Bisexual

Bisexuality, (Noun.): The ability to reach down any person's pants and be satisfied with whatever you may find (except for a small penis).

A fag that just says he's a bi to make it seem like less of a fail.
A fag who has installed a window in his closet.
A fag who is really straight, but he wants girls to think he's uber 1337 and hawt.
Someone who is just being greedy.

Not to be confused with the Fake Bisexual, who are known for their addiction to BBQ-Ripple flavored ice cream, vague attraction to electronic music and fondness for deviant sex with anything that has a pulse (preferably), Bisexuals are known for their great ability to be attracted to both genders, therefore giving them better chance to have a fuck. The popularity of bisexuality indicates that it's most likely a retarded fad.

The theme song to bisexuality.

Characteristics

Real bisexuals have the following common traits, also known as superpowers:

Ability to make everyone jealous and horny at the same time
Superpower of wanting to sleep with everyone except you
Superpower of annoying breeders and fags in equal measure
Cry A LOT when they are made fun of
Ability to eat pussy while taking it in the ass
Disturbing tendency to mouth off when someone gives them shit (when they don't have something else in their mouth, that is).

Andrew Leach, bisexual and an hero. Bullied in school because of his bisexuality, Andrew nonetheless prevailed by becoming an hero.

Bisexuals are insane, depressed and suffer from teh emo, except when they don't. Their sickening ambiguity causes most right-thinking people to get sand in their vagina and constantly carp on about their sexual indecision. Nearly all bisexuals are successful traps, which annoys fags and bulldykes as they fail badly at impersonating the other sex in comparison. It may also annoy heteros since most would not appreciate the fact Sally Jane has a large cock and a hairy ass.

Any group of bisexuals will generally be more alive than their monosexual counterparts, because as we all know, bis are all rampaging sex vampires from the planet BBQ-Ripple and can't wait to shag anything with a pulse. Apart from you, of course.

A good litmus test for the different shades of faggotry can be quickly deciphered by the following conditions:

Types of Bisexual

Real bisexual

Moderately talented (a large amount of the time at sucking cock)
Takes all kinds of drugs or alcohol sometimes all at once
Constantly listening to Portishead
Changes personal image and fashion sense every two seconds, reports of bisexuals wandering around in costumes of planets and flowers they stole from the fancy dress store are commonplace
Possesses a disgustingly alien, inhuman, succubus-like personality
Suffers from schizophrenia
Does not exist on the internet
Only careers able to fund cocaine habit and elitism are acting, writing, music and art
Often confuses cock for phallic objects such as guitars or shotguns
Writes traditional diaries or journals, often with blood
Resembles an alien more than a human and does not look male or female

If you notice, all bisexuals are successful actors, such as Justin Bieber. Why you may ask? Because they have the sensitivity of a faggot, and the confidence of a dirty, dirty heterosexual. Thus creating the perfect entertainer, especially when it had to do with love and romance.

Fake bisexual

One who fills none of the conditions of the above, yet claims to be.

See main article for helpful tips on how to deal with such a person. May have been brainwashed by Aneros. Best dealt with by multiple slaps to the face. This helps get the bi virus away.

Faggot / fagette

Possesses a disgustingly bitchy and shallow personality
Talented at taking it up the ass - any other talent is delusional
Narcotics include poppers, meth, white wine spritzer and cock
Image range varies from metrosexual, to bear, to tranny, to pseudo emo
Suffers from internet disease
Exists everywhere on the internet
Careers include internet celebrity, barman and prostatot
Ability to spot real cock is superior
Writes blogs

Tries hardest to look and act like the opposite sex, yet claims to be "genderqueer"

Bisexuality, in this case, is used to make fags seem less like a fag, by accompanying a normal sexuality in order to "soften" it.

Emosexual

Is an emo, scene kid or hipster fag.
Draws a sense of sexual satisfaction from photoshop.
Should be raepd hard by sweet, sweet Bubba until they admit they are not bi. Emos may, however, like the bleeding on their ass since it's a all-new way of cutting, as well as having something great to whine about.
Aren't gay because they experimented with their friends and called it not gay because Girls think Bi guys are HAWT
Is gayer than most things.

Bi-curious

How to explain daddy's new 'special friend' to your eight-year-old.

Generally, bi-curious people with cock crave teh cock while those with pu55y crave teh pu55y, but are too chicken-shit to do anything about it. Others, however, like fake bisexuals are merely in it for the street cred (e.g. Daddy's Money Lesbian).

It is common for virgins to be bi-curious, and often they will have sex with the same gender before having sex with the opposite gender. This often causes them to realize they were actually never really bisexual in the first place. Bi-curious people who only have sex with the same gender often consider themselves homosexual, but make the same discovery that they were really horny and desperate.

Breeders often confess their bi-curiosity to fags in an attempt to create some kind of cocksucker solidarity. What they fail to realize, however, is that this is as lame as telling a black guy you once had a really deep tan.

In other words, a bi-curious woman is any girl who has had at least 2 or 3 beers. A bi-curious man is a gay man who hasn't come fully out yet as a faggot.

Exceptions

David Bowie, world-renowned bisexual musician. He's fucking dead now.

Scientists and gas station attendants estimate there are approximately 71 actual bisexual people in the world. They include Vin Diesel, Channing Tatum, Roseanne, Lady GaGa, Ann Coulter and Hoveround. All of these people are sick perverts and should be approached only with Kevlar underwear and a drink-spiking test kit.

External Links

bisexual
bicuriousgirls - PLEASE TROLL ASAP
anti_bisexual - Group of people that hate you
anti_alt_sexual - 'Bisexuality' is also mocked by this fine community, along with pretty much everything else beyond heterosexuality.
Wikipedians trying to fit in with the cool gay kids without having to actually take it in the ass.

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Bisexual

Contents

Characteristics