Patrick Hamm and Lena Chen

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Will Lena's sister Gina Chen become a slut too? Well, both went to Alhambra High School...note also the family resemblance.

Gina Chen (UCSD) joins the OFFICIAL RANKS of her sister

Having already fucked one of his Asian students, Patrick Hamm sets his sights on Harvard whore Lingbo Li

In theory, you gotta hand props to Harvard grad student Patrick Hamm. The 28-year-old dude saw his chance to pwn some 20-year-old Asian cunnus and took it. Unfortunately for him, Patrick disobeyed the Prime Directive of Co-ed Cunnus Sexploitation... "If'n you're gonna be a perv, don't be a fucktard about it!"

As this clusterfuck makes clangingly obvious, Patrick violated three rules for surviving the Sexploitation of Co-Ed Cunnus:

	“	Lena Chen: Did I tell you what my friends call me? Patrick Hamm: Whore whore slut?	„
	—The Ch!cktionary

Of course, the girl Patrick decided to fuck had to be none other than Lena Chen, a sex-craved blogger whose blog focuses entirely on sex and, in particular, her sexual experiences. Prior to the Patrick Hamm Scandal, Lena Chen was best known for having her nude pics leaked to the internets (See Gallery, below.) Needless to say, Patrick was promptly booted from his swanky teaching position at Harvard University and had his ass deported back to Germany.

The Rules

"Pepper your anus, Jason Burke! Here it cums!" --Faghag Lena Chen, shortly before ramming a vodka bottle up Jason D. Burke's anus (BC College of Law)...and, of course, posting the pic on fagbook.

Rule One: Low-Hanging Fruit is Verboten

If you're gonna nail a student, make sure she never was your student! In the old days, sexing a former student would be shrugged off. But in the age of such petting-zoos as Autoadmit, you're just asking for an online fisting.

Rule Two: Make Sure She's Worth It

If you're gonna plug some 20-year-old cunnus, make sure that cunnus doesn't belong to a fat drama queen: you're just asking to get pwned when the cunnus of your eye is a sex blogger. Before you know it, she'll be:

posting about the time you throttled her until she let you sex her (a.k.a. "rape/aggressive/surprise sex").
posting photos the time Patrick Hamm drunkenly dryhumped her and squeezed Lena Chen's tiny tit on Facebook
posting a pic of the results of your splooging on her face...and adding the endearing tidbit that you "kissed her with tongue afterwards." Ew.
posting about that time you were high together and how he scored a Fake ID for you (see scroll box below).

Use scrollbar to see the full image

You really don't want publicity like that.

Rule Three: Tough It Out

If you break the first two rules, then rest assured some petting zoo like Auto Admit is gonna find out. When they do, don't whimper like a bitch about it, claiming "outrage!".

Think about it: you fucked a loudmouth, talky, drama queen sex-blogger. Did you actually think it would remain on the q.t.? If you did, kill self and leave Harvard, because you're obviously too much of a fucktard to flourish there. Then again, he is German...

	“	Patrick's cum. Ignore the slut behind it. He kissed me right after this (yes, with tongue), and then wiped my mouth off for me. Lots of people might think that’s gross. I think it’s fair.	„
	—Lena Chen

Lena Chen Gets Assbooted by Harvard (2008-2009)

Lena Chen helps a student prepare for college at MyCollegeOptions Photo Credit: Patrick Hamm

After the Patrick Clusterfuck, teh lulz continued to tumble fast and thick--just like the cum dripping from Lena Chen's lips. Little Lena was unable to suck off her profs with sufficient finesse to avert Harvard's asskicking her from the university for shitty grades.

So Lena Chen needed a job to supplement the income she received for the "services" she "rendered" Patrick. Happily, she found a dumbfuck company which had never heard of Google, a shitstain conjob called MyCollegeOptions. In addition to Lena's office talents, Lena counseled college-bound students on the importance of sucking one's way to non-sucky grades, fake IDs, and hallucinogens. Of course, the company's pisspoor wages weren't enough to cover Lena Chen's jetsetting through Europe, or even the gourmet food she habitually shovels (between bites of cock) into her massive maw. For this, Lena continued to rely on her Daddy's Platinum Card.

