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Hottie32
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A WILD SNORLAX APPEARS! 2015 |
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This article is paid for by taxpayers like you. Thanks, America. |
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This article needs a serious clean up
Somebody should do something about it. |
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Hottie32 is a fat cow from failtv. It has been known that she ate her whore mother a few years ago after she took away her Atkins diet book that obviously didn't work. She is 32 56 years old (Happy 56th Birthday, Kelly!) and Muslim, it is also a known fact that she did 911. She is known to show mostly forehead and back because you want to see her stretched out beautiful face and her frown. Hottie32 has many asshole OP's on her shitty whale room. Last week a lulzy /b/tard shooped black person daughter with some dicks all around her and maybe some cum. She got very angry and called up black person and he bitched out the /b/tard that did it, but since /b/ has no remorse they laughed it off and kept going until she cried. She is known to get raged when people make mean comments, so by all means make some. She was raped by the age of 23, no further details provided by her so far. Hottie32 has other online aliases such as chick3n lolcow. It is always her birthday.
—Hottie32 | ||
—Hottie32 on things that will never happen | ||
The Video That Will Cause Her Rage
It is known that if you call Kelly a muslim she will rage hard. She also hates to be called Amish and 32 years old. This video was recorded shortly after the shitstorm of /b/tards spamming her chat with "Muslim", "Amish" etc. Well, she finally snapped and started yelling at everyone to get out of her room and turned the chat to friends only. When Kelly first found out that anon was filming her she had a bitch fit and threatened to call the cops and get that anon arrested. Little did she know that failtv is a public domain so it's perfectly fine.
fuck out of my room
The Pickle
Her pickle video was a hit on blogtv and peaked at its first week nearer to the start of the 'trolling hottie32' era. When the pickle video was released, she found out about it when it was spammed in her channel. She immediately panicked and threatened the maker of it with the Mafia, which she was obviously bullshitting about.
Sunday, June 28th 2009 - The Day The Beast Revolted
Kelly's dad was suffering heart attack like symptoms however much like the Snorlax she is, Kelly chose in lieu of calling Emergency Medical Services, to instead ... continue to sit in front of the camera for multiple hours while her brother drove to the house to help dad.
—Hottie32 after white-knights asked her to dial 911 | ||
Anon quickly realized the importance of these events because, if Dad died, all hope for the beast would be lost and Anon would force it to retreat back to the ocean bottom from which it came. News has yet to emerge from the front lines as to whether or not the creatures father has perished. She did at one point get up to leave, but one clever anon deduced that she had actually fallen through the floor.
But Wait, Theres More Kelly Fun!
Word just in: because she hounds her man-slave for black person and other yummy American traditional dishes he is getting fired from his crappy job at Walmart and is breaking up with Moby Dick! And she is threatening suicide. Anons sit round their computers watching the comments, as the fat fuck can't fit on screen any more - waiting, hoping, for an hero to be born.....
Useless bitch can't even kill herself. Now she spends her days sitting alone playing music and displaying shitty GIF's on her page. This is lulzy as the most nonviolent and least hostile/offensive user of blogtv Happysmily has even made jokes and cracks at her expense.
PROTIP: If you troll the fat bitch and successfully get her to become an hero, you get a free Encyclopedia Dramatica Hottie32 bobblehead!
The Intrawebs is at breaking point over having to support this weight. She may cause the destruction of the internets due to FAT OVERLOAD.
Monday, June 29 2009 Kelly read the ED page live on her failtv. Not much lulz ensued but eventually she got to the "an hero / bobble head" part and took it seriously. She started telling people that ED was giving away bobble heads of her etc. and how it is illegal to have her pictures on here.
Since this epic moment, Kelly has become quite fond of the "Private Show" feature on failtv, either to avoid trolls and ridicule or because shes having "Sexy Tiem" with strangers for money.
Short film Based on the true story of how Tasco and the Snorlax fell in love.
hottie32 is gone... for a few hours
On July 28th, 2009, people going to visit hottie32's web page were greeted with the message This account was deleted by the user and is no longer active. Kelly was sent cease and desist letters from all the major telecommunication companies in the world to stop her broadcasts because free food coupon spyware programs and nonstop webcam streaming combined with her economy class internet connection were stopping up the intertubes of all of Kentucky. Little is known about the particulars of why hottie32 went back on her word to not succumb to the trollfest, but in one of her last known non-private shows, she revealed that she is dying. GEE I WONDER WHY! It was also known that the previous boyfriend that Anon got acquainted with left Kelly. She was trying to pick men up in her channel.
Ultimately, and predictably, hottie32 did not leave blogtv.
Srsly, what else is she gonna do?
She has since been back under over 9000 names, fatter than ever.
All your base tax are belong to us
The Leviathan Resurfaces
As some kind of early Christmas present, Kelly pops up on an adult cam site cam4.com, December 23rd, 2009.
