CoD Ghosts.
• HBRA3: Has a TERRIBLE iron sight but probably the most unique weapon in the Assault Category. The first three rounds of a burst fire faster, so that pretty much means the rate of fire slows down after 3 rounds of a burst.
• IMR: Fires 4-round bursts! Still an underrated weapon due to the BALLsdeep-27 and AK-12.
• MK14: ANOTHER Copy and Paste.... This time from MW3, and of course this shitty weapon will be unlocked last because all weapons unlocked last are shitty.

Submachine Guns

High rate of fire shitsticks with high recoil. Guaranteed rape at close range to those who don't use other SMGs or Shotguns.

• ASM1: Notable for being a futuristic Tommy Gun. Pretend you're a future Gangster!
• KF5: MP5 knockoff.
• MP11: MAC-10 knockoff.
• SN6: UMP .45 knockoff.
• SAC3: Kriss K10 knockoff.
• AMR9: An...M27 knockoff???

Shotguns

• TAC-19: The one unique Pump-Action shotgun that fires direct energy blasts instead of hot lead.
• Bulldog: As with the AK-12 and ARX-160 this fucking thing was copy-pasted again. It has a stupid fire rate that pisses hot pellets all over your opponent's face.
• S12: Retarded bullpup shotgun that's fully automatic. Unfortunately not as good as the Saiga-12 from Black Ops 2.

Sniper Rifles

Once were famous for being used for 1337 quikscop3 klipz. Now they are nerfed to shit.

• Lynx: Again, a port over from CoD: Ghosts.
• MORS: A railgun with a scope on it!
• NA-45
• Atlas 20mm A fucking massive gun that looks like a rocket launcher, how much more retarded can this game get?

Heavy Weapons

Stupid replacement of Light Machine Guns.

• EM1 Quantum: Also notable for being a legitimate laser weapon that shoots a high powered, concentrated beam to vaporise holes in your enemies torsos.
• Pytaek: Unpronounceable name for a clone/hybrid of an LSTA/M249 SAW.
• XMG: Notable for being 2 deployable miniguns for increased accuracy.
• EPM3: Another direct energy blaster.
• Ameli: It seems every weapon category has a cut-n-paste from the absolutely dogshit CoD: Ghosts.

Pistols

Used when you waste all your ammo

• Atlas 45: Shoots good old .45ACP, which bounces harmlessly off your opponent.
• RW1: A fucking 1-shot high calibre mini-railgun.
• MP443 Grach: What else is there to say? It's a generic handgun.
• PDW: Oh great, once more after having 2 years to shit out this abomination and Sludgehammer still cannot help but cut and paste weapons, skins and animations from Infinity Whore'd.

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