After an aimless year gobbling jetset food and cock, Lena threw herself at the mercy of Harvard's review board and begged them to take her back. The Dean obliged, shortly after Lena treated the campus to the most fetid gangbang in Ivy League history.

Patrick Hamm tries to hide his crimes

By 2010, mommy and daddy told Patrick Hamm to stop sucking on the family tit and GET A JOB!! So Patrick Hamm started sending out his resume...Hilarity ensued

Problem: Most employers are kinda squeamish about hiring a guy who drugged his 10-years-younger student (as Patrick Hamm did), scored her a fake ID (as Patrick Hamm did), choked said student until she spread her legs (as Patrick Hamm did), then posted a picture of his conquest's face covered with his jizz (as Patrick Hamm did).

What to do? BURY TEH EVIDENCE!! So Patrick Hamm, who's even dumb for a Nazi, bought a bunch of internet addresses and tried to spam google by swamping teh internet with fake websites which neglected to mention Patrick Hamm's weakness for fucking azn girls in his classes...

Result?? EPIC FAIL Unfortunately for Patrick Hamm, google only seems to care about NEWS websites (like this one documenting Patrick's mad sexploitation skillz) and not the ream of SPAM sites he'd begged his rich mommy and daddy to buy, like these ones:

patrickhamm.multiply.com patrickhamm.org www.123people.com/s/patrick+hamm www.bigsight.org/patrick_hamm www.patrickhamm.net patrickhamm.businesscard2.com www.peoplepond.com/patrickhamm www.connectture.com/pp-Patrick_Hamm.aspx aboutpatrickhamm.net www.patrickhamm.net/gs.htm aboutpatrickhamm.org aboutpatrickhamm.com patrickhamm.wordpress.com

Tsk-tsk, Patrick...wouldn't it have been easier to pwn some NON-student azn cunnus??

Lena Chen, whoring for publicity, reveals her "number" is 30

Graduation: After granting sufficient sexual favors to various professors, Lena Chen managed to graduate (magna "cum-on-my-face" laude) in 2010. But this dubious achievement left Lena high and dry: after all, what does a brain-dead talentless whore do after getting out of college?

Fuck, NOW What?? Lena tried writing (LOL). Talentless hack she is, Lena ended up making less (MUCH LESS) than $20K/year. This meant that her sugar daddy Patrick Hamm had to swallow the bills for her never-ending shopping sprees (as well as a month-long European vacation from 2010-2011)--in exchange, for Lena's swallowing Patrick's cum on a daily basis, naturally.

2011: Lena Chen admits that 30 cocks have plugged her gash--not including DPs and gangbangs when Lena was blackout drunk

Patrick Hamm feels up his student Lena Chen's tiny tit. Wait. Does he look familiar?

"Patrick's sister, Johanna Hamm shows that chokefucking runs in the family...

In 2014, Lena Chen re-enacted the loss of her anal virginity for the Therese Shechter movie "How To Lose Your Virginity." (Unfortunately, it wasn't a snuff film :P) Skanks who turned out to cheer the film's premiere included: Elaine Alvarez, Marin Sander Holzman, Mona Eltahawy, Alli Mooney, Melanie Ehrenkranz, Rebecca Tolley-Stokes, Ethan Zohn, Julie Heinz, Basil Tsiokos, Ashley Granata, Jodi Lustig, Thom Powers, Lisa Esselstein, Melissa Campbell, Rachel Sklar, Meghan Keane Graham, Belle Vierge, Twanna Hines, Kim Yaged, Serene Conaway, Jennifer Hattam, Jen Hattam, Anna Fanelli, Elaine Alvarez, Jennifer Leavey, Clare Butler, Kara Whaley, Kitty Nordquist, Dana Polatin-Reuben, Pei-Jeane Chen, Shelby Capacio, Twanna Hines Viviane Tang, Lexie Kelly-Wainwright, Nicole M. Casamento, Nicole Casamento, Aggie Ebrahimi, Vipasha Shaikh, Stephanie St Pierre, Bronwen Pardes, Laurie Waldman, Libby Feltch, Courtney Boyd, Brenna Levitin, Reese Alden Courtney Boyd, Elizabeth Kissling, Stephanie St Pierre, Susan Crandall, Gina Bulett, Tara Tuttle

By 2011, Lena Chen's hopes for fame had gone the way of her college career: down the toilet with a swirl of fail. Famewhore Lena was desperate to reclaim any semblance of a spotlight.