Here, we see Kelly in her Christmas best, posed on her side (because this is undoubtably her best angle and has nothing to do with physiological constraints imposed by obesity). You may notice she her talking to her "gf." Ah, yes, a platonic female friend--but no. The conversation was addled with "I love yous" and other undecyperable Southern expressions of hunger/affection.
In addition, her girlfriend was on her way over to deliver McHugs and a Quarter Kisser. Thus we have an explanation for her account name--kellynlaurie--Laurie, being her girlfriend of course. However, we can rest assured no such person involved with Kelly would ever display pride, much less over a relationship; Kelly finally got a smart one, one that will never go on cam out of modesty, one that is married (according to Kelly herself). We know how much Laurie means to Kelly because Kelly goes the extra yard to shower before their tryst.
Users chatted with universal acclaim, citing her natural beauty and courage to bear the body that God gave her. It's hard to not call her divinely sassy while striving for objectivity.
To any observer it's sufficiently clear this is specimen with high dexterity, therefore can clean every crease of her body in the thirty seconds she actually had water running. Using air freshener afterwards was just for...good luck, health, and riches.
For those of you who claim she has poor hygiene, notice this proof of deodorant use. Forthwith, there is no need to refer to any issues regarding cleanliness.
Oh wait. Laurie agrees to go on cam as a testament to their relationship. This one is a keeper...the scales said barely 200lbs, a mere fifth of Kelly's bodyweight. Laurie went on to flash the camera herself, her extremely firm tits flopping out from under her bra, to which escaped screencapture. Witnesses testify to an attribute of Laurie's that is deeply meaningful.
Laurie has nipples. Kelly does not. Even during the rare moments Kelly's nipple-regions came on camera, they only revealed flesh cones with no darker pigmentation nor geometric aberration. Kelly has touched the sympathy-for-the-nippleless nerve that exists in all of us; Laurie was touched profoundly and has dedicated her life to this cause, pledging devotion to Kelly.
Hottie32 all did up
Kelly getting sexy for the fair.
Modern Day Picasso
After embarking on an enlightening and thought provoking discussion regarding Louis Wain and the effects on his art after his schizophrenia diagnosis, Kelly thought it would be appropriate to display her works of art, inevitably influenced by her disability - her mental retardation. Her collection, simply entitled, 'Pitchores' were the workings of an artistic genius.
Cooking with Kelly
14th January, 2010 marked the dawn of a new era and a turning point in Kelly’s career. From her early days as a stripper to her internet celebrity karaoke superstar cult status of today, it’s no secret Kelly has a multitude of trades beneath the belt of her stretchy waist bands. The internet phenomenon decided it was time to change her career path. It was time to show the masses her culinary expertise and flaunt her talents in the kitchen.
To the delight of her doting fanbase, a 60 minute masterclass was held in the cook's scullery. With the main components of this dish comprising of: sodium chloride, cajun spices, pepper and dismembered cow, it was clear this meal would induce a variety of health benefits.
The cook, hard at work preparing taters.
And finally, modeling the benefits of her culinary creation.
Boobie Battle
You might be scarred for life.
Aaron & Kelly
Sleeping Beauty
Kelly, teaching her fellow women the art of being 'graceful'
Rock Bitch
Kelly bragging about her notoriety:
- i got 500 viewers in one day
- wow u r famus. i luv 2 b famus.
- o im all over da net
- i been singing senice i was 15
- o im all over da net
- wow u r famus. i luv 2 b famus.
Tears of an Angel
—Kelly being melodramatic | ||
Hottie32 got a small bruise which she calls a black eye from her own stupidity so she decides it's a good idea to start poking it repeatly to show how bruised it is.
Proper Hygiene
With her overly indulgent showers that last nearly 3 whole minutes, Kelly fails to thoroughly cleanse her over abundance of filthy skin. To combat this issue, her family frequently sprays her with aircan airfresheners. However, her dad grew tired of smelling her fish and instructed her on the proper means of cleaning her nasty snatch. Good girls sit on the side of the bathtub, spread their crotch closers, and scrub those stink holes. After performing this excessive task, Kelly received praise from her father and anyone else within smelling distance of her vag.
The Truth is spilled... too bad Hottie32 learned how to block good images
A troll calls Kelly's dad some time into the video. He has him tell Kelly to go to her ED page. Unfortunately, Kelly somehow hid the nudes of her posted there so her dad missed them. Unfortunately, she mutes the audio while they're viewing the page so I ended the video.
Last Measure
Leaking Tits
Image Was Removed
Childhood
Kelly at her graduation - Class of '96, Spec Eds
a retarded swedish homosexual drooling at her.
Kelly referring herself "when I was a lil gurl"
The good old days when Bubba, the older brother started molesting her.
Kelly at age of 18. Things started going downhill.
Kelly's Prom
wonder how much the rented prompartner costed for that night
Her Highness at her proms day. Sexy as always.
Way before she became Famus and Poplar on BlogTV.
See Also
External Links
- Her cam4
- Her Youtube - Send her sum luv *and pizza*
- Her new BlawgTV - QueenOfSexyness lol
MYSPACE