So, ever eager to spread her legs in public, Lena Chen made a desperate grope for publicity in February 2011. She revealed (in the female fuckrag Marie Claire) that her cunt has been plugged (at least) 30 times. (SRSly.) "I keep scrupulous records of the cocks that invade my gash--at least the ones I can remember," babbled Lena Chen to the skankmag, "so I can track down the most likely culprit when I get another STD."

We have to say "at least," since Lena's "cunt count" fails to include the numerous times she's been DP'd. Also, Lena's count neglects to tally the gangbang assaults on her orifices while she was blackout-drunk and sprawled spreadeagled on the lawn of Harvard Yard.

Yet, unfortunately for Lena's pathological need for attention, her Grand Announcement fell as flat as Lena's muffintop-shaped tits. This could have been predicted: after all, Lena Chen is no longer one of those hawt College Sex Bloggers; she's just another dime-a-dozen EPIC FAIL freelance "writer" (who relies on her fuckbuddy Patrick Hamm's money for living expenses).

Shortly after revealing the number of cocks that have plugged her, Lena Chen also revealed the number of STDs infecting her gaping gash:

2011 Lena Chen's Bukkake Squad!!1

Sluts who started chapters of the Lena Chen Bukkake squad on their campuses were rewarded with this pic (suitable for framing). Chapter presidents include: Oberlin cumdumpster Hillary Carter (aka Hillary L. Carter hillarylcarter), Chicago slut Sarah Gorr (University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign), whitecock gobbler Tuenny Ong (University College, Toronto), "vegetarian" cumslurper Kate DeMazza (University of Mary Washington), cumguzzling ho Sarah Hirsch ([Sarah A. Hirsch] University of San Francisco), Justine Dolorfino (Columbia Teachers College), pornsurfing whore Lauren Cozad aka Ren Cozad (Ohio State University and now sucking cock as an intern at Northwestern Mutual in Columbus, Ohio) and Jenn Leyva (Columbia College '12), whore Jessica Sheldon (University of Florida '14) Denise Wirtz (who blogs as prosepetals.tumblr University of PHOENIX online), Johanna Hamm, Moritz Hamm, Susanne Hamm-Leitl, Kyria Giordano (University of Maryland Baltimore County (UMBC)) , kikeskank Nancy Schwartzman, nigskank Kerri Grinnage (Richmond, VA), Erin Campbell Watson (Lawrence University, Milwaukee), Annie Rebekah Gardner (Boston), Mon-Shane Chou (Berkeley, Pasadena City College), Victoria McNally (NYU)Florentyna Leow (University of London)... MOAR TO CUM!!1

"OMG!!1 Sign me up!!1" squealed Emerson College whore Ashley Blom, when Lena started her Bukkake Pix Club

By 2011, most ho's had the good sense to steer clear of Lena's bukkakeblog...and then you had dumb turdskin skanks like Anjanie Chand (Florida Atlantic University) who stupidly asked the blog if she should shove a new IUD up her twat: "I've been considering the Paraguard IUD because when I was on birth control, the hormones made me really depressed, and my gyno said they were the lowest hormone dose available. So hormone free sounds great! I saw that you use an IUD. Sorry if this is too personal, but does your bf come inside you? My fuckbuddy Brian Rapko (University of Central Florida) is freaked out about not having to use a condom, and he pulls out anyways, but I was wondering if it is okay if he doesn't?" BTW, Has mommy Lutchmie Chand learned of how SKANKY her STDiseased daughter is yet? Has brother Rajesh Chand had the good sense to HONORKILL fuckslut Anjanie Chand yet?

After Lena's attempt at famewhoring turned out to be such a laughable Fail, Lena realized she'd need to create new drama to have any hope at relevancy.

In a desperate gamble, Lena begged her tiny cluster of whore-readers to submit bukkake pix JUST LIKE the one Lena once poasted of her face covered with her teacher Patrick Hamm's jizz. With a nod to Paris Hilton, Lena oh-so-cleverly dubbed it the Lena Chen Bukkake Team!!1

The effort was total fail, but fraternities got plenty of LULZ from the dumbcunt Lolcows whose photos were poasted on Lena's site.

2012: Patrick Hamm (Harvard Sociology) gets pwned AGAIN

You'd think, after getting butthurt by spreading pix of Patrick Hamm jizzing on her face, and blogging about how Patrick Hamm chokefucked her, that Lena Chen might have learned not to be such an Attention Whore. Unluckily for Patrick, Lena's attention whoring got him assraped again in 2012, compliments of a few drunken-party snapshots which leaked to the Campus Gossip website:

[ http://archive.today/13WK1 Patrick Hamm

The lulz just got thicker when someone discovered the Facebook page for his course (with the Douchebag Title: Sociology 149: Inequality, Poverty, and Wealth in Comparative Perspective) and found that he mass-invited a shitload of whores with asian names: Gracye Cheng, Lisa Jing, Vivien Wu (Asian Community Development Corporation), Serena Yuet Ching May, Abby P. Sun, Rachel Leow...you get the idea. So much for dispelling those stories of Patrick Hamm dipping his wick into the Yellow student body!

Meanwhile, after TWO AND A HALF YEARS of joblessness, Lena Chen's only source of money for food, rent and jetsetting remains her diligent sucking of richboy Patrick Hamm's cock. Lately, she's pretending to "write a book"...and she has the crappy juvenile UNPUBLISHABLE short stories to prove it!

2013: Lena Chen dials Waaaambulance: "I'M LEAVING AMERICA!"

In 2013, after getting repeatedly butthurt for spreading her legs online, Lena Chen decided it was time to get the miserable FUCK out of this slut-shaming society! (Then again, maybe the fact that Lena's bill-paying Nazi meal-ticket, Patrick Hamm, was set to flee America might have had a little something to do with it, too...) So on March 10th, Lena hopped a flight to Berlin-Friedrichshain (ticket paid for by dumbass Patrick, naturally....) Once there, Lena took a deep breath, buried her grateful mouth in Patrick's cock, and vowed to enjoy herself in Germany. To which those fun-loving Nazis at Stormfront lol'ed, "Don't let the door hit your raped ass on the way out, gook!"

No such luck. Before too long, Patrick Hamm's parents figured out that their son's new yellow fuckslut had some rather unsociable habits....

"Ach!" bellowed daddy Moritz Hamm, "Dis Americanner skanken does nicht but Foodgobbelen, Clitjerken, and Cuntervibrator!"
"Achtung, Patrick!" wailed sister Susanne Hamm-Leitl, "Der USA skank keeps runnermouthen about 'blowjob'...but still not worken! And why der skanken demanding Valtrex??"

Meanwhile, Lena's escape from America (and bill collectors for Amex, MasterCard, Visa, DiscoverCard...) was met with a collective yawn. Not a single fuck was given for the 9 months Lena hid out in her Nazi-funded digs.

2014 Lena Chen: "lol, nm"

ED welcomes the NEWEST members of the Lena Chen PornHub 2014! Ned Monahan Stephanie Pickman Monahan Ned Monahan Edward Monahan Patricia Patts Jimmy Kent Christopher Fabian Erin Essenmacher Sacchi Patel, Henderson Parker Nancy Schwartzman Chuck Radda Amadea Faye Evan Kaufman AF Cieszkiewicz Cheryl Adam Ian Alexander Griffiths Will Galang Michele Elaine Hannon Michele Hannon film Weily Lang Antoinette Herrera Samantha Masunaga Chloe Gordon Jane C. Hu Abigail Collazo, Frances Reed (Washington DC), Aries Indenbaum, Jamia Wilson, Erica Brandt, Paul M Otarsus Therese Shechter, Anna Guest-Jelley, Melanie Klein, Gwendolyn Beetham, Lyka Boss, Olivia Benowitz, Daniel Bregman, Noel Biderman, Matthew Kopydlowski

Attention is oxygen to an attention whore like Lena Chen. So before long, Lena begged Patrick for pocket-money to jetset and attention whore in New York, where she jerked her clit over being featured in some shitfilm by artcunt Therese Shechter. The film was called..."How to Lose Your Virginity" YES, SRSLY!

In the cheap, kickstarter-funded piece of shit, Lena cheerfully re-enacted the losses of her anal virginity, her oral virginity...AND the loss of her lulz-free google-search results. (As always, narcissist-Lena placed the blame for her butthurt on haters, rather than take some responsibility for the clusterfuck her worthless life has become. And why not, when you've got a Nazi paying your way through life?)

After her February-April jetsetting tour of the USA, it's unknown whether Lena will have the good sense to STFU and GTFO of America as she did in 2013. Hopefully not, since Lena Chen is a hilarious lol-cow, whose slutty stupidity can forever be milked for lulz.

UPDATE: Nope, the Attention Whore Lena Chen keeps going, so until further notice, we'll need this:

Timeline of Lena Chen's Attention Whoring since December 12, 2013

December 12, 2013--Lena Chen whines to the clit-cutting Muslims at Al-Jazeera. In the piece, Lena Chen takes the hypocritical stance that a) she's been 'traumatized' into 'silence' by the online consequences of her attention whoring, while at the same time b) she's still milking the 'trauma' for attention 5 YEARS later.

March 4-8, 2014--In a turn reminiscent of Chen's incessant Shopping Sprees (while pretending to be a 'working class' Harvard student), Lena somehow sucks enough money from her Nazi sugar-daddy Patrick Hamm to make a ROAD TRIP thru the USA, drunkenly landing at the SXSW convention.

March 31, 2014--Lena Chen jerks her clit while whining about a fakerape reported by the Harvard Crimson. Sadly for Lena, only succeeded in generating the approval of two cunts: Abigail Collazo and Frances Reed

April 6, 2014--Lena jerks her clit about returning to Germany with her Nazi, [Patrick Hamm]:

Ever the attentionwhore, Lena Chen tweets about the three seats her nazi fuckbuddy Patrick Hamm bought to cart her ass back to Germany

Only two fucks were given by STDskank Erica Brandt and Asian-fetish fag Paul M. Tarsus

April 7, 2014--Lena jerks her twitter again, this time about some Yoga-cunts, Gwendolyn Beetham and Anna Guest-Jelley

May 2, 2014--Lena Chen attention whores about jetsetting to London (on Patrick's dime), but alas, only a tiny cluster of STDskanks (Lyka Walton (London), Olivia Benowitz) and AsianFetishFags (Daniel Bregman, Noel Biderman , Matthew Kopydlowski) give a shit.

Warning!
Hypocrite level: MELTDOWN!

September 3, 2014--Lena Chen posts a whiny blog about how having a guy leak nude photos of her "Changed me forever!!1", somehow forgetting how:

In 2012, She posted a public YouTube video highlighting her "lopsided boobs"
In 2011, Lena Chen gleefully dubbed herself the "Harvard Harlot" on Salon.com, and gushed to Marie Claire magazine that she'd been plugged by 30 cocks (the ones she could remember, anyway...)
In 2008, Chen publicly posted a pic of her jizz-covered face. Oh, and some NUDE PHOTOS OF HERSELF, too:

In 2008, attention-whore Lena Chen blogged these nude photos on her public tumblr account, The Chicktionary. In 2014, seeking cheap publicity, Lena Chen whined about the consequences of her nude pix being on the internet.

Lena's shreiking hypocrisy was roundly mocked on the blogsite, with readers amazed that an attention whore should be complaining about the consequences of attention-whoring.

Apparently, this blast of reality chastened Chen, who has STFU ever since...so